coming up on 50

[Zoe Girl]

My mom already noted that my birthday in November is 50! I guess she would like to celebrate. I have been thinking about it and I would like a playlist of music from family and friends so I am going through all the stages of music in my life. I find that music is a big way that I connect to people. So that is my thought, any milestone birthday ideas?

[iris lilies]

Random, idle thoughts ahead: Ive never figured out why society says 50 is the number that deserves a big celebration.why 50, why not 40.? why not 60? What is it about 50, that its half of 100? Then the next Big Number seems to be 80. Why? Why not 75?
i just dont get it.

I am not interested in most societal norms shaping celebrations. Up until the years we retired, we were usually out in the gardens working on Easter, memorial Day, 4th of July, and any holiday that created a day off from paid work. Now that we are retired and I am looking back, I see that we did miss things with friends b cause we had to work! Especially Easter, that was usually one of the first wonderful Sundays of the spring season and I didnt want to waste it being indoors.

For my 50th birthday I planned a blowout celebration: DH and I went to the UK and stayed in castles and rented a canal boat for a week long trip. It was also a celebration of his 50th birthday the same year. Both these thing I had always wanted to do. Before that trip, a friend decided that I needed a surprise party (I didnt) and there was a large group who surprised me. Sure it was a nice gesture, but I had already planned my celebration and any party seemed superfluous, wish they had not done it. I suspect they thought DH was a stick in the mud for not planning anything for my birthday, but he was doing exactly what I wanted him to do, come away with me on a fun trip.

People are very in-a-rut about the adult birthday event, theremust be party consisting of present and cake.

[nswef]

I'm all for cake celebrations, but big parties with presents...no. I always wonder why 55 isn't a big deal or 27. Who decided the tens and fives and twenty fives were it. I think the party organizers like parties, kind of like hospital visitors want people to visit them in the hospital. I like Zoe's idea of music. That's a personal and memory producing present. I will warn you , though that when I was taping old music to put on CD...I found some real depression listening to the music, so be aware if it was a not so good time in your life, the music might bring it all back. My sister only listens to the new music.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I was not aware that 50 was a big deal in any sense except that decade measures in general tend to big deals (so the same for 30 and 40 etc.). This is some weird cultural thing I'm not aware of I guess. Figures :~)

[Zoe Girl]

I think I thought of it because my mom brought it up, but it would be cool to celebrate. I am the oldest child and grandchild so I get to lead the group. I just don't want an entire celebration of joke gifts.

I have been going back to a lot of old music and it has been good. Some of the artists are still working and making good music. Bad Religion never stopped, same with Social Distortion. I am still totally in Bob Mould who started with Husker Du and has developed in many ways. I think it had a big impact on my kids because my middle kid told a co-worker some of her favorite music and he wondered why so much was older music. I love Johnny Cash from my dad, and even got the Alison Krause/Robert Plant CD (he didn't like it). I would like to find some music that is current to round out my collection.

[iris lilies]

I was not aware that 50 was a big deal in any sense except that decade measures in general tend to big deals (so the same for 30 and 40 etc.). This is some weird cultural thing I'm not aware of I guess. Figures :~)
At least, it seem to me that around here "50" is a the big deal. Only in the past few years has that become obvious to me.

To me, other rites of passage would be better to celebrate such as retirement, thats a giant deal. Or age 62, thats when you can start to pull gubmnet checks (Social Security) . :~) Or whatever senior age is universal for gwtting senior discounts. I can guarantee I will be celebrating when I can qualify for medicare, no more $13,000/year health care preiums for us, Yay.

Or for the frugal, the day you become debt free. Or pay the off the mortgage, or reach a major net worth number, or reach the "crossover number" as in YMOyL. But that all looks like bragging, so cant celebrate that.

birthdays are just so boring to me because everyone has them every year. There is nothing unique or interesting about them.

[JaneV2.0]

Now that we've all rained on ZoeGirl's parade...:~)

Could you nudge your mom into making it a celebration? The kids are grown, you've gained wisdom, you're free in many ways, and you're looking forward to a second wind (in your sails, hopefully) So no crepe hanging or geezer jokes (most of them hit close to home, sadly).

[Zoe Girl]

Now that we've all rained on ZoeGirl's parade...:~)
.

Thank you, it was getting to be a little downer. If I don't say clearly what I want I will end up with my mom's version of what would be good to her, something that says 'pretty please fit in so the rest of us have a good time'. My regular habit is to do something like go on retreat, check out of social interaction, just so that I don't have to have the awkward thing that doesn't really fit. I think my kids know me well enough that they would do things that I would like (for Mother's day I want a t-shirt that says Mal - Wash 2016, we aim to misbehave, Firefly geekness).

I told her my idea of a playlist and she knew a song! Eurythmics, which is cool. So that says some paying attention.

[iris lilies]

Thank you, it was getting to be a little downer. If I don't say clearly what I want I will end up with my mom's version of what would be good to her, something that says 'pretty please fit in so the rest of us have a good time'. My regular habit is to do something like go on retreat, check out of social interaction, just so that I don't have to have the awkward thing that doesn't really fit...


I think that's why a lot of people dont like surprise parties or parties planned by others. Its not authentic to who they are. We have an internal dialog that goes: if you want to honor me on my birthday, then pay attention to who I am.

But then the generic party gets thrown because that is the easiest, takes the least thought and effort.

Zoe, are they talking exclusive about gifts, or are you parents coming to the visit you as well? Seems like they could fund a really nice retreat, that would be a great present.

[Zoe Girl]

I don't know if they plan on visiting, it is 7 months away and my mom doesn't have the meal planned so they must not be planning on it! I would like the play list stuff, CD's of great music, and then a dinner out at an Indian restaurant. Maybe something with friends if enough are able to come. I am trying not to 'extreme introvert' as much since I have felt too much alone-ness, but a retreat is always good.

[Williamsmith]

I am thankful my wife is not one of those "benchmark celebrations" type. I would have been against having any celebration especially not the black balloons, over the hill, 50th birthday celebration. I have never been comfortable with celebration of any kind. No birthdays, no graduations, no special achievements......I have been forced into it a couple times and was very embarrassed by it. I received a law enforcement officer of the year award with the associated banquet. The plaque was kept in a box in my attic and when I moved it didn't make the move with me. I don't keep newspaper clippings or memorabilia except one small piece of a car I was in that was completely destroyed.

But music is like a time machine. I can completely understand a compilation as a gift. Man I do get that. Good music never gets old. Just like good people.


http://youtu.be/_LP5uuLcwCs

[Float On]

any milestone birthday ideas?
I'll have my 50th next Feb. You know me the last item on my 50 by 50 list I did on this year's retreat is.....another personal retreat! I have no interest in a party thrown by others. I'm planning to take even more days (usually I do 3) and celebrate alone!
*I've already been able to mark off about 1/4 of my 50 by 50 list.