Making a difference

[frugal-one]

People always say that they want to make a difference. I am now retired, worked all my life helping others (whether I wanted to or not) and now have NO desire to help others. I want to do what I want to do. When I pass I will have mattered to only a few people, have left no legacy (unless you count money to DS, hopefully) and I could care less. I think when you are gone .... basically out of sight... out of mind - with the exception of a few people. In the scheme of things most people are trite and of little consequence except to a few people that loved them. Many people give themselves too much credence thinking they have made a difference or have mattered.

[Teacher Terry]

Whenever you help someone, are kind, etc is makes a difference to that person or animal you were helping. It sounds like you are burned out on helping and that is fine. Once your kids, grandkids and friends are dead then there is no one left to remember you if you are an ordinary person. It doesn't make it any less real that you made a difference if even in only small ways. When a good friend of mine was dying he said that he hoped he left something good behind-he did.

[nswef]

Frugal, It sounds as if too many people have been asking you "what are you going to do now that you're retired..." When I retired from teaching I did nothing for anyone for over a year, just recovered from giving my heart and soul for 31 years. I still do nothing that involves meetings. Life is too short for wasting any time at a meeting. Enjoy doing whatever you want to do. In spite of yourself you have already made a difference and still will. But you don't have to "decide' what to do to give back or make a difference. Two phrases I do not like.

[Williamsmith]

I have analyzed this a lot. And it comes down to this. I don't owe anybody an explanation of what my life's focus is in retirement. I think other people are looking for ways to lift their own image of themselves by mining for other people's shortcomings.

I took eleven months off after retirement before I went back to work delivering prescriptions for a large regional pharmaceutical company. I had to be on call, work nights and weekends. I was delivering drugs in some very high crime areas, driving in blinding snowstorms and operating fleet vehicles that were poorly maintained. One day an alshiemers patient stepped out onto the road in front of me at night and I barely missed him. I decided that it wasn't worth the risk just to claim I was making a difference.

I went from that job to golf course maintenance. All was fine until I got hurt on the job. Not worth it anymore.

I have nothing to prove to anyone. I probably made a difference to more people in 25 years than most do in a lifetime. That's satisfaction enough for me.

I concentrate on helping my family get ahead and stay afloat. I wasn't around much during my career. Now I am trying to make up for it.

[sweetana3]

A lot of questions do not deserve answers.

I usually smile and say something like "I am going to or am enjoying myself."

[ToomuchStuff]

Sometimes the biggest difference you could make, involves saying no to others.
Seen what happens when others say yes.....
one friend I know, lost just shy of a million dollars, because he said yes to his kid.
one Dr. I know, is still working at 70+, due to still supporting his kids and paying their way out of legal trouble.
I could keep going in that perspective. Then you get the grandparent perspective (can you do x, because you don't work now). That has caused a few retired people I know, to go back to work, to slow down.

[Tenngal]

this gives me a new perspective on why the retired in our church just want to be left alone. They do not want long term commitments or to be involved in anything that ties them down. We (the unretired) are always saying "let some of the retired do this or that" and they are not agreeable. We are limited on time and they are not, but it seems they want some freedom and I understand.

[iris lilies]

People always say that they want to make a difference. I am now retired, worked all my life helping others (whether I wanted to or not) and now have NO desire to help others. I want to do what I want to do. When I pass I will have mattered to only a few people, have left no legacy (unless you count money to DS, hopefully) and I could care less. I think when you are gone .... basically out of sight... out of mind - with the exception of a few people. In the scheme of things most people are trite and of little consequence except to a few people that loved them. Many people give themselves too much credence thinking they have made a difference or have mattered.

Wow, I could have written this! This is my anthem! Seriously, are you sure you didnt reach into my brain for this?!! Haha.

The most important thing I can do is to enjoy my life. If I happen to take care of the world a little as I'm move through it, thats good.

[ToomuchStuff]

Tenngal

Time is money, those "working people" are reaching into the pockets of the retired people and stealing from them.

[iris lilies]

this gives me a new perspective on why the retired in our church just want to be left alone. They do not want long term commitments or to be involved in anything that ties them down. We (the unretired) are always saying "let some of the retired do this or that" and they are not agreeable. We are limited on time and they are not, but it seems they want some freedom and I understand.


the retired vs time-clock punchers:

this year our community garden was weeded and mulched, and a light construction project completed, all bY April 15. The garden has NEVER looked as good as early in the year! But this year we have 4 retired people working on it is addition to all of those people who have a bed. We, the newly retired, were itching to get into community garden management to make it better, and we had to practically have a major summit to push aside the former garden leader of 19 years.

My point, if I even have one, is to let the retired peole decide what they want to do. Then, they will be a force for reckoning!

But there is also a danger in retired folks determining activities and schedules. i suspect they require more time to do things than is really necessary, but thats just a theory. I'll be testing the theory as time goes on.

[razz]

My goal to make a difference is to remind people in the way that seems most appropriate at the time that each and every one of them is unique and wonderful. It may be a smile for one, a hug for another, an affirmation, a listening ear etc. That is it!

[Tammy]

Retired people have earned their freedom and owe no one an account of their time. All those nosy people need to stop questioning them. 😝

[creaker]

I volunteer all the time - because I like to. If I didn't, someone else would be doing the work I signed up for and it would get done anyway. So in the end it really only makes a difference to me.

If other people say that they want to make a difference, they should be out doing it instead of poking you about it. It's not something that has to wait for retirement.

[Ultralight]

People always say that they want to make a difference. I am now retired, worked all my life helping others (whether I wanted to or not) and now have NO desire to help others. I want to do what I want to do. When I pass I will have mattered to only a few people, have left no legacy (unless you count money to DS, hopefully) and I could care less. I think when you are gone .... basically out of sight... out of mind - with the exception of a few people. In the scheme of things most people are trite and of little consequence except to a few people that loved them. Many people give themselves too much credence thinking they have made a difference or have mattered.

I mostly agree. We're all stardust. In the grand scheme of the multiverse we're a little speck of self-absorbed silliness. :)

But if possible, try to have a little fun with it.

[LDAHL]

I like to think I helped move the needle a tiny bit. I helped bring some new weapons into the world that I like to believe helped keep the barbarians at bay. I'm raising a kid to be what I hope is a decent person. I helped put some people into houses and a decent private school who might not otherwise have got there. I balanced a lot of accounts (try running a civilization without adequate accounting standards, and see what you get). I may be no big deal in the scale of eternity, but I see no reason to get all bleak and bitter and existential-angsty about it.

[Ultralight]

I like to think I helped move the needle a tiny bit. I helped bring some new weapons into the world that I like to believe helped keep the barbarians at bay. I'm raising a kid to be what I hope is a decent person. I helped put some people into houses and a decent private school who might not otherwise have got there. I balanced a lot of accounts (try running a civilization without adequate accounting standards, and see what you get). I may be no big deal in the scale of eternity, but I see no reason to get all bleak and bitter and existential-angsty about it.

On the community level I think many of us can make a pretty respectable impact, depending how you look at it. You outlined a handful above.

I think that my voluntary simplicity activism has helped a few dozen people improve their lives just by simplifying. Most of them have told me this.

I know I helped bring some joy to folks who attended my canoe outings with the atheist crew last spring/summer.

And ain't nobody going to tell me I did not have an important positive impact on my dog's life. He was emaciated, wormy, coughing, wheezing, hacking, malnourished, and sad when I adopted him as a puppy at ten weeks. Now he is a happy dog!

[ApatheticNoMore]

So nobody makes a difference because we are defining making a difference by ridiculously grandiose standards. Hmm. But yea do whatever you want with your time, I think most people who volunteer do it because they like it, what they want to do is help others.

[Ultralight]

When I gave a presentation on minimalism a couple years ago I got message for several days from people who were like: "Message received! I donated everything in my spare closet. Felt great!"

That made me feel great.

[sweetana3]

Quote: We're all stardust. In the grand scheme of the multiverse we're a little speck of self-absorbed silliness.

One of the best posts ever. If everyone would just take care of their piece of it to make it better and more peaceful, the world would be a better place.

[Tammy]

Sometimes I think the most difference I will have made when my life is over, is having been a good mother and grandmother to kids. Little ones are so vulnerable and if we give them a good start without neglect and abuse, I think we have really done something for the future. Whether they are genetically ours, or just kids that we influence over the course of our lives.

[Williamsmith]

I understand the concept of a legacy and the determination to make a difference but I got to be honest about it, I don't ever consider death to be the end of my chance to make a difference. At least as I experience it, lots of dead people are still making a difference in my life.

My FIL still talks to me, councils me, is a role model to me as well as my own dad in subtle ways. I had a friend in high school who went on to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force and I learned about his death in a mid air crash on national news.

I mean we can all tell stories. Musicians, artists, the barber down the road.....death is not nothingness, it might not be heaven but I know it can't restrain inspiration. I don't think we are at all bound by time. In my life, small things matter. I don't mind being small, insignificant or dispensable. Those small things we do have lasting effects we probably will never learn about. Big things are made of small things. The path I choose to walk might make all the difference to someone else. Every choice you make, effects the way the day unfolds for you and everyone you come in contact with.

The seas are made up of endless drops of water of which we are one.

[razz]

I understand the concept of a legacy and the determination to make a difference but I got to be honest about it, I don't ever consider death to be the end of my chance to make a difference. At least as I experience it, lots of dead people are still making a difference in my life.

My FIL still talks to me, councils me, is a role model to me as well as my own dad in subtle ways. I had a friend in high school who went on to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force and I learned about his death in a mid air crash on national news.

I mean we can all tell stories. Musicians, artists, the barber down the road.....death is not nothingness, it might not be heaven but I know it can't restrain inspiration. I don't think we are at all bound by time. In my life, small things matter. I don't mind being small, insignificant or dispensable. Those small things we do have lasting effects we probably will never learn about. Big things are made of small things. The path I choose to walk might make all the difference to someone else. Every choice you make, effects the way the day unfolds for you and everyone you come in contact with.

The seas are made up of endless drops of water of which we are one.

Beautifully expressed and I agree. I hear my late DH's voice when I want to know how to do something. I hear absent friends' support when I have self-doubts. All the contacts that I choose to include in my mental home have provided support when needed. I am fortunate and grateful that I am able to add more to the mix all the time.

[JaneV2.0]

I firmly believe that we see only one tiny aspect of the infinite multiverse (and in our arrogance, we think we know it all); I agree with both of you.

[catherine]

I understand the concept of a legacy and the determination to make a difference but I got to be honest about it, I don't ever consider death to be the end of my chance to make a difference. At least as I experience it, lots of dead people are still making a difference in my life.

My FIL still talks to me, councils me, is a role model to me as well as my own dad in subtle ways. I had a friend in high school who went on to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force and I learned about his death in a mid air crash on national news.

I mean we can all tell stories. Musicians, artists, the barber down the road.....death is not nothingness, it might not be heaven but I know it can't restrain inspiration. I don't think we are at all bound by time. In my life, small things matter. I don't mind being small, insignificant or dispensable. Those small things we do have lasting effects we probably will never learn about. Big things are made of small things. The path I choose to walk might make all the difference to someone else. Every choice you make, effects the way the day unfolds for you and everyone you come in contact with.

The seas are made up of endless drops of water of which we are one.

I agree with both this and razz's response. So I guess how we make a difference is simply how we live out our days. And we are lucky if we have "angel guides" in the form of people who influence us simply by being who they were. I know I have those people in my life, and I consider myself lucky. I have one grandson, but I consider being his grandmother a formidable opportunity and responsibility, because I'd love for him to think of me with even one tenth of the regard I have for some of my elders who raised me.

[Simplemind]

I don't feel like I need to make a lasting mark on the world or even have a marker at the end of mine. A sobering thought for my DH and I is that we have three kids between us. All are with partners and all have said they don't want kids. When they are gone we all are gone. Know that there will be no grandchildren has changed estate planning.

[SteveinMN]

I don't suppose I will ever know what kind of difference I have made. I don't care. I do things for me. Not that I'm selfish or unthinking of others; just that I don't care if someone wants to measure how many hours I spend working at the food bank versus their own schedule and I don't care if someone wants to volunteer to be a friendly and supportive face at a hospital while I am treasurer for a non-profit newspaper. I do those things for me. If others notice and have a positive reaction to it, great. If not, I had a positive reaction to it and it proved to me I am who I think I am.

[Teacher Terry]

SM: I have 3 kids and they do not intend to have children either. However, I have 2 stepsons that probably will.

[sweetana3]

My parents had 5 kids. Two died in childhood and the remaining 3 have all chosen to not have any children. My mom said it was the best decision we ever made. We did not find it necessary to "pass on" any of our genetics.

[Gardenarian]

My parents had 5 kids. Two died in childhood and the remaining 3 have all chosen to not have any children. My mom said it was the best decision we ever made.
My parents used to say the same thing! I found it rather insulting.

I didn't have a child till I was in my 40s, and I am so glad that I chose to. I don't think it made me feel I was making a difference, exactly, but dd brings a great deal of love into our lives and we have learned a lot from having a child. NOT having a child would make as big a difference, in a different way.

I do believe that what we do in this life matters. My spiritual beliefs are pretty elementary, in a Star Wars-y kind of way. I deeply believe that there is good and evil in the world, and that our thoughts, words, and actions influence the balance, for better or worse.

On a more practical level, this is a time of planetary crisis and I feel compelled to take action to preserve what we can of the Earth as we know it.

[Simplemind]

Gardenarian, I didn't want kids either. Through a twist of fate I found myself pregnant at 40 and decided to change my mind. I had already sown my wild oats and I was in a different headspace. I have not one bit of regret. Though often mistaken for his grandmother I wouldn't have it any other way. I was never a fan of kids, never babysat but I did enjoy the heck out of mine. It went by waaaaaay too fast.

[catherine]

Here's a cool Jim Carrey video that addresses this question.




https://www.facebook.com/TheMindUnleashed/videos/1165398880183922/

[razz]

That is a neat link to watch, Catherine. Thanks