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So this may be one of my rambly things,
I have been so happy the last couple years. The larger culture has been accepting of more people, the spectrum of gender and attraction and sexuality. The everyday environmental actions like reusable bags, some of the things i have done for years like meditating.
But I am so sad that this undercurrent of anger and rejection is there. I see that my friends still can't totally trust that they will be accepted or safe.
This was my culture, my chosen tribe, many years ago. And I miss them, the heterosexual boyfriend who wore a dress sometimes, the people we knew that fell in love with people more than gender, the ones that had strong opinions about food and ethics. Yeah we were a little weird and honestly annoying, but I miss having that tribe. And I want to shout that this is not new! I had trans friends 30 years ago!! My parents accepted my friends fully 30 years ago. One of my reusable bags is over 25 years old. I am grateful for the movement,
I really am not sure why this is getting to me, maybe someone has an insight. Expecting more in 30 years? Expecting that I would feel better when things shifted? Letting out that anger I never really processed from those years ago supporting friends going through h** to survive what came up from being themselves?
Just sitting in it and in my practice.
I really am not sure why this is getting to me, maybe someone has an insight. Expecting more in 30 years? Expecting that I would feel better when things shifted? Letting out that anger I never really processed from those years ago supporting friends going through h** to survive what came up from being themselves?
Just sitting in it and in my practice.
Really glad you're happy these days, ZG.
Re why this "mainstream" acceptance is getting to you...not sure I understand.
Why do you "miss" your tribe? Aren't there still plenty of them around??
Are you missing your identification as a counter-culturalist, as some of these ideas become mainstream? (Oh, no! Call me anything, but don't call me mainstream!) ;)
But what do you mean about undercurrent of anger and rejection? If you are happy, are you concerned that you aren't connecting with your tribe in an emotional way? You've let some of that anger go, and have processed it through meditation--maybe you are frustrated that they have not moved forward? Anger, I believe, is something we must move from at some point, after processing it, and use it in a healthy way. Maybe you are tired of a victim mentality that sometimes comes with this kind of anger?
Just some thoughts.
"Do you like the band ________?"
"Yeah... but I like their early stuff better."
I have been so happy the last couple years. The larger culture has been accepting of more people, the spectrum of gender and attraction and sexuality. The everyday environmental actions like reusable bags, some of the things i have done for years like meditating.
Perhaps something to think about is the distinction between accepting and co-opting?
But I am so sad that this undercurrent of anger and rejection is there. I see that my friends still can't totally trust that they will be accepted or safe.
Who are you referring to? Which demographics?
This was my culture, my chosen tribe, many years ago. And I miss them, the heterosexual boyfriend who wore a dress sometimes, the people we knew that fell in love with people more than gender, the ones that had strong opinions about food and ethics. Yeah we were a little weird and honestly annoying, but I miss having that tribe. And I want to shout that this is not new! I had trans friends 30 years ago!! My parents accepted my friends fully 30 years ago. One of my reusable bags is over 25 years old. I am grateful for the movement,
Why did you split with that boyfriend -- perhaps reach out to him? Why did the tribe dissolve? Did they turn 30 and become straight-laced yuppies?
You had a trans friend 30 years ago. Okay...?
Good on your parents.
That is a long run on the reusable bag. Congrats on that!
I really am not sure why this is getting to me, maybe someone has an insight. Expecting more in 30 years? Expecting that I would feel better when things shifted? Letting out that anger I never really processed from those years ago supporting friends going through h** to survive what came up from being themselves?
Well, you're probably coming to terms with what is generally called "adulthood." It is what happens your parade has been rained on so many times that you cancel it before it starts. But life goes on -- minus the parade. It is just boring and/or frustrating. You don't really get your due. You'll adjust to being a dominant culture fuddy-duddy, workin' stiff. In fact, they have pills for that! ;)
Just sitting in it and in my practice.
Meditating will help you accept this change in your life.
Thank you both, I am getting some clues but don't have it totally down. I think the co-opting may be part of it. Just maybe that it would be nice if people had some awareness that we were actively in this a long time ago, it didn't just happen right now. And partly it is an identity issue, like how I have always seen myself, and that takes some time to process. Like I am not the weirdest one in the room anymore!
An example today was in a meeting I had one my my cokes, it is part sugar and part stevia. Someone asked about it and then said she wasn't sure where all this stuff like stevia was coming from, why hadn't she heard about it. I said in my answer that in my little sub culture of health foodies we have known about stevia for a long time.
Probably over-tired from my week, at least.
BTW the boyfriend brought a date to one of our dates, yeah, I doubt I even remember his last name but not feeling like looking him up. :)
Thank you both, I am getting some clues but don't have it totally down. I think the co-opting may be part of it. Just maybe that it would be nice if people had some awareness that we were actively in this a long time ago, it didn't just happen right now. And partly it is an identity issue, like how I have always seen myself, and that takes some time to process. Like I am not the weirdest one in the room anymore!
When I was in college, protesting the Iraq War and such I remember a friend said: "If they do end this war -- and they eventually will (sort of) -- don't expect any credit. If you are any kind of an activist for social justice then just forget about getting the credit and recognition. The credit and recognition will probably go to the very class of people who start wars -- the wealthy, power elite."
That really stuck with me. What little progress we make must be its own reward.
BTW the boyfriend brought a date to one of our dates, yeah, I doubt I even remember his last name but not feeling like looking him up. :)
Nice guy!
Progress seems to lurch forward in fits and starts, is my experience of it. Two steps forward and all. It's frustrating, but that's how it goes. The same-sex marriage thing took me by surprise with its apparent swiftness, but people had been working toward that goal for a long time. Legal psychedelics are starting to roll now. It's frustrating when your particular issue is bogged down or under attack (like reproductive rights) but if you persevere, it should all come out OK. So says this Pollyanna, anyway.
Progress seems to lurch forward in fits and starts, is my experience of it. Two steps forward and all. It's frustrating, but that's how it goes. The same-sex marriage thing took me by surprise with its apparent swiftness, but people had been working toward that goal for a long time. Legal psychedelics are starting to roll now. It's frustrating when your particular issue is bogged down or under attack (like reproductive rights) but if you persevere, it should all come out OK. So says this Pollyanna, anyway.
I think that is part of it, I relaxed when things appeared to shift. Things like women's choice, acceptance of LGBT, civil rights. Then the defunding of planned parenthood, trying to repeal same sex marriage, black and brown youth in danger, black lives matters being disregarded and misunderstood. I am not sure what to do, trust that the changes are supported or to take a strong stance. And I am deeply into my area of concern which is around education and social justice. I have worked on my limits and boundaries and I don't have have energy. These things impact my life, my friends. My daughters need planned parenthood, my friends need to no be in danger, the young men I know need to be treated fairly and know they are safe.
And a little bit of 'I used to be cool', all these kids and hipsters have been discovering quinoa and kale and reusable bags and gender fluidity, but they don't know that others were doing this and set the stage. We didn't get a lot of support, but we did a lot of work. Oh yeah, and more than a little awareness that the larger culture seems to forgotten there are a few people other than the boomers and the millenials! Like dude, we have some issues of both generations so maybe on a rare day we could throw in Gen X in the middle of larger conversations. I did not rock my cool silver hair because the boomers made it acceptable. It is hard to express emotion on the internet sometimes but I am giggling at myself so no need to recommend therapy or a giant get over it.
I still haven't discovered quinoa (not particularly interested) and I'm unimpressed by kale, though I throw it into soup from time to time. Keep pushing when you have the energy; rest when you don't, is my philosophy.
ApatheticNoMore
3-5-16, 1:39pm
Well I still think it's a very difficult culture for people to live in, so ... But much of that is probably political and not just cultural issues (though I think the media is a horrible influence as well). And I'm told I probably mostly have problems because I'm so unique according to my bf, which I suppose is flattering, but I'm not really trying to be misses unique that hard or anything (maybe in a few things). And it most of the time leads to frustration.
Do what you can yes. I feel the need to do more, I can't always.
And a little bit of 'I used to be cool', all these kids and hipsters have been discovering quinoa and kale and reusable bags and gender fluidity, but they don't know that others were doing this and set the stage. We didn't get a lot of support, but we did a lot of work.
I've felt a bit of that. I thought the Occupy movement stole some of the ideas we were working on, but it hasn't made much impact yet either.
Oh yeah, and more than a little awareness that the larger culture seems to forgotten there are a few people other than the boomers and the millenials! Like dude, we have some issues of both generations so maybe on a rare day we could throw in Gen X in the middle of larger conversations.
I hear you. It's just a smaller generation, like my mom's Silent Generation, bound to be ignored I guess. It's all about the boomers (it always was) and their kids.
It is hard to express emotion on the internet sometimes but I am giggling at myself so no need to recommend therapy or a giant get over it.
i don't' know that I'm inclined to recommend either at this point, well maybe therapy if a person had serious problems and wasn't already burned out on it, but otherwise .. I don't know, there is no holy grail, and no not every emotion is some big deal, but if it's not one will get over it in time after some processing anyway, one doesn't need to be told to do so. If I were to recommend anything it would be to write it about it (for oneself) mostly.
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