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Ultralight
5-24-16, 4:26pm
I don't get it. When I was 17 and my parents (my dad, mostly) wanted me to leave they just kicked me out. End of story. How is it that all the parents just let their adult children live with them?

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/05/24/oh-well-for-that-empty-nest-one-third-of-millennials-now-live-at-home/ (http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/05/24/oh-well-for-that-empty-nest-one-third-of-millennials-now-live-at-home/)

Chicken lady
5-24-16, 4:47pm
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in - Robert frost.

Ultralight
5-24-16, 4:54pm
Home has different definitions. This is the counter example I often use when people quote Bobby Frost.
<br>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOV8mBjHHYg

LDAHL
5-24-16, 5:25pm
I'm a little surprised by this. The most since 1880? I knew there were some boomerang kids, but I thought there was some time in the happy past where extended families resided under the same roof, and we all wished John Boy a good night before turning in.

Teacher Terry
5-24-16, 6:41pm
My 3 boys boomeranged for a number of years. I never had the empty nest syndrome where I wished they were home. They were adults and I was ready for them to be but also welcomed them when they asked to come back. I would never throw my kid out unless they were doing something horrible. 2 of my 3 came back because they wanted to finish college and needed a free place to stay. I was fine with that.

Ultralight
5-24-16, 6:50pm
My 3 boys boomeranged for a number of years. I never had the empty nest syndrome where I wished they were home. They were adults and I was ready for them to be but also welcomed them when they asked to come back. I would never throw my kid out unless they were doing something horrible. 2 of my 3 came back because they wanted to finish college and needed a free place to stay. I was fine with that.

Very kind of you.

Teacher Terry
5-24-16, 6:57pm
Hopefully they will remember that when they are picking out my nursing home:~)

Chicken lady
5-24-16, 8:10pm
Ultralite, I always figured that was what made it home. Might not be the place or the people you started out with, might not be where you want to be, but if all else fails, you can count on it.

i tried to watch your video, and I think I get where it was going, but it cut off with him watching deer?

Ultralight
5-24-16, 8:27pm
Ultralite, I always figured that was what made it home. Might not be the place or the people you started out with, might not be where you want to be, but if all else fails, you can count on it.

i tried to watch your video, and I think I get where it was going, but it cut off with him watching deer?

You have not seen Soylent Green? What?!?!

iris lilies
5-24-16, 8:35pm
When we got married, DH brought one vhs tape in his stuff, and it was Solent Green. He likes it a lot.

I have never watched the thing all the way through.

Ultralight
5-24-16, 8:37pm
When we got married, DH brought one vhs tape in his stuff, and it was Solent Green. He likes it a lot.

I have never watched the thing all the way through.

That era produced some great sci-fi movies!

Soylent Green, The Omega Man, Planet of The Apes I and II!

Alan
5-24-16, 8:42pm
That era produced some great sci-fi movies!

Soylent Green, The Omega Man, Planet of The Apes I and II!There's more to sci-fi than Charlton Heston. Just sayin..

Zoe Girl
5-24-16, 9:16pm
I don't get it. When I was 17 and my parents (my dad, mostly) wanted me to leave they just kicked me out. End of story. How is it that all the parents just let their adult children live with them?

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/05/24/oh-well-for-that-empty-nest-one-third-of-millennials-now-live-at-home/ (http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/05/24/oh-well-for-that-empty-nest-one-third-of-millennials-now-live-at-home/)


It is hugely financial IMHO. My kids have friends who were kicked out promptly at 18 and they have pretty much all spent time homeless or functionally homeless. Some of the conditions they have been living in (and yes they have jobs) are pretty horrible. I don't know about other areas or what kinds of young people you know, but that is the reality here.

Simplemind
5-24-16, 9:28pm
We live in Portland and the cost of living is beyond ridiculous in the rental department. Our last (21 years) is still at home. He has a full time job and is in school. We rarely see him with his hours but if I need him for any type of assistance he responds promptly. I want him to get out the door prepared to face life. He is working hard towards his goal. Just finished his EMT and starts volunteer fire academy in June. He is hoping to get hired for a paid position in fire from volunteer. He works graveyard hours.
I'm OK with him being home until his feet are more squarely under him financially. I know he wants out as soon as he is getting a better check. He does assist financially here.

RoseQuartz
5-24-16, 9:53pm
.

Ultralight
5-25-16, 6:54am
It is hugely financial IMHO. My kids have friends who were kicked out promptly at 18 and they have pretty much all spent time homeless or functionally homeless. Some of the conditions they have been living in (and yes they have jobs) are pretty horrible. I don't know about other areas or what kinds of young people you know, but that is the reality here.

The world is rough. Perhaps these experiences will make them stronger and grittier.

Ultralight
5-25-16, 6:55am
I've been out since 14. I admit to being extremely jealous of friends who have parents that they can rely on during hard times.

I will admit to this feeling sometimes too. Like, why did I draw a short straw in the parent department? haha

But ultimately, I tell myself it is better to be more independent and gritty anyway.

Chicken lady
5-25-16, 8:16am
Technically I suppose 1/3 of my millennials are living at home - but she lives in a dorm during the school year and is currently in Wisconsin helping her brother unpack.

my oldest "moved home" for a couple of months the fall after graduation because her lease expired in August. but she had a job lined up for December 1st and was looking for an apartment she could commute from. It seemed more like a long visit. She cooked on days I worked and was generally helpful.

Zoe Girl
5-25-16, 8:43am
The world is rough. Perhaps these experiences will make them stronger and grittier.

I think we have talked this through before, I have seen some people in our generation get stronger and honestly I have seen that it is so far out of reach to survive for the economic circumstances right now that I am seeing more people broken by it. That was an awkward sentence,

Teacher Terry
5-25-16, 12:02pm
I don't even know why people have kids if they are going to throw them out at 18-ugh! I knew I could always count on my parents if needed and I appreciated that.

Ultralight
5-25-16, 12:05pm
I don't even know why people have kids if they are going to throw them out at 18-ugh!

Maybe the kid was an accident. Or maybe the parents changed their minds at some point between birth and 18, like: "Actually... now that we have been raising a kid for a few years we realize it is not conducive to the lifestyle we want to live." So they fulfill their parenting obligation and toss the kid out.

Teacher Terry
5-25-16, 12:07pm
In my mind that is not fulfilling your parental obligation. It goes beyond 18.

Ultralight
5-25-16, 12:11pm
In my mind that is not fulfilling your parental obligation. It goes beyond 18.

Until when? 21? 26?

Teacher Terry
5-25-16, 12:47pm
It depends on the circumstances. When my oldest was 29 he seriously injured both hands/arms and has constant pain, loss of strength, can't do repetitive moments, etc. He was a waiter so he couldn't work. He ran out of savings and moved in with us. He went to college but couldn't take a full load because of his hands. WE all took turns typing his papers. Back then the dragon dictating programs were not reliable. It took 6 years for him to finish. Circumstances make all the difference. Now if he was lazy and didn't want to work then no i wouldn't let a kid live with me. It really just depends.

Ultralight
5-25-16, 12:49pm
It depends on the circumstances. When my oldest was 29 he seriously injured both hands/arms and has constant pain, loss of strength, can't do repetitive moments, etc. He was a waiter so he couldn't work. He ran out of savings and moved in with us. He went to college but couldn't take a full load because of his hands. WE all took turns typing his papers. Back then the dragon dictating programs were not reliable. It took 6 years for him to finish. Circumstances make all the difference. Now if he was lazy and didn't want to work then no i wouldn't let a kid live with me. It really just depends.

You are a good person and a good parent.

Teacher Terry
5-25-16, 12:55pm
Thanks! I just think that family needs to be there for one another if there is a real need. My grandparents lived with us for a # of years not due to poor $ management but due to some unfortunate circumstances. My parents were fine with it and helped them through a rough time so that is what I saw as a child. Eventually they were out on their own again. It took about 4 years. But these same grandparents took in parents and siblings during the depression and shared what little they had. Back then there really were not any social programs to help. Once my grandfather's dad could no longer work at age 70 he had nothing. Now we have many programs to help people which is good because families can't or won't help. However, there is a big difference between helping and enabling bad behavior. On Mr MM there are responsible young people with parents that spend all their $ and then expect kids to help. To them I say let them face the music or apply for government help.

Tammy
5-25-16, 4:55pm
Parenting is for a lifetime. It never ends. That's why it should be a choice. I hate it when young adults feel social pressure to have kids.

Chicken lady
5-25-16, 5:16pm
Amen. I tried to look the quote up so I could attribute it, but maybe I don't have the wording quite right. Something like "to have a child is to make the decision to forever have your heart go walking around outside of your body."

but part art of parenting is helping your children become functioning adults. They are supposed to take that piece of journey heart and walk away with it. Even though it's really hard. I want the one in the house out and the one in Wisconsin back. Him I'd even take back in the house, but I mean back in town.

basically, you can live with me if my day to day life is easier with you here. I love my eldest, but I'd pay her rent before she moved back under my roof. And she loves me, but after about three days, she'd sleep under a bridge before she'd spend another night in this house.

Ultralight
5-25-16, 5:27pm
Amen. I tried to look the quote up so I could attribute it, but maybe I don't have the wording quite right. Something like "to have a child is to make the decision to forever have your heart go walking around outside of your body."

but part art of parenting is helping your children become functioning adults. They are supposed to take that piece of journey heart and walk away with it. Even though it's really hard. I want the one in the house out and the one in Wisconsin back. Him I'd even take back in the house, but I mean back in town.

basically, you can live with me if my day to day life is easier with you here. I love my eldest, but I'd pay her rent before she moved back under my roof. And she loves me, but after about three days, she'd sleep under a bridge before she'd spend another night in this house.

Yeah, I'd sleep in my tent in a hail storm every night before I would move back in with my parents.

Tenngal
5-26-16, 10:14am
I don't get it. When I was 17 and my parents (my dad, mostly) wanted me to leave they just kicked me out. End of story. How is it that all the parents just let their adult children live with them?

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/05/24/oh-well-for-that-empty-nest-one-third-of-millennials-now-live-at-home/ (http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/05/24/oh-well-for-that-empty-nest-one-third-of-millennials-now-live-at-home/)

My daughter and husband are living with us at the moment. I see no problems with it. They contribute in various ways to make our life easier.
I would be willing for them to stay here forever but they are working on getting a place of their own. Seems to me the old way of several generations
living together worked well. I do not look forward to being alone in my house in my old age..............

Ultralight
5-26-16, 10:16am
I love my eldest, but I'd pay her rent before she moved back under my roof. And she loves me, but after about three days, she'd sleep under a bridge before she'd spend another night in this house.

Why the tension with her?

Chicken lady
5-26-16, 10:31am
We have very different lifestyles. I go to bed too early. If her siblings aren't here, that leaves her "alone in an empty house" for hours trying to be quiet. She cooks all kinds of great stuff, but leaves every pot, pan and plate in my kitchen dirty. Yet it drives her nuts if the milk pail sits in the sink for ten minutes. She leaves hair accessories and empty glasses and bottles all over the house and recycles my mail because it sat on the table too long. My doll collection is scary. She parks in the middle of the driveway so you can't leave without driving through the yard, the house is too cluttered, her music is too loud, I leave lights on, she uses all the hot water, And on and on and on.

we could see each other every day and enjoy it, it's just about sharing living space.

Teacher Terry
5-26-16, 1:15pm
My oldest and his wife wanted to live in our RV for 16 months a few years ago and we said yes. We get along well and would be sharing the kitchen in the house. Also when it got too cold they would be sleeping in the house. WE agreed that if things got strained we would talk about it. My DIL is from Poland and we got along so well it was amazing. I only wanted to kill my own kid a few times>8). They bought their own food and gave us some $ for electricity since they ran space heaters in the RV. This gave them a real leg up to save $. It turned out great because we had built in doggie sitters. WE never really discussed division of kitchen duties but it worked out that one of us cleaned up for everyone. Since I work p.t. from home I probably did more of that as a gift to her. My son can't do it due to his hand/arm injuries. BEfore they moved in I cleaned the RV for them and they returned the favor when they moved out. WE also took 2 trips during that time for a month each. They went to Poland to stay with her family for 3 months so lots of time apart. This experience made us so much closer-it was incredible. But I was also glad to have all my space back when they left. I have 1 kid that has lived with us numerous times and I did pay his rent for awhile when he was in a pinch because I did not want to live with him again so I know how CL feels.