View Full Version : Interviewing listing agents
So, we're finally looking at listing agents in order to sell BIL's house next door. A good step in the right direction, but I have to admit to extreme annoyance with BIL.
He came over today and asked if I had a key to his house because "he was going running" and "he wasn't going to just sit around for these agents" and now DH "has a job." This struck a nerve, because his lackadaisical attitude matched the attitude he had which slowed down the selling process on my MIL's house in 2008 and cost me personally hundreds of thousands of dollars.
So, I stuffed my feelings.
We had a great meeting with a very knowledgeable and savvy real estate listing agent this afternoon. A couple hours later, he came over and said, "OK, I had my fill for the day. That's it." So I asked him what he meant and he said, "Real estate agents. That's it. I'm done."
I saw his irritation, and I asked him, "But, YOU are the one who wants to move." "Yeah," he said, "But I don't want to be consumed with it 24/7!" 24/7? He saw TWO agents today. Probably took up less than 1 hour of his time. Now, I'm not on the same clock I was back in 2008, but I still got really annoyed.
I should have posted this in Family and Relationships. I'm just looking forward to paying a good chunk of my debt. And I see my BIL is heading towards being an obstructionist again.
Just a rant.
Teacher Terry
4-8-16, 7:17pm
So if I have this right he does not work but thinks his time is being wasted? Are you guys both are working? Slap him upside the head and get it over with:)) Talk about self-centered.
So if I have this right he does not work but thinks his time is being wasted? Are you guys both are working? Slap him upside the head and get it over with:)) Talk about self-centered.
I'm working.. DH is "retired" (wants to work but isnt). BIL works at a menial seasonal job at a golf course so he'll be starting up next week. But still, it's no skin off his nose. We have his house keys. He goes on his merry way to work. My DH said that when he saw the agent in the morning (I was working so I couldn't go over), he literally took his chair and turned it around so that his back was to the real estate agent while the agent was talking. So I don't know what feelings he's expressing. Can you get any more rude?? Is he mad at my DH? Does he really not want to move? What's going on?? Whatever it is, it's completely aggravating.
iris lilies
4-8-16, 8:56pm
Ugh. I am crossing my fingers for you to get through this with a sold house and a check in hand.
i also think it would not hurt for you to mention to
BIL that you lost hundreds of thousands of dollars the last time "we delayed a sale on real estate." You don't have to lay the blame on him, but point out in real dollars what you lost. show him that you have reason to use your backbone and move this sale along.
It should all be over soon--unless he decides it benefits him to move in with you or something. I wish you the very best on this deal.
If your market is anything like here in California, you will have a very quick sale and be done.
Maybe you could pay for a far-away vacation for BIL until the house closes, you know, get him the hell out of the way. Cheaper and less stressful than the last sale.
Wait till BiL discovers that selling a house means keeping it nice all the time and vacating during showings. If he thinks meeting a couple of RE agents is ruining his day...
My sympathies. I hope it ends well and quickly.
iris lilies
4-9-16, 12:01pm
OP, a little righteous anger on your part in this situation is a good thing.
And yeah, I think that your DH does have a job; it is to keep his brother in line, keep the brother's house (also your house) presentable and tidy, and to get the thing sold.
Wait till BiL discovers that selling a house means keeping it nice all the time and vacating during showings. If he thinks meeting a couple of RE agents is ruining his day...
My sympathies. I hope it ends well and quickly.
We just had another listing agent come (DH has asked every real estate agent in town, I think!), and I feel BIL's angst. He's gritting his teeth every step of the way. He doesn't contribute to conversations, but he will say things under his breath. I know that this is also about his relationship with DH and me, and added to any normal person's emotional state when selling a home (and he's not exactly normal to begin with), I just have to try to be firm but understanding.
I told DH that it would be tempting to "remind" him at some point that we've been subsidizing him for the past 6 years, but DH says that he wouldn't see it that way, because he feels entitled.
Does he have plans for the eventual move? He should be working on that.
Does he have plans for the eventual move? He should be working on that.
He plans on moving into a studio apartment or one bedroom, and he has been shopping around, but he'll wait until we are under contract before he actually rents something. But he has another rude awakening coming because if he can't afford the property taxes in his paid-for home (~700/mo) he's not going to be able to afford an apartment in our area (going rate for a studio $1k/month). So he'll wind up dipping into the proceeds of the house for living expenses, which are not going to last forever, given his penchant for expensive Princeton supermarkets and gourmet food.
And I thought 400-plus a month was outrageous--I don't blame him for balking at 700. It sounds like his options are limited.
ApatheticNoMore
4-9-16, 1:59pm
I don't know how much the gourmet food may cost but when you have to worry about the food budget to pay the rent, the rent (more than the food) is probably beyond what you can reasonably afford. Just saying.
(and more important in trying to reduce expenses as the rent will never be flexible going forward, at best it will stay pretty constant and there's a decent chance it will go up - whereas if you want fancier food than money in your wallet it's pretty easy to adjust even that week or that pay period)
Teacher Terry
4-9-16, 2:41pm
Once his $ runs out he can apply for senior housing. It is pretty nice and doesn't usually have the long waiting lists like low income does.
ToomuchStuff
4-12-16, 2:45pm
I told DH that it would be tempting to "remind" him at some point that we've been subsidizing him for the past 6 years, but DH says that he wouldn't see it that way, because he feels entitled.
I had to go throught some threads as I didn't remember the whole story. (link for those that don't: http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?13003-Two-Roads-Diverged-in-a-Yellow-Wood-%28or-in-a-NJ-neighborhood%29)
Has he talked to movers yet? Done any packing (typically agents tell you to make a house look bigger, clear clutter, etc)?
I wouldn't be afraid to say what you said above, as long as you start with "I realize you feel entitled to live here, (example continuing, but I feel resentful that you haven't bought our half out so we can pay our tax debt, instead of supporting you with it).
You all need to be on a real reality basis, or this is just going to keep being problems (he may decide he doesn't want to sell, cause issues at closing, end up requiring a lawsuit to force the sale, etc).
Did you also consider the selling your own house, paying off the taxes, and buying your bil out and moving into that house with a smaller mortgage?
Williamsmith
4-13-16, 8:42am
My brother and I own what was my parents house. My mother was living in it alone until one day my brother contacts me and informs me that he sold his insurance business but now he can't afford to keep his own house. Is it okay if he moves in with mom? So he sells his house and moves in. My mother is a cancer survivor and in her eighties. The house needs repairs. But my brother is not interested too much in fixing the chimney or roofing or driveway or garage. He likes to take cruises and trips to Las Vegas. He owns a travel agency. So far it hasn't cost me anything.
But what happens when my mother passes away? Or needs to be in a nursing facility. There will be taxes and insurance to pay and repairs to be made. Will he be moving out and selling the house? What is his financial status? There are plenty of land mines in our relationship pending.
So I say this, is it reasonable to sell the house to BIL for $1 , give him title and with it all the headaches even though it means giving up claim to half of the value. I have mentioned this to my mother but she just insists that the house is to be shared equally. As if it were a real asset without liabilities. Me, I just don't want anything to do with it.
I realize the OP has debts, but with all the issues and unknowns.......Id just want to wash my hands of it.
iris lilies
4-13-16, 9:09am
My brother and I own what was my parents house. My mother was living in it alone until one day my brother contacts me and informs me that he sold his insurance business but now he can't afford to keep his own house. Is it okay if he moves in with mom? So he sells his house and moves in. My mother is a cancer survivor and in her eighties. The house needs repairs. But my brother is not interested too much in fixing the chimney or roofing or driveway or garage. He likes to take cruises and trips to Las Vegas. He owns a travel agency. So far it hasn't cost me anything.
But what happens when my mother passes away? Or needs to be in a nursing facility. There will be taxes and insurance to pay and repairs to be made. Will he be moving out and selling the house? What is his financial status? There are plenty of land mines in our relationship pending.
So I say this, is it reasonable to sell the house to BIL for $1 , give him title and with it all the headaches even though it means giving up claim to half of the value. I have mentioned this to my mother but she just insists that the house is to be shared equally. As if it were a real asset without liabilities. Me, I just don't want anything to do with it.
I realize the OP has debts, but with all the issues and unknowns.......Id just want to wash my hands of it.
The OP has New Jesey real estate. Even a box is worth $250,000.I would not give that up.
is it reasonable to sell the house to BIL for $1
Is there still a mortgage/home-equity loan/encumbrance on the house? Or is it paid off?
You need to check with a real-estate lawyer in your state. I know when I divorced, I didn't want the house, but my ex did. She had to refinance to get my name off the mortgage and I had to supply a quit-claim deed to indicate that I had no interest in the property going forward. If the house is paid off, it's probably just a matter of simple paperwork.
TooMuchStuff, he has been clearing clutter, throwing things out, etc. I really think he's motivated to cash out. I only foresee problems with him moving into an apartment, because he won't be able to afford it unless he increases his income to support his lifestyle, but I do think cutting cord is the best thing to do at this point. Maybe he'll surprise me.
Williamsmith, there's no way I would give up that equity for a buck. I've already give up scads of money to this whole real estate nightmare. But I do empathize with you, because in a few years, you may be walking in my shoes. This experience has told me if NOTHING else do NOT bequeath real estate to more than one individual.
Steve, the house is free and clear, which is such a bonus. I've asked DH if he'd sell our house and then buy out BIL. His house is smaller than ours, so it might be a nice "downsizing" opportunity, and we would cut our housing expenses in half.
And, actually, 5 minutes ago my son, who is visiting from VT, did a full court press on DH to "let it go" and move to VT.
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