View Full Version : Not enough money to divorce
This is not me, but someone I read about in the US. She and her dh really wanted to divorce, their relationship had come to an end, but it would leave them in financial straits. He had already met another woman but they continued to stay together because of the money. They shared a home and an income. She had a part time job, but by staying together they could make ends meet. AAAH
What a hell this has to be.
I was reading about a couple not long ago who couldn't afford to divorce so husband moved to the guest room, new boyfriend moved in and the 3 shared expenses and child care.
We had some neighbors when I was in high school who did that. The dad was able to be more in the kids' lives, everyone saved some money. I am sure there was tension at times but it worked in ways. Divorce just sucks, and one part of it is that everyone gets a lower standard of living in the end. When you are already are living on the edge then it can push you into some seriously poor territory.
My best friend now lives in a studio apartment, her ex took the house and the kids, it still took a year to have the money to file a basic divorce without child support or a lot of financial issues. They agreed on and worked out all the stuff, just the filing fee was a barrier for a long time. She may be in the studio for longer than she expected even with a good income.
I'm glad I was very careful to never put myself in that position. Worse than my divorce would have been not being able to do it due to money concerns. Yet another reason to try to live primarily on 1 person's income (save 50%) when you are part of a couple.
I don't understand cases like the OP's example. She could work full time. Why would you let yourself and your kids, if you have them, grow up in what one would assume is a toxic relationship if there is any other way? I'm talking lower-middle class and up here, I get why lower income families are often stuck with each other. If you could support yourself before you married, why can't you again? Maybe you have to swallow that life will be much simpler, a small home or apt instead of a McMansion, living on a budget, less lavish vacations or stay-cations instead,etc. And from some women I know, they say they want to get divorced, they are miserable, but bring up working full time or having to downsize their lives, well, they won't even talk about that. Maybe I'm being obtuse because I knew I had to leave, went back to work full time and we lived without a fair number of things that my kids' friends have in our community. It took hard work and planning, sacrificing but it worked out. So I just assume this is because neither person wants to give up creature comforts. Perhaps if both members of the couple are highly self-actualized and able to do this amicably, well, then fine. But I doubt this is often the case as there is usually a good reason a couple needs to separate. Are you really staying together "for the kids" or is it for the stuff?
rodeosweetheart
2-6-16, 8:06pm
Freshstart, I love your idea of "staying together for the stuff", too funny.
Teacher Terry
2-7-16, 1:43pm
Some people do stay together for the kids. I stayed until my youngest was both 18 and had graduated from HS. I worked F.T. My kids thanked me for it later.
I think it said the couple were in their 50's and 60's.
At the very least they need to file for separate maintenance or legal separation so they don't end up being responsible for the other's debts, and close all joint accounts and open separate ones.
That's a very good point, Lessisbest. I don't know anything about this, but I remember reading that in the 40's and 50's, Hollywood stars used to go to Mexico to get a "quickie divorce." Would such a thing still be possible, I wonder, and would it be cheaper and recognized in the couple's state? Nevada is also pretty quick, but I think you have to go live there for awhile in order to obtain one.
Teacher Terry
2-8-16, 1:23pm
In some states a paralegal can draw up the papers and file it for you etc pretty cheap. Both people have to be in agreement about everything for this to work.
Williamsmith
2-8-16, 1:55pm
My son went to an attorney once just to review the divorce papers. I think it cost him $250. He left the house and rents an apartment. He lost his deduction for his daughter because he is not the primary custodian. He lost all the mortgage interest deduction because she already filed and claimed it all for herself. He can't deduct the child support payments off income but those payments are not included in the wife's income for taxes. He had to trade in a car that was a couple thousand dollars upside down because the wife wanted to lease and then buy and refinanced on seven year payments and he let her do all the finances. AND he finalized the divorce in December and so his withholding was all screwed up and he owes $760 in taxes. So yeah.....if you can do it like that, more power to you.
My divorce cost something like $200 total. And I went to a lawyer and we talked. He cautioned me about spousal support.
He then just gave me some paperwork and asked me a few questions via email after our initial meeting.
I had to pay my ex-wife about $4500. I had five years to do it though, in little monthly payments at least. But I saved and scraped together enough to pay her off within about a year.
In this instance it is not the cost of the divorce, but the inability afterwards to keep house and home together.
My son went to an attorney once just to review the divorce papers. I think it cost him $250. He left the house and rents an apartment. He lost his deduction for his daughter because he is not the primary custodian. He lost all the mortgage interest deduction because she already filed and claimed it all for herself. He can't deduct the child support payments off income but those payments are not included in the wife's income for taxes. He had to trade in a car that was a couple thousand dollars upside down because the wife wanted to lease and then buy and refinanced on seven year payments and he let her do all the finances. AND he finalized the divorce in December and so his withholding was all screwed up and he owes $760 in taxes. So yeah.....if you can do it like that, more power to you.
I do agree men (or women) get screwed that child support is taxable income. But the alternative is the other parent pays the taxes and I can see that side, too. It doesn't sound like his lawyer did him much good. We had to negotiate who would claim which child which year. The lawyer should've been able to get him his share of the mortgage deduction. The ex sounds like a peach. And I have never even heard of a 7 yr car payment, my God!
And I have never even heard of a 7 yr car payment, my God!
When the average price of a new car is more than 33 grand :0!, going six or seven years is one of the few ways to keep a car loan from looking like a mortgage payment. Not that I recommend it. On most cars, buyers are upside-down for well more than half the loan. In the true spirit of the capitalist market, however, lenders now sell "gap insurance" for which you pay a premium to avoid the upside-down part in case you lose the car to accident or sell it before you've paid for it. I probably don't want to know how often that pays off.
Williamsmith
2-9-16, 12:26pm
When the average price of a new car is more than 33 grand :0!, going six or seven years is one of the few ways to keep a car loan from looking like a mortgage payment. Not that I recommend it. On most cars, buyers are upside-down for well more than half the loan. In the true spirit of the capitalist market, however, lenders now sell "gap insurance" for which you pay a premium to avoid the upside-down part in case you lose the car to accident or sell it before you've paid for it. I probably don't want to know how often that pays off.
Gap insurance pays off if you have someone steal your car, drive it to the game lands and set it on fire. Now you can start from scratch.
Teacher Terry
2-9-16, 1:10pm
Gap insurance does not pay if you want to sell it.
Child support is not tax deductible for the payor and not considered income for the receiving party. Spousal support is tax deductible for the payor and considered income for the receiving party.
Sadly, it happens often with those approaching retirement. 2 homes is more expensive than 1. They don't want to live a happier poorer life. I work with a guy who is miserable and stays because of money.
Gap insurance does not pay if you want to sell it.
You are correct. My typing speed exceeded my brain speed. Thanks for the catch!
Gap insurance does not pay if you want to sell it.
You are correct. My typing speed exceeded my brain speed. Thanks for the catch!
Of course, if you want to sell it my understanding* is that the car loan people are happy to roll over the balance into the new loan for the new car. I assume the gap insurance gets more costly the further the gap is.
*Full disclosure, I've never actually bought a car, with or without a loan, and am only going by the ads I've seen when watching Spike TV and G4 and other networks popular with financial irresponsible people.
boss mare
2-11-16, 11:54am
In this instance it is not the cost of the divorce, but the inability afterwards to keep house and home together.
What I am not seeing in this conversation is addressing health insurance ... I know of quite of few people who stay together who are older ( 55 years and up ) who would love to move on, but stay together due to the other spouses health insurance and the good coverage. One couple I know , they have been legally separated, the husband built a house with a driveway on the other side of their 100+ acre property and they both live separate lives due to what the "cost" would be
Those people I originally posted about who didn't have enough money to divorce, somehow found it and are now apart. I am glad for them. I would rather live very simply than share space with someone I couldn't stand.
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