Something finally "clicked."

[Ultralight]

As you probably know and/or gathered, I have a hobby-hoarding problem.

It is hard for me to turn down a good hobby!

I have done everything from Jui Jitsu to playing guitar to hand-carving my own longbow (and making the string too) to indoor rock climbing to making documentaries to origami to dancing to sporting clays and so on. haha

I often approach these hobbies with frantic intensity. I'd clock out at work and then clock into my hobby (which often had quite a similar feeling to work...hmmmm...).

As I am coordinating and taking this NWEI Voluntary Simplicity class and doing the readings for class about time (how we use it, how much we have, etc.) and about work (our jobs or callings or the boundaries jobs have with our free time and so forth) something finally clicked.

The old adage "You can't do it all!" actually set in. Logically I always knew it. Rationally I always thought it. But for some reason I never really took it to heart.

I can't do everything. I probably can't even do a lot of things. And should I want to? Why would I want to?

Then it really dawned on me: Death Anxiety!

Everyone has it. Folks deal with it in different ways.

I deal (dealt?) with it by trying to live -- really live it up -- through all these hobbies.

But maybe I am missing the more tender joy of a slower pace in life. Maybe I am also missing the richness of depth I could get by sticking to a hobby for a long, long time -- all the while taking it slow.

Thoughts? Any others with experiences along these lines?

[Chicken lady]

I thought you were a fisherman?

my dad is a serial hobbyist, but he has longer runs. Ironically he has also always stuck with fishing. He learned to play the trumpet. Lessons, hours of practice, really enjoyed it. And then one day he said "this is as good as I'm ever going to get". And he gave his trumpet and all his music to my cousin. Done. Never picked up a trumpet again. Hunting, diving, distance bicycling, breeding rhododendrons, motorcycles, racquetball, cooking, he collected art for a while. currently he keeps bees. He also still cooks but not the same way, and he kept most of the art. The other stuff - all the gear given away instantly. He did sell the motorcycle.

i'm more of a project accumulator. I was thinking yesterday that I'm never going to do the glass painting and I should go find the stuff in the studio and get rid of it.

[Ultralight]

I thought you were a fisherman?

Indeed I am. For now? lol No, I will likely keep fishing as long as I physically can.


The other stuff - all the gear given away instantly.

A man after mine own heart! Sounds like a cool guy, for certain!


i'm more of a project accumulator. I was thinking yesterday that I'm never going to do the glass painting and I should go find the stuff in the studio and get rid of it.

Yup, sounds like it might be time for the glass painting...

I am (was?) a hobby accumulator until I was just overflowing, then I'd toss a few. It is actually stressful on me.


It has been perhaps a week since this "click" happened. My off hours have been interestingly more restful and slow-paced (all things considered). My mind is certainly more quiet.

[freshstart]

I'm the opposite regarding death awareness, I refuse to waste time (beyond the basic living things that have to be done) doing things I do not care about. I had started declining goal-less committees at work, I just could not muster up the energy to be a peppy PTA mom working on fundraisers, I faded out of the lives of some people who sucked the joy out of the room, I only attend events that I am truly interested in seeing the people, and so forth. The rest of the time I am happy with very little; the dogs, the kids, books, etc.

I did take up needlepoint pillows of Klimt paintings, they were so pretty but when I found out how much it is to have them stretched (? right word) and made into a pillow, I was sick over the cost. I have one left to do, we'll see.

I really wish I had been successful at learning to knit, I would be able to get something done during the day when my brain has taken a vacation and a lot of time is wasted.

[Ultralight]

I'm the opposite regarding death awareness, I refuse to waste time (beyond the basic living things that have to be done) doing things I do not care about. I had started declining goal-less committees at work, I just could not muster up the energy to be a peppy PTA mom working on fundraisers, I faded out of the lives of some people who sucked the joy out of the room, I only attend events that I am truly interested in seeing the people, and so forth. The rest of the time I am happy with very little; the dogs, the kids, books, etc.

I did take up needlepoint pillows of Klimt paintings, they were so pretty but when I found out how much it is to have them stretched (? right word) and made into a pillow, I was sick over the cost. I have one left to do, we'll see.

I really wish I had been successful at learning to knit, I would be able to get something done during the day when my brain has taken a vacation and a lot of time is wasted.

I see a lot of women knitting -- young and old. I am amazed at how much joy they seem to get from it.

[catherine]

I don't care how many hobbies you take up--any of them are better than sitting in front of the TV for hours on end.

As long as they give you joy, stop analyzing!

I remember one time I told my mom that I wanted to 'do EVERYTHING!' and she cautioned me, "Jack of all trades, master of none," but I consider it more of a positive to have a lot of interests and activities--kind of like pursuing the Renaissance ideal.

In the Broadway play Mame, Auntie Mame says "Life is a banquet, and most poor sons-of-bitches are starving to death!" So go ahead and "mangia"!

[SteveinMN]

I like to think I have many many interests, most of which could develop into a hobby. But there are only so many hours in a day. For me it has nothing to do with death, unless you count "deathly tired" after doing so much I am chronically sleep-deprived. :~) What I've found over time is that hobbies have come and go based on where I am in my life.

When I was a teenager, I was big into railroads and model railroading. I still enjoy riding on historic trains and designing and creating models and running scale trains. But, for many years, I had no room for a layout. Then I had room but no time. Now I have room and time, but the last thing I need is a(nother) hobby that is largely sedentary. So railroading remains an interest, but goes no further than that.

Similarly, I love listening to music. I've assembled a pretty decent hi-fi system over the years. I used to acquire and divest far more equipment (almost always used) than I could ever use. When I decided to simplify, storing speakers and turntables I couldn't listen to with a push of a button seemed silly and the buy/listen/sell cycle chewed up money that we could use elsewhere. I still stalk thrift store electronics aisles and garage sales to see what's out there. But I've concluded I can't do much better than what I've got without putting a lot more time and energy into it, so I'm concentrating on listening. Even that has been affected: I've been culling albums I don't listen to often, which has put the brakes on acquiring many more. That's going in deep rather than wide. I'm fine with that.

[Meezer_Mom]

We don't know what calls us until we try it. About 5 years ago, a friend of mine was simply looking to try something new and went to a Zumba class. She fell in love with it. Pounds rolled off. When the class was threatened with cancellation because the instructor was moving, she asked how to save it. She wound up becoming a certified instructor. This past year she was voted her city's #1 fitness instructor. She's doing photo shoots and local endorsement deals. I am so proud of her.

Moral of the story: hobby away.

[Ultralight]

I don't care how many hobbies you take up--any of them are better than sitting in front of the TV for hours on end.

Good point on that! haha


As long as they give you joy, stop analyzing!

That is the thing, I was getting stressed out by them. A long time ago, when I first started fishing I got the "clever" idea to fish with two poles. When the slab bream and channel cats were both really biting it was like a dang job/playing whack-a-mole!

Fitting all my hobbies in was stressing me out and accelerating the pace of my life in a way that I would normally want to avoid.

It is really about what is "enough" when it comes to hobbies.

[Ultralight]

...the last thing I need is a(nother) hobby that is largely sedentary.

I totally get you on this one!

[Ultralight]

We don't know what calls us until we try it. About 5 years ago, a friend of mine was simply looking to try something new and went to a Zumba class. She fell in love with it. Pounds rolled off. When the class was threatened with cancellation because the instructor was moving, she asked how to save it. She wound up becoming a certified instructor. This past year she was voted her city's #1 fitness instructor. She's doing photo shoots and local endorsement deals. I am so proud of her.

One heck of a story there!

[pinkytoe]

I don't think of it as death anxiety - For me, life offers endless possibilities and if I think about it too much, I get FOMO syndrome (fear of missing out) and become "master of none". Having a really short attention span doesn't help either. Therefore I just do what I like to do in my spare time - things involving homekeeping (cooking, decorating, gardening, etc) and the natural world (birding, walking, habitat restoration). Those aren't hobbies but life interests. There is a new creative re-use store neaby where people donate their unused hobby items like fabric, glass, buttons, yarn, art supplies...for others to buy. It is overflowing with stuff that people grew tired of or couldn't use any longer.

[Ultralight]

I think that death anxiety is something very, very few people think of consciously. But I think virtually everyone has it and deals with it despite the fact they are not thinking of it consciously.

I would suggest that FOMO is an expression of death anxiety.

Most people simply reproduce as a way of dealing with their death anxiety, others try to deal with it by leaving some lasting legacy -- an invention or artwork, for instance.

I would imagine some Buddhists deal with it by letting go of their attachments via meditation and such; and I think this is the best method.

[ToomuchStuff]

Death anxiety, LOL.
After knowing at least a couple of people, who died then came back, I know not everyone has it. (hate when people really exaggerate, UA, you don't speak for all)
I know that I don't have it, but what I have is a fear of pain (nothing to do with death). Death has been such a big part of my life, that fear of it long ago left me. I knew that, the last time I was at gun point a few years back (posted on here when it happened), as I was more concerned with distracting the (censored), from what he was after (preventing comebacks), and making sure I was less then 21 feet from him (within stab radius taught to law enforcement, even when one is shot). I was sure taking him with me. (and the fact he wore a mask, which tends to make one less apt to shoot, hiding verses not caring if you see their face).

That said, I don't see the fact you have anxiety, while your exploring or living your life, as bad. Anxiety is a part of life, so is enjoyment. If you skydived, I would bet, your first experience had some anxiety. (as a friend of mine did) Afterwords, he loved it and did it for quite a while (years), regularly. He stopped, due to a medical condition (heart issue, not to be confused with death, which is a heart not working issue), and found other things to enjoy. It as anything else, is a matter of choices and values.
For me, I have picked up several hobbies, for which I have tools for, but not always time. They have served me well in some ways, poorly in others. Two primary examples are woodworking and mechanics. Woodworking has helped me develop skills, that I have used as a homeowner. It has also helped removed some fear, made me understand how and why things are, so I could do other things as well.
The other, mechanics, was originally learned in part, as a how to maintain my first car. It helped me to know when something was off (my dad couldn't yet hear my brake squealers on my first car, I could and it cost me less), how to deal with an emergency (slipped belt, car overheat, etc), and what to watch for. (common problems for certain types of cars)
When the guy who taught me the basics, was short handed (only him), I ended up going to work for him for three years, until he got much more qualified help. This taught me more and helped me when I was hit by an uninsured motorist, which killed my vehicle. We got one truck that had a bad motor, and I swapped it and drove it for 11 years, until I sold it last year. This helped him by making it easier to stay open.

[Tammy]

I think of death daily. I have for most of my life. I wonder how normal that is.

I want to read so many books there's not time in one lifetime to do it. And I want to know the "end of the story" as far as humanity's timeline in history. Those two things make me sad, knowing I will never live long enough for either one.

[Ultralight]

I think of death daily. I have for most of my life. I wonder how normal that is.

I want to read so many books there's not time in one lifetime to do it. And I want to know the "end of the story" as far as humanity's timeline in history. Those two things make me sad, knowing I will never live long enough for either one.

My BIL is really into "life extension." It is one of the ways he deal with death anxiety. Apparently a drug called Metformin has been shown to extend human lives. When some small studies showed this 20 or so years ago my dad got a prescription for taking it (one of the way he deals with death anxiety). He has been on it ever since. So now my BIL wants to get a prescription for it too. haha

He is 35 and in good health.

[freshstart]

Death anxiety, LOL.

I know that I don't have it, but what I have is a fear of pain (nothing to do with death). Death has been such a big part of my life, that fear of it long ago left me. I knew that, the last time I was at gun point a few years back (posted on here when it happened), as I was more concerned with distracting the (censored), from what he was after (preventing comebacks), and making sure I was less then 21 feet from him (within stab radius taught to law enforcement, even when one is shot). I was sure taking him with me. (and the fact he wore a mask, which tends to make one less apt to shoot, hiding verses not caring if you see their face).

That said, I don't see the fact you have anxiety, while your exploring or living your life, as bad. Anxiety is a part of life, so is enjoyment.

First of all, OMG and thank God you are ok. I don't think I have death anxiety either, I have fear of dying in very specific ways that I saw and tried to help, but the death still sucked no matter what anyone tried to do. I am fearful of becoming like those patients and having zero control over what happens to me. But actual death, I think I'm good to go whenever it happens but should probably tell more people how much I've loved them (even though I make sure to keep doing this because I learned quickly that you never know what life is gonna throw at you).

I really do not think I had children to ward off death and I have no need to leave a legacy, I lived in some peoples' hearts and that's plenty. I think you might be off on that "Most people simply reproduce as a way of dealing with their death anxiety" comment. Some perhaps, but most? I think not

I don't feel like I better do this hobby before I die or I have to use every minute pursuing a hobby or I'm just wasting time. I read 2-3 books a week my whole adult life, it soon became very apparent no matter how cheaply I got these books, storing my hobby was a problem that really got under my skin because I never re-read except reference books. I could not stand to pay for my hobby and not "use it". Sold all of my books and have not bought a fiction book (except for a few to put on my Nook for a vacation) in probably 15 yrs or more. Same with CDs, burned them all to iTunes and sold them, it didn't matter how much I loved them, they took up too much space. The library fulfills those needs.

also, FTR, I've seen a ton of "death anxiety" when someone was actually dying, for the most part, it was really fear of suffering, fear of leaving loved ones, fear of the unknown, etc. Usually it was a very specific fear about the dying process, most commonly, it was fear of pain. Being able to allay any of these fears was incredibly humbling. Very few people left legacies (besides money) but some who did used Story Corps or made recordings about their life and the love that is in it.

[freshstart]

I think of death daily. I have for most of my life. I wonder how normal that is.

I want to read so many books there's not time in one lifetime to do it. And I want to know the "end of the story" as far as humanity's timeline in history. Those two things make me sad, knowing I will never live long enough for either one.

I think that's totally normal and I like your two wishes, especially the first

[Ultralight]

Could it be that death anxiety is something we are not consciously aware of?

I know folks like to think they are aware of everything and in total control. But perhaps that is merely a rationalization, a way of comforting one's self amidst the mayhem and/or ennui of life.

An analogy might be propaganda. No one likes to think they are susceptible to it. But the most effective forms of propaganda change people's minds/behavior without them actually noticing. Often the highly propagandized will deny up and down that it has affected them at all.

"Nope, not me! I see through all that stuff!"

But do they?

When a person becomes a creature of propaganda they no longer perceive propaganda.

So in a similar way, could death anxiety be something most folks are unaware of but are still influenced by?

[freshstart]

I think that death anxiety is something very, very few people think of consciously.

Most people simply reproduce as a way of dealing with their death anxiety, others try to deal with it by leaving some lasting legacy -- an invention or artwork, for instance.

I would imagine some Buddhists deal with it by letting go of their attachments via meditation and such; and I think this is the best method.

I just disagree with all of this, maybe I'm just ornery today. I think self-actualized people and even those who aren't, certainly are aware of their degree of death anxiety. How can you really live with your whole heart if you have not considered that someday your life will come to its natural conclusion? I don't know any friend or family member who has not contemplated their own death (and they always tell me, the Death Nurse, lol).

How can you say Buddhists deal with it the best? Whatever religion, spirituality, belief that when you die that's it, any and all are good methods to the person choosing them. A big part of the end of life is turning inward, first hobbies stop being done, material things stop mattering, then they shut themselves out of the bigger daily world, i.e.: no longer watch the news, then they draw back from every day family life going on around them because this is the work of the dying. It is not Buddhism, or any organized religion, its the natural path that most dying people follow. They have to pull away so that they can successfully detach and leave.

[freshstart]

"When a person becomes a creature of propaganda they no longer perceive propaganda.

So in a similar way, could death anxiety be something most folks are unaware of but are still influenced by?"

I'm going with NOPE, I give humans more credit than that, and I'm out, lol.

[Ultralight]

I just disagree with all of this, maybe I'm just ornery today.

I am okay with you disagreeing. I also don't mind if you are ornery. Have at it! :)


How can you say Buddhists deal with it the best?

This is my opinion.

[freshstart]

thx, I'll stop now but I have to say, I've seen some Buddhists have beautiful deaths and I have seen others where all the Buddhist beliefs go out the window when smack dab in the middle of dying. There is no best way, IMHO

[Ultralight]

thx, I'll stop now but I have to say, I've seen some Buddhists have beautiful deaths and I have seen others where all the Buddhist beliefs go out the window when smack dab in the middle of dying. There is no best way, IMHO

I only consciously fear my death because of Harlan.


I want to be able to continue being Harlan's own personal Bernie Sanders and provide him with his socialist paradise. haha

I fear suffering quite consciously. I try to avoid the worst of it! haha


But I think I have some unexplained anxiety around death. As to most people, IMHO...

And this manifests itself in strange ways -- like hobby-hoarding!


I was once very ill and ready to die. I did not have a dog at that time. And I maintained my atheism.

[freshstart]

dude, you got me at the dog

that, besides kids, is a huge fear about dying that I've seen. For people who are all alone and no one wants the 18 yr old, poorly socialized cat, some of us would move mountains to place that animal, at the worse, they got left at the no kill shelter. But I always promised that as long as the animal was healthy, the worst that would happen is that their beloved pet would go to the no kill shelter. In the best circumstances, I convinced a co-worker that they really needed another great dog and we would meet up with the patient so they could "approve" the only person willing to even look at their dog. I got teased in team meetings we had weekly about patients, it was supposed to be holistic so I always brought up their fears for their pet, people would raise their hands, "Not It!" and bang their heads on the table, lol.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I've consciously feared my death plenty, even since I was a little kid (and to my surprise I mentioned this to my mom after a death and she has too as a little kid. Wow. Who knew?). So maybe it's really pretty universal to be consciously aware of it somewhat from a very young age. I've consciously feared it even to the point of falling into deep long term depression. But I guess I don't dwell on it 24/7 now (for that reason maybe, if it just produces paralyzing depression, what is the point?).

But I guess one can perceive it both consciously and subconsciously at times, so it could operate subconsciously, despite also operating plenty consciously. And I can certainly brood on the life process etc.. It doesn't help I have a boyfriend who is born to brood on such as well (and who also remembers fearing death as a little kid). We can reinforce each other, both having fairly dark views of life (and a certain bravado about it). Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down ... any place but those I know by heart.

[Ultralight]

It feels like this thread moved wholly into the death anxiety category. haha