Identity

[Ultralight]

While this has surely been talked about a bit on here in other threads I thought the idea of identity worth a revisit.

The other day I was at the sporting goods store buying some jigs for in my tackle box. The guy in front of me was yelling at his daughter about this or that. She was little and just acting like kids do. Earlier, in another part of the store I passed to get to the fishing section, this same guy was yelling at his daughter then too. He was yelling at her for asking for things, for asking about things, for asking about prices, for basically everything.

So when they got to the cashier the cashier asked: "You have a loyalty card?"

The dad said: "Yes, but not on me."

The cashier asked: "Phone number or email?"

Then in a very calm and self-absorbed voice he said: "My email is Mandy'sDaddy@whateveremail.com"

Obviously I changed the name and email address, but you get the point. Dude obviously identifies most with being his daughter's father. But he sure seemed to not like having to actually be a dad.

So perhaps he created an identity for himself in a flawed way.


Surely to some degree we all create our own mistaken identities, so to speak. And our identities change with time, experience, circumstances, etc.


But if you had to identify yourself by one thing (philosophy, relationship, hobby, possession, etc.), what would it be?
Do you feel comfortable with this? Is this a recent development? Thoughts on how identity and the things we identify with effect simple living?

[herbgeek]

I've had multiple identities over the years, and never any one thing at a time. My educational/occupational identity has been relatively the same over the years, even with different jobs. I identify as "engineer".

Some of those identities were only aspirational (like Mandy's dad). One of those aspirational ones was Herbgeek, cocktail party giver. Except I never had a cocktail party and my friends aren't the sort to go to them. I do drinks and snacks, but its not "cocktail party". But while this identity was in my head, it influenced me to buy cool platters and the like for a crowd. I would pick up just the perfect thing for the next cocktail party. So after a while, this stuff accumulated. And even though I never used most of it, it was really hard to get rid of. Because I wanted to be that cocktail party host. And it bothered me in a way that I wasn't. It bothered me more that I spent all this money on things to support this aspirational identity.

I guess I now define myself by the labels: engineer, simplifier (both work and personal life), gardener, dabbler in home and garden arts, partner, aunt. Not any one thing, all parts of me.

[KayLR]

My "byline" in some places sums it up: NW native, dabbler, seeker, grandma extraordinaire.

[iris lilies]

Me: bulldog mom, flower gardener, old house hugger.

[rosarugosa]

Nature lover, animal lover, reader, gardener, Deadhead. Member of the Simple Living Forums. :)

[Chicken lady]

Funny, I started my list "mom, wife, daughter, teacher, potter, gardener, keeper of goats and chickens, lover of books...

and then realized I hadn't thought to include "friend". And while I was thinking about what that said about me, I realized I also hadn't included "sister" which makes me a little sad. I almost never think of myself as someone's sister. In fact when I tell my students stories about when I was a kid I often say "I had a little brother." I still HAVE a brother (at 6'4" not so little). I wish we were closer.

[razz]

I tried to think of what people have told me over the years about how they see me that made sense to me.

Thinker, doer, curious, artistic, joyous, mom, grandmother, dog owner, gardener, optimist, friend, sister, widow, walker

[Williamsmith]

This is the most intellectual thing that has ever been written about identity.....

"I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam."

Myself, I have been trying to be someone else all my life. And I think I have succeeded. I just don't know it yet.

[Simplemind]

Sigh................ I wish I had you all as neighbors.

[razz]

Sigh................ I wish I had you all as neighbors.

Aren't we online neighbours? :D

[Ultralight]

This is the most intellectual thing that has ever been written about identity.....

"I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam."

Myself, I have been trying to be someone else all my life. And I think I have succeeded. I just don't know it yet.


K-Von said: "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be."

[Ultralight]

But if you had to identify yourself by one thing (philosophy, relationship, hobby, possession, etc.), what would it be?


;)

[catherine]

Myself, I have been trying to be someone else all my life. And I think I have succeeded. I just don't know it yet.

Great insight--I think I can relate. At the end of the day, I want to say I was a good mother, a good person, a hard worker, a person in love with life, a someone who cared, someone who did that amorphous and trite "making a difference" thing. Most of all, I think at the end of the day, I want to be the person that Emily Web in my auto signature talks about: someone who "realizes life while they live it, every, every minute." But that's an inside job. I'm not sure if anyone would know if I'm realizing life or not so I can't identify as that.

There were times when I felt forced to be someone I'm not from a work life perspective. I never ever figured myself as a business person working in corporate life. FAR far from it. So I've felt conflicted there. I don't self-identify as a pharmaceutical market researcher, even though that's what I am. I enjoy permaculture and environmental issues--does that make me a permaculturist or environmentalist? Not yet. My family is the core of my existence, but ARE they my identity? Would I admit it if they were? I definitely have strong codependent tendencies.

So, if I were creating a password describing how I see myself, I think I would probably put something like "?!:)" (an homage to the artist-formerly-known-as-Prince)

[Tammy]

I'm lucky in that my career as a psychiatric nurse and nurse supervisor and nurse educator fits who I am: someone who cares about mental and emotional health for myself and others, who truly believes in unconditional positive regard, and who enjoys mentoring and teaching others.

It took 18 years to find a niche within nursing that fits me this well.

[Ultralight]

I'm lucky in that my career as a psychiatric nurse and nurse supervisor and nurse educator fits who I am: someone who cares about mental and emotional health for myself and others, who truly believes in unconditional positive regard, and who enjoys mentoring and teaching others.

It took 18 years to find a niche within nursing that fits me this well.

In a way, you hit the jackpot.

[ToomuchStuff]

I would identify, simply as ME.
Identifying as one thing, is wrong. Also, judging this guy on the one time you saw him is wrong.
Do you know if he was having a bad day?
Do you know if she was intentionally trying to annoy him, or had been told to do so by her mother or other relative?
Do you know if he identifies himself as her daddy, simply because of an accident. or was she planned?
Etc.

[Ultralight]

I would identify, simply as ME.
Identifying as one thing, is wrong. Also, judging this guy on the one time you saw him is wrong.
Do you know if he was having a bad day?
Do you know if she was intentionally trying to annoy him, or had been told to do so by her mother or other relative?
Do you know if he identifies himself as her daddy, simply because of an accident. or was she planned?
Etc.

But what comprises you "me" identification?

I don't think identifying as one this is wrong for everyone. It might work well for someone, I dunno.

But it was really more of a thought exercise to get to the thing most core to who you are. It was not meant to be final or to be taken too seriously.

I would say I judged this dude in the moment, but beyond that I was just speculating. His case was just a way to illustrate my questions, not indict him for being a horrible father. haha

[catherine]

Not sure if this is tangential to the question or not, but I just saw this article (http://www.nytimes.com/subscriptions/Multiproduct/lp8QH64.html?articleId=7&WT.mc_id=2016-CPLTEST-FB-MC4-7) and it has some very interesting thoughts on how we might identify ourselves.


Commencement speakers are always telling young people to follow their passions. Be true to yourself. This is a vision of life that begins with self and ends with self. But people on the road to inner light do not find their vocations by asking, what do I want from life? They ask, what is life asking of me? How can I match my intrinsic talent with one of the world’s deep needs?

[Ultralight]

Not sure if this is tangential to the question or not, but I just saw this article (http://www.nytimes.com/subscriptions/Multiproduct/lp8QH64.html?articleId=7&WT.mc_id=2016-CPLTEST-FB-MC4-7) and it has some very interesting thoughts on how we might identify ourselves.

Very intriguing quote!

I was also thinking how we can often get swept up into a identity we have for ourselves. Like: "I am upper middle class!"
But if that person is actually working class, then they could go deep into debt and so forth.

Or a person who identifies most as a chess player but loses their love for it and wants instead to be a community gardener. The chess identity might have enough momentum from sunk costs and/or peer pressure and so forth that the person can't get off the speeding runaway train of chess playing to get into the new love of community gardening.


Just a couple examples of things this thread made me think of...

[ToomuchStuff]

But what comprises you "me" identification?

The sum total of genetics and environment/experiences.
I am not the same as I was when I was 14, or 18 or whatever age, because so much has changed while somethings haven't.
It may well work for some, but experiences have taught me different. When I was a kid, I was always told, do what you love and work won't be work.
That was a lie. Things I enjoyed, like working on cars, became a chore when it was fixing other peoples problems. Hobbies turned into jobs then turned into things I hated.
Viewing yourself as one thing, can also be dangerous.
Should I view myself, via the view of that deathbed call from a relative? (shouldn't have been born, remind them of the rapists in the family, dangerous, future criminal)
Others in society that see me (worthless, failure, never did anything with his life, works for x, or even think I am a different person entirely).
The company I have been in? (exposed to serial killer, child molesters, pedo's, cops, other criminals, etc)
By my job?

I am simply me. I can only learn from my experiences, and somewhat vicariously from others, to try to dispel myths, lies, inaccuracies, untrue prejudices, etc. and try to improve upon, ME.

[Teacher Terry]

When a good friend of mine was dying he said he hoped he left something good behind and I told him he did a lot of good in this world because it was true.

[bae]

I would also have to go with the answer of "me". My identify is too complex and context-dependent to have a single label or "core".

And I often barely even identify as "me" - one of the reasons I live on a mountain on a remote island is I feel too strongly the emotions of others, which blurs the line between "me" and "y'all".

[pinkytoe]

Perhaps this is just part of being human, but sometimes I will get a fleeting sense that I am living the wrong life. That the place I am and the people I know aren't really the ones I was meant to know in this life. Or that the essence of who I am is not being utilized as it could have been. Perhaps that is just regret or the thoughts of a person approaching their elder years - I don't know. Struggling a bit with this now since leaving my work of 15 years and soon to be my house and city. It makes me think about the anchors in our life that make up our so-called identity. I hadn't realized how "grounding" it was to have those constants. So now, I will pursue a new identity in some other place which is kind of exciting. The only constant I can carry forward is to be kind. That has always mattered to me.

[catherine]

And I often barely even identify as "me" - one of the reasons I live on a mountain on a remote island is I feel too strongly the emotions of others, which blurs the line between "me" and "y'all".

A strong endorsement for moving to the kind of spots where community means bearing each others' burdens and joys. And an endorsement for dismantling the barriers in society that limit that kind of community. How can we create "remote islands" in our urban environments? If we could, we'd all be better off.

[JaneV2.0]

I would also have to go with the answer of "me". My identify is too complex and context-dependent to have a single label or "core".

And I often barely even identify as "me" - one of the reasons I live on a mountain on a remote island is I feel too strongly the emotions of others, which blurs the line between "me" and "y'all".

Separated at birth, maybe? I could have answered the same way. If I have an identity it's "curious." Maybe in more ways than one. !pow!

[Tammy]

Sometimes when I'm tired of all the labels, I just want to say "I'm human" and leave it at that. Ha