how do people deal with anxiety/depression

[Zoe Girl]

I have shared about my oldest daughter (25) and some of her trauma and general anxiety issues. The thing that drives me bonkers is her not going to the dentist. I have been encouraging this for years, even offered her $100 just to go (the appointment is free and I offered to pay for work). On Thanksgiving she actually agreed that she had a lot of anxiety and asked if I could make the call, and I told her that I would drive her. She has a car but I think she needs the support, she agreed. She even said that she needs help to get to a regular DR checkup. This is like 3 years of Christmas to me! You can't force kids at most ages to do much of anything, I know, I spent more time taking my kids to counseling and DR appointments than we spent on clubs, activities or college prep.

So now she just texted me that they got a dog. She and her BF work opposite shifts and the dog is supposed to help with company, and apparently he has been pretty depressed. They have needed help a few times with things like large car repairs, but pay their own bills, so it really isn't my business. But I also don't know what to say. I guess I just want one of them to deal with the mental health issues in a way that makes sense to me to be the most honest. I just worry,

Have other people found that pets have a big difference? I have had pets for a long time, I hear that it can be very valuable to have that animal relationship in cases of depression,

[mschrisgo2]

Well, I think if they take being a dog parent seriously and actually walk the dog outside a couple of times a day, it could have a significant impact on mental health issues, especially depression. Research has shown that one of the most effective treatments for depression is daily exercise, and dogs certainly help a person get that.

Also, sometimes people don't feel worthy themselves, but they will work for their dog, thus improving their own lives along the way.

I'd encourage you to feel positively about it, as I think good things can come from dog parenting.

(In fact, I've always advocated that young couple should have a dog before they have kids, just so they know what the commitment it.)

[Ultralight]

I have been depressed since the summer of 1979. My anxiety goes back to about that time too...

But I have generally found a number of strategies that work.

1. Tough it out. I know this is old fashioned and not advisable in an era of a bazillion therapists and happy pills, I think it has some value. When you are blue. Sit with the feeling. When you have anxiety, sit with it. Breath into these emotions. You develop some grit and grizzle.

2. I have seen a therapist. This did not help all that much, but it is nice to have someone to talk to.

3. I stay active. I go fishing, canoeing, ride my bike, take walks in the park.

4. I avoid desserts and the like. I think that massive amounts of sugar and HFCS is bad for depression and anxiety.

5. I accept that depression and anxiety are part of life so my expectations are reasonable.

6. I try to keep things in perspective. I mean, I have a job with health insurance, a place to live, some friends, a girlfriend, etc. Knowing these things makes being totally depressed seem ridiculous.


Also: Magical-thinking is something to be leery of. I have not had too many problems with it myself, but I am still on the look-out because I have seen others have this problem.

Magical-thinking, as I understand it, is this type of thing:

"If I just move to a new city, everything will be fine."

"If I just buy those shoes I want, then I'll snap out of these depression."

"If I just get a new car then my social life will pick up."

So is it possible that getting a dog involves some magical-thinking? Like: "If I get this dog it'll make me happy."

[Zoe Girl]

yes, I know a lot about anxiety and depression. A lifetime for me and my kids and my sister. My daughter and her boyfriend are not asking for advice, I just have to hover off to the side and see when I can be helpful. It is a lot different to have adult children dealing with this. I don't always know what is happening for a long time.

Mschris, thank you for sharing that. I am going to keep that in mind when I worry they are over their heads or something. Or when I need to tell my parents, my parents do NOT do animals. When I was moving with 3 kids and 3 pets a long distance my mom just said I should 'trade in' the animals and get new ones when I moved, oh dear.

[Williamsmith]

A pet is a great solution for loneliness. Not sure about depression because of the many challenges that sometimes face depressed people. Their can be lots of adjustments that a depressed person might find hard to make.

[ToomuchStuff]

In the instances where I have seen them be beneficial, has been elderly couples where one passes.
In the younger crowds, I can see some of the exercise stuff (walking the dog, going to parks and such to break up the monotony), being good, but then you also have the care and maintenance stress.
Not seeing the dentist is such a common fear, that they now have "painless dentists" that knock people out to work on them. Not sure why the fear of Doctors as a whole though, but who knows, she may associate them all with the shrink and then by association the shooting, so until she understands why she has the fear, I only see it as limited possible help.

I know why I don't like dentists. The first time I had a cavity, the told me we will need x or y, not that both would be required (never done this, had no idea, expect what they know everybody knows perhaps? If that were the case, I could self dentist). Also, kept giving me shots to get me numb, and evidently I have/had a high tolerance for that chemical (never got the least bit numb and she said she couldn't give me anymore).

[Zoe Girl]

My son goes over there a lot, my daughter is the one who can actually have snakes on her lease so the snake he got without permission lives there. He said that both of them just really don't like to go anywhere, leave the house in general. E has been like that to some extent her whole life, staying within things and places she knows well, but I thought her BF was more outgoing and was getting her outside. Getting outside is a huge thing for both of them with mental health.

[Chicken lady]

I am seasonal. My future son in law is also seasonal. I have lived with a cat (not the same cat - time is harder on cats) since I was 7. The cat helps.

Dd and her s.o. Babysat a cat last week while it's owner was away. She called me and said "he wants a cat. I don't know, but he talks to the cat. And he gets up to feed the cat. Do you think we should get a cat?"

This morning I took them to a nearby farm to get two (so they can keep each ther company when the people are at work) kittens.

As long as the dog doesn't become an overwhelming responsibility, it may help.

[Zoe Girl]

I know that my son and his girlfriend are greatly benefited from our cats. They love and care for them, I don't have to do anything to care for them. When the girlfriend was away for Thanksgiving I tried to give some more loving (and I had to do the cat box). They both have histories of anxiety and depression, so I feel good about getting the cat for my son even though I had a cat already. It keeps him more settled and loving.

I want to make sure they get out and walk the dog on a regular basis. That is so important to just leave the house when you have some anxiety and depression.

[Tenngal]

I think this is worth a try just for getting your daughter some regular exercise. I have anxiety and at times mild depression and can really tell a difference when I walk 20-30 min a day. It really lifts my mood and gives me energy.

[freshstart]

xx

[freshstart]

Depression has been an issue for more years than I care to admit and at times, it has been especially bad. During one of those times, I went into a shelter to drop off dog food and despite swearing I was not going into the dog room, I did. I am so thankful that I did that day, I came face to face with a sick, obviously scared to death dog who had been abused. No one wanted her. She looked at me shaking like a leaf, I looked at her and knew she was coming home with me. It took a long time to ease her fear and get her well but that dog has not left my side since the day we left the shelter. I will never do anything to violate her precious trust, I will never raise my voice to her. She is a one person dog, friendly to family but makes it clear I am hers. Before I got sick, she got me out walking. But when that couldn't happen she is happy with our fenced yard. This has been a hard year, full of worry- financial, medical, mentally and she has not left my side, literally, trailing me wherever I go and barking like crazy when a shower has ended in a bad fall.

They train dogs as depression dogs now. I already have one. For some reason, her vet birthday card has said Happy 11th Birthday for the last 3 yrs. That's fine with me, 11 forever.xx

[freshstart]

I have no idea how I screwed up posting this so badly, sorry!

[Ultralight]

Don't worry about it!

This site can be wonky. hahah


Glad you rescued such a good pup!

[kib]

We have four cats. That's about two cats too many. When I'm up I love them all and when I'm depressed and exhausted, they can be another thing that weighs on me and makes me feel trapped. I really think the pet-thing is a two edged sword that has a lot to do with how much additional stress and restriction the pet adds.

[ToomuchStuff]

I have no idea how I screwed up posting this so badly, sorry!


And here I thought, you were just blowing kisses, since we have a few that do the hugs thing.>8)



:laff:

[freshstart]

And here I thought, you were just blowing kisses, since we have a few that do the hugs thing.>8)



:laff:

yup, yup that was totally it, they were kisses. I am rather stingy, however, in the blowing kisses dept., lol