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View Full Version : I should've known better....



freshstart
11-22-15, 8:43am
Visited my mom in her room, very irritable and in pain, i should've made her comfortable and left. Of course not, she wanted to talk. Angrily, about our house. I prepped myself for the hoarder discussion (we never use the word hoarder in her presence) about how bad her room is, her biggest hoard in her room is paper and her friends are helping. Oh no, not that discussion, instead she tells me how our house is not nice and a mess, hates everything from gorgeous valances my aunt made to the furniture and rug, and she is embarrassed to have people see it.

Hold up there, woman, we made a list of who had what furniture and I let her and my dad decide what we kept, so that's on her. We used my furniture in the LR, except their ugly Lazy Boys. The DR is fine, no papers ever land there or in the kitchen, I will not let her hoarding creep out. The kitchen is brand new, no clutter allowed. To prepare for visitors, I literally just have to wipe dog hair off the couch and straighten the magazines on the large ottoman. We painted and it turned out nice. I let her hang her art that I hate. Nice FR in basement. And an office for my dad that is cluttered but it's his space. Is our house perfect? No, and it won't be until I can replace the ugly Lazy Boys someday, lol. Not perfect but not a thing to be embarrassed about and 10x better than each of our old houses.

I got mad that she feels this way, maybe if she came out of her room and looked, she would see it is not a mess, that our things look fine. Considering all that is going down in this house, I think we are doing pretty damn good keeping up the common areas. My dad just had surgery, cannot bend, in this huge contraption of a brace. If I bend, to say, empty the DW, it has to be a good day or the bending makes my BP drop and if I am not careful, I fall. She gives us no credit for a job well done considering our limitations. I tell her if she doesn't like something, we can get online, show her furniture or decorations and get it for her, despite this being incredibly wasteful.

then she switched gears, accused me of the 1000 sq feet of full blown hoard in the basement. All my stuff had been in one corner, all Rubbermaid totes labeled. Well, her friends, in search of items my mom wants, have strewn everything everywhere. My stuff I cannot find. They left a bag of un-boxed, loose lightbulbs in the middle of a dark walkway that I tripped and fell on. The bag prevented an injury with glass, but give me a break, someone is going to get hurt in that mess. I see Christmas stuff sticking out of about 5 different areas. It sickens me, I only go down there when I need something I know I have, but can never find. After my room is purged and organized, my hope is to reestablish my corner and put crime tape around it so no one touches my stuff. I'm the hoarder says the woman with a huge double cabinet in the kitchen of tupperware and the like and at least 4 more big boxes of it in the basement. I stupidly point out that I have strived to be the opposite of her and not accumulate so much stuff. Now I was picking on her. Ugh. Hoarder tears, with justifications for every piece of paper and piece of crap, suck. I should not have said that, it was mean.

i made her comfortable and left. I know it wasn't her but how she felt and her pain but she threw me for a loop criticizing the house she had final say on everything we did and now hates it and is embarrassed by it. That really makes me mad. And to be accused of being the basement hoarder, that went way too far. She criticized my room and called it hoarding. I have a ginormous pile of laundry to fold and put away. And a box of Christmas gifts and a pile of things to return. Once those 3 things are taken care of, my room looks nice. Do I need to purge more? sure and I will but it all fits for now behind closet doors.

I want to understand her hoarding, I understood it with other people, but when she brings it up and accuses me of being one, I get upset. I need to find a way to be more compassionate around this issue. I've already opted out of being a person who helps her unhoard, we always end up fighting, so let her sister and her friends carry on. But I should emotionally help her. She started OCD meds because taking her pills, many times a day, was starting to take her an hour. She has my dad up re-checking meds she has checked ten times at night. The med is not working yet at all. I'm hoping it helps with hoarding, too because I think she has that OCD with a hoarder component mentioned on here.

end rant

rodeosweetheart
11-22-15, 10:32am
Gee, I am sorry to hear you guys are going through this. It must be SO hard to share space with one's parents--I have never felt welcome in my parents' house, which does add an insoluble layer of complication to the situation you are describing.

I think back on when I was recovering from paralysis and others had to care for me, how incredibly vulnerable and out of control it felt. I guess I think maybe your mom is suffering this, as maybe you are, too, given your very difficult current health challenges.

It might be helpful to have a social worker or hospice worker, if your mom is in hospice? help mediate here? I would not want her friends cominginto the house and sorting, but maybe that is my inner hoarder speaking.

Really tough situation you are in, and you have my empathy and healing thoughts~

herbgeek
11-22-15, 10:35am
<<virtual hugs>>
Wow that really sucks, and I'm sorry you have to be living in this environment.

Its not your fault. Repeat that to yourself. Your mom has a mental illness, and can't face it, so she blames you. That doesn't make it your fault. Its not your fault.

kib
11-22-15, 12:41pm
<<virtual hugs>>
Wow that really sucks, and I'm sorry you have to be living in this environment.

Its not your fault. Repeat that to yourself. Your mom has a mental illness, and can't face it, so she blames you. That doesn't make it your fault. Its not your fault.+1 (and thank you, Herbgeek, I'm going to write that in my journal when I go to visit my folks in January.)

Wow, this is hard, Freshstart. I think the plan you have for isolating your own stuff and everyone keeping their own items out of the shared areas is probably the most you should / can do at the moment. Even though there are three of you, it still sounds like you could use a fourth, disinterested party to help out here, as each of you is struggling with very difficult individual issues. Would that be possible? I'm thinking basic physical labor - someone to take care of the pets or maybe make meals and clean up dishes ... lifting some chore that is just adding to the stress, mess and burdens.

freshstart
11-22-15, 1:21pm
we have the world's most wonderful cleaning lady who I found as a single mom years ago, would charge me $30 to clean a 3 story townhouse every 2 weeks, nice, kind and gentle. I gave her so many referrals, including my parents when they had their place, that she keeps my price low. She and my mom hit it off and are great friends. She pops in for dinner and visits my mom several times a week and always does something small that my mom meeds done. She is a good neutral person and my mom finds her so supportive and soothing but at the same time she is able to support my dad and me when she is driving us nuts.

She is well aware of the basement situation, having been sent down a million times by my mom to find something. When my mom is less lucid and stops knowing every single thing that happens down there despite not being able to get down there, we can work together and get it better under control.

I shouldn't have ranted that. The main reason I chose to co-habitate was to take care of her, just because all this nonsense happened to me, that is still my goal. At least be emotionally supportive and physically as much as I can. She's on Palliative Care and I urged her to open up to the chaplain and social worker, get mad, cry, they've seen and heard it all.

She couldn't get hospice (the one I worked for) unless she agrees to stop this 5k a month med (she pays nothing thru a grant) because hospice would have to pay for it and they won't, the docs say2 weeks without the med and she would be gone. So we did not choose hospice, even though, I know and they know under new medicare regs, they cannot turn down a patient who has expensive palliative meds for comfort. That's a whole 'nother battle, I set down for now because we may need them later.

we're both making a small lists of goals and some of them are mutual so they may bring us closer together. I have to try harder. They saved my butt when I got sick, I could never have managed to even let my dogs out in the townhouse with all the stairs. My father has picked me up off the floor countless times. The deal was not that I would move in here and a year later get sick and need help, but shit happens. I have no business complaining. She just got under my skin.

rodeosweetheart, I think you hit the nail on the head, she is losing control, i've lost control of many things, it adds up.

I went in a bit ago, totally different, she was welcoming. I got her food but she started getting all confused when talking and was about to fall asleep in her cheerios. When I see her like that, I take back all the mean things I said.

kib
11-22-15, 1:25pm
You're allowed to have bad feelings. :)

I'm pretty sure the people who say nothing but sweet and nice things when their blood is boiling are no "nicer" and no better than those of us who let off steam. What better place than here to occasionally release some of that pressure?

freshstart
11-22-15, 1:29pm
I greatly appreciate that!

Teacher Terry
11-22-15, 4:16pm
Caregiving is very hard no matter how much we love someone. I know personally from helping my parents when they were alive & the past year a couple we are friends with where she has Alzheimer's & he has terminal cancer. In Oct we had to place them both in homes as it was too much & we couldn't provide the level of care they needed. I realized both times that when I get stressed I start to act irrational & kinda crazy. Not pretty I can assure you. The past few months I leaned on the Hospice SW when I could feel it coming on. Every time time we visit her -she wants to come home. Well their isn't a home-their rental is gone. She wants to live with us-well no I would like to hang onto the tiny bit of sanity my kids left me:~). Every few weeks we take her the 4 hour drive to see her hubby. It usually takes 2-3 days & it can be hard to be patient although before this she was the sweetest person on the planet. Not her fault & if I get short tempered then I feel awful. Ugh! Just tough-sending you a big hug>8)

freshstart
11-22-15, 4:50pm
I'll take that hug and pass it back. It takes a lot to visit someone who you know is going to pepper you with her wishes to return home and having to explain why it's not feasible. And taking her to visit him for 2-3 days a month? You are a saint!

It's great that hospice is let in the door at the home, they do not have to accept hospice coming in and many say they do there own "hospice", which seems to consist of throwing them some pain meds and not making them go down for meals. We go to nursing homes over and over to show what we can offer and it costs them nothing, it doesn't make sense to me not to take the extra layer of help.

I just went by her room, dragging my laundry sack and she goes, "Francine....", I feel a list of needs coming on and laundry just about kills me so I'm really hoping it's something easy, when she goes, "I love you." Which made me cry and then she started crying, lol.