View Full Version : not really an introvert?
I am wondering if maybe I am not a true introvert. I have some friendship issues, and I feel like I ask for too much all the time. Just basic contact, a phone call or text most days with my best friends, i usually talk to my retired mom every day. I have gotten better but I also have a hard time going day after day without talking to people, like the same small group on a regular basis. I am on call or at work 10-12 hours a day, and I take breaks and make phone calls during the day as my way to work with that.
So a friend recently told me to back off (she has a high amount of medical issues with chronic pain), I am royally embarrassed and frustrated. I was told to not do something and I was not able to immediately change things. So she got pretty pissed off, and I am feeling frustrated because in a couple weeks I went from picking her things up at the grocery store while she was sick to trying not to contact her too much. Meanwhile I have some really big things I need to talk to someone about, I talk to my mom a lot but don't want to talk to her, a new friendship is not the best place to bring heavy topics, and I thought I had developed a friendship enough that it could support me having a stress.
I am struggling with this, but I also have a couple people who may be available to have coffee this weekend. So there is an opportunity to develop new friendships from this, and that has not been available to me before. It also means that I need to sit with the heavier stuff going on until a friendship has developed to that point.
Introvert-- someone who refuels themselves, by themselves, in solitary ways, i.e. long walks, writing, working on hobbies; and who processes things mostly internally. Truly happy in their alone time.
Extrovert-- someone who refuels themselves with contact with other people, and who processes things externally, i.e. by talking with someone else. Happiest in a group.
Zoe Girl, from what I can see of you here, I suspect you are an extrovert.
I have 2 friends who are extreme extroverts - most people fall in the middle of the continuum some where. I am an introvert, though not extreme. Both of these women exhaust me.
One talks continually about "plans" - she does not live her life in the present, but in the possibilities- endless, of course- of the future. And you can't "make plans" with her, it's all changed by the time the day arrives!
The other one loves 3-hour long phone conversations, and will go over the same ground again and again and again. When she first started calling me in the evenings, I actually wondered if she were drunk! Repeating herself over and over, I try to be a good friend and listen carefully, but it leaves very little room for me. And I don't really have 3 hours, so I do other things while she talks, and it doesn't bother her at all. I've learned there is no such thing as a short conversation, so about half the time I let her calls go to voice mail.
Now I'm not saying that you are as extreme as either of those two women, but I will say I think it's a really good thing that you are working to expand your circle of friends. Are there any social groups you can join, some place to go where there will always be a group of people? For some people its a church, or a music or dance group, an activity that is scheduled, that has a strong social component. It can help take care of the need for contact, and deeper friendships can grow from it.
I'm most definitely an introvert. Not shy or anything, I'm fine in social situations, but people do tire me out even when I enjoy being with them. I email friends typically every few weeks (we're all busy). There is no one, not even family, that I talk to daily except my husband.
The people who really drain me though, are the people who make it all about them. People who only want to talk about what's in THEIR head, never are interested in you. It needs to go both ways for me.
If you have heavy things to talk about, have you considered maybe paying a professional for that? Expecting someone chronically ill to do that for you may have been a bit much for that person to handle. I know if it were me, I would have at least felt you were being a bit insensitive for expecting me to do that.
Teacher Terry
3-5-16, 3:12pm
I am an extrovert but do not even talk to my best friend everyday. probably about 4-5x/week. I have my hubby to talk to daily though.
I enjoy being with people, and I am for sure on the introvert side. I cannot imagine having a small group of people that I talk to every day. I enjoy my every-couple-of-weeks conversations with one of my cousins, and weekly or so conversations with two or three other people. I also work in education, and when I'm teaching (I'm mostly planning) I want to speak to absolutely no one on my breaks or at the end of the day -- I really need the silence. My partner and I are similar and have occasional "reading lunches' when no one has to talk.
So I would agree with others, Zoe Girl, that you sound more like an extrovert to me.
I did meet with a friend today, very nice time. About 1 1/2 hours which is just right. Now I am fueled enough to spend some solo time today and do laundry and cat boxes. I figure if I have anywhere from 5-8 friends then I can do a meeting a week or so. I also have a meditation group once a week, a meetup once a month, that is all. I would like a movie friend. So I think that I am an introvert but deep conversation is very fulfilling for me, however I am more towards the center that I have been before.
I have been very careful about those long conversations and balanced sharing. Honestly I don't have energy for 3 hours in my life, most calls with anyone are under 15 minutes, and I want to hear about other people. If my friend is low energy we have a deal to focus on positive and away from serious issues. I really didn't think that I was driving 20 minutes to and from her place, spending an hour or so hanging out and offering to bring her anything she may need was all about me. However it hasn't been received that way and I am adjusting to my intentions are not what she is getting out of it. So I know she got angry, and I think we do need a longer conversation, and I think I have some things to say. It feels like total crap to be honest about this but it is also hard to find that balance of supporting someone with chronic issues and just wanting some kindness when I don't get it right.
Teacher Terry
3-5-16, 3:34pm
It sounds like your friend overreacted and that you were doing a lot for her.
Gardenarian
3-5-16, 3:35pm
Hi Zoe Girl,
You make me grateful for DH! I am introverted, reserved, shy - but I think it would be difficult for me not to have someone to share the ups and downs of my days with. Without DH, I'd have to go make friends! I have friends, sort of, but really they're just people I do stuff with.
I don't know if you're intro- or extroverted; I think just about everyone needs someone to talk to.
I do think you are kind of an intense person, and that can make having friends harder. I've also been told I am intense (too intense); this is not a judgment on you, just an observation.
Remember that your friend probably feels like crap, so maybe that negativity just spilled over on to you. Which is hard.
Do you find journaling helpful at all? There are things I choose not to discuss with DH, and writing sometimes helps me.
I do think you are kind of an intense person, and that can make having friends harder. I've also been told I am intense (too intense); this is not a judgment on you, just an observation.
.
yeah intense, lol, that is me. if astrology makes sense to you I am a double scorpio, Been kinda intense my whole life
ToomuchStuff
3-5-16, 6:52pm
Introverted people can and do have friends too. It can take us longer to develop the trust to make them, IMHE.
Sounds less like an intro extro issue, and more of a dependency/crutch/validation issue.
My daughter has pain issues - she has much lower tolerance dealing with a lot of things when she is in pain. Maybe it was just a bad day?
I think introverted matters because I put a lot into a few friendships. So I don't really have a large number of friends, but they are deep friendships IMHO. I really don't feel it is a dependency/crutch issue, but I need to seriously think about what this friendship is now. It has been different, I didn't just make up the last 2 years of helping her recover from surgery and support various things. When I go over I often help with things she has a hard time with, like putting clean sheets on or taking out trash. That is just how things are, so I am switching gears. Trying not to be crappy like thinking how is she going to handle these things, balancing that with realizing that I was helpful. My intentions were to be helpful but to also develop a friendship that was more balanced than what I have done in the past.
Pain is a huge factor, I understand as much as I can. And I know I won't ever fully get it.
ToomuchStuff
3-6-16, 3:00am
I think introverted matters because I put a lot into a few friendships. So I don't really have a large number of friends, but they are deep friendships IMHO. I really don't feel it is a dependency/crutch issue, but I need to seriously think about what this friendship is now. It has been different, I didn't just make up the last 2 years of helping her recover from surgery and support various things. When I go over I often help with things she has a hard time with, like putting clean sheets on or taking out trash. That is just how things are, so I am switching gears. Trying not to be crappy like thinking how is she going to handle these things, balancing that with realizing that I was helpful. My intentions were to be helpful but to also develop a friendship that was more balanced than what I have done in the past.
Pain is a huge factor, I understand as much as I can. And I know I won't ever fully get it.
So you help her, with things she has a problem with and she doesn't want you around now? Not sure how your missing that could be a dependency/crutch issue, just not on you. Maybe she is trying to improve herself.
TMS, I think I understand, but let me check. You are saying that she has a the dependency thing? I can switch and find new friends, again. Or develop some I haven't spent much time on. I realize I am going to have a hard time just going back after the 5 texts of how I have not respected her boundaries and we need to talk about our friendship.
You said in your original message:
Meanwhile I have some really big things I need to talk to someone about
Not everyone wants to be the recipient/listener, some people just aren't interested in dealing with heavy topics. Even people who don't mind it on occasion, are likely to be less patient when they are struggling with their own issues like chronic pain.
Not everyone wants to be the recipient/listener, some people just aren't interested in dealing with heavy topics. Even people who don't mind it on occasion, are likely to be less patient when they are struggling with their own issues like chronic pain.
I switched gears, managing that a different way. And I have been really careful about having negative or big topics because her energy really isn't there. So what does it mean when I would like some friendships where the other person can be that listener on occasion? I love deep conversations, and have been told my whole life that other people just don't like them and I have to accept that. And am I a horrible person for getting frustrated at this point with one month running to the store and the next month taking a step back and feeling heavyness from all this. Am I a crappy friend to just say that I don't have energy for things that are clearly out of her control (and the crappy 5 text response is probably out of pain response but I don't have energy for it).
Right now I would love a deep conversation about generations, just thoughts about what shapes each generation and how we can get beyond the judgment of that to respect where people are coming from. So I am going to work on my blog (which is not on this topic), since that fills the deep thought thing pretty well.
iris lilies
3-6-16, 11:43am
Zoe, is "deep thought" and "deep conversations" some kind of lingo taught in new age communications seminars?
honestly, I find those phrases pretentious. :)
If you came at me in a casual social setting asking to have "deep" anything, I would hide from you. Sorry!
edited to add: it sounds like you need to jump on any number of websites and join up,with other keyboard social justice warriors. People IRL dnt always want to listen to that stuff. Why do ya think I hang out so much on various sites? Haha.
Hi Zoe girl - It sounds to me like you might be an extrovert, as well as having a need/desire to delve into deep topics and have lots of different interests and activities going on at once. Sometimes I do too. However, I find that most people are just too tired to get into deep conversations on a regular basis. That's why I post here! :) People can respond and engage, or not, depending on their mood, energy, time, etc... That's hard to gauge with friends and family without either party feeling imposed upon or rejected.
If your insurance covers it, I would recommend the classes offered by the mental health department of your medical carrier. I've taken lots of great classes over the years, they are meant to foster emotional growth and wellness and you will find a group of like-minded people who are looking for the same thing and a place to meet, usually once a week. Plus the group is facilitated so you can just enjoy. The classes usually last anywhere from 4-12 weeks, and you can develop some nice friendships that way. I would also recommend therapy sessions if your insurance covers it. I think we can all benefit from having that chance to talk about our issues with a caring therapist who is deeply interested in helping us feel better.
Another great option is community college courses in areas that interest you. This is a lot of fun because you get to learn a lot of new stuff and usually the professors are delighted to have mature students who are into the material. I've had many wonderful and long conversations with lots of professors in different areas, many times during office hours, over coffee or lunch, etc. I've also developed some very nice friendships through those classes, with the professors and fellow students.
I would respect your friend's feelings about boundaries and look at how you can be a good friend while still being respectful of the needs of the other party. It probably took a lot of guts for her to voice her feelings. Even though I'm an extrovert - ENFP - I can go for many weeks, even months between contact with friends and family. I just don't feel the desire or need to talk to people on a regular basis. I do have dh, who is an introvert, but I think I learned early in life that solving my problems was my job, not anyone else's. Based on what you've written here, I have a book that I think you might enjoy reading. If you're interested, send me a pm and I can mail it to you.
Zoe, is "deep thought" and "deep conversations" some kind of lingo taught in new age communications seminars?
honestly, I find those phrases pretentious. :)
Wow, kinda didn't expect that. I don't approach people with a topic of conversation that goes deep after all. But talking about shopping and day to day stuff bores the crap out of me after a short time. I just am really fascinated by digging under the surface into things, I think I would do well in more of a university or research setting but I haven't set things up that way. If I won the lottery I would get a phd in philosophy! Just thinking about it makes me all happy woozy :) I just read an article on the media portrayal of Gen X in 2000 comparing it to 2011, noting that what Gen X was viewed as is now a lot of what is being said about Millennials.
Yeah. I have noticed that not too many people want to get into these topics, actually noticed that a long time ago. So staying quiet today, going into work as soon as laundry is done and do some data. Tracking my average daily attendance and examining the factors that have influenced it will be fun.
Zoe, is "deep thought" and "deep conversations" some kind of lingo taught in new age communications seminars?
honestly, I find those phrases pretentious. :)
If you came at me in a casual social setting asking to have "deep" anything, I would hide from you. Sorry!
...
I'm afraid I agree with this. I find that people talk about generational issues in the course of regular conversations without a lot of fuss. Most issues, really. It takes a special personality to welcome an "intense" friendship--outside of the early days of a romantic relationship, anyway.
Guys, i don't call my mom or my friend and talk about this stuff. really, I am not pretentious, just weird, :)
ApatheticNoMore
3-6-16, 1:08pm
I don't think expecting one's romantic relationships to be intense really does any good. They are only that way in the movies, and hate to break it to ya, but that is FICTION. However Zoe Girl is probably just looking for friends who are somewhat academically inclined maybe and not everyone is (or is it some kind of political correctness requirement now to pretend everyone is?).
All I ever hear about millennials as a generation is how hard they have it economically, and I don't think it was necessarily the most prosperous times ever, but I really don't think Gen X had it as bad economically then (though they may now and it's not a good thing to have nowhere to go at middle age).
I don't think expecting one's romantic relationships to be intense really does any good. They are only that way in the movies, and hate to break it to ya, but that is FICTION. However Zoe Girl is probably just looking for friends who are somewhat academically inclined maybe and not everyone is.
That's not how I remember it, but it's been awhile. :laff: I distinctly remember intensity...
I love Big Bang theory because I can relate to some people on TV (not a genius) and the guy on Criminal Minds with the ieditic memory. Yeah they are themselves and people like them. I mostly relate to Leonard in BBT. Sometimes he just doesn't quite get it, but he is really likeable. There is one episode where his girlfriend (a normal type) spells it out so clearly. He and the other geeks get so excited about things, comic books characters, science, a rubiks cube. And they are cute when they get excited even if no one knows what they are talking about.
So I just would like some people around who can say ' I have no idea what you are talking about in the Han shot first controversy, but I can see how excited you are. ' and maybe let me explain it for 5 minutes and then move on. That also means I can get excited about things other people get all excited about. I listen to my mom about the sports teams they are following or with the young people I work with. One kiddo will talk my ear off about Star Wars, another who loves knights and makes helmets in program. What happened that adults are not that much fun?
And ya know some friends older than 10 would be fun too.
I see what you're saying now. I've just resigned myself to keeping my interests to myself or really going out of my way to find like-minded people. Nothing like getting wound up and launching into an impassioned riff on some topic only to find that the listener has totally disengaged. Iris Lily has a point--you might try on-line groups.
I think interest is the key. When we're interested in something we can talk about it for ages and have so much fun doing it. But when the interest isn't there, forget it. For a number of years I've been fascinated by psychology and just loved talking about it and trying to learn more and understand it more. The last couple of years the interest has been waning and I'm more into practical and physical stuff (finance, gardening). If you were talking to me about generations or trans issues, I'd have zero interest. Same with genealogy, or the popular one - trying to convince someone that my political candidate is better than theirs. No interest. But talk to me about propagating plants? Yes! I'm there!
I've also found that I can share one interest with a friend but not others - the friend who loves psych but doesn't garden, or the gardener who couldn't care less about psych or cooking, etc. Dh and I enjoy talking about mythology and trees. :) And watching sci-fi movies.
And I agree that the intensity of early romantic relationships can't be beat or duplicated, or extended - unless you want to deal with the ongoing intensity and drama of dysfunctional relationships. At some point, most people settle into a comfortable routine. At least that has been my experience.
Teacher Terry
3-6-16, 3:02pm
I have both my hubby and 1 very close friend that I can talk about anything with them. I have other friends that are fun but not as deep. I think everyone needs a few people in their lives that they can discuss anything with.
ToomuchStuff
3-7-16, 2:01am
TMS, I think I understand, but let me check. You are saying that she has a the dependency thing? I can switch and find new friends, again. Or develop some I haven't spent much time on. I realize I am going to have a hard time just going back after the 5 texts of how I have not respected her boundaries and we need to talk about our friendship.
Dependency, is like a pair of saloon doors, they can open either way, or one each way (can be codependent).
You said in your original message:
Not everyone wants to be the recipient/listener, some people just aren't interested in dealing with heavy topics. Even people who don't mind it on occasion, are likely to be less patient when they are struggling with their own issues like chronic pain.
Agreed.
1.I switched gears, managing that a different way. And I have been really careful about having negative or big topics because her energy really isn't there.2. So what does it mean when I would like some friendships where the other person can be that listener on occasion?3. I love deep conversations, and have been told my whole life that other people just don't like them and I have to accept that.
Right now I would love a deep conversation about generations, just thoughts about what shapes each generation and how we can get beyond the judgment of that to respect where people are coming from. So I am going to work on my blog (which is not on this topic), since that fills the deep thought thing pretty well.
1. When someone is having health problems, things don't tend to carry on as normal. If they are terminal, one typically doesn't start asking them about NDE's etc. They have to focus on getting well, etc.
2. Wanting to have someone to talk back and forth to, is normal. If you were low enough on people close enough to talk to, that your relying on someone ill, well, that means your dependent on them, and that was poor planning/life skills on your part.
3. No definition of "deep" conversations.
Zoe, is "deep thought" and "deep conversations" some kind of lingo taught in new age communications seminars?
honestly, I find those phrases pretentious. :)
If you came at me in a casual social setting asking to have "deep" anything, I would hide from you. Sorry!
edited to add: it sounds like you need to jump on any number of websites and join up,with other keyboard social justice warriors. People IRL dnt always want to listen to that stuff. Why do ya think I hang out so much on various sites? Haha.
Wow, kinda didn't expect that. I don't approach people with a topic of conversation that goes deep after all. But talking about shopping and day to day stuff bores the crap out of me after a short time. I just am really fascinated by digging under the surface into things, I think I would do well in more of a university or research setting but I haven't set things up that way. If I won the lottery I would get a phd in philosophy! Just thinking about it makes me all happy woozy :)
Yeah. I have noticed that not too many people want to get into these topics, actually noticed that a long time ago. So staying quiet today, going into work as soon as laundry is done and do some data. Tracking my average daily attendance and examining the factors that have influenced it will be fun.
What you hate, others may love, and they may feel that way you do about the things your interested in. Such is life (not everybody is the same).
Philosophy to me is pretty worthless. It was a black or white teaching, in a world filled with shades of grey. (genetics or environment, well WTHeck happens when one in the same.....)
You might find someone who does statistics for "fun" with your attendance data.
1. I love Big Bang theory because I can relate to some people on TV (not a genius) and the guy on Criminal Minds with the ieditic memory. 2. Yeah they are themselves and people like them. 3. I mostly relate to Leonard in BBT. Sometimes he just doesn't quite get it, but he is really likeable. 4. There is one episode where his girlfriend (a normal type) spells it out so clearly. He and the other geeks get so excited about things, comic books characters, science, a rubiks cube.
So I just would like some people around who can say ' I have no idea what you are talking about in the Han shot first controversy, but I can see how excited you are. ' and maybe let me explain it for 5 minutes and then move on. That also means I can get excited about things other people get all excited about. I listen to my mom about the sports teams they are following or with the young people I work with. One kiddo will talk my ear off about Star Wars, another who loves knights and makes helmets in program. 5.What happened that adults are not that much fun?.
1. Generally characters are made up from traits from bits and pieces of people they have met. Then they like to make them more extreme for tv.
2. They are imaginary, and imaginary others like them and they try to pull enough interest, to get you, the viewer addicted to the fantasy.
3. I don't find him that likeable, personally. But they probably wouldn't have a show, without him being annoying. I have a relative that relates some members of my family and friends to them, and they relate me to Raj (no idea of spelling). But they never grew up with sex and vivisection being combined in their head and I have kept that side of the family away from them. So while I find their idea offensive, I would rather take offense, then let them deal with that side.
4. There is no way that she is "normal". She is a female version of the worst of the guys.
5. Life.
Your blog might be good therapy for you. I would also say, maybe you should PM UltraliteAngler, as he says he likes to get into discussions.
Introvert-- someone who refuels themselves, by themselves, in solitary ways, i.e. long walks, writing, working on hobbies; and who processes things mostly internally. Truly happy in their alone time.
Yes!!!
I find that writing in a journal almost daily helps to make up for the fact that not many people in life want to listen to anything I say. But that journal listens! My therapist listens -- because I pay her to, or at least she puts on a good show.
ZG, do you have a journal?
I really don't understand the point by point dissection of something I am sharing, and the comments about being pretentious and having poor life skills. It is the worst of the assumptions when I say that I like deep conversations. I guess I am wondering if you talk like this to your friends and family when they have something come up? I can't imagine the image some people must have of me here.
I am pretty awesome at sitting with a lot of different people in a caring place without judgment. Listening, reflecting back, being present. So I do have a need for some of that back in my life, I am disappointed that my friend got sicker when we were moving towards more balance that would have met my needs and I am hurt that it came out in a 5 text blow up. Do I also feel really bad that she is going through soooo much, yeah. That has been my focus the last 3 years, offering help whenever I can,
Zoe, people are actually to be helpful. You expressed your dismay at the poor reaction you got from your friend, and a number of people have given you possible reasons why that could have been so. You clearly didn't read her well, if you were surprised at her reaction. Its rare that someone would react so strongly and tell you that you aren't respecting boundaries as a first time conversation. She likely hinted around about that beforehand. You also expressed disappoint that your friends weren't giving you what /you/ need, and again a number of people have commented on other ways to get that need met.
I really don't think anyone here was trying to be mean, we're trying to give you feedback, which may or may not be helpful to you.
I really don't think anyone here was trying to be mean, we're trying to give you feedback, which may or may not be helpful to you.
I don't think people are out to get me, I just don't understand some of this. The suggestions about finding more like minded people was pretty helpful, and some caring posts. Pointing out that people don't like deep conversations, I kinda noticed and have been told that (and teased) pretty much my whole life. This came up in a conversation with my son's girlfriend about 'weird people', yeah we know we are weird! We are sometimes painfully aware that we are not fitting in. So when you meet an odd duck and you respond with some kindness it goes a long way, trust me.
It did kinda come out of left field to me, I had been calling to see what she needed for support the week before and then get pretty angry texts. My first reaction was total embarrassment, like deep cringing. And maybe it was just snapping back at a safe person when the pain got to be too much, too long. She knows I am not going to yell back, honestly I am not her family who is expecting her to take care of her dad with MS, or her boss who is expecting a large workload even though she really needs to work 30 a week, I am just stopping by, offering to pick anything up from the store she needs and sometimes want to share my own stuff.
I really don't understand the point by point dissection of something I am sharing, and the comments about being pretentious and having poor life skills.
1. I think people are trying to help by providing you with ideas that might help to resolve your situations.
2. Other people dissecting, point by point even, something you shared may also be a way that folks use your situations to explore ideas that may help them in their situations. You never know!
3. If you post something on here, you have to realize that other people are -- well, other people! You cannot dictate how they will respond. Nor can you ask them to respond just the way you want, just when you want, and in the terms you want. Besides, do you just want people to tell you what you want to hear? How helpful is that? Manage your expectations.
I have noticed there are some folks who just like to say things out loud about their problems. This gets it off their chest. And that is enough for them. They don't really want to solve the problem. Could this be your personality type? Like you vent about something, it eases the discomfort caused by that something temporarily. Then it builds back up over time and you vent again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
If that is your way of coping, then more power to you. But I think there are a lot of problem solvers on this site. So you throw out a problem and there will be a feeding frenzy of people trying to solve it. I try to think of this as a blessing! I have so many people from so many perspectives giving me ideas -- even right-wing nut-jobs! ;)
As for your pretentiousness (or supposed pretentiousness), here is something to consider: Instead of using the phrase "deep conversations" just lob a couple of "deep" topics at a person. If they catch it and run with it, then you might have the kind of talk with them you want. But if they just let it drop, then move along.
Or, as I suggested earlier, get a journal and have "deep conversations" with that.
I journal because no one wants to talk about things like me being depressed daily or how I think we live in a dystopia or about the fringes of voluntary simplicity or a handful of other topics. Now, I can sneak a few things past the goalie on these topics with certain friends and sometimes on here. But in general that is territory left to my journal.
About your life skills being "poor," why not try an interesting mental exercise? Suppose that your critics are right! This will require some mindfulness, some zen, and some humility. But suppose -- even if you are just imagining -- that they are right. In what areas might they be right? Why might they be right in that assessment of you? Then take it a step further. Supposing they are right, how could you repair your life skills to be better and stronger?
I guess I am wondering if you talk like this to your friends and family when they have something come up? I can't imagine the image some people must have of me here.
I am a straight-talker, so yes, I talk this way to friends and family. I tell little white lies to everyone else. So if you get straight talk from me, then you ought to know I care and I ain't just schmoozing you.
rodeosweetheart
3-7-16, 9:01am
Zoe, I don't understand the reactions, either, for what that is worth.
Sometimes I think people enjoy needling others, sort of for sport.
So that is something to consider when reading negative responses to what we post. Some people enjoy being unpleasant or hurting others; it is a sad fact of life.
I come from a family of "deep talkers" --was that an SNL skit? They can go on for hours on arcane historical events.
All of my children would come in and give me movie plot synopses, from an early age.
I just think is how we are made.
I come from a family of "deep talkers" --was that an SNL skit? They can go on for hours on arcane historical events.
All of my children would come in and give me movie plot synopses, from an early age.
I just think is how we are made.
Oh yeah, in my larger family my kids and I are kinda weird. I end up talking to the pre-teens about Star Wars at parties but we are both excited about it. My middle daughter painted a death star for her boyfriend, she is so talented! The adults at that christmas party were amazed at what I showed them. So generally people like us for the artistic/creative talent. However when my son at 15 described the Hunger Games to my sister as a dystopian future fantasy she looked really confused. She was at my house so I am sorry she felt awkward but in my house you can talk like that and it is okay. Like the deep comparisons of Buffy vs, Charmed, just how we roll!
Oh yeah, in my larger family my kids and I are kinda weird. I end up talking to the pre-teens about Star Wars at parties but we are both excited about it. My middle daughter painted a death star for her boyfriend, she is so talented! The adults at that christmas party were amazed at what I showed them. So generally people like us for the artistic/creative talent. However when my son at 15 described the Hunger Games to my sister as a dystopian future fantasy she looked really confused. She was at my house so I am sorry she felt awkward but in my house you can talk like that and it is okay. Like the deep comparisons of Buffy vs, Charmed, just how we roll!
Why is being weird so important? Just a question.
And how is liking something such as Star Wars, which is massively popular, weird? Same question applies to Hunger Games, Buffy, and Charmed. Very popular stuff.
ToomuchStuff
3-7-16, 10:00am
I really don't understand the point by point dissection of something I am sharing, and the comments about being pretentious and having poor life skills. It is the worst of the assumptions when I say that I like deep conversations. I guess I am wondering if you talk like this to your friends and family when they have something come up?
When there are multiple questions or points in a paragraph, sometimes you have to break it down. And your wondering if people have theses deep discussions with their family and friends, after asking that here?
1. I think people are trying to help by providing you with ideas that might help to resolve your situations.
2. Other people dissecting, point by point even, something you shared may also be a way that folks use your situations to explore ideas that may help them in their situations. You never know!
3. If you post something on here, you have to realize that other people are -- well, other people! You cannot dictate how they will respond. Nor can you ask them to respond just the way you want, just when you want, and in the terms you want. Besides, do you just want people to tell you what you want to hear? How helpful is that? Manage your expectations
1. True
2. It is called "deep discussions":~)
3. Sounds like Red Fox, when she asked for financial advice and she didn't like what she was getting, and decided to take her ball and go home. If this was just a vent thread, then it would have been better to mark it simply as VENT. You don't have others life experiences and they don't have yours. Expecting them to view your life the way you do is an unreal expectation, as ours are based in part on what we know and have experienced.
rodeosweetheart
3-7-16, 10:11am
sent pm, Zoe
Ultralight
3-7-16, 10:24am
When there are multiple questions or points in a paragraph, sometimes you have to break it down. And your wondering if people have theses deep discussions with their family and friends, after asking that here?
1. True
2. It is called "deep discussions":~)
3. Sounds like Red Fox, when she asked for financial advice and she didn't like what she was getting, and decided to take her ball and go home. If this was just a vent thread, then it would have been better to mark it simply as VENT. You don't have others life experiences and they don't have yours. Expecting them to view your life the way you do is an unreal expectation, as ours are based in part on what we know and have experienced.
I'd say much of what is going on in this thread is a "deep discussion."
iris lilies
3-7-16, 11:04am
I'd say much of what is going on in this thread is a "deep discussion."
Exactly!
Ultralight
3-7-16, 11:08am
Exactly!
I think one needs to be a bit thick-skinned to have deep conversations.
iris lilies
3-7-16, 1:00pm
....
I come from a family of "deep talkers" --was that an SNL skit? ...
Jack Handy and his Deep Thoughts was featured. That's what I think of when
we discuss deep thinky thoughts here.
"Low talkers" were made fun of on Seinfeld.
Just helping you out here with comedy references. You are welcome.:~)
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