Knowing how the book ends

[ctg492]

When you have done the same things in life over and over, do you ever say to yourself that you know how the story ends before you start? How do you go into an event or choice staying optimistic and hopeful? Have you proven yourself wrong and the story did not end the same? Or are you one of those people that learned and do not make the same choices over and over in life?

[iris lilies]

When you have done the same things in life over and over, do you ever say to yourself that you know how the story ends before you start? How do you go into an event or choice staying optimistic and hopeful? Have you proven yourself wrong and the story did not end the same? Or are you one of those people that learned and do not make the same choices over and over in life?

Sure, things sometimes turn out differently than how
I imagine they will turn out. So, I suppose is worthwhile staying optimistic that that the worst won't happen.

[Zoe Girl]

I do more often know how the events are going to play out. There are many cases where I can affect a change now with many years of meditation practice and facing my own sh** and putting things in an order that creates a better outcome. I found that when I saw the trajectory many years ago I would feel rather helpless and put my head in the sand. Things went worse. The biggest difference was paying attention to my intuition and respecting that, that opens up ways to see how to affect a difference in the story line. It is equal parts positive and realistic. I have a high level of intuition however I believe it is something that most everyone can develop.

So last year at work I took an issue on and pushed on one of my family's accounts. I told my staff that it was going to get me in the end of year review. And it did, but I tried my best to work with what was happening while I had this big view of the dysfunction in our department at the same time. That was one case where I picked one thing I couldn't give up and stuck with it, but knew that it was going to be crap. At my performance improvement meeting it was on the list that I didn't follow procedures, and I questioned it. It was actually crossed off the list, whew. But the year before there was nothing else I think I could have done. So watching the process unfold like I had seen that pattern other times didn't change what was actually happening much, but I was able to see that in previous similar cases I would lose it from the bigger stress and I actually left a job I really needed once. Being able to step back and see how dysfunctional the system was at least kept me sane enough to keep my job, and surprise! This year we have task forces on employees feeling safe at work, there is a lot more strength at the level of my job category, and I was asked to help out and visit another site to support. I couldn't have predicted this but by seeing the story more clearly I didn't get into the complaint realm as much which means the supervisors didn't get a really negative vibe from me, and I may have some things to do that I have been trying for years to get to.

More recently I had a job opportunity to apply for and I was ready to go, put together a resume, get letters, etc. Nothing was working quite right, I couldn't find the people for the letters and I was hit with a major work load, and basically the universe was saying no. I could have pushed through, applied for a job that would move me far away, get a lot more money and realize that my personal life goals would have been overwhelmed by the work load of it all. So I saw that pattern of being frustrated and faced with mistakes I have made and wanting to run away. I had a very low chance of getting this job to begin with, and the pattern was to push myself based on 'positive thinking' more than sticking with building skills where I am, so I was able to let it go in the middle of my pattern.

I have no clue if this helps at all with your question, I am skeptical of simple positive thinking, but balanced with some deep listening to what is happening that is out of your control then I think you have the opportunity to change your patterns and affect the story. My advice is to look at the details of how you think the story will end, what are the elements, and can you change one way that you interact with what it happening (even if it is just your own attitude).

[kib]

I tend to be more optimistic about things that don't involve other people. Not sure what that says about me. :) I can pretty much predict what's going to happen in personal interactions, even if I try to do things differently there's a lot of pressure to go back to the old pattern and I usually revert. Physical things I have more confidence about, because it's entirely my own choice and will / creativity / character at work.

[iris lilies]

Zoe, that's a good way to express it, the idea of paying close attention to what's really happening and using that to predict outcome.

Of course "positive thinking" doesn't act in a mystical way on material things in the world. I guess I assumed the OP is going into a situation where she may or may not know what's happening. In this case, it's important to be ready to act in a different way than in the past to maximize the positive if indeed the experience IS positive.

It may not BE positive, so no one should have to act as though is it.

[ToomuchStuff]

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

How do you go about being optimistic then? I don't know, I am not insane and can't speak to that.
I would say you need to change at least A parameter. Try try again, doesn't mean keep doing the same things over and over, after all. Then it isn't the same, but something new and there shouldn't be a reason to be an optimist or a pessimist, but an observer awaiting the results.

[razz]

From my professional career, I learned to look for and examine all the options. I prepare for them as best I can. I rarely can predict how things will turn out but I feel prepped for whatever unfolds. Each time it is different.
My one vulnerability is my emotional response to situations. It will take a day or longer to get my thoughts back under control but I have learned not to feel self-righteous, judgemental or self-justified. I now know that if these feeling arise, I am in the wrong and need to deal with it.

[Williamsmith]

I spent twenty five years in a career dealing with the complexities of human interaction and a lifetime of personal experiences which have taught me that it is impossible to know in a linear way what the future holds. We are linked to technology, emotion and private and government institutions all of which by tiny adjustments on infinite scale can create an outcome a universe apart from expectations.

That is why I don't believe in computer models. Because life involves outcomes that arrive by chance and include probabilities. How does randomness exist in the same world as scientific certainty ? That is why I have relied more and more on swift reactivity over prior detailed planning. I found it to be more valuable in the later parts of my career and now in my current condition.

Knowing how the book ends risks missing the point of the book altogether. That's just the way I see it. I understand this might be at odds with others equally valuable opinions but I can't adopt a simple paradigm here just because it is a simplicity forum. Life is complex. Too complex for the human mind, which is another deep topic.

[Tammy]

"I have relied more and more on swift reactivity over prior detailed planning. "

Yes. I've learned to think through multiple scenarios, all the while realizing that none of them is really how things will unfold. However, having thought through all the possibilities, I am better prepared to speak to the reality that comes about in real time.

[Gardenarian]

I don't look back a whole lot, nor do I worry much about the future.

I used to plan quite a bit; now I'm living day-to-day (or in the moment), keeping things open, and staying optimistic.

I've had a lot of challenges and know that things can ALWAYS get worse. And self-fulfillng prophecies happen all the time. At some point, I just let go.

See the thread "Unknown" that Xmac posted.

[ctg492]

Thanks for all the great responses.
I am moving again for all the right reasons......just like always since 1980. I really want this to be a far different experience even though after all the moves I know the outcome will be the same, the next right reason to move again.
Knowing the base of the event will be the same, I am planning on the middle before the end being far different. I am going to focus on life and things to do instead of so much focus on where and what has to be done.

[iris lilies]

What's wrong with moving all the time?

[Tammy]

Other than the bother of changing addresses with everyone, I love to move. It's always a chance to diwnsize further and to see our possessions with new eyes.

[ctg492]

Iris Lily, Back in the day....1980 OMG it was fun and exciting. We went through a few apartments and states. I used to say 1 day and I could be moved. Then we bought houses and it got harder,but remember making money on homes? SO that made it worth it. Then came the quilt of moving the kids when they were in school. This will be # 30. We sold the last home in September and attempted to stay in this home we had been only coming back too for two years. It is too far from work which we knew it was, so we will Gypsy wagon on.
Perennials flowers is one reason moving hurts.

I have funny feelings about if I envy those that have sat still in one place forever or if I pity them for not seeing other places.

[jp1]

Everyone needs a hobby. And moving 30 times in 35 years certainly would take up enough time to qualify as a hobby. I guess the questions I would ask are what are the reasons for moving so much? And have those reasons changed over time. Personally it would not be enjoyable for me to move anywhere near that often. If I want to see someplace new I go on vacation for a few days or a couple of weeks. But just as not everyone sees eye to eye with me that the only dessert worth eating is the one with the most chocolate in it, not everyone shares my desire to expend as little life energy as possible on housing chores, up to and including moving.

Perhaps it's not something you want to do anymore but has instead just become a habit? Unless there's a yurt and an igloo and maybe a cave thrown in somewhere among those 30 places I can see how it would become tougher and tougher to find enough new in each place to make it seem truly new and interesting.

[razz]

Once the kids get older, it becomes much harder to build a personal social network. After DH passed away three years ago (today in fact), I chose to stay near friends that I connected with over the past 25 years rather than move closer to my children and build a new social network. I really love the area and my kids are very familiar with it as well so for me it works well.
In addition, kids move with work or to follow their interests so living through them made no sense.

We moved 13 times in the first 8 years of our marriage and it does get old very fast.

[ctg492]

razz, sorry for the 3 year marking of your husband's passing. I hope you were at peace today. though I am sure it never gets easy.

[ctg492]

I did not move. The story ended differently for a variety of reasons. Will I move again sooner than later, yes, but not today. Actually we made a weak agreement that this home should be home base and the wind can blow us where we need to be for however long, but we will just keep this as Home.

[razz]

I did not move. The story ended differently for a variety of reasons. Will I move again sooner than later, yes, but not today. Actually we made a weak agreement that this home should be home base and the wind can blow us where we need to be for however long, but we will just keep this as Home.
That is a major decision! We made a similar decision in 2008. At that time, for DH especially but me as well, we were finally 'home' in this community after feeling like nomads all our lives. Wishing you great peace and joy!

[Zoe Girl]

I can see the benefits of that, I am finally really finding some community in Denver but it takes awhile. Especially when we are hooked into social media and don't meet in person so much (however I love social media in many ways, I have met people in person that I knew online for the last 10 years). So I hope this builds a sense of connection and community for you.