PDA

View Full Version : tell me it's ok to toss this


freshstart
11-7-15, 9:51am
I am not a tchotchke kind of person at all. I like surfaces clean with only a few pieces that add to the decor. I hate collectibles and anything "cute". When patients give me nurse-related things, I display them for a while, take a pic, make a note of who gave it to me and I pass them on.

I have culled things the kids made into a tote box in the basement. I have a vase and an ashtray (??) they made me that I have displayed for years. They are ready for the basement. At Christmas and Bdays my mom used to take them shopping. I like this store that sells beautiful silver jewelry with unique stones (not gems). My fav gifts from them are rings they pick out for me that maybe cost $30 tops. I wear them all the time. One year must've had a Hallmark store detour and I have this round ceramic thing that holds a tea light and says, "mothers are special and kind, touching lives with tenderness, warmth and love combined."

first, they would never have picked this, my mom probably did it. My kids probably think I am as they call it, less special, more "special needed". Our relationships contain a lot of humor, sarcasm and zingers, and now that they are teens, the argument factor has increased 5 fold. Of course, when necessary, I "touch their lives with tenderness, warmth and love". But in a million years, they would never say what this candle says or have bought it.

Besides the two art pieces that are going to the basement, this stupid thing is my last piece of clutter on my dresser. Yet I cannot just throw it away. Why? I see this thing everyday and vow to toss it or past it on. It feels wrong to get rid of something that says nice stuff about me as a mom, even though I am fairly certain they did not even pick this out, do not know that I still have it or care if I have it. And by doing so I free up room for a professional pic of each of them that have been sitting in my desk for almost 2 yrs. So it's a win-win, I get rid of it but just so I can display photos of my beloved children.

tell me I can get rid of it guilt free. I cannot believe the level of bad mom-ness I feel about getting rid of this one stupid thing. It's nonsense. So please give me your blessing to toss it, lol. I was thinking of passing it on to my ill mom, tell her I'm pretty sure she picked it out and the sentiment fits her to a T so I want her to have it from me and the kids. However, she is a hoarder and you cannot even see the tops of her dressers. So I will not do this.
Chicken lady
11-7-15, 9:59am
I am a hoarder. I say you can toss it. In fact this is a situation where I would tell my kids what was going through my head and there would swiftlybe a "hey mom, can I borrow your green necklace?...I can get it....<crash>.. Oh sh*t. Mom, do you have a dustpan?". Because my kids like to help me out with these decisions.
iris lilies
11-7-15, 10:02am
You can get rid of it and here's why: it's not authentic. Your children don't care that you toss this "thing"that doesn't even represent their kind of expression. It's generic cheap junk from China.

Let it go to your mother. You have my blessing. But I wonder if it should even go to her. I would put it in the trash, were it me.
CathyA
11-7-15, 10:07am
I wonder.........what if you asked the kids how they felt about that piece? Would that make a difference?

I'm assuming you'd take it to a place like Goodwill? Can you put it in your car for a week or 2 and see how you feel?

I've learned over the years, that for me, most of the stuff I get rid of........it's just the moment of separation that is the hardest. On occasion, I've pulled a full things out of the Goodwill bag on the way there. but most things I get okay with afterwards.

But I would ask the kids if it means something to them. I keep stuff that I think is important........but when I ask my kids about it......they don't even remember the stuff. haha
No one else can make this decision for you. I have to do things in steps........so maybe a few steps before giving it completely away is in order?
Zoe Girl
11-7-15, 10:49am
You have my permission to get rid of this, and you are still a great mom. I know my MIL got rid of everything all the time, it was kinda hard because my ex didn't have much there from growing up. But the things she had were nice and she had photos up. So each person is different in what we feel connects us to family, it is okay.
Float On
11-7-15, 12:56pm
I am not a keeper. I have been known to nudge things towards a great fall.
freshstart
11-7-15, 1:17pm
you guys are great, it's doing a Humpty Dumpty off the bathroom counter to the tiled floor tonight. And I don't feel guilty, I feel relieved. I needed an outsider's opinion. Friends and family would think I was awful to get rid of something so "precious".

If I asked my kids they would A) have no idea what I am talking about because my mom totally bought it B) they would not care if I tossed it because they wouldn't even be able to identify it in a line up C) they can be cruel teenagers and would guffaw meanly if they read the saying

I was just in my mom's room and I swear I choke from looking at the mounds of paper and crap, so I'm not going to add to that problem. And she is actually working hard on her room with my aunt and her friend.
ToomuchStuff
11-7-15, 1:49pm
Get rid of it, because if they did actually get it, it was bought sarcastically, and/or because some relationships, they don't sell stuff they market towards.
If it was bought sarcastically, keeping it, makes them think your even more special needs.
Gardenarian
11-7-15, 4:05pm
Yeah, let it go.
Gardnr
11-7-15, 5:28pm
Drop the damn things and be done with it (once it's in pieces):cool:
mschrisgo2
11-8-15, 2:49pm
Here's hoping the thing has met it's timely end in your house by now...
freshstart
11-8-15, 3:43pm
it would not break! on hard tile, over and over. like a message from the Universe, lol. it got put in the trash, buried so hoarder mom would not take it out
jp1
11-8-15, 8:52pm
Personally I'd bury it in the backyard so that years from now someone will find it and wonder how the hell it wound up there. Of course if no one finds it and it stays for centuries then you run the risk of some future archeologist thinking that it maybe had great significance...
razz
11-8-15, 10:02pm
If in any doubt, take a picture of it and then get rid of it.
freshstart
11-8-15, 11:42pm
Personally I'd bury it in the backyard so that years from now someone will find it and wonder how the hell it wound up there. Of course if no one finds it and it stays for centuries then you run the risk of some future archeologist thinking that it maybe had great significance...

lol, "teens in the 2000s loved their mothers so much, they laid tokens of love and affection at their feet and when she died, buried these tokens in the backyard."

I meant to take a pic and forgot, I'll unbury it and do that.

It occurred to me to drill a hole in it and my ashes could be placed in there, that the kids would like and find funny. But it's the size of my fist, I wouldn't fit in it, lol. They could share custody, making me go back and forth to prove their point that going between two homes was torture for them and ruined their lives.
razz
11-9-15, 11:24am
lol, "teens in the 2000s loved their mothers so much, they laid tokens of love and affection at their feet and when she died, buried these tokens in the backyard."
It occurred to me to drill a hole in it and my ashes could be placed in there, that the kids would like and find funny. But it's the size of my fist, I wouldn't fit in it, lol. They could share custody, making me go back and forth to prove their point that going between two homes was torture for them and ruined their lives.
My chuckles of the day so thanks.
Ultralight
11-9-15, 11:27am
Could you make a deal with yourself?

Any item that you want to toss but you don't because you think it might make you feel like a bad mom you can:

Toss the item, but then spend one extra hour that week with your kids.
Float On
11-9-15, 11:28am
It occurred to me to drill a hole in it and my ashes could be placed in there, that the kids would like and find funny. But it's the size of my fist, I wouldn't fit in it, lol. They could share custody, making me go back and forth to prove their point that going between two homes was torture for them and ruined their lives.

That's funny. Since it's too small to fit all of you I guess you could start looking at thrift shops for similar ones and divide yourself "for the children"....then each could have that special urn.