Co-worker Complains About Being Quiet

[Cypress]

I lead a quiet, humble life and am happy with it. I go to work to work and do the best I can in a competitive controlling environment. The job is an admin at a private college. The overall office culture is gossipy with small groups of 2 or 3 frequently whispering, sometimes openly about this or that. I don't participate in the gossip. The behavior starts at the top with the Dean often encouraging and allowing Faculty to come in her office and gossip/vent/complain about students, staff and almost anything. I share a wall with the Dean so a lot floats out without them being aware of it. I keep a low low profile and don't really fit in.

On my lunch hour, I go for a walk, practice yoga or do errands. I always brown bag and generally keep to myself. A new admin came in to manage the front office about 4 months ago. She is a chatty Cathy type and often sighs and says out loud, it's so quiet, not a peep. My office is right behind her's. She's talking about me. Yet, she rarely walks in and attempts to engage me in conversation. I've spoken to her on a number of small talk topics, books, cost of gas, blah, blah, small trivial things. What should I say to that when she complains it's too quiet. I like it that way.

The majority are extraverts, like attention, talk out loud for no reason, tend to be dramatic. I just go about my business. Me being me seems to irritate a few folks. Those folks are in positions of power and that's my concern. Can anyone relate to this?

[rodeosweetheart]

I lead a quiet, humble life and am happy with it. I go to work to work and do the best I can in a competitive controlling environment. The job is an admin at a private college. The overall office culture is gossipy with small groups of 2 or 3 frequently whispering, sometimes openly about this or that. I don't participate in the gossip. The behavior starts at the top with the Dean often encouraging and allowing Faculty to come in her office and gossip/vent/complain about students, staff and almost anything. I share a wall with the Dean so a lot floats out without them being aware of it. I keep a low low profile and don't really fit in.

On my lunch hour, I go for a walk, practice yoga or do errands. I always brown bag and generally keep to myself. A new admin came in to manage the front office about 4 months ago. She is a chatty Cathy type and often sighs and says out loud, it's so quiet, not a peep. My office is right behind her's. She's talking about me. Yet, she rarely walks in and attempts to engage me in conversation. I've spoken to her on a number of small talk topics, books, cost of gas, blah, blah, small trivial things. What should I say to that when she complains it's too quiet. I like it that way.

The majority are extraverts, like attention, talk out loud for no reason, tend to be dramatic. I just go about my business. Me being me seems to irritate a few folks. Those folks are in positions of power and that's my concern. Can anyone relate to this?

I'm an introvert and have worked in college settings, so I can sympathize.
Would you be comfortable working with light classical music or NPR in the background?
Then she couldn't complain about it being too quiet.

I work with headphones on a lot so I can select what I hear. I bought my husband noise cancelling Bose headphones as he is so sensitive to noise.

Maybe you could modify your own environment without changing your own behavior?

[bekkilyn]

You really can't win either way. In a previous job, I would get downgraded on teamwork because I wasn't being social enough. Then when I would make more effort to be social, I would be downgraded because I wasn't sitting in my chair staring at the computer and giving my work 100%. Then I'd do *that* and it was back to being criticized about not being social. If someone's out to get you, so to speak, they aren't going to be happy with anything you do.

[CathyA]

When she complains it's too quiet, I would just say exactly what you said above........"I like it that way." :)

[Simplemind]

You just described my previous office. I'm an introvert and it was a challenge for me. How about next time she comments that it is too quiet you offer to turn on some music and ask what she likes. Hopefully it isn't polka music.

[TxZen]

I am an introvert and chatty/dramatic/gossiping people give me a headache. I do ok one on one or quick small talk but I have to have an ending point. When I did desk work, I often would put on earphones and just do my work. One day, I actually sat there and timed how much time a particular click spent chatting. 1 hour and 48 minutes just in the morning. 1 hour and 18 minutes in the after noon. WOW!!! And they would get mad at me because I was always ahead on projects and had my work done. With over 3 hours of chatting per day being done, no wonder they go nothing done.

[Cypress]

Thanks for your understanding. I wonder if I walked out and said, OMG, you are so chatty, so chatty in the same tone, would she get the hint? It's right to say it is a click. I can overhear when my admin coworker talks with the faculty. It's all about personal home concerns. Issues with neighbors, elders, partners, kids, very personal social family concerns. I rarely, rarely, rarely bring any of that in. I came from a highly disfunctional family and have put a lot of physical and emotional distance away from them. Why would I share any of that with a complete stranger that noticeably gossips?

When I do try to engage her, I speak about the latest book I read, yard work, the cats, safe topics, she tends to just look at me and look blank or give the brush off and continue to work. So I get very mixed messages on what or who she is going to focus on. Faculty are in the heirarchy and I guess she is putting her attention on those who can benefit her. So is it simply more competitive behavior? And, me trying to have an authentic conversation with someone on my level.

[pinkytoe]

To maintain peace of mind, you just have to accept that we're all different in that respect and keep your distance if it bothers you. I have finally learned to accept that I am wired to be an introvert and I'm OK with that now. It took a while and now I seek a happy medium - some socializing and chit-chat but I intentionally avoid crowds and lots of noise. On the other hand, I often wonder about some of my co-workers that in my head I call the "mole people". They rarely emerge from their small, dark offices except to use the restroom. I think their eyes have grown beady over the years from staring at computer screens all day. Interacting with others in most cases makes them very uneasy.

[kally]

I don't know. There is a balance. You might like it quiet, but it might feel lonely to your co worker. We are all different. I am a chatter and a social butterfly. I have worked with people who are heads down, not into communicating much and I found it hard.

I think there is a happy medium. I would try to give people their peace and quiet and I would appreciate it that they would come and chat with me for a bit. It takes a real effort to work with people who are not like us and if we all try a bit, it should be easier.

[CathyA]

I know several women who just can't SHUT UP! :~) I think you just have to honest with them and say "I'm just not very talkative and enjoy the quiet".

[Gardnr]

Principle of leadership: Complain up, never down. Listen don't participate.

I say yea you! for not participating in gossip. It's destructive to team. If I complain to you about others, would you not presume I would complain to you about others? I hate to say human nature but I fear it is so. I don't like it but I've been sucked into it more times than I prefer to admit.:(

[Rachel]

Cypress, She sounds aggressive and rude to me. I would ignore those "It's so quiet" digs. And yes I can relate to this because I am generally more introverted than most of my co-workers and I have sometimes gotten comments that people think I am stuck up. I'm nice to everybody but I don't gossip and I don't talk about my private life. If people don't like that, tough.