really really annoying people (at work)

[Zoe Girl]

I have crossed over with one colleague, I have been pretty understanding and caring even though she is really annoying. I know when we have a meeting that includes her people roll their eyes. I can't blame them, she knows it, it is painful, but I think I crossed over. I was not at the big general meetings yesterday because I was doing some trainings (yeah! what I want to be doing) and I heard that one of the most mild mannered people snapped at her in the meeting. This is not the first or only time. She just takes up a LOT of airspace in meetings, she has been talked to many times over the years, the sups try very hard to get her to stop during meetings, and there is little improvement. I did call her on something however (privately). she texted at 11:30 pm to find out what a meeting time was. I have a morning program that starts at 6:30, I wake up and check my phone at 5 am in case a staff is sick, so 11:30 is really out of bounds for me. When I responded that one day I would just text her at 5 am she asked why. Then I explained my early work schedule and that I tend to worry if I get a middle of the night text she did say sorry. But pretty obviously she has paid no attention to anyone else for the last 2 years she has been integrated into my work group. Most of us have early morning programming after all.

I am sure that we all have one of these at work or in life, I have been friendly with her and went hiking one time. If it comes up privately I want to suggest she get some type of therapy, really. I think that is not appropriate but I am tired and want to get out of the meetings on time, we are all overwhelmed this time of year an tempers are short.

[Miss Cellane]

Who is leading the meetings? If it is you, you need to stop her. If it is not you, the leader needs to stop her. And put her on an improvement plan to get her to not take up so much time in meetings.

I don't think suggesting therapy is the way to go. Telling her firmly that she needs to find a way to talk less in meetings is better. Then make some suggestions--she can bring a timer to meetings, get some therapy, have a friend give her the high sign in meetings, perhaps a few sessions with a counselor or work coach, etc.

I would be very affronted and upset if a work colleague told me I needed therapy. That is none of their business. As a suggestion, along with other practical suggestions to solve a problem, it wouldn't seem so "off."

[freshstart]

I agree, if you suggest therapy, even outside of the workplace, she could complain to your employer about you. I think you were right to set a boundary with her texting you so late and if she continues similar behaviors and won't stop when asked, I would go to your boss. But in meetings, if you're not running them, you're kind of stuck. You can make suggestions to getting back to the discussion at hand but what else can you do beyond that? I would stop socializing with her outside of work, life's too short and she will perceive you as a work "friend". Do you really want that?

[herbgeek]

crossed over

What does that mean in your context? I've only heard that phrase used in the context of someone crossed over to the next life (like the psychic John Edwards uses this phrase).

[KayLR]

Do the parts of your meeting agendas have times attached to them? There should be, then whomever is moderating the meeting can point to it saying, "we have {10, 15} minutes to discuss {agenda item} before moving on to the next and we want to make sure everyone gets a chance to speak, so we will adhere to this timeline."

Or something like that. Thank God it's been a long time since I had to endure governmental meetings.

[Zoe Girl]

The time thing may work for meetings, we have used that in meetings in the past but generally the meetings were going well. I haven't done anything with her since that hiking day, and I stopped sitting near her in meetings. I walk in when she is already there so I can pick a spot and not look like I am avoiding her. She found out I sew and I gave her my sewing business card. I did one thing for her and she gave me some other things but she never paid me anything so I need to return the things I have and just tell her I don't have time. It is very common for people to think that because I am a friend I will sew for free, and my job to make sure things are clear.

I 'crossed over' from thinking I could help her and that maybe I liked her to not seeing a lot of hope. Honestly we are all in this helping/caring profession so I see others also giving her a break, feeling kind, wanting to help, and then losing it. I know she has been talked to for years, literally, probably has an improvement plan or 2, and I found out through the grapevine that she goes to counseling and has some type of learning disorder or ADD. The supervisors have walked over and just said stop at times, but it takes a long time to get there. About all I can do is set my own limits about the texting late or when I am sitting next to her in a meeting and I need her to stop side talk with me. This is the overwhelmed time of year so we are all out of patience for this.

edited to add: it is likely that if she has a diagnoses and is getting treatment that her job is protected to some extent I just realized