Thinking about renewing relationship

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday I got a post card from a woman I haven't spoken to in years.

Once we were the best of friends - homeschooled our kids together and each treated the whole batch as our own, hung out, helped each other with ousework and cooking, talked about everything...

She was divorced (my dad says there are always 3 sides, but her dh had an affair, refused counseling, cut off her acess to money, stopped paying the mortgage, and moved out leaving his 4 kids behind) and put her kids in school and got a job. Dh and I tried to help out, and I tried to keep in touch, but she also went back to school and she changed jobs and moved around a lot and her phone kept getting cut off, and one day I didn't know how to find her anymore.

Over the last 5 years i have run into one of her kids now and then (i always get giant hugs) and asked about the family and been updated, but they always say they'll have their mom call me, and she doesn't.

So she is having a Christmas open house today, and she invited me. The post card also has her address and phone number. I am excited but nervous. She is apparently doing home jewelry sales and the card indicates that the jewelry will be on display if anyone wants to do any Christmas shopping (but also that there is a great view of the Christmas parade from her porch around 1:00 - which is more prominent on the card) so part of me wonders if she was just scraping up every address she has for the sale.

Also she was a hoarding friend. We went dumpster diving together and encouraged and enabled each other and her house was always worse than mine (and got even worse after the divorce). So I'm a little concerned about renewing the relationship now that I am digging out.

But I MISS her. So I can't decide if I should drop by, call first, call next week....
Heck, part of me has considered showing up tomorrow morning and saying "hi, I heard you had a party yesterday. I'm here to help clean up." like it was ten years ago.

[iris lilies]

Awwww, you've got to go to this party because you miss her. The other stuff doesn't matter.

and if you two still hit it off, and you want to spend more time with her alone, outside of her hostess mode, you can still come by the next day and help her clean up.

[nswef]

Go, if it's awful you can leave but don't miss the opportunity to renew a friendship you valued and miss now.

[Zoe Girl]

I am probably the friend in this situation, I went through divorce and lost track of people. I know for years just dealing with basics took all my time and I lost track of people, so I would go. Who knows how much she has missed you and if she simply hasn;t had time, and then if it is a hard sell case you can leave

[ToomuchStuff]

I am sure she sent it to you, in part because she is trying to drum up customers. If you go that day and she is busy, she has lots of potential customers and if it felt like things had changed between you two, no harm no foul. (verses meeting just you for lunch)
So it might be just as safe for you, as her. (and no you don't have to buy anything)

[SteveinMN]

I would go. You can always bail if you were just asked there to buy stuff. Just remember that she may be busy with the party and not have the time you might like to catch up. But it would be a good test to see if you (singular) think you (plural) can pick things up again.

[Gardenarian]

I think it's great that she got in touch; it can be really hard to do. I hope you go to her party and have a great time!
Good luck!

[Chicken lady]

It was great!

I went after the parade. I didn't even see where she had the jewelry set out.

There was hardly anybody there and I basically monopolized her for two hours. She looks really good and her house is much better and she really seems to be getting her life together. When she opened the door and saw me her face lit up and she yelled my name.

Her life is still crazy busy, but she is coming over January 21st and meanwhile I gave her my e-mail and cell number which she had lost.

[nswef]

Oh Chicken lady isn't that wonderful!

[awakenedsoul]

Fantastic! Good for you.

[freshstart]

I am probably the friend in this situation, I went through divorce and lost track of people. I know for years just dealing with basics took all my time and I lost track of people, so I would go. Who knows how much she has missed you and if she simply hasn;t had time, and then if it is a hard sell case you can leave

me, too, I was the friend who pulled away when I got divorced, it was incredibly stressful, I was anxious and depressed and instead of turning to friends who were there, I turned inward and let the relationships die. And I regret that. Reaching out by inviting you to an Open House is way less risky than, say, calling you up out of the blue. And if it ends up it was about her jewelry sales, you bail and then you know, chapter closed. But you might be missing a really good opportunity if you don't go.

[freshstart]

well aren't I a little late to the party, sorry! I am so glad it turned out this way!

[Gardenarian]

I'm so glad everything worked out.
I thought friendship would get easier with age, but that's not been the case...at least so far!

[Chicken lady]

Are you kidding me? It was way easier when you could just walk up to somebody on the playground and say "how old are you? Do you want a gummy bear? Want to be friends?"

I figure i can start doing that again in about 20 years.

[Teacher Terry]

Awesome!!