Zoe Girl
12-29-15, 12:30pm
I just watched this and it was very powerful (on Oprah's Super Soul series, a video). She did research on the elements of trust and it is so valuable. I am looking at some of my actions, but also still grieving a very old friendship that ended 4 years ago. But it is getting into some other areas as well.
Aaack, just deleted. Sometimes that is a hint to re-write or drop something (or that my computer is glitchy).
She said what I have been saying for years, and was as much of a death blow in that friendship as the actual no-turning back event. That Non-Judgment includes that help is reciprocal. That may be a phone call or bringing dinner or taking a walk, but it needs to go both ways. Basically if we judge ourselves for needing something then how can we offer without having some judgment. I have a good friend now and we are working on that together. Needing some help is vulnerable and important. But my old friend had all her needs met through her family and church, and it felt horribly unbalanced. Like I was the only one being vulnerable and a little pitiful.
The other thing was generosity - assuming the best intent of our friends. That was the death blow, and looking back it had been there for some time. The story or perception of who I was differed from my actions (IMHO) and so there was 'testing'. The final thing was being told directly that I was judgmental in a situation I honestly wasn't and refused to just accept her perception. What was so searing painful was that I did not get any of the generosity of my intentions, and hadn't for some time. I still grieve a little so this helps me see the friendship as it was rather than through a rosy haze.
However there are things to go forward with, I am struggling with getting everything done that I have agreed to do. I am sometimes stressed and sometimes capable of doing it, but there is a pretty solid block in there. I think I have some leverage on what it is and I am wondering how to work with it.
Aaack, just deleted. Sometimes that is a hint to re-write or drop something (or that my computer is glitchy).
She said what I have been saying for years, and was as much of a death blow in that friendship as the actual no-turning back event. That Non-Judgment includes that help is reciprocal. That may be a phone call or bringing dinner or taking a walk, but it needs to go both ways. Basically if we judge ourselves for needing something then how can we offer without having some judgment. I have a good friend now and we are working on that together. Needing some help is vulnerable and important. But my old friend had all her needs met through her family and church, and it felt horribly unbalanced. Like I was the only one being vulnerable and a little pitiful.
The other thing was generosity - assuming the best intent of our friends. That was the death blow, and looking back it had been there for some time. The story or perception of who I was differed from my actions (IMHO) and so there was 'testing'. The final thing was being told directly that I was judgmental in a situation I honestly wasn't and refused to just accept her perception. What was so searing painful was that I did not get any of the generosity of my intentions, and hadn't for some time. I still grieve a little so this helps me see the friendship as it was rather than through a rosy haze.
However there are things to go forward with, I am struggling with getting everything done that I have agreed to do. I am sometimes stressed and sometimes capable of doing it, but there is a pretty solid block in there. I think I have some leverage on what it is and I am wondering how to work with it.