View Full Version : Something you really like relies on something you profoundly dislike...
Anyone else been in this sort of a fix before, where something you really like relies on something you profoundly dislike?
iris lilies
5-5-16, 10:14am
Anyone else been in this sort of a fix before, where something you really like relies on something you profoundly dislike?
I imagine that is s a trade off we all make every day.
I really like bulldogs. I Really dont like the fact that 95% of breeders are in my t for the weong reason, the money. My current awesome bulldog is the product of a backyard breeder and he's got the skin to prove it.
Chicken lady
5-5-16, 12:47pm
I'm burning the horn buds off the baby goats today. After ten years I no longer feel like I'm going to throw up.
and I'm using electricity to run this computer that was generated by coal - which kills people.
Teacher Terry
5-5-16, 12:50pm
I am curious why that is done to the goats?
Chicken lady
5-5-16, 1:03pm
My market is primarily 4h and other breeders. Dairy goats can't be shown with horns. Also, they fight, injure each other, and get their heads stuck in places you would never imagine - my fiber goat got a horn caught under the barn wall, snapped it off, bled copiously, ruined half her coat, and developed an infection. Pricy and unpleasant.
there are a few people who want horned goats for "home dairy" but basically, if you leave the horns on you're condemning the goat to a short future ending as meat. If you don't do it with an iron (takes a couple minutes) when they're babies, they need general anesthesia, stitches, and follow up medication to do it later.
so, if I'm going to raise goats and give them the best lives possible - I have to disbud.
Anyone else been in this sort of a fix before, where something you really like relies on something you profoundly dislike?
"Civilization"
Teacher Terry
5-5-16, 1:38pm
Thanks for explaining. I know nothing about goats. My first dog I bought in 2004 from a pet store. Turns out she was a puppymill dog. So love the dog but hate that I bought from a PM. Now I take rescues only and educate the public about PM.
Anyone else been in this sort of a fix before, where something you really like relies on something you profoundly dislike?
You mean like "a paycheck" and "work"?
ApatheticNoMore
5-5-16, 2:09pm
We enter the world with dreams of giving it our gifts, we find it only wants to enslave us (and no matter for what petty stupidity - I mean could our jobs be more stupid and pointless?). Life sucks yes. Somedays we tolerate the suckage better, sometimes we don't. But that's what there is, the neverending suck. Some people still manage to contribute despite suck, some don't care anymore and would hardly mind if the species would just hurry up and extinct itself.
Teacher Terry
5-5-16, 2:29pm
I don't think life sucks for most people. If it did people wouldn't cling to life so hard when faced with a terminal illness. It sucks at times but not in general. The good thing is you can always look to change jobs if it sucks or if not a way to make it tolerable. I have had jobs I hated but my last career of 24 years I loved it. I also love teaching in my retirement. It is something new that I never thought I would get to do. At this stage of my life I am going to enjoy every second with my hubby, friends, dogs etc because by 61 it really starts to hit home that life can be short. Just went to a funeral of a very close friend last week.
When I'm on my deathbed, I'm going to say "I wish I had spent more time at the office."
Just to mess with them.
When I'm on my deathbed, I'm going to say "I wish I had spent more time at the office."
Just to mess with them.
that would've blown my whole hospice/end of life philosophy, I say do it!
as for relying of something you profoundly dislike, my vote is dealing with ex-husbands to raise children you love dearly
I love the information I get from data, however it is data collection season and I am already over it. At least they made the parent survey collection pretty hands off and are including a wider group of people. I had to do my own additional paper surveys in previous years and create data from it.
At least I got all the height/weight/pacer running tests done on the soccer team yesterday. Now for over 100 teacher surveys! And I do the data entry on those as well,
When I'm on my deathbed, I'm going to say "I wish I had spent more time at the office."
Just to mess with them.
I wonder about that, for maybe a woman or someone else who wanted t wo do more in a career or personal development but didn't have the opportunity would they say something similar? Like if you were black many years ago and only had a lower level medical job open but you had the ambition to be a DR would you say that? Just a thought
I wonder about that, for maybe a woman or someone else who wanted t wo do more in a career or personal development but didn't have the opportunity would they say something similar? Like if you were black many years ago and only had a lower level medical job open but you had the ambition to be a DR would you say that? Just a thought
You'd have to tailor it to the situation. For instance, I might say "I wish I had changed more bedpans".
ApatheticNoMore
5-5-16, 4:44pm
I don't think when anyone uses the statement (that no one says on their deathbed they wish they had spent more time in the office) they mean some theoretical office they could have inhabited if they had had an entirely different fate than they actually did have, but rather the actual office or job they had.
I actually asked my mom that (she has a terminal illness) and although she is not actively on her death bed, she's in that reviewing her life phase. She always wanted to be a nurse. In HS she was placed on the "business" track, girls slated to become secretaries even though she very much wanted to go to college. She joined the convent as that was one way girls in her generation around here were able to get an education and a job as a nurse or teacher. That did not go as hoped either. So she worked in secretarial type jobs all her life and hated it. I asked her if this was still a regret for her and it is. She really wished she had found a way to go to college.
my parents raised themselves out of immense poverty, my dad went to college at night on the GI Bill while holding down 3 jobs, etc. My mom said it never occurred to her to go to night school after my dad had graduated. She was raising us in the evenings. And she doesn't regret that. But I wonder.
"Civilization"
LOL! I second that!
I don't think when anyone uses the statement (that no one says on their deathbed they wish they had spent more time in the office) they mean some theoretical office they could have inhabited if they had had an entirely different fate than they actually did have, but rather the actual office or job they had.
Right. For instance, if I said "I wish I had spent more time as Emperor of Japan", they would probably conclude it was time to pull the plug.
I'm also thinking of instructing my widow-to-be to run out and buy a Porsche Cayenne and put my name on the title. I'll say "I can still win this thing!". She'll probably yank the plug out of the wall.
You mean like "a paycheck" and "work"?
Ditto.
Or having to resort to use of bleach on occasion, to get something as white as I'd like.
"Civilization"
Right there with you, Derrick! Agree.
I don't think life sucks for most people. If it did people wouldn't cling to life so hard when faced with a terminal illness.
I think most people are hardwired to have an iron will to live despite their life not being worth living. It is an all too common configuration in humankind, other animals too.
Teacher Terry
5-5-16, 6:05pm
that has not been my experience. The people I know that fought hard to live loved their lives, family, etc and really wanted to stay. Even at almost 90 my Mom had an active life that she loved even she outlived most of her friends. I recently lost a good friend that wanted to live so he could take care of his wife, travel, be with friends, etc. Now my Dad was a different story. Once he had a massive stroke at 59 he wanted to die and asked God to take him everyday. Unfortunately for him he lived another 14 years. But he was more of an exception.
that's sad about your father, I'm sorry to hear that
I think most people are hardwired to have an iron will to live despite their life not being worth living.
That's pretty bleak. What's your criteria for a life worth living?
That's pretty bleak. What's your criteria for a life worth living?
Well, I think this is most people's hardwiring.
Though I think many people live lives worth living. My phrasing above may have not been the best.
But I think about people all over Africa and the Middle East. They seem to cling to life with that iron will even though their lives are really horrible.
So yes, I think it is common to be hardwired to have an iron will to live AND have a horrible life AND to therefore cling to it.
For myself, a life worth living is one I live now (though I can imagine better ones!). I feel slightly above neutral about my life most of the time. Sometimes I feel uncharacteristically lusty about life. This happened for a few days about a week and a half ago. I cannot explain it. But it was the first time in a long time.
Other days I wish I never existed.
But generally my life, as it is at the moment, is worth living but not by huge margins.
If I got cancer of the everything I would feel it was not worth living.
If some generous person paid off my student loans I would feel life was much more worth living! haha
Okay, so back on topic...
I recently came to a very tough decision. After much deliberation I decided to quit fishing seriously (after this season, for at least one year). The final straw was two closely related things. As you all know, I dislike driving. Living in my new place for a week has afforded me the ability to bike to work, walk to the grocery, etc. This little necessary driving has spoiled me and made longer drives feel more arduous.
So on Friday when I went fishing for the first time since moving to my new place I realized that the drive was prohibitively long. By this I mean, to get to my favorite fishing spot I had to drive to my sis's house to get my canoe: 20 mins. Then I had to drive 30 mins to get to the fishing hole. Then 30 mins back to my sis's and then 20 mins back to my house. This much driving was very taxing.
After feeling this way about the aforementioned issues I decided to write up a pros vs. cons list about fishing.
Pros:
1. Delicious deep-fried fish!
2. Time in nature
3. Image/identity ("Ultralite Angler")
Cons:
1. Delicious deep-fried fish
2. Keeping dirty/smelly clothes/gear in my car/apartment (no garage anymore)
3. Fishing is equipment intensive
4. Cost of bait and tackle
5. Water usage (it takes quite a bit of water to filet the fish and clean up after the mess)
6. Harsh chemicals (tick repellent on my clothes/skin, clean-up stuff in the kitchen)
7. Gasoline
8. Wear and tear on my car
9. Long drives
10. Ziplock bag usage (for storing fish in freezer)
11. Trash bag usage (I use little trash bags to throw the fish carcasses away)
12. Killing fish (after a while killing hundreds of animals every year, by hand, kind of wore on me)
13. Cleaning fish in my tiny kitchen is so messy. Scales everywhere.
14. Cooking fish is messy
15. Opportunity costs
16. It is wasteful and feels disrespectful to throw fish carcasses in the trash (that biomatter should go back into the lake, but this is illegal)
17. When fishing I usually go during meal times, so I tend to eat convenience foods on the way or during
18. I tend to buy a bottle or two of Perrier when I go fishing, to wash down the convenience foods
19. After fishing I have a tendency to be hungry but unwilling to cook, so I often go to Chipotle or the like
20. Time away from Harlan (he hates water!)
21. Fishing has started to feel like a big production rather than a simple pastime
So there you have it...
Chicken lady
5-9-16, 7:40am
Do they have parks with lakes in Columbus?
down here we have a nice park where you could sit quietly on shore and fish (less equipment). And Harlan could come.
The closest lake is a 20 minute drive. Harlan does not like water. Getting close to the bank makes him scared.
Back in the day I played piano and flute in school for 8 years and got awards.
Then I played flute and bass guitar for church for 20 years, mostly cause my husband was the music guy and I could help him. Some friends asked me to play in their worship bands sometimes to fill in. People liked my music.
Then I stopped playing.
Then I realized I didn't miss it.
Then I sold my instruments.
Then I realized I don't even really love music that much.
I realized I love being physically active riding my bike. I love bright things in flowers and art - the visual component rather than the aural component of the arts.
I realized that I had musical talent and I had spent 30 years in music as a hobby - but never because I wanted to. I was pleasing my dad who insisted that I choose an instrument for band and insisted that I take piano lessons. From grade 5 until I graduated high school I was not allowed to do otherwise. It was just expected that I kept playing. Then I kept playing because it fit my husbands work and image.
I finally know what I like. I know what I want. Completely separate from making other people happy. It's not my job to fit into others peoples dreams. I want to live my own dreams.
This story came out of ultralight anglers mention of his image as a fisherman. And that it felt burdensome. I get it, I'm really good at music. First chair, top musician in my class award, etc. but it doesn't make me happy. It's a job. A chore.
Only you can decide if the game is worth the candle, but I generally try to frame the decisions in terms of alternatives.
How would you spend the time, that most finite of resources, if not fishing? Working toward another degree? Reading and relaxing? Biking? Whatever else it is a guy like you finds amusing or interesting?
I realized that I had musical talent and I had spent 30 years in music as a hobby - but never because I wanted to. I was pleasing my dad who insisted that I choose an instrument for band and insisted that I take piano lessons. From grade 5 until I graduated high school I was not allowed to do otherwise. It was just expected that I kept playing. Then I kept playing because it fit my husbands work and image.
This story came out of ultralight anglers mention of his image as a fisherman. And that it felt burdensome. I get it, I'm really good at music. First chair, top musician in my class award, etc. but it doesn't make me happy. It's a job. A chore.
I am glad you found what you want and what you like!
But I actually kind of enjoy the image/identity of being a fisherman, for the most part.
What you were describing with your music situation is what I call "runaway identity."
You do something. Then people know you for it. Then they know you as it. Then they expect you to it. Forever. The image takes on a life of its own and kind of bosses you around (with help from plenty of folks too!).
I feel that a little as a fisherman, but mostly I have enjoyed the image.
Only you can decide if the game is worth the candle, but I generally try to frame the decisions in terms of alternatives.
How would you spend the time, that most finite of resources, if not fishing? Working toward another degree? Reading and relaxing? Biking? Whatever else it is a guy like you finds amusing or interesting?
LDAHL:
I am right there with you on this question. I have been thinking it over myself. And I have a few ideas I am mulling over...
Ultralight
5-9-16, 10:19am
I generally try to frame the decisions in terms of alternatives.
I have noticed that the most resilient people tend to do this, btw.
I have noticed that the most resilient people tend to do this, btw.
Probably because the alternatives viewed tend to be more comparable and hence attainable. Asking yourself "Would I rather spend time fishing or getting a professional certification/reading all of Proust/learning Thai cooking" seems less daunting than "What will give my life meaning?"
Of course, there is always the risk of paralysis by analysis.
Ultralight
5-9-16, 10:47am
Good points.
Thai cooking is more appealing than Proust. haha
Ultralight
5-10-16, 9:50am
I generally try to frame the decisions in terms of alternatives.
I have been giving this idea of yours more thought -- "alternatives."
It reminds me of something I read in one of Jeff Yeager's Cheapskate books. He explained that there are some hobbies/interests that cost a lot of money, some that cost a little, and some that save money.
He said his main hobbies were cooking (saves a ton of cash), home repair (apparently saves him money as a homeowner), and bicycling (he owns an old Toyota truck but tries to commute by bike as often as possible). These are all super frugal hobbies/interests (alternatives to pricier hobbies/interests).
Now, I contrast that with some of the hobbies/interests of folks I know. A coworker races cars and had to buy a car just for that, he also pays to enter races, pays for racing lessons, pays to travel around for races, and so on. Sticker shock! My BIL's best friend is really into hunting and bought 5 deer stands, an expensive compound bow, so much gear he has to wear two giant backpacks, and a huge SUV to drive into the forest. Another coworker's favorite hobby is drinking -- he has been known to pay like $20 for some fancy whiskeys and wines. And he likes to drink A LOT!
Obviously there are some middle grounds here, hobbies that are not too pricey but also not anything that will save you money.
Hmmm... still thinking on this. In my financial condition I need to think of hobbies that can save me money or cost me nothing to almost-nothing.
But as Yeager also noted, it is hard to consciously force yourself to be interested in something you are not actually interested in.
...
But as Yeager also noted, it is hard to consciously force yourself to be interested in something you are not actually interested in.
Which pretty much sums up most paid work these days. :D
Ultralight
5-10-16, 10:11am
Which pretty much sums up most paid work these days. :D
I know it. I am living this nightmare daily. haha
iris lilies
5-10-16, 11:01am
Rev UL! You should really take up
Indian cooking.
While there is a fair number of seasonings involved that intimidate newbies, you can find books about Indian cooking that guide you in using only 5 or 6 spices.
I made a great spinach paneer last week, with tofu instead of cheese.l and with yogurt but nstead of cream. It was a low calorie version.
I was proud of myself for making a garam masala blend of seasonings. i went to the International food store and couldnt find any, so I came home and looked u ingrediants and low and behold, I had everything in cupboards to make it!
Ultralight
5-10-16, 11:05am
Rev UL! You should really take up
Indian cooking.
While there is a fair number of seasonings involved that intimidate newbies, you can find books about Indian cooking that guide you in using only 5 or 6 spices.
I made a great spinahc paneer last week, with tofu instead of cheese.
The yums!
Ultralight
5-10-16, 11:13am
Winter of two years ago (if I remember right) I decided to learn to cook. So I started making Middle Eastern and African (Kenyan, Congolese, Ghanaian, etc.) dishes. It was fun.
When fishing season started though, I got out of the habit.
I love chocolate and love to eat and eat and eat but I hate the extra pounds and cholesterol that comes with it.
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