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View Full Version : I was brave and talked to sup



Zoe Girl
3-28-16, 4:36pm
Whew, well I feel better but still a little sensitive overall. Part of the deal after a talk like this.

Last week we were talking about what days we were working this week because it is Spring Break and we only have to work 2 days. She put her finger up in a way that felt like it was in my face. So that has been bugging me and I wanted to also check in with how it is going this year. Last year part of my end of year review really blindsided me, I misjudged the tone of how my work was being received and I really don't want to be at that place again. We have focused a lot on giving and receiving feedback this year so it felt like something the sups had been asking for.

So my sup did not intend to point in my face or give a negative vibe at all, she even used the s-word (sorry), not sure I have ever heard that before from her in 5+ years. I used that as a launch to just check in about how she felt this year, what was her impression in general. It sounded much more positive, a lot of this comes down to numbers. I am the only site out of 49 that is not always on a wait list for programming. Since my numbers have gone up this year that makes me look a lot better. I shared that I thought I had misjudged last year and a few things that I thought were positives were negative enough to end up on my review as a negative. One thing we talked through a little, I told her I understood better now but I honestly believed I had done everything I needed to in order to have permission and inform my sup what I was doing. What was the worst was I was so proud of the work I had done, and it wasn't ignored or but actually written down as a negative. I still think I did a great job on that project, Some things I had no clue were a problem until I was at the end of the year and had a very negative review. It feels good to have a safe enough work environment this year that I could share that, and I am giving myself credit for doing all my own stuff to get ready to handle this positively.

One thing that was interesting was that this sup said she knew that people left the meetings and talked about them and the meeting. I was able to say very honestly that I don't, I don't consider it part of a good work environment to participate in negative gossip. And then I said I might not have too many friends that way, but it was important for me to share that I go to her with issues instead of chatting with co-workers. (yes this is why I post here more often) I also got my time off in August approved. She did tell me that she would share this with my direct sup which felt good, since I am not feeling like diving into that headfirst. Some of the tiredness of this is feeling the heaviness of having to be the one to address things in such a skilled way. It would be much easier to just b** to a dozen people and make her the bad guy,

razz
3-28-16, 5:59pm
Sounds as though you handled as a supervisor would prefer to have it. Good for you! i wouldn't gossip with others about a problem either but vented to DH or family to get it out of my system and yes it does leave one feeling isolated at times with coworkers. Gossiping seems very teenagerish (is that a word?) and then one wonders what is being said behind my back as well. Over time I found that because I wouldn't gossip about problems, I was generally looked to for leadership. That creates another skill need>8)

Zoe Girl
3-28-16, 7:01pm
Sounds as though you handled as a supervisor would prefer to have it. Good for you! i wouldn't gossip with others about a problem either but vented to DH or family to get it out of my system and yes it does leave one feeling isolated at times with coworkers. Gossiping seems very teenagerish (is that a word?) and then one wonders what is being said behind my back as well. Over time I found that because I wouldn't gossip about problems, I was generally looked to for leadership. That creates another skill need>8)

Thank you, I have handled these things for many years this way. It seems that I needed to point this out very directly to get it noticed. It is one reason that I keep applying for leadership positions. However I just read a very interesting article from the nun I study with and it brings up that authenticity and other qualities can lead to the informal authority that some people have, and rarely is it from an official leadership position.

Having a bit of a vulnerability hangover (thank you Brene Brown), I actually told her I don't have friends at work.

rodeosweetheart
3-28-16, 7:25pm
what is a vulnerability hangover?

Zoe Girl
3-28-16, 7:39pm
OMG it is so cool to learn about this! So it is from the work of Brene Brown who has a couple great ted talks. Here is one definition from an article

Coined by research professor Dr Brené Brown in her “shame-resilience curriculum”Connections, a vulnerability hangover is “the feeling that sweeps over us after we feel the need to connect… and we share something deeply meaningful. Minutes, hours, or days later, we begin to feel regret sweep over us like a warm wave of nausea.” (Clem Bastow)

So I talked about the various business things, and that naturally led into some level of emotion (professionally expressed however) that I was so proud of some things I did and got a negative response. I shared that, in the context of wanting to know if my perceptions at work this year were more accurate, but still for a work situation it was uncomfortable.

rodeosweetheart
3-28-16, 7:51pm
I see--that's very descriptive, and makes total sense. Sort of regret after the fact that we shared, since it involved vulnerability, and now we feel more vulnerable.

Zoe Girl
3-28-16, 7:54pm
yeah, the best case is when it is followed up with some reassurance. however I don't totally regret sharing

rodeosweetheart
3-28-16, 8:00pm
Well it sounds to me like you made real progress in communicating with her, and I think the fact that you are not going behind her back and raking her over the coals s a good thing, and you expressed yourself clearly with a lot of integrity. So well done!

Zoe Girl
3-28-16, 8:04pm
I am eating the last chocolate bunny :):)