Why Saying You Want Change is Not Enough

[Ultralight]

This one really hit home for me.

"We prove what we desire most by our actions, not by our words."


http://www.becomingminimalist.com/do/

[SteveinMN]

Over the years I've long recognized that people (individuals, friends, politicians) can say anything they want; it's what they do that they truly value.

[Ultralight]

Over the years I've long recognized that people (individuals, friends, politicians) can say anything they want; it's what they do that they truly value.

That can be a disappointing reality.

[Geila]

That can be a disappointing reality.

But liberating as well.

[Ultralight]

But liberating as well.

Yes, true.

When I look at myself from the outside and ask "What does this dude (me) really value? What does he actually do? What does he actually spend his money on?" I like many of the answers and dislike some others.

[Gardenarian]

Good article. Yes, if you want to see what you really value, look at what you are doing and what you have. Look in the mirror.

I don't want to be ageist, but one thing I like about getting older is the decrease of BS in my life and in my peers. I feel like with older folks what you see is much more likely to be what you get. Of course there are many exceptions to this, but as they age people tend to accept themselves, for better or worse.

[Ultralight]

...if you want to see what you really value, look at what you are doing and what you have.

True.

[JaneV2.0]

...Too arthritic to be a poser...:laff:

[Teacher Terry]

I agree with the getting older statement. Time goes so fast. I can't believe sometimes that I am this old but a good look in the mirror confirms it:~)

[Chicken lady]

Lol. I want to lose weight. Really. But I want to eat cookies and to not exercise MORE than I want to lose weight.

[Ultralight]

Lol. I want to lose weight. Really. But I want to eat cookies and to not exercise MORE than I want to lose weight.

Through the lens of the article then it could be said that you value cookies and not exercising.

[Chicken lady]

Yup. More to the point, I value the freedom to eat cookies whenever I want more than I value dropping 15 lbs.

[Ultralight]

Yup. More to the point, I value the freedom to eat cookies whenever I want more than I value dropping 15 lbs.

Enjoy the cookies!

[pinkytoe]

An issue for some of us who tend to over-ANALyze (moi) is that we don't often know what we want or it changes. I keep thinking for certain that I want to complete our planned move but then all the doubts creep in. I imagine that thought process works for all big decisions with an element of fear. It doesn't help that we have a ridiculous amount of options in our lives today. But yes - without action these changes are just a dream.

[Ultralight]

...we don't often know what we want or it changes.

Really good point.

[messengerhot]

Lol. I want to lose weight. Really. But I want to eat cookies and to not exercise MORE than I want to lose weight.

:laff::laff::laff: Now THIS really hits home for me!

[razz]

I am an OVER-analyser as well but at the end of the analysis, I do get some decisions made. I keep analyzing until the doubts have answers and then proceed. Doubts are means of ensuring that you have covered everything and usually very healthy and helpful I have found.

I read somewhere that the picture one holds in their mind of oneself is the result one will get.

If you see yourself as a drunk, you won't overcome alcohol addiction; if fat, struggles with losing weight; if unhappy or unloved, you will be depressed... That kind of resonates with me and reflects the article as well.

Taking action is often the antidote but one needs to picture oneself doing so and the results that will come out of the action.

[Williamsmith]

I am an OVER-analyser as well but at the end of the analysis, I do get some decisions made. I keep analyzing until the doubts have answers and then proceed. Doubts are means of ensuring that you have covered everything and usually very healthy and helpful I have found.

I read somewhere that the picture one holds in their mind of oneself is the result one will get.

If you see yourself as a drunk, you won't overcome alcohol addiction; if fat, struggles with losing weight; if unhappy or unloved, you will be depressed... That kind of resonates with me and reflects the article as well.

Taking action is often the antidote but one needs to picture oneself doing so and the results that will come out of the action.

With all due respect to Joshua, he leaves some to grapple with the predicament of having a goal, feeling as though you've taken the steps, yet the goal is unattainable. This can be as simple as losing weight or as complicated and less obviously connected to striving as professional sports. The vast majority of professional sports athletes are inspired not by a goal to become an athlete but by the very nature of their innate athleticism. What follows is hard work. This is chicken/egg theory 101.

So when you aren't achieving a certain goal that you clearly want don't be too hard on yourself. It just may not be in you. There are other reasons related to sociological, geographical, physical or mental to name a few. This is not to say you shouldn't strive. Striving is as valid an action as achieving.

I know this seems backwards to what the blogger stated.....and it is. I believe many times the egg existed before the chicken ever comes into being. Or maybe we do give to much credit to ourselves when we reach a goal and blame ourselves too much when we fail.

[iris lilies]

An issue for some of us who tend to over-ANALyze (moi) is that we don't often know what we want or it changes. I keep thinking for certain that I want to complete our planned move but then all the doubts creep in. I imagine that thought process works for all big decisions with an element of fear. It doesn't help that we have a ridiculous amount of options in our lives today. But yes - without action these changes are just a dream.

Its normal to have some regrets, or doubts, about a decision. That is real life.

I can't see how it is realistic to think that all paths in life are clear, or that a chosen option obliterates any other choice forever. There are pros and cons to everything.

[Zoe Girl]

W

So when you aren't achieving a certain goal that you clearly want don't be too hard on yourself. It just may not be in you. There are other reasons related to sociological, geographical, physical or mental to name a few. This is not to say you shouldn't strive. Striving is as valid an action as achieving.
.
Thank you for saying this. I set a goal, got through grad school with awesome grades, worked really da** hard, and then graduated in a recession or something was wrong. I posted elsewhere that I spent 5 years subbing and working multiple jobs to get by, 5 years in my current type of work, and about a year ago got to a living wage. People tell me that it was out of my control but there is part of me that will always doubt that I did the right thing, and feels super responsible. I am sure if my kids saw my masters degree as leading into a decent career in a decent amount of time one of them would be encouraged to go for some more education,

So yeah, with all our 'can-do' spirit we need some balance in the good old US

[Teacher Terry]

One of the things that we did with our clients if they wanted retraining was to look at the local job outlook for the occupation they were considering. If prospects were low then we would not pay for it unless they put in writing that they were willing to move upon graduation and the national outlook was better. For instance our state is short of teachers and never has enough. Other states have too many. Also the colleges should do better at career counseling and looking at the national and individual outlook for different professions. Many colleges count someone as a successful placement even if you are working at Macdonald's after graduating. So a student sees high placement numbers and thinks all those people are getting jobs in their fields-nope just means they are working somewhere.

[ApatheticNoMore]

One of the things that we did with our clients if they wanted retraining was to look at the local job outlook for the occupation they were considering. If prospects were low then we would not pay for it unless they put in writing that they were willing to move upon graduation and the national outlook was better. For instance our state is short of teachers and never has enough. Other states have too many. Also the colleges should do better at career counseling and looking at the national and individual outlook for different professions.

I've paid career counselors a few times, they never did anything that practical. It was all tests of obtuse interest that translate into nothing. Yes it was a waste of money.

[sylvia]

First you must make up your mind to want to act upon it.

[catherine]

I really needed to hear this today. I'm having a "late-life crisis" at the moment for exactly the reasons this article proposes. To use Jane's word, I'm either a poseur by being on these boards, or I'm a poseur by continuing home ownership and a hectic job that keeps me from doing the things I love. Which poseur am i?

Two things that happened over the last couple of days raised that question for me.

a) Bernie's campaign is winding down. Here is a man, 74 years old, who has lived every day of his life with purpose and integrity. (at least from what I can see, and no one has unearthed any skeletons in HIS closet so far). I question whether I have done the same--that is, live true to myself.

b) I've been traveling a lot lately and working long hours. So when I got home, after work late yesterday, I went outside to read a little and relax: Eric Toensmeier's Paradise Lot, a permaculture classic. After just a few pages, I figured I should look at my own little "paradise lot" and I noticed that a tray of tomatoes from seeds that we saved from last year actually germinated and were quite tall seedlings already!! We didn't think they were going to sprout, because it took them a LONG time to do it--probably a month! But there they were! I was excited and brought the tray into my husband, who had done the work of saving the seed, and said, "Hey, guess what this is!!"

And he replied blandly, "Tomatoes."
"Yeah, it's OUR seeds!!"
"I know. I'm here all the time. You're gone. I water them."

This wound up in a little fight actually, because his indictment that "I'm never here" was said in a way that made it sound like I LOVE not being able to put time into an avocation that means a lot to me. In fact, I was the one that brought him on board with permaculture, and now he's the one going daily to the farm to help out; he's the one that helped build their greenhouse, and I'm the one who has to stay home and write, or get on planes where time goes from Monday to Friday in about a second. And there's nowhere where the flight of time is more evident than in the growing season.

I like this part of the article:


So let me ask you: What is it you want most? What life change do you desire?

Then, ask yourself this follow-up question: Are you taking the steps necessary to accomplish that goal? Or, are you settling for something else instead?

After all, a goal without a plan is just wishful thinking.

I'm surrounded by all my simple living books--I keep them close at hand in my home office where they tease me while I work long hours for pharma clients. Yet, I thank God for the work, and I sure like the money, but I think I've gotten myself sucked into that trap that's hard to get out of--thinking the job is a tool for life when it actually becomes your life.

So I can figure out ways to cut back on work; cut back on expenses, have one foot on the treadmill and the other on the ground, but will that work for long? Exactly what kind of poseur am I?

Thanks for the article, UA.

[iris lilies]

I retired on April 1st for the reason: the growing season. April, May, June, July--best time evahhh!

catherine, I hope you can figure out how to get out of full time work sooner rather than later.

[sweetana3]

My hubby called those the Golden Handcuffs.

Catherine: Only you and your husband can decide what the future holds and what, if any, changes need to be made. Are you working for a goal? or just working to live the way you do right now? Is it satisfying to you both?