View Full Version : Who are you? Where do you belong?
I just ran into a comment someone made that:
"All emotion is a derivative of the primary emotion from the loss of awareness of who one is. All the great philosophers advise us to 'Know thyself.' To be more precise I would advise us to 'Meet thyself again.'"
I think that's good simple living advice. I think if you can hone in on exactly who you really are and where you are when you are free of any internal resistance, you can live in greater simplicity. The trouble is, we're so used to carrying expectations and beliefs on our backs that we have a hard time finding our naked selves.
So think about it.. can you name a time and/or place when you felt absolutely like you belonged where you were? Do you remember being in a place and thinking "I belong here." Actually, can you remember not even thinking it--just knowing that you belonged there without even thinking it? Do you remember how that felt?
I can't wait to hear your stories!
Late 80"s, sitting outside the Rainbow Music Hall, waiting for a show on a dirty grimy sidewalk. It was either too hot or too cold, always dirty. I could be myself, act a little crazy or hold the spot while I read a Stephen King book or studied Calculus, and it was all okay. Just be myself, When Black Flag came along in a dirty van to drop gallons of water and juice for us some people didn't even know who they were. Billy Bragg played outside for awhile since we waited so long. When we went to The Cure it was Halloween!! So a little old lady at the grocery store thought we were dressed up as witches for Halloween.
Ahh, and those clothes were so cool. I dressed in all black, some combat boots, a little like a boy. One of our games was to guess the gender in line, so much variety! You couldn't tell if someone was male or female or something fluid, and then that had no strict correlation to who they were attracted to. I could easily be quiet or aggressive or simply outside of the girl box, smart kid box, anything. Just people (I miss my tribe sometimes, we grew up).
This morning, in the dirt. Its really too early to do much, we're supposed to get snow this weekend and some teens for temperatures next week. I did some bed prep so that when it warms up a bit I'm ready to go. This is where I feel at home. This is where I belong. With plants and sometimes animals, not so much with people. I don't really fit in with groups of people. So its me and the plants. On a sunny day, I sit on my patio in the late afternoon with a glass of wine and say "YES!".
My husband teases that he can hear me humming from inside the house.
freshstart
4-2-16, 12:33pm
this will sound small but the last time I felt like "this is where I belong" was sitting outside Bernice's cage at the shelter for hours waiting for her to come to me. When she did and climbed into my lap, it felt like this was my purpose, to change this dog's horrible life for the rest of her life, that she never have to be afraid of a human or go hungry again. And I had only gone to the shelter to drop off food, I had zero intention of looking in the dog room, let alone coming home with one. Something put me there that day.
the other one that floats to the top was when I was in HS and my dad was recovering in the hospital from major surgery. I crossed paths in the hall with my grandmother, who said he was upset he missed my orchestra concert, that he was proud of my grades and drive to get into a good school, blah, blah, blah. I said, "you don't have to paint a rosy picture of him, I don't think he even knows I'm in orchestra. This is Dad we're talking about." She set me straight because I was basically accusing her of lying, something you would not do to this woman and told me to get my butt in there and tell him I loved him. He was asleep but groggily reached for my hand, I told him I love you. When he fully woke up, he said, "I love you, too." That was the first time I remember him ever saying that and I realized he really did love me and wanted my brother and me. We both thought we were accidents sent to make his life a living hell. That's when I knew I belonged to my tribe as undesirable as that may have been, lol
You know the opening song in Portlandia? - something like that.
Apart from that, not really. Some places I kind of belong - Winnipeg was like that. Yellowknife is kind of like that in some ways. Central/eastern Alberta where my relatives come from.
Incidences - I remember one time when I did a call with a vet to this largish acreage place. A single lady lived in a nice warm trailer, with her parents on the same property in another trailer, a couple horses, close to town but not in town. It just seemed the most peaceful existence. I wanted something like that for my life. But later on I wanted more people around me than that. My last shared housing situation was quite good. I think some type of co-housing situation would be good - live in the country, but also have people around.
I don't think I've exactly found the perfect situation yet, but I'm moving in the right direction.
ApatheticNoMore
4-2-16, 1:01pm
Cities? I felt most like I belonged in Seattle in summer (Seattle in winter, I have not even been, and I could *imagine* it becoming unbearable - I am afterall used to some sunshine and miss it after several days of overcast). I also belong most in a certain natural place around here that I walk (it has the advantage of being around here, a few miles, not 1000s of miles away :). It's the most peaceful place in the world - an ethereal peace).
People? I belong with certain subsets of hippies and countercultural idealists who reject much of the mainstream values and want to improve the world (as long as they aren't the control freak type - most aren't but I have definitely encountered and those I do not belong with). Activities? I belong most trying to improve the world and make a better world .... as long as you don't think about how futile it all is (basically in truth the day to day enjoyment has to outweigh that for it to even be worth it - because it is largely futile).
I mostly think we know ourselves by journaling, but it is not always self where it most belongs, but most often self in the struggle of living in a world one most definitely DOES NOT belong in! And self with all the fears and impulses and evasions of the half-conscious self, all those undercurrents. (It is seldom JUST belonging, not for long, there are usually cross currents, but there is without the slightest doubt places and situations we belong in more than others! It is emotionally obvious with all those emotions we are told to ignore and dismiss).
I remember looking out over Elliot Bay on a visit to Seattle and feeling very much at peace and at home. Maybe because I was born at the coast, in a hospital overlooking the confluence of the Pacific Ocean and the Columbia, expanses of water call to me. Water, hills, and trees will do it every time. I also felt immediately at home in Bellevue, WA, which is very urban, with pretty little pocket neighborhoods.
People--I'm most comfortable with people who like to think, who aren't hung up on gender (the old "we are all female impersonators" quote comes to mind) or in acting out tiresome gender roles. I've enjoyed parties with people discussing a wide variety of topics, showing interest and respect for each other without posturing or condescension. I'm more comfortable in all-male groups than all-female, for some reason, but some mixed groups as well. I belonged to a couple of quilt guilds and always felt stifled.There were actually women who prided themselves on writing fake information in their check registers in order to buy fabric, which they then smuggled into the house past their husbands. I'm sure the expression on my face on hearing that was priceless...
I'm probably most myself when I'm alone with information and artwork, with small groups of like-minded people, or in nature.
ETA: Location--I need to live near a metropolitan area with thrift stores, libraries, ethnic markets and restaurants, educational opportunities, and natural beauty. I've got that one nailed.
Gardenarian
4-2-16, 7:25pm
I never thought location would influence my emotional life the way it has since we moved. I feel freer and looser here. Even if I screw something up, I can just laugh about it. I feel completely at home here in a way I don't think I ever have before. I am my true self most of the time, doing what I really want to do - and that is an unusual thing for me. I didn't believe there was a place I would feel I belonged.
I think it is a combination of the actual place, the social/political climate, the environment, and my coming to an age where I can accept myself.
Every day I have moments when I feel so grateful, so blessed. I've started writing again because it seems like my former negativity is just gone.
My dd says the people here are really chill, so I don't think it is just my perception.
I had some friends from the Bay Area come up and visit this past week and I was taken aback by how critical they were of everything. They were looking for things to pick on. That is not the mind-set here at all. But I was able to stand back and just think, they are seeing things with different eyes.
these stories are great, good thread
Whenever I have had the opportunity to see the mountains off in the distance, I felt at home. I remember it from childhood summers and maybe before. It might be some ancestral longing. Not something I can explain except I have decided to grow old where I can see them once again.
I'm happiest riding my bike.
Second happiest spending time with a few people from my husband/children/grandkids/close friends group. But not all of them at once. 2-3 tops.
Third happiest teaching nursing to my student nurses or coaching the nursing staff at my main job. I get a kick out of helping nurses succeed.
Williamsmith
4-3-16, 4:37am
I am a collection of all my life experiences which is to say a boiling pot of contradictions. Looking into the pot at any one time you will see something different roiling by. That is easy to answer. The second question harder.
I have not felt a sense of belonging in any one place for more than a brief time. My life has been a constant search for "something beautiful to touch me."
As a child, my room was my refuge. At night during a thunderstorm when the Windows rattled, the walls shook, the wind whistling through the loose cracks between the panes and the rain rushing against them in waves....My bed was like a beautiful cocoon where I felt safe from the turmoil outside.
When I was very young a cute girl reached out her hand and took mine. I didn't know what it was but "something beautiful had touched me".
At age 16, I flew a Piper 140 airplane into the sky at an airport near my home. No one sat beside me. I was alone. Above the world....flying. Where the blue sky met the horizon, that was my only restriction. It was beautiful.
At an early age, I sought solitude in nearby woods by a waterfall. Here I wrote poetry while my dog splashed in and out of a nearby creek. It was clear something had touched me. The poetry is hidden in a box in the attic nearly a half century later.
In college, a chance meeting with girl on my way to class. We talked as she stood on a curb. She accidentally, stumbled off the curb into me, saying "nothing like falling for you." That was an amazing 35 years ago and she is still my best beautiful friend.
The birth of my three children. Being present at each one was a gift of beauty and a rush hard to improve upon.
Upon my retirement, a trip to the seashore. One morning watching the sun come up over the horizon. My avatar. A new beautiful beginning for a parched soul.
Every day is a search for something beautiful to touch me.
http://youtu.be/yq1H3l7kyYU
This is such a great topic and a great thread! I think it is paramount to simple living as well!
A couple weeks ago I went out into a rainstorm to go fishing from the bank of a small lake out in the country. The rain and wind were both hard. It was about 50 degrees. I was all alone out there because the weather was rough. I was jigging panfish, breathing in the country air, enjoying the scenery of nature as the seasons were beginning to change.
And everything felt right.
Where do I belong? I feel most balanced when in the forest. The sensation comes after I've been walking for a while and tune in to the sounds around me. Sooner or later, I get a great sensation of not being alone and seeing the woodland as it is. The same sensation happens when I am a the town beach. It's a quiet Sunday morning, I have the place almost to myself. In the sun and in the water, just moving along without any purpose other than to be in the sun and water.
Last year, I went to Sicily for a vacation. Unfortunately, I cannot post a photo of the balcony overlooking Mazzaro Bay in Taormina Sicily. I stayed at a B&B called Casa Cuseni. There are statues of young woman on the balcony staring out into the bay and at Mt. Aetna. The volcano is enormous and fills the horizon. I could see lava flowing at night. Standing with those statues, just being there in that house, I was home. I read the book, A House in Sicily by Daphne Phelps a few times before going over. Ms. Phelps inspired me to visit. I got to know the house and the island through her travels and stories. It went beyond expectation of being the loveliest place on earth. If I could, I'd stay there forever.
One thing that is clear to me, relating to people and being myself seems difficult. I cannot think of a person who I felt comfortable with and that it would last. There are moments with people where there are connections, something always comes along to change that. When I am alone, I can be myself.
There is a wildlife refuge in my childhood hometown and it has trails you can walk and observe flora and fauna. There are a couple of spots along one trail where I experience a deep, moving relationship with the place. In fact, I call it "my place." There is nothing in view but nature; no buildings, telephone poles, wires, or any real evidence of anything but nature. I feel very drawn to the Earth in those spots and my soul spoken to. Very peaceful and life-giving.
ToomuchStuff
4-12-16, 2:31pm
Yesterday, I was wondering more WHEN do I belong.
Can't say I have really ever had a where that I feel comfortable with. But I had a reminder of what I call the 50 year swing. A few (don't remember how many), years back, I had a friend want to set me up with someone 68. Couple months later, a couple I know and am close to in age, wanted to set me up with their 18 year old daughter. (hence the 50 year swing) People have always told me I look younger then I am (finally changing, thanks to greying hair), but I have always felt so much older due to life experience (everything from two room schoolhouse as a child, to the aging from dealing with adult matters, etc). There have been too many instances, where I liked a gal, and she thought I was young, and her daughter liked me. Just have days, where I feel out of time.
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