freshstart
12-24-15, 9:44pm
and I think that's ok. First my son (18) came over to drive with us to my uncle's. I rode alone in the car with him, we've had our differences and things are ever so slowly turning around, we belted out Beatles' tunes at the top of our lungs with all the windows rolled down. It was so good to just have fun like when he was little.
my whole extended family gets together every year. It's usually a long night. But after 2 hrs my mom was done and my dad was ignoring that she had to leave (we live 2 miles away, he could've come back) by the time I realized what was going on, she was in tears. Well, she had to stop crying and drive, because I can't and would get us lost (as I pleasantly had with my son, bonus extra one on one time). My parents bicker but never really fight like they mean it. She was so hurt that he didn't put down his Christmas cookie and take twenty minutes to drive her home. It really was crappy of him, she does not say things like, "I have to leave NOW" hardly ever, when she does, she means it.
But also, I was secretly glad to leave. I remember everyone's name from my generation up. My cousins' kids, nada, wiped clean. It's embarrassing and I do not want to focus on the fact I'm not quite ok, I want to fake it so I call them all "honey" like I'm 90. My one cousin had 5 kids in a very short amt of time, the last 4 all girls that look alike. I got caught, asked to fix a plate for Cheyenne (really, there's a Cheyenne and I don't remember that fact?), I'm staring at 4 little girls, all shy, Cheyenne would not raise her hand. I ended up fixing a plate for Maeve, who answered to Cheyenne and my aunt was looking at me like I must be really messed up to not be able to pick dear Cheyenne out of a line up. She said something kind of snotty and I had to remind her that that's exactly the stuff I have lost and I am sorry, it's not that I don't care about them, I just lost a lot of details. Like the names of her 6 dogs, all old fashioned girls' names like her precious granddaughters that I forgot. So all evening I'm not quite sure if she is talking about one of her beloved pups or an actual child. She goes, "you need to see a doctor right away." Oh really, do you know how many doctors I freaking see, I was getting annoyed and was totally happy to leave. She corners me on the way out to tell me she won't say anything but I have lice, she can see the nits, go to the drugstore. Jeebus, really? I tell her it's glue from a test I had that I am having a hard time getting out, so please go back in there and tell everyone I do not have lice, because I know if she's said it to my face, she's said it to 12 other people first. She is a PITA and she had me cornered most of the night, ugh.
My dear uncle brought over his annual Christmas card from Obama (apparently I don't give enough to warrant a card) and I said how I was going to miss him and at the exact same moment we looked at each other and said, "he's the best President since FDR!" Causing gagging noises around the table. I abandoned him to the lions to fight the good fight, lol.
My aunt was saying how much she missed ex-DBF and I should date again. What? Now, when most times I have to look up my own phone number? My father guffawed so long, he actually stopped eating. I'm pretty much a waste of space, I have not made it through an entire movie since Sept of 2014, it takes me a month to read a book, I can no longer have coherent discussions on the issues. The very last thing I need is a man to worry about. I was just thinking how, although I very much enjoyed ex's huge family gatherings (he was one of 7), I do not miss negotiating where we go, how long can we stay, who we have to skip and who has the kids on what nights. I can be in my poor memory bubble and at least my family has to take me in at Christmas. I can remember 2 of ex's sibs, all 7 had bunches of kids, I could not have hidden that I'm a few apples short of a pie. It would be talked about over and over, no thanks. And ever since this happened, not being attached has been a relief. Maybe that's weird, but I'm enough to take care of right now. And my kids and my mom, there's no room for anyone else.
Mom tucked in and calmed. 9:30 and there is not a single obligation until tomorrow evening. Now that was a good Christmas Eve by my standards and no lice! But Cheyenne is probably a little hungry.
my whole extended family gets together every year. It's usually a long night. But after 2 hrs my mom was done and my dad was ignoring that she had to leave (we live 2 miles away, he could've come back) by the time I realized what was going on, she was in tears. Well, she had to stop crying and drive, because I can't and would get us lost (as I pleasantly had with my son, bonus extra one on one time). My parents bicker but never really fight like they mean it. She was so hurt that he didn't put down his Christmas cookie and take twenty minutes to drive her home. It really was crappy of him, she does not say things like, "I have to leave NOW" hardly ever, when she does, she means it.
But also, I was secretly glad to leave. I remember everyone's name from my generation up. My cousins' kids, nada, wiped clean. It's embarrassing and I do not want to focus on the fact I'm not quite ok, I want to fake it so I call them all "honey" like I'm 90. My one cousin had 5 kids in a very short amt of time, the last 4 all girls that look alike. I got caught, asked to fix a plate for Cheyenne (really, there's a Cheyenne and I don't remember that fact?), I'm staring at 4 little girls, all shy, Cheyenne would not raise her hand. I ended up fixing a plate for Maeve, who answered to Cheyenne and my aunt was looking at me like I must be really messed up to not be able to pick dear Cheyenne out of a line up. She said something kind of snotty and I had to remind her that that's exactly the stuff I have lost and I am sorry, it's not that I don't care about them, I just lost a lot of details. Like the names of her 6 dogs, all old fashioned girls' names like her precious granddaughters that I forgot. So all evening I'm not quite sure if she is talking about one of her beloved pups or an actual child. She goes, "you need to see a doctor right away." Oh really, do you know how many doctors I freaking see, I was getting annoyed and was totally happy to leave. She corners me on the way out to tell me she won't say anything but I have lice, she can see the nits, go to the drugstore. Jeebus, really? I tell her it's glue from a test I had that I am having a hard time getting out, so please go back in there and tell everyone I do not have lice, because I know if she's said it to my face, she's said it to 12 other people first. She is a PITA and she had me cornered most of the night, ugh.
My dear uncle brought over his annual Christmas card from Obama (apparently I don't give enough to warrant a card) and I said how I was going to miss him and at the exact same moment we looked at each other and said, "he's the best President since FDR!" Causing gagging noises around the table. I abandoned him to the lions to fight the good fight, lol.
My aunt was saying how much she missed ex-DBF and I should date again. What? Now, when most times I have to look up my own phone number? My father guffawed so long, he actually stopped eating. I'm pretty much a waste of space, I have not made it through an entire movie since Sept of 2014, it takes me a month to read a book, I can no longer have coherent discussions on the issues. The very last thing I need is a man to worry about. I was just thinking how, although I very much enjoyed ex's huge family gatherings (he was one of 7), I do not miss negotiating where we go, how long can we stay, who we have to skip and who has the kids on what nights. I can be in my poor memory bubble and at least my family has to take me in at Christmas. I can remember 2 of ex's sibs, all 7 had bunches of kids, I could not have hidden that I'm a few apples short of a pie. It would be talked about over and over, no thanks. And ever since this happened, not being attached has been a relief. Maybe that's weird, but I'm enough to take care of right now. And my kids and my mom, there's no room for anyone else.
Mom tucked in and calmed. 9:30 and there is not a single obligation until tomorrow evening. Now that was a good Christmas Eve by my standards and no lice! But Cheyenne is probably a little hungry.