how to tell a parent/customer to chill

[Zoe Girl]

Not sure how to say this, but there is an extra week that our school will be closed due to construction. I have known about this for some time and so has the community. Since I run the summer camp and childcare during the year this could fall under my umbrella. However I have been super clear and had multiple conversations with parents including one specific parent. Our first summer planning meeting is this Friday, other summer camps in my department don't have registration open yet, all of this has been communicated multiple times. I even got on the phone to reach out to this parent today to tell her again my time frame and that I would have nothing to go on until well after Friday.

I just was included in an email that went to the rec center across the street, the principal, the YMCA, etc. about using space for summer. She even suggested that YMCA just become licensed childcare. OMG, I have been talking to her for years on different issues concerning what I am licensed to do and not able to do.

I just sent her back a short email referring to our earlier conversation and asking her to please halt any more communication until after my meeting on Friday.

It is honestly at the point that between her (and I honestly like her and her family) and some other families in my school that I feel bullied. I am just practicing how to have the next conversation without losing my temper at this point.

[Ultralight]

You're being bullied how?

[iris lilies]

Ah Zoe, you've got an "ideas" person in front of you. They have all of these wonderful ideas that others should carry out.

The best answer for that is No.

Offer no explanations about your licensing or your willingness or your limitation, it's just "no." The end. And no conversation.

[Ultralight]

Ah Zoe, you've got an "ideas" person in front of you. They have all of these wonderful ideas that others should carry out.

The best answer for that is No.

Offer no explanations about your licensing or your willingness or your limitation, it's just "no." The end. And no conversation.

Fully support this.

[iris lilies]

Also, Zoe, I will tell you its difficult from your writing style to know what you are talking about and terms you use are unique to your situation so it is often tricky to know what you mean by them.

It sounds like a parent wants to be assured that your institution will provide care for her child during a particular upcoming week. You have told her you have no information (? that part is very unclear) about when the week in question takes place. Then, then you were copied on an email this parent sent to several institutions urging them to use an alternate facility for the week or entire "camp" as you call it.

In this situation, and I've been here a lot, other than telling the parent "no" you might send to your boss a brief message telling her that you have politely told this parent "no" to this idea. That conveys to her that you've done your job. You don't have the power to stop a parent from sending less-than-helpful emails all over the place.

[Zoe Girl]

I guess I feel being asked the same question over and over with a clear and timely answer from my side has a feeling of bullied. Maybe not true, that is okay since it is mostly my feelings here. This is not the first time I have played this out with this parent either.

I have continued to talk to my supervisor, the principal and others to keep them in the loop. I have answered every parent who has stopped me in the middle of the day, called or emailed. I have no services to offer for that one week off school. We all know what week it is, there has been about a year this has been communicated to the community, there are regular updates even though nothing has changed. I even wrote a long response to her before break about this topic and have often told parents I think the best option is to create babysitting co-ops and hire college students or school staff that will not have work that week.

So yeah, basically how to deal with the extra persistence without blowing my cool at this point. The email I am being copied in on is to my competition, I have asked her multiple times to let me have my meeting on Friday but she is not cooperating. She can sign her kids up for other programs but to try and push this collaboration is crossing a line for me. And I understand she doesn't know all this, but since I see her almost daily it is not going away. I spent 2 years telling her no on the last issue and she really didn't quit.

[Tammy]

Sometimes it's advantageous to not answer an email. Just ignore it. You already answered and they are just asking the question again. So they get no reply.

[iris lilies]

sigh, I guess I don't understand who your "competition" is and what they have to do with you being unable to set up a meeting on Friday. But it doesn't matter.

[sweetana3]

It appears this person has absolutly no power to affect you other than to be irritating to you. You can spend a lot of mental energy on her but constant "I am sorry but I have no new information" seems to be the only response IF she manages to catch you in person or you mistakenly answer a phone call from her. You have no power to stop her from raising the issue a hundred times. You can only create a response or method (ignore) and then put it out of your mind. Since you told us your superiors are in the loop (I took this to mean they know about this persistent person.), another reason to put it out of your mind and use your energy on other more important things.

There is no magic wand to change others. She seems to want to be the sqeaky wheel and maybe it has worked for her before. I would be careful wording any contact even "that sounds like something you could check out." She might take it to mean you approve and "told" her to work on it for the district.

[Zoe Girl]

IL I do have a meeting on Friday, I guess the rest is confusing, but I have been telling her for 2 weeks that I can tell her more after this meeting on Friday.

I think that there are a group of parents at my school that are very 'squeaky wheel' types. I have had other issues with them as they get a great idea and start working on it and ask questions later. It can cause problems with my organization and grants. I think when I talk about details however it gets confusing,

[mschrisgo2]

Hmm... Zoe Girl, as I read over this thread three times- and remember I'm in the public school scene daily, too- it seems that you May Not have More, or New information for her after your meeting on Friday... if I were in your shoes I'd stop trying to accommodate someone who is being pushy and demanding!

You know, honestly, that is the kind of parent that I avoid. If they email me, or copy me on an email, I forward it to my supervisor (in my case, the school Principal), telling him that I've already talked to this person and asking for his advice. Without fail, the principal answers the email to the parent, and copies me, telling them to address any further concerns and questions, etc. directly to him--- for which I am very grateful! He is, after all, the one making the Big Bucks, and is being paid to handle these kinds of situations.

In short, I don't think this is yours to handle; defer to your supervisor. Turn it over, let them take care of her. Get yourself out of the middle, it's not yours, you have no control, you cannot effect change in this situation.

(and don't worry about "the competition" - there is a big enough child care need for every provider to have more clients than they can handle.)

[kally]

Okay reading between the lines I get the feeling you are scared of these parents when they act as a group. So maybe in this instance they can just do their thing, their planning and just back away. If you are, indeed, scared or intimidated that makes it hard to deal with them. Might this be true. I was a teacher once and I had parents that scared the crap out of me.

[iris lilies]

I guess I feel being asked the same question over and over with a clear and timely answer from my side has a feeling of bullied. Maybe not true, that is okay since it is mostly my feelings here....

You can feel however you feel. It's how you act that we can help you with. I don't see any advantage to you struggling to put a fine point on the name of your feelings. Whether you are feeling "bullied" or "annoyed" or "bothered" or even "bored" by the repeated inquiry of this parent, why does puttng a name on the feeling matter?

You have received some good advice here, I hope you pay attention to it.

[JaneV2.0]

I hope you haven't yet given up on the idea of changing careers. It's clear to me that you're working way too hard for what you're getting paid (whatever it is), and your job seems to cause you near-constant stress.

[Reyes]

I can' quite tell from your original post, but is it possible she is trying to find coverage for her and other families by reaching out to other organizations and stakeholders? If you've been clear that your program can't accommodate coverage for the week, it would make sense that she is seeking a community solution to the uncovered week and simply included you on the email thread out of courtesy.

[Zoe Girl]

mschris, I am thinking the same thing, that if there are any more emails or inquiries before Monday, the date I stated I would update her, I will pass to my supervisor. I have kept my supervisor in the loop on this so I have done my job.

I did see her when she came to the PTA meeting. She asked if she was being an a-hole. I told her I just didn't think that she understood enough of the full picture. So we talked a little, I am not sure she fully gets it but I think I have an agreement to wait until after Friday. I also told her that if she needs to sign up for a camp that is open for registration now that she should do that. It sounds like she has just taken on all the responsibility for a lot of families based on comments she has overheard. Not sure I can do much with that, I am never going to make everyone happy or serve every family. And I see that she is reaching out to other organizations, starting weeks ago apparently, what is different than just keeping me in the loop she is telling them they can work with my organization to create a program. Boundary issue there,

I am not sure if these parents scare me exactly, but I talked to a colleague who runs the middle school program close to me and we have the same group of parents coming in. Real helicopter style but extending that to the larger school now. So one committee last year decided that the fundraiser the disabled kids classroom had was not healthy enough so they went to the principal and raised a stink and shut it down. When a teacher announced she was leaving mid-year they got together to work on hiring a new teacher and talk about all the problems in the classroom (meaning talking about the other kids behavior in ways that pushes ethical boundaries) and invited the principal including giving her an agenda. One dad started writing grants for field trips for just his child's classroom (Kindergarten) without considering any other classes or grades. He almost started on after school grants before I got wind of it and shut it down, he never even had a child attend my programming or learned about the current grants. I offered to talk to him and he never met with me, but I have a department that does grants and I would be in hot water to just write a grant without informing my supervisors. So getting involved and doing it in ways that are causing problems.

I just had a funny memory, when I worked at the most affluent elementary school in a local district as a para one family decided to take a long term sailing trip and homeschool their twins. They went out a little cocky honestly, and before winter break they were back happily handing their kids back. They weren't challenging kids, but just kids. So the parents were so nice to us after that, great Christmas gifts! So maybe I can use that as a way to just chill out myself and let her see what my job really takes, and trust that at the end of it she will most likely be more than ready to just let me do it.