control and work

[Zoe Girl]

I am having some deep thoughts, so I wanted to work them out and share. Maybe someone has a wonderful coping idea.

The situation is that I am part of the communication task force. We had such a bad year last year that we ended up with 5 task forces to address what was happening. After a lot of work we came up with a timeline of action steps based on feedback surveys and what we knew from our colleagues in meetings, etc. 2 of us gave a presentation at our large department meeting about our work, our methods to get all voices represented and present the time line. I heard some great stuff and others heard more grumbling. When we had our next meeting we talked that through, who was critical, what they were critical of, what that means. First of all our work and our presentation was excellent, the presentation was considered excellent across the board. The grumbling was that we had specific action steps, like who were we to decide there was an issue and did they approve of our action steps, why weren't they doing this work. In our debrief the person from supervisor level (can I say I love her) brought it down to control. The level of supervisors who complained have a high need for control. It was a lightbulb moment, and explained for me a lot of what has been happening at work the last few years. I keep on bumping up against this level of supervisors and their need to control.

The brilliant move by the higher supervisor on our team was to sit down with this group and ask them directly which action steps would cause harm. They couldn't say any of them caused harm, so it was just that they didn't want us doing this work. Talking about issues with our task force was fine but actually doing effective work seems to be the problem.

So I am so relieved to see this, and I struggle with it. My natural personality inclination is to try and have conversations that address this. I think that is a bad idea. However I don't deal with control well. I even tried a work around last year, I am good at training and presenting, that is a supervisor job so I have been turned down, so I worked with a group that included our department to train for a specific summer program (with supervisor approval). I got praise for the quality of my training and a ding on my end of year review for the same exact work because I answered a phone call in 24 hours rather that 1 hour. It makes sense if you look at control as a major factor. I honestly love my job, the day to day is challenging and fulfilling and most of all fun. When I think about all the factors I don't want another job, I made a conscious choice to stay where I am at. But I need to manage my work with this 'control group' without losing my temper.

Has anyone found that just knowing more clearly what is happening helps? Is there a way to work with people who want/need a high level of control? And maybe how to be compassionate towards their need for control (I have done things so different in my work and how I raised my kids which is another long post).

[Ultralight]

My advice:

Emotionally divest.

[mschrisgo2]

Well, DON'T do what I did one time in my much younger years- blurt out, "oh, there's that control thing again." Needless to say, it was not appreciated.

I think sometimes it helps to find out more, if you can. I recall running into a few situations. One, a woman had been really verbally abused by her supervisor, and his parting shot was always, "Get control of your program! Otherwise there's no reason for me to pay you!!"
She made many attempts at "being controlling" none of which helped the situation because that wasn't the real issue to begin with. Finally she reduced her hours and got a job share partner who was able to stand up to the bully boss. Boss was let go in a reduction in staff a year later.

Another time, there was a woman who just had no management skills, but had been promoted into a supervisor position "because she's so good with people." Yes, she was, one on one. But her new position was much less with people, much more a step back to consider the big picture, set up systems and procedures, etc. She was very slowly learning - should have been provided training- but very ineffective. She would bristle at staff meetings, stonewall, insist people were trying to take over her job, being mean to her, etc. She was trying to control out of a desperate need to keep her job, even though it clearly wasn't going well.

In short, I think controlling people are afraid, and the "control" is a shield. In your work situation, it has always sounded to me like there needs to be very clear, agreed upon by everyone, job descriptions- a coming from fullness, not lack, i.e. "there is a job for everyone, here's yours, let me support you in doing it well."

[Zoe Girl]

mschris, that is funny. I have made some big goofs like that. So staying very quiet works for awhile, and then I need to work it out. The first time I took an ethical and unsupported stance in a meeting was when I was 18 and a shift manager at a fast food restaurant. I was probably pretty rude about it.

I love the story about the lady who backed off until the real problem went away. I am putting my energy into working with the task force and just checking out what is happening. I am also be VERY aware of what my work and attitude and everything looks like. I am exhausted but I don't ask to be excused from meetings or come unprepared. I also try to consider how this makes my bosses look (which is not my strength!). More of a customer service attitude but looking UP rather than DOWN (I am really good at customer service laterally and down).

I think there is a place for self talk, like what you said but not out loud!!

[SteveinMN]

Control at work is a hydra-headed topic. Some people simply are control freaks, in and out of the office. Some people are not so much controlling as very authoritarian and, therefore, respond very well in an atmosphere of rigid definitions of process and span of control, even if they're not supervisors. Controlling people who are in supervisory positions often see maintaining control as the justification for their continued employment. (In its most extreme form, this is micromanagement.)

Then there is the culture of the organization. If control has brought success, interest in loosening the shackles likely will be hard to find. If the controlling people are the ones who get promoted and promoted again, that value also is promoted throughout the organization (or at least a part of it).

And then there are personalities. What one person might interpret as being efficient and direct another might interpret as being imperious and unsupportive. Supervisors who are emphatic about accomplishments and deadlines met a certain way may simply be feeling the pressure from higher up. Someone who has been "burned" by not being controlling may become controlling as a way of keeping that from happening again.

I really don't think it's possible to address controlling behavior without knowing what's behind it and that can vary by the person. If control is an organizational imperative, then I'm with UA: disassociate as much as you can from it (or, alternately, embrace it, though that's far less likely). I really like to believe in the business self-help books that promote the idea of running your own job as a support mechanism for others -- and, to some extent, every job is a support mechanism for others -- but a lifetime at a variety of organizations tells me it takes an awful lot of energy to try to turn the ship around by yourself.

[freshstart]

a peer applied for our supervisory position and got it. We were "work" friends, I respected her practice, she was an irreverent, very funny person who I lunched with regularly. Our hospice unit was a well oiled machine, we were divided in teams of different disciplines, we had people with decades of experience who walked, talked and breathed hospice philosophy. Our family surveys had a 97-99% overall favorable rating of each team. Well, she got promoted, got no training in being a manager and the first thing she did was start concocting family complaints and told the oldsters they had been counseled (they had not), failed to improve so it was resign or be fired. Previously, it took an act of Congress to get fired from our parent company. Over and over, out the oldsters went, until I was the only nurse with experience left and two social workers who she was definitely intimidated by. I think she knew the three of us would not go quietly, we had talked amongst ourselves and had decided we would seek legal action if she tried to oust one of us. She blew through several team leaders, a step below her, a job I was offered and refused many times, I had been offered her job and refused. It is difficult to hire experienced hospice people, the pay sucks, eventually she was left hiring new grads who do not belong out in the field with no experience. They would quit/be resigned and a whole new crew would be "trained" by me, there's only so much a peer mentor can do for someone who lacks basic assessment skills because they have been out of school for 2 weeks. I was burning out training all these people, only to see them receive no support and end up leaving. Then I got sick, I was dedicated to staying there and I loved my nursing job but working for a control freak who unpredictably throws her power around was getting real old. I had no idea I would not be back. Those two social workers are still there and the churning keeps happening. They are pretty miserable. Family reviews are not good.

I wanted my hospice team for my mom but the medical director broke Medicare requirements and refused to take her because of the extraordinary cost of the drugs that keep her alive but also make her able to breathe. I could've made a fuss that they were in direct opposition of Medicare's new guidelines but looked around and realized my mother was going to be cared for by 22 yrs olds who had never heard of what she has. All the old hospice folks joined a competing Palliative Care program. It's not hospice, which my mom is ready for, but the director (my old director over 5yrs ago) heard my mom might come on and called me on her day off and said they will do hospice for my mother and not to worry about a thing. So I'm not. Her care has been excellent even if missing some of the hospice philosophy.

It is amazing how one person with control issues, left alone to do as she wishes can destroy a whole beautifully functioning dept. I cannot describe how bad the days were having to watch colleagues pack up their desks with a security guard brought in from the hospital 20 miles away to make it clear there was a new chief in town. Watching them cry was very painful and they were utterly humiliated. I honestly think she wanted the old crew out because their experience and professionalism and knowledge surpassed hers and she was intimidated by them. I hear she is miserable. Frankly, she deserves it. It costs a ton to train new staff only to have them leave after 6 mos. I do not know why she has been allowed to continue to churn unfettered.

I feel strongly that in healthcare at least, middle management receives little to none training to transition to manager. They promote a nurse who is sick of being out in the field and hope for the best. A few classes, an upper-management peer mentor and things would not have to be like this.

[Zoe Girl]

I read a great book "Working with you is killing me" and there is an agreement that the people who are moved to management are not the ones good at people management, but the ones that are good at whatever the job was below that. That leads to lots of bad managers. I have seen them ruin things many times. The one manager, J, just joked in a meeting about vetoing time off requests that K approves, in front of K!!! I am twitching trying not to ruin my career by bringing this up. My personality is to bring it up directly, ask if I am going to have a problem asking for time off. I can drop the part about how J basically shut the room down, and since it was a 'joke' it is all okay. This is actually an improvement, I am one of the only ones who still works with her 4 years after she was hired.

So I realize that the good work I am doing is not what my organization wants in a manager, meanwhile they have issues because they hire other people who do not have people skills and we lose staff, then they get the hang of it, and we move on. There is one manager who questioned us during the presentation to the department, not nice gentle questioning. Later he apologized to my partner for his behavior. I wish I had more chances to show that I can handle that, I am actually really good at handling disruptive people or difficult conversations. But I am also very clear on my role in any given situation so I don't shut down or divert a disruptive person unless I am in charge, that causes problems when it is not your job specifically. I am just thinking about one of our meditation groups where I shut down a conversation pretty bluntly, and the guy comes back. So I am super proud of that, and we need some of that facilitation skill in our meetings. In one committee I take the notes on a rolling agenda in google docs so that gives me some power. I can stop, clarify, question and lead a little more in the role of note taker.

One of the worst cases was my mom's organization. She built it up and ran it for 12 years (a senior daycare service for people with alzheimers and dementia) with different funding, a board of directors, etc. Then she wanted to retire they hired someone she really didn't think was a good idea, and within a couple years the things folded. The new director forbid people to go to funerals of former participants (after the program they go to nursing homes and then pass), and forbid them to see my mother who had many close friendships.