S.A.D.

[Chicken lady]

So this is the time of year that I really struggle - life gets down to the basics and keeping things simple is actually more important.

I was doing really well in October when I was trying to add a bunch of positive habits, and I'm going to dig my list out today and see if I can incorporate some of them back into my life. For example, I stopped swimming and regained three pounds. Tomorrow I'm going to swim after work again. Also, I need to remember my vitamins.

[freshstart]

my depression is not SAD but one winter I diagnosed myself with SAD because I was dead sick of the term major depression. I asked the shrink about getting a light box, he didn't really think it would help. I think it helped a tiny bit. So I wonder if they are really worthwhile for those with SAD, I can see how they would be. I got mine from Verilux on sale. I was Vit D depleted, despite being outside every day (but I wear sunscreen on my face everyday) and having Vit D in with my calcium. We eventually ended up doing 50,000 units weekly and I think that helps.

maybe I will give the light box another try

good for you on getting back to the pool! Would a weekly pill box help you to remember your vitamins? Usually vitamins are big and won't fit in the pill box if you are on more than 2 but Amazon has lots of options for vitamin pill boxes. If it makes you feel better, I stopped my multi vit and calcium for the last 16 months, they felt like a low priority.

[Chicken lady]

My vitamins are sitting on the pine cupboard next to the salt and pepper I put out every morning for dh egg. I have no idea why I forget to take them.

Llght definitely helps me. Dh doesn't want me just sitting (doesn't help) so our kitchen has full spectrum bright lights. The first time dd came over after they went in she asked if we were going to be doing surgery on the kitchen table.

I also did a study on diet because that can have an effect on SAD in some people, and I tested carb dependent (meaning carbs are actually a bad thing), which means I need to adjust my eating habits for winter. It's hard, because I'm a vegetarian, so shifting to higher levels of fat and protien takes a lot of work. I end up eating a lot of nuts and scrambled eggs with cheese.

[lessisbest]

Probiotic foods help with social anxiety, I wonder if it would be helpful with SAD? The more I study the gut, the more I'm convinced nearly every ailment begins there.....and most people don't consume enough probiotics. That would mean using yogurt, kefir (you can choose between dairy kefir or water kefir - we make and use both at home). I would also suggest using cottage cheese for protein. It's kinda' underrated (25g protein per cup) when people think of protein, and it's easy to use making a large number of dishes, including things like high-protein waffles/pancakes. You can use high-protein pancakes for wraps and sandwiches to help eliminate those high-carb options. Going gluten-free will also help eliminate a lot of carbs. Most of the gluten-free baked goods I make are generally high-protein. Especially everything made with coconut flour (low-carb, high-protein, high-fiber) because you usually need a large number of eggs in the recipes.

Good sources of plant protein:
-black rice - switch from white and brown rice
-chickpea pasta, instead of regular wheat-based pasta
-spirulina
-pistachios
-green beans
-hummus
-oatmeal

Quinoa Protein Power Waffles
In an immersion blender:
1/4 c. cooked quinoa
1/4 c. cottage cheese
1 egg
1/8 t. cinnamon
Blend well.

Add:
1/2 - 1 T. oil (I use 1/2 T. coconut oil)
2 T. chia seeds (if you don't like the seeds whole, blend them in a coffee/spice mill into a flour)
2 T. honey (or sweetener of choice)

I usually double the recipe and cook them in 1/4 cup amounts on my thin waffle maker (that size waffle will fit into my toaster when I want to reheat them from the freezer).

[Chicken lady]

Thanks,

I actually can't have cow dairy, so all my cheese has to be homemade from our goat milk or bought expensively. We do use non-dairy sour cream, and I have a great almond flour dessert recipe I make for gluten free friends.

I like chick peas too, and I didn't realize green beans were high in protien? Even black beans are mostly carb.

[lessisbest]

You can make dairy kefir and yogurt with goat's milk, and water kefir is made with real water kefir grains, water and sugar (for the second fermentation I add some kind of fruit or fruit juice for flavoring - I also make root beer flavored water kefir in the summer as a pop/soda substitute). For both dairy kefir and water kefir, you use the kefir grains over and over, and it's not as fussy as making yogurt. Plus, kefir is better for you than yogurt. I make both dairy kefir and yogurt when I can find a good source for goat's milk. You could also add a good quality probiotic product to your diet - like Perfect Biotics.

[rodeosweetheart]

I should try the probiotics, Lessie. Chicken, are you allergic to cow's milk? I am extremely allergic to some things--I wonder. I take Benadryl when things get back (my pulmonary guy told me to do this after I had an anaphylactic experience which led to respiratory failure) but Benadryl is linked to depression and gulp, Alzheimers.

Anyway, brain fog is an allergy symptom.

I do know when I lived in SC for 6 years, thing improved a lot in the winter.

I feel just SURROUNDED by darkness today--it's raining, ugh.

[Chicken lady]

I am allergic to cows milk.

It's raining here too. I turned all the lights on and am puttering in the studio for a while. Then I need to bake and make lesson pans.

[ToomuchStuff]

On the subject of light boxes, something that I wonder about trying with today's new bulbs, is to change the color range to something in the daylight balance range. I have no knowledge of if they provide the same wavelengths but wonder if that could make a difference.

[rodeosweetheart]

Yeah, that is supposed to be the ticket, the full spectrum mimics daylight. I think! Mine was little, sat on my desk, about 45 dollars from Amazon, sent one to my dil who also has sad. I'm not sure either of us really did much better with it, but then you think, what if I didn't use it--would it have been worse??

A friend of mine who is an OT just said to hell with it and moved to Dallas, which she said helped (she had been in Chicago.) She said the last winter in Chicago, she was practically suicidal. She is very down to earth and not given to any histrionics, so I'm glad she moved. She said, and I agree, that it has gotten worse each year--I feel like it's one of those things that came to me in menopause. Ugh.

[mschrisgo2]

I tried a light box years ago, didn't want to move from in front of it! So I replaced every light bulb in my house with full spectrum bulbs. That was about 15 years ago, and I still use full spectrum bulbs. When I moved here, I actually went and bought 4 additional lamps because there are no overhead lights. I have 7 lamps in the living room, which is about 13 x 16. It makes a huge difference for me.

I also get very careful about my vitamins in the winter months: D3 10,000 IU a day, half morning, half evening; B2, 12,000mcg/day, also split, am/pm. Also, I try to keep my sleep hours very consistent, trying to get 8.5-9 hours daily. All of those things help, as does just getting Out of the house every day.

[freshstart]

I'm gonna re-try that light box, it can't hurt. Part of my depression is hating leaving the house, to the point of acute anxiety sometimes. It doesn't always happen but when it does, it's bad, even though I generally end up glad I went out. Since I can't drive now, I get out pretty much just for MD appts. I am not in the sun for 20 mins. I should bundle up and sit on the deck with the sun on my face, I know I would feel better, it's making myself do it that is the problem. But the light box, I can totally do.

as long as my mother's hoarder basement minions have not "relocated" that box, too.

[Chicken lady]

Freshstart, I hope you find your light box.

I also went with mschrisgo2's plan. Because otherwise I was sitting by my lamp with a book all day. Dh put the brightest full spectrum lights they could handle in all of our fixtures. Which means that instead of using the energy saving bulbs to save energy, we're using them to get brighter light from the same fixtures.


Today I go back to work after break, which is always good for me. I love my job and it forces me to shower and dress decently and leave the house and talk to people. I'm also meeting dh to swim after work.


I took my vitamins.

[rodeosweetheart]

Today I go back to work after break, which is always good for me. I love my job and it forces me to shower and dress decently and leave the house and talk to people. I'm also meeting dh to swim after work.


I took my vitamins.

Wow, I am impressed. I think it's great you have a job you love (I know this is a new work situation, and brava to you for making such positive changes) and it is great to be out in the world. My job for 7 years now has been working at home, which is not a good fit for me, but it's been a blessing in other ways.

And good for you for going swimming! Maybe I will go to the mall and walk today, since I need to go out and drop off bags at the Goodwill.

[freshstart]

when you guys are talking about full spectrum bright light bulbs, are you talking about LEDs? I did try getting the highest wattage CFLs to put in regular lamps but they are too big. I put them in my basement and they made a huge difference for when I worked down there. I need to find them and put them in this basement before someone breaks their neck in the mess.

But if there are bulbs for regular lamps to really light up a room you spend a lot of time in, I would love that.

[freshstart]

Today I go back to work after break, which is always good for me. I love my job and it forces me to shower and dress decently and leave the house and talk to people. I'm also meeting dh to swim after work.

I took my vitamins.

this is all good!

I showered (IDK why but this is usually an accomplishment embarrassingly enough) and dressed nice, did hair, because I take DD out to dinner tonight. I am going to put on make up!

I meet with a NYS person about their health plans next week and I have to bring a ton of info. I got my ginormous medical file out, where I have just kept shoving anything medical or disability related, never checking it or organizing it. I realized last night I had better get moving in case I needed any documents mailed to me. Today I sorted it all out, made separate folders for every little thing and gathered most of what I need for the appt. I have put off dealing with this folder since Sept 2014! I am going to need it again for taxes. It's not in perfect shape but it's a huge start.

just doing those two things made today a good day, before I even see DD (who is hopefully going to be sweetness and light and not teenage dramatic, lol)

[Chicken lady]

Freshstart, that's great!

Showering is hard for me in winter because it is hard for me to get wet. I don't know why. So of course, now I'm going to swim... (waiting for dh)

[Tiam]

So this is the time of year that I really struggle - life gets down to the basics and keeping things simple is actually more important.

I was doing really well in October when I was trying to add a bunch of positive habits, and I'm going to dig my list out today and see if I can incorporate some of them back into my life. For example, I stopped swimming and regained three pounds. Tomorrow I'm going to swim after work again. Also, I need to remember my vitamins.

This is the first year that I've really been ahead of it on Vitamin D. I started doubling my dose in the summer. Usually in late October/Early November I'll get hit by extreme fatigue that lasts for weeks. This year, it was only a couple of weeks and much less extreme. That being said, it seems my S.A.D is vitamin D related and not light related.

[Chicken lady]

Well, the light affects your vit D level....

I am very proud of myself - dh texted that he was caught in a meeting and couldn't make it, and I swam anyway!

all the end lockers were taken, and I swam anyway (my vision is so bad that if I don't get an end locker I actually have to count lockers by running my hand down the wall to find mine - or walk up to the row and put my face two inches from the wall)

All the lanes had at least one giant splashy fast man in them and I swam anyway (one of the men kindly offered to share)

Mostly I noticed that I am already set back after three weeks of not exercising.

Being back with my kids was good. And we had a staff meeting and the administration announced that they are planning to replace all the florescent lights! Hallelujah!

[nswef]

Chicken Lady, Bravo to you for swimming!!! At least 3 gold stars for continuing to go swimming with all the set backs that might have once made you stop.

[gmpg54]

Chicken Lady, Bravo to you for swimming!!! At least 3 gold stars for continuing to go swimming with all the set backs that might have once made you stop.
One thing I noticed hasn't been mentioned is your thyroid.
Get your levels checked,making sure they do more than just the TSH,the T3& T4 need tobe included.There is some correlation between thyroid and Vitamin D as well.
Fatigue,brain fog and depression are all tied in with this little gland in our necks,I had no clue until I started having similar problems. Good luck!

[Chicken lady]

Thanks, my thyroid is fine. My dad is hypo, so I had it all checked out. (And was dissapointed to discover that was not the problem because it looked like an easy fix for dad.)

[Tiam]

How much vitamin D do people feel is enough in general?

[Chicken lady]

I don't know about the vitamin d in general. You need something like the equivalent of 15 minutes nude in sunlight. I don't know if that means direct, indirect, morning, midday, evening......

It's raining. It's still 7 days to solstice. Everything is damp. I can't even have a fire because it's 65 degrees!

Ug. I've been up for 5 hours. Can I call it a day?

[rodeosweetheart]

My husband's naturopath tested him and found him very very low in Vit D, even though we had been in SC for the end of the winter and out in very strong sunlight.

He gave him capsules to take once a week, at 50000 IU.

I have been taking them too, since I tested very low for vit D when I went to Dr. Mercola. He said I was very deficient in Vit d, and that was at the end of a Chicago winter.

[freshstart]

Chicken Lady, YES, sometimes that's all you can do, put a pin it and see how tomorrow is

[freshstart]

My husband's naturopath tested him and found him very very low in Vit D, even though we had been in SC for the end of the winter and out in very strong sunlight.

He gave him capsules to take once a week, at 50000 IU.

I have been taking them too, since I tested very low for vit D when I went to Dr. Mercola. He said I was very deficient in Vit d, and that was at the end of a Chicago winter.

I had a similar experience, it was summer, I was getting my 15 mins of sun, and taking vit D with my calcium. My vit D level was very low, remained low on supplements until we did 50,000 u weekly and that worked, back to normal quickly and I just stay on it

[cindycindy]

I learned recently that epsom salt baths are good for SAD. Apparently, one soaks up the magnesium from the salts which is deficient in SAD.

[Tiam]

I learned recently that epsom salt baths are good for SAD. Apparently, one soaks up the magnesium from the salts which is deficient in SAD.

Chocolate is high in Magnesium too! And Manganese. I always craved chocolate intensely at exactly my 4th month in all my pregnancies. I always figured it was for Manganese or something. But you'd think the prenatal vitamins would have covered that!

[freshstart]

I learned recently that epsom salt baths are good for SAD. Apparently, one soaks up the magnesium from the salts which is deficient in SAD.

drinking them? IDK if I could do that, lol

[freshstart]

chicken lady, I'm a crappy reminder system but are you taking your vitamins?

I just found out I have hypothyroidism. I'm shocked, it's been tested every year because of the depression and it was always negative. Maybe I will feel better when the treatment is a few weeks in.

[JaneV2.0]

Hypothyroidism is epidemic in this country, since few of us get adequate iodine. Most doctors don't seem to understand the basics of thyroid function, and then prescribe Synthroid, which proves to be ineffective for most of us. I just take Lugol's solution, sea vegetables, and iThroid and hope for the best.

[freshstart]

at least my doc did a full thyroid panel, so many just do a TSH and prescribe off that result

[Chicken lady]

I am taking my vitamins sometimes.

I need to clean up and get the Christmas lights up. We're going to get the tree on Sunday.

[Chicken lady]

Ug. Kids are gone. Weather is terrible. Not taking my vitamins, eating badly, gaining weight, my basement is still flooding, it won't stop raining, I have no motivation to do anything and my inlaws are coming onthe 29th, which even dh is dreading.

[nswef]

Breathe Chicken Lady and take that vitamin D!!! Then take a long nap. All will be well!!!!

[freshstart]

are the in-laws staying? maybe get a tray of something catered so all you have to do is sides? that sucks about the basement.

[Chicken lady]

The inlaws are staying with us. Feeding them is not a probem except that the food will suck. I can buy a precooked ham and some bread and steam some random veggies to death with no spices. Hamburgers and ditto veggies plus canned fruit day two, pasta and sauce from a jar ditto sides day 3. They will be perfectly happy.

Its finding them something to do that is a problem. Mil is a list checker. We have lived in the same area for almost 20 years. So if you took her to a museum 15 years ago and she loved it, great, but she doesn't want to go again because she already went there. They don't approve of alcohol or caffeine. They don't like movies or plays. They don't like games or puzzles. (well, mil used to like the game called "quiz my grandchildren to see if my crazy daughter in law is actually teaching them All the things I think are important" but now that they are grown and we don't homeschool any more that game is over.

Mil says she wants to be useful, by which she does not mean that she wants to help you with something that actually needs to be done. She means that she wants to do something that you don't want done at all - like take everything out of your drawer and put it in a crock that you use for something else on your limited counter space and then take all of your spices out of the cupboard and start alphabetizing them label up in the empty drawer so you can see how much better this is, and then get upset at you for buying spices in bags and glass jars and non- standard containers instead of McCormick. And why do you have all this stuff anyway? You can't posibly need it. You should get rid of most of these. What is garam masala anyway? And this vanilla has alcohol in it. And did you know that nutmeg is a hallucinogen? You should never use nutmeg!

So it is better to keep her busy. And away from dh. Who takes Valium when she visits and will be off somewhere with his dad.

I also need to figure out where people are going to sleep. Downstairs we have three beds - a queen which currently has sheets on it from ds and his gf. Ds is returning tomorrow evening. Gf might be here for new years eve - doubtful. A twin daybed on the sleeping porch where dd2 is currently sleeping, and a twin that is literally buried in boxes in a room that has become a storage room because the basement keeps flooding. In the barn we have a horrible antique short double that was given to us by the inlaws.

My kids adamantly do not want to sleep in the barn. Dh says I can't make his parents sleep in the barn and besides, they need seperate beds.

By day two I will be drinking eggnog with rum and nutmeg. Or irish coffee. Possibly at breakfast.

[freshstart]

oh, that is bad, very, very bad, she would drive me to the nutmeg and vanilla on day 1. I remember when my grandmother came to stay with us, she drove my mom batty. My nana being uber-organized and my mom being a "secret", totally obvious hoarder in a very small house. My nana really wanted to feel useful so my mom gave her the mindless but long task of washing everything in the china cabinet. That way none of her hoard got argued over. Maybe your MIL would like that task? Although, she would probably re-arrange all your stuff in there.

[ToomuchStuff]

You could have them stay in the basement, and they will be useful and wear themselves out, acting as a bilge pump.:laff:

[freshstart]

snort!

[Francie]

When DH and I moved to Far Northern California (Redwood Coast where it rains almost year-round) 15 years ago I got a Happy Light, and it worked wonders!!! Kept me sane!! And I continued to use it when we moved to Idaho, which is fine in the summer, but dark in the winter. And then ... about two years or so ago, the bulbs quit, and I never got around to replacing them. DH bought me a small light, but it really didn't do much, and I started feeling depressed, lethargic, etc., but never really connected that with the lack of "light", for SOME REASON :( ... BUT, I finally put two and two together, got a new, big, light, and just after two weeks it's working wonders! It's at my desk in our "office", where I do spend a fair amount of time, and it's on all the time I'm in here. I'm feeling more "right" again, more energy, "happy", not depressed. I swear by it. I keep my small light in our bathroom, and I think I'm going to replace some lights at other places in the house as well. *** BUT ... BUT *** DH is, and always has been, a HIGH ENERGY person (DRIVES ME CRAZY), so I don't want to "energize" him any more than he already is ... but perhaps I can deal with that. :D (btw, we're 71 and 72 y/o) === 2016 is looking good so far ...

[freshstart]

that's awesome! re-motivated to find my happy light.

[Chicken lady]

The sun is finally out here after weeks, so I am doing better.

My inlaws have visited and left and I finally got a good night's sleep last night. mil sleeps very little and I think she prowls around the house at night poking into things. I know I slept shallowly, had nightmares, and woke often the whole time they were here. And (one example) the card on the back of a framed piece of art "fell off" as mil was walking by it "this morning". It "fell off" in a way that caused the tape to tear the surface of the backing in an upwards direction - wide on the tape, tapering to many curled points above the tape. But when I taped it on there, I made it impossible to read the card without removing it.... Which means she was randomly taking pictures off my walls? Sorry, digression.

Working on getting out in the sunlight and trying to be more active. Just remembered my vitamins and going to take them now....

[ToomuchStuff]

Trying my own question, I had a bulb burn out and replaced it with a daylight led. It seems much cheerier to me.

[Chicken lady]

It's still winter.

i remembered my vitamins today, and I exercised. I'm working on getting back to some of the good habits I tried to establish in October. Best of all, I got to go back to work today. I love working with my kids! (Do not tell my boss, but I would keep showing up if they stopped paying me.)

[freshstart]

Best of all, I got to go back to work today. I love working with my kids! (Do not tell my boss, but I would keep showing up if they stopped paying me.)

career nirvana, I feel very fortunate to say I felt the same way. I still wake up shocked I am not going there sometimes.

[freshstart]

did anyone see this today?

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/high-doses-of-vitamin-d-may-hurt-seniors-instead-of-help/

but they do not address the link of low vit D levels with depression

[SiouzQ.]

Quick question: where is a good place to get one of these happy lights? I am on a mission (the only thing that has energized me today is when it occurred to me that perhaps my profound lack of energy could be S.A.D, in addition to my stupid work schedule that has my body yanked in all sorts of directions at different, inconsistent times of the day). I think I need to purchase one of these magical lanterns. I keep trying all sorts of things, and nothing is really getting me revved up enough to be a happier person...I exercise, I eat pretty right, I try hard as hell to sleep right, but I am just not a happy camper these days...:(

[freshstart]

Verilux, they often have sales if you sign up for email. I liked the one I got from there, not sure it totally helped but SAD wasn't really the kind of depression I was experiencing. It was suggested, so I tried it. I'm tempted to do it again since I get out so little and it's too cold to sit in the sun for 20 mins daily.

[Chicken lady]

I just put major lighting all over my house, so I can't help you.

i've been going downhill all week - dh's work schedule has been kicking my butt. Up at 5, he gets home late, I've been struggling all day to get my energy level up and then we eat late, I finally get my second wind, and I can't sleep.

today I took a nap. That was good. I think I need to plan in some naps. I simply do not function well on 6-7 hours of sleep a night for days at a time.

i've been trying to remember my vitamins and struggling with my weight too. Right now the weight is holding, but holding about ten pounds too high.

[freshstart]

I've come to accept that naps are a good thing. They kind of happen to me involuntarily, like when I am trying to do my hour of reading. Sometimes I am out for hours, this is not the person I was but it's who I am now. So be it. I do get an energy burst after and that's only good.

I am guilty on my vitamins, except vit D once a week. I have to call a pharmacist because I started on thyroid meds and they are a pain with vitamins with calcium or just plain calcium, they have to be so many hours apart. But I think it you take calcium too close together it doesn't get absorbed. I haven't figured out how to take the thyroid med, wait 6 hours and then fit in a MVI with calcium and then another separate calcium. I keep saying I'll call, instead I skip the vitamins. Tomorrow.

take good care of yourself, chickenlady

[SiouzQ.]

The minute I deviate from my strict schedule to have any sort of social life, all hell breaks loose. Last night I had band practice after working the 6am to 2pm shift; practice was at 7pm and usually involves at least two beers (I know, I know it's going to screw me up but I have to have some sort of normal life)! So being a funk-soul-rock and blues band, a heavy practice requires quite a bit of energy expended, which meant I had to drink coffee at 6:30 pm just to make it out to the practice house, and then practice wildly for three hours, then come home and *try* to go to sleep while still wired, then got caught up in finishing Wentworth on Netflix so it was around 1:00 am before I got to bed. I ended up taking an Ambein (which I save only for dire emergencies) yet still woke up 4 hours later as if I had to go to work (which I didn't, I had Saturday off). I finally managed to fall back asleep for a few more hours and got up at 9am. I did pretty good today until around 4:30pm when my bio-rhythm plummeted and I felt so depressed and lethargic and started thinking black thoughts about how sucky my life was ( I wouldn't let myself take a nap today because I really need to go to bed early tonight so I can get up at 5am for work) So I made myself go out and see some friends play music at a coffee shop and that helped but I really, really need to get my energy back. I can't stand this grind anymore...

[mschrisgo2]

Search "Chromalux Full Spectrum light bulbs" on Amazon. I just ordered a bunch because I was doing an Amazon order anyway. In the past I've found them at our Ace Hardware and at Whole Foods- I was just too busy/lazy to shop for them this time. I highly recommend them, fill your house with them. Way cheaper than the "sad lights" and you can still go about your house doing all your regular stuff.

[Zoe Girl]

The minute I deviate from my strict schedule to have any sort of social life, all hell breaks loose....

I totally get it, I have half of the day that is generally a depressed mood. I don't talk about it because it just is, even with all the things I work on to support myself in a better mood. One issue is a day where I have to be at work early and/or 12 hour days. I just have such a hard time crawling up the mood ladder. I know what it is, I have a good treatment plan, but there are aspects of my job that I can't always control as much as I love it. One of the really supportive things is to have some non-work face to face time. Harder than you think! I was up to 2 regular people and one is having caregiver duties with her dad right now. So I am glad I got a 2nd person and I plan on every Friday going to the coffee shop.

I totally love naps! I had a very heavily scheduled week with no time to go home for a nap so I took one in the backseat of my car. I keep stuff in there so I can do that as long as the temperature is reasonable. OMG did I feel so much better!

[Chicken lady]

Today the sun is out! And for the first time in two weeks, dh didn't have to get up at 5:00 and go to work. We are sitting by the fire in the sun eating breakfast and he just said "the sick thing is, in half an hour you're going to have enough energy to work on the basement where there is no sun." Sadly, he's right.

[SiouzQ.]

Progress Report from the Land of S.A.D: right now I am feeling kind of meh, things have been up and down and turned around for a while. I finally sought the help of one of my doctors, as my sleep issues had/have gotten so bad lately, right along with my crappy work schedule. One thing she found that I was doing was way over self-medicating myself (I kind of knew this in the back of my mind, but I couldn't see a way out of it on my own). I am currently de-toxing from over-caffienating myself, then using sleep aids at night and too much ibuprofen for body aches and pains, and then repeating the whole process day in and day out. The work schedule is still pretty crappy and I am trying to find a way to get some relief but that will be somewhat of a process and has involved written doctor's note. So I have slowly been quitting the coffee (I am down to about one cup of regular coffee per day, even when I do the opening shift). No sleep aids, and much less ibuprofen. I finally slept eight hours straight through the other night without waking up numerous times! It felt like a miracle! Then I worked the 12-8pm shift and that night I slept a whopping three (!) hours and had to work at 6am. Two steps forward, one step back, I guess...

The last two months have been pretty hard. My body system feels like it is in such chaos and it feels like I can't really get anything quite accomplished. Everything feels so random - when I sleep, when I eat, when I work, when I exercise, when I have enough energy to create art. My jewelry business is suffering a bit, but I am trying to allow myself to take it easy and not get too freaked out about it. It's not like I am depending on that income for basic living expenses. So I am having some good days here and there where I feel like myself, but there are a lot of days in between when I feel discombobulated from my life. I am grateful that it is not a life-threatening condition, but sleep deprivation and inconsistent work schedules can sure do a number on your pysche (sp?).

As far as my day job, I am hanging onto the idea that I will try to stick it out until I take my vacation in June - who knows, perhaps by then there will be some sort of resolution concerning the scheduling and maybe I'll be back to my old self. I certainly don't have the energy or gumption right now to look for another job, but I feel like the my job is no longer fitting my needs. Sigh....

[freshstart]

alternating shift work takes such a toll on you body and brain, I couldn't do it for long. I really hope you get your schedule fixed or you feel ready to look for something else

[Chicken lady]

SoiuzQ, I'm impressed at the length and chose dance of your post. I always seem to decend to lower and lower verbal levels when things get bad.

i'm still struggling, up and down, a lot of dark days, weight holding, sleep is a mess here too thanks to dh working double shifts and a bottle baby goat born over the weekend. I finally got him adopted by a new mama goat, so hopefully I will catch up on sleep this weekend. Couldn't nap yesterday because the sun was bright.

it's hard to be creative when your brain is foggy and your body wants to crawl into a cave and sleep.

[SiouzQ.]

I'm sorry you are having a hard time of it too, it does suck. I have had sleep issues in the past, but nothing like this. I am also in the full throws of menopause, and really, the ONLY symptoms I am having is the insomnia, plus a few hot flashes. I don't think it would be so bad if I had a regular 9-5, Monday through Friday work week though. I am finding I really have to tread careful waters at work as far as how much information is appropriate to give them. I don't want to end up somehow losing my job over this; I certainly understand that their needs as an employer are certainly quite powerful over my ultimate needs as an employee. They need bodies to fill shifts, period. No one there likes how things are scheduled, it is rarely "fair" and I am sure all grocery stores operate this way too. It is a grueling business, that's for sure. I am scared I am going to dig myself into a hole somehow with all my displeasure at the way I've been scheduled lately by saying or implying the wrong thing; I have a tendency to be a bit too frank and honest instead of realizing how to play the "game" to get what I need. I have to be really careful about bringing "ageism" into too; I need to be able to perform the many job specifications, as I am not under any restrictions any more.

I'm thinking of trying to find a forum for insomniacs so we can bit** and moan to each other instead of to the world at large. I am certainly sick of myself and all the craziness that rolls around in my head when I am sleep deprived. I find the more sleep deprived I am, the higher my anxiety level goes up until my head is completely spinning out of control!

Chicken lady, I hope you can get some rest this weekend. After only about 4.5 hours of sleep last night (I couldn't fall asleep for a long time), I woke up as if I was going to do the 6am shift, except I don't have to be at work until noon, which means I get home at 8:30 and have to go to bed right away so I can get up and actually do the 6am shift on Saturday. That is only a ten hour span of time between shifts and that is precisely what is screwing me up so bad. When I have more than one of those per week like it's happened lately, I really don't know whether I am coming or going or when to eat, when to sleep, etc. It would probably help if I could somehow practice a sort of acceptance that this is just the way it is going to be for a bit and that eventually things will settle down...I hope....if I don't have some sort of a nervous breakdown in the meantime, that is.

[freshstart]

SiouzQ, it sounds like something has to give so you don't have that nervous breakdown or a physical one. Are there stores hiring that don't rotate shifts so much?

Insomnia and depression go hand in hand with me so it's been a problem for ages. We just over the past few months hit the right meds and now I sleep well for the first time in years. I don't like taking the meds but insomnia was sucking up the little bit of life I had left. I also now listen to Podcasts as I fall asleep. I get absorbed in the story and am not in bed having anxiety over everything under the sun. I was shocked how much this has helped.

[Chicken lady]

February has been very very bad. Horrible schedules, no sleep, weight gain, a lot of aggravation and dissapointments and failures - nothing huge except some livestock losses and a long expected death in the family, but over and over, day after day.

saturday I told dh I wasn't getting out of bed. Ever. I actually didn't do my morning chores until almost noon. I cried off and on all weekend. I am slowly getting my feet back under me. Today I was able to think about all the stuff I need to do again. I just wrote everything out in a huge brain dump and then picked the top two items and took care of them. Tomorrow maybe I'll try three.

Dh is being very gentle with me. He brought home ready to eat food from the grocery for dinner tonight.

[freshstart]

((Chicken lady)) I'm sorry it's been so bad.

I do that brain dump, too but I look at my list longer than my arm and decide to not deal with everything. Your plan to do 2 a day is very reasonable, I'm gonna try it your way. Glad DH is understanding.

[Chicken lady]

thanks.

my daughter added two things to my list before I even got up this morning! (Actually after I went to bed) but so far I've gotten a pretty good start.

i got up. I packed dh's lunch and made him breakfast. I ate breakfast. I cleared the table and started a load of laundry. I chose 4 things from my list that are not too hard but have a close deadline. And I checked the weather forecast - grey, so I'm going to build up the fire even though the high is going to be 55.

[nswef]

Chicken Lady, You've been working so hard and doing so much your day in bed was a necessity! The fact that you are listing things and tackling ANYTHING at all is amazing. I think the elephant just kind of squashed your energy. Glad too that your husband is understanding.

[Chicken lady]

Well, other than getting sentimentally teary, I don't cry much, so when I started reacting to questions like "do you know where my jeans are?" By sobbing, I think he figured out I was done in.

i'm still tired by lunch, but doing better. Tomorrow I teach, so I'll probably get energized by the kids, blow through the day, and come home completely wiped out. We're taking a four day trip to attend a memorial service and pick up our youngest next weekend, so my horizon at the moment is the next two weeks.

[Chicken lady]

I was doing better this week, but then today, a lot of bad things happened at my job. Two of them I could have prevented if I had been in the right spot at the right time, but it wasn't so much failure on my part as bad luck (like, if you had been in the car with your friend, you might have seen the deer and yelled before he hit it, but you drove separately so you could pick up groceries on the way home...) otoh, as a parent, you want the teacher in that spot. Even if it was perfectly reasonable for her to be in any one of many other spots.

i am trying to focus on good things. The look on my student's face when she tried something new today and it worked - I set that up. The student in the cooking class who brought me a snack, just because she likes me. The rest of the class, who responded to my compliment by packing me leftovers for dinner. The student who felt safe coming to me for help with something that was making her uncomfortable, and the one who found my classroom to be a safe environment to share a deeply personal story that gave us a peek behind the rough and funny exterior persona. The projects that went well today and the students who did just a little better.

i can't catch everything. I can't fix everything. I can just keep caring and do my best. I'm pretty good at my job. I'm a whole lot better than the teachers I had who made me decide that even if I wasn't a very good teacher, I couldn't possibly be worse than they were, even if I'm not as good as the ones I'm still greatful to have known.

and the days are going to get longer. and feel shorter.

[freshstart]

it sure sounds like you are as great as the ones you have known

[Chicken lady]

It's supposed to be better now, but the mood swings are awful. Bright sunny days that gave me working outside in the garden all day, charged up, works myself into exhaustion, but unable to fall asleep until late at night because of all the sun, followed by alarms going off at 5:20 and so much rain and clouds that it doesn't even feel like morning until 9.

today is one of those facing misery on too little sleep days. I have a long list of things I genuinely need to do, but no energy or desire to do them. I'm trying to bribe myself in tiny bites - like, I want toast (no sun = craving carbs) and I have promised myself that if I start the laundry and the dishwasher I can make toast. That may be lunch.

[Ultralight]

Would you ever move to AZ or FL?

[Chicken lady]

Nope. I hope to never move again.

Besides, I love Ohio summer and fall. And even bright winter days. I'd miss snow. And all that sun is not much good when you're stuck inside with airconditioning.

[Ultralight]

Nope. I hope to never move again.

Besides, I love Ohio summer and fall. And even bright winter days. I'd miss snow. And all that sun is not much good when you're stuck inside with airconditioning.

What about "half-backing?"

[Chicken lady]

I have absolutely no idea what that means, but if it means living in two places, I would hate it. I have a farm. I have livestock I love. I need to be in the same place for the entire growing season, and I hate transitions.

I have moved enough. New state at age two. Didn't finish preschool either year. Different schools for k, 1, 2, and 4. Moved by the district for a "special program" in jr. High. 4 years at the same high school and then 4 years of the same college in a different state (5 dorm rooms, 3 apartments, a summer living at a camp, one house, and two weeks in my car). Married dh and moved 4 times in the next 8 years. The last move (#5 and from the place I thought I'd stay) I cried for months. Dh said he finally understood that all I wanted was to literally put down roots - like a tree.

[Ultralight]

Dh said he finally understood that all I wanted was to literally put down roots - like a tree.

I sort of understand, then again, I mostly don't understand.

But all that half-backing means is, for example, moving from OH to FL would be a big distance. But moving from OH to NC would only be half the distance.

There was a trend of snow birds in the past couple decades. They moved to Florida and thought it too far and too much of a climate change after being there a few years. So they started moving halfway back -- to NC or TN, for instance.

But if you are opposed to moving for any and all reasons, then your most prudent option for SAD might just be waiting until global warming becomes acute.

[CathyA]

I haven't gone back through all the pages here, but if I didn't already say it........be sure your vitamind D level is good........not just on the lower end of normal either. It can have a huge impact on your mood.

Weird thing for me this January-February-March.........I usually start to feel much better, but this year it's been worse. I've gotten to the point where my mind and body suffer when it's rainy/cloudy for just a day or 2 at a time. Weird.
Anyhow.....be sure you take a good multi-vitamin and a D3 supplement. It's not fun feeling bad. ((((hugs)))

[Chicken lady]

Sadly, global warming increases cloudiness and has no effect on day length.

I'm working toward more days at my amazing 3 season job with good indoor lighting. The goats get me out of bed in February - the students give me reasons to stay out of it.

[Ultralight]

I agree with the vitamin D thing. I pound that stuff in the winter because I work all day everyday in a windowless basement.

But checking with Ol' Sawbones might be best.

[Chicken lady]

Ate my toast and took my vitamins (thanks Cathy). Last time I talked to an MD about this, they ran a bunch of tests and said "well, you're a little anemic, but not really. Take some iron. You're got three kids, you're going to be tired. Remember to take care of yourself."

[SiouzQ.]

It's still a little hard for me too, though last Sunday it was around 70 degrees where I live in Michigan, so right after work I headed for the hills (Pinckney State Recreation Area) and did my usual hike for the first time this year and had lots of energy, felt almost high!. Then by evening the clouds and rain moved in, and my sleep/work schedule got screwed up yet again. Kind of feel like I am back at square one today (dark, dreary, rainy). The good news is that I had my first appointment with an Osteopath. I like her and she really listened to me and all my complaints - sore joints, unending fatigue, chaotic schedule, etc. She thinks I am Vitamin D3 deficient so she recommended that I take a supplement. She also discovered that my pelvis was severely out of alignment and went about adjusting me until we both heard an audible popping noise! It was kind of weird, and it didn't hurt at the time but a day later (yesterday) I started feeling pretty awful. She warned me that I might not feel so great at first as my body readjusts to its new reality. It gave me a pretty horrible headache that is just starting to fade.

Anyway, even though I am feeling a bit out of sorts today, I have the day off work and have already gotten a few errands done in the rain. I have decided to just be easy with myself while I hopefully regain some energy. I don't care that it is only noon and I want to take a nap already! I'm going to do it, and I'll get up later and do some more. I really really need to see the sun to feel better though!

[CathyA]

I'm discovering that we don't always fit into the "normal lab values" thing. Awhile back, I started hearing from a doctor that you need to be well above the lower end of normal for Vitamin D. Also......I had a neuro doc who recommended testing Ferritin levels, even if your red cell count was "normal", since even the lower end of "normal" in ferritin can give you some funky sensory problems.
I always get my lab results to look at myself, and don't always trust the doc to say what is and isn't normal/good for me. We're all different and we don't all fall into the same categories, lab value wise.

[nswef]

souizq, I'm happy to hear that you are taking it easy on yourself. Your schedule is brutal and you had a major body change- so nap when you want...Glad the dr. was able to readjust your pelvis, you might need PT or a chiropractor to continue the easing after the pain. i experienced real depression 2 winters ago when I stopped using the vit. D. It took me a bit to figure it out, but I'm convinced that was the key. Good luck with getting healthier and more comfortable.