My daughter just to engaged

[Chicken lady]

Wedding in August. We're meeting the grooms mom this weekend and the planning shall begin. Dd says my job is to keep this thing from getting out of hand.

[Float On]

Congrats!

[iris lilies]

Wedding in August. We're meeting the grooms mom this weekend and the planning shall begin. Dd says my job is to keep this thing from getting out of hand.

oh, that's nice! I'm guessing that your daughter, raisedby you, will not have unrealistic expectations for a Big White Event she cannot pay for. If you are paying for it all, have a figure in mind that you will contribute.

you can guide her away from the idea that "everyone she knows and loves must attend" to the idea that a small group of very close friends and relatives may be invited to the reception if there even IS a reception. that is the thing that costs.

[Chicken lady]

Oh, it's him that has to be reined in. He'd have her in 50 yards of silk and lace in a fancy carriage pulled by white horses if she'd let him. He also has a huge family and wants an open bar. If he can afford an open bar for 200 people, good for him.

My personal "people we should invite" is 19. At least two of those won't come, possibly 11. But they will want to be invited and they will send gifts even if we don't invite them. Dh will add 11- 15 more. A few of his won't come either, and of the 34 possible, 10 are children and ten of the adults are already on her list I'm sure.

Or she would gladly do town hall with parents, siblings and any grandparents who want to come. But he won't.

[iris lilies]

Oh, it's him that has to be reined in. He'd have her in 50 yards of silk and lace in a fancy carriage pulled by white horses if she'd let him...

Or she would gladly do town hall with parents, siblings and any grandparents who want to come. But he won't...

ah, I miss the good old days of rigid gender roles where only brides were crazed about the Big White Wedding. I can't relate to these groomzillas.

[pinkytoe]

DD got married last spring so I can say we survived the expectations and expense. Fur us, the hardest part was finding the venue since a church was out. Hope it all goes well!

[razz]

The challenge of keeping another reined in is that the one with the so-called reins becomes the villain. You really don't want that role IMHO.

If your DD and her fiancé cannot agree now on a limit, it will be painful.

Suggestion - come up with questions that you can ask the two of them that will help them sort out the parameters for their wedding. State upfront what you are able to contribute, repeat several times until it registers and then step back.

It should be a happy time but groomzillas and their families, friends etc., can cause so many unrealistic expectations, so much based on ego not on love for the future spouse and their future together. We knew about bridezillas but, as IL posted, the grooms and their attached are a whole different ballgame.

[Chicken lady]

I have always been the villain. I fight their battles. It is my role. My kids are more conservative than i am, but they went out in the world armed with the words "I'm not allowed to..." and "my mother would kill me." and "I have to be home on/at or else..." for use any time they weren't comfortable just saying "no.". And their teachers/coaches/friends thought I was the dragon mother.

Also, her fiancé loves me.

[rodeosweetheart]

DH encountered a couple of groomzillas when he was playing weddings down in Savannah. Quite bizarre. They also tended to be cheap beyond measure. Ugh.

[Ultralight]

A "groomzilla" is a real thing?

[iris lilies]

I have always been the villain. I fight their battles. It is my role. My kids are more conservative than i am, but they went out in the world armed with the words "I'm not allowed to..." and "my mother would kill me." and "I have to be home on/at or else..." for use any time they weren't comfortable just saying "no.". And their teachers/coaches/friends thought I was the dragon mother.

Also, her fiancé loves me.
I'm sure you have thought of this, but I'll just gently suggest that negotiating the scope of this wedding may be important practice for your daughter for their future.

It's great that you are standing there behind her, ready to put the breaks on spending. But if the groom regularly has big ideas about how one must live which includes big weddings, new cars, expensive vacations, etc.,it would be well for her to have deep talks with him about what he really values in the marriage celebration so that the two of them can make it happen. If his answer is that he "wants it ALL" with sit down dinner and open bar for 200 and everything that typically goes with that sort of thing,with no compromises, that's important for her to know.

Of course if you are paying for it all, you have every right to set a limit.

I'm sure you'll,get it all worked out.

[Ultralight]

This all makes me glad my GF appears to have no interest in marriage. haha

[Chicken lady]

No, they are ok. They have lots of good talks about goals, finances, etc.

He paid off his student loans. (she had a full ride)


He has some savings which will be a down payment on a house. He'll be in school (masters) and she is working, so her salary will cover payments and bills etc. they are looking at houses below what they can afford with "potential" because they are young and strong and have their own amd other people's skills on tap. The plan is to live in it for about 3 years, improve it, and then sell it and move to somewhere where he can get a phd and she can get experience in another division of the company to improve her promotability. The mortgage payments they are looking at are below their current rent, so selling it at a small loss (including upkeep/tax/improvement costs) would be an improvement.

He just really likes parties. He knows she doesn't really like parties, but he says "but this is OUR party!". He's the dreamer, she's the planner, but they work well together. She already talked him out of an engagement ring, which made him sad. She doesn't want to be the one making him sad, so I get to do the reality checks on this one. (I really wish we could have had the fire juggling peacocks! I know honey, but, my parents just weren't comfortable with that, and they are paying for it...)



Also she's planning to get him an engagement puppy. I told her rings don't pee on the floor.

[Gardenarian]

Congratulations! How fun to watch your family grow.

Agreed about the puppy! When you give someone a dog, it is not a gift - you are making them into a guardian for the life of the dog.

DH and I just have inexpensive silver claddagh rings, but they mean a lot to us.

[Chicken lady]

He's been asking for a dog for a year. She's been telling him his life isn't stable enough for a dog. It's an acknowledgement of him settling down.

She wants pretty, simple matching wedding bands, just no engagement ring.