View Full Version : still on the quitting journey
So I am still on the quitting smoking journey, it is hard and I want to be really immature at times. The buddhist nun I study with was talking to another person in a group about smoking and had some wonderful insights, one was that after a couple days all the emotions we have been supressing tend to come up and we need to deal with that as part of quitting. My major emotion, anger, and lots of it. Last week I got through Tuesday since my mom was visiting with lozenges, 1-2 a day and some herbal things I am taking to clean out and support my system, and then I went back to work. Only 3 1/2 days (plus some weekend work) but just so overwhelming with the stress level and work load. It is this time of year and is not permanent however I really need to reduce all this to support quitting. And I do NOT want to tell people at work, it is pretty much a 'suck it up' situation for awhile
Good things
* I pretty much quit over the weekends, very minimal to just deal with the physical
* I eat really healthy, on a regular basis
* I invested in an herbal detox kit with a throat spray that helps with an immediate craving, so I spent the money I would have spent on smoking
Challenges
* I made myself a little sick on the 3 days I smoked
* I notice I am gritting my teeth through the day, just hanging on, which is not going to work long term
* I think I am a person who needs a regular counselor, like for life, but haven't figured out how to make that work in many ways
It took a bunch of false starts for me to quit, some forty years ago, so I know it can be done.
Now, I'd probably get a good E-cigarette and taper the nicotine dosage until I was vaping air. It would give me something to do with my hands. I like that we have many aids now, and I think E-cigs are one of the best.
Yeah part of it is the ritual of the break you take. I can easily work 10-12 hours without making time for a real lunch break for a variety of reasons. I am going to see how it goes, maybe I can get rid of the nasty ingredients and smell and keep the part of the ritual that I find very soothing.
Today not going so good, I woke up angry. It is review time, tons of deadlines, I can't possibly meet them all at a time when my boss is writing my review. One of my fave people with the same supervisor just quit, another is requesting a new supervisor. I know she is in manager training, but WHY for the love of g-d do we promote people with personality issues who know technical things instead of teaching the technical work to some people with basic f-ing social and managerial skills. Okay rant over,
I had a rough time quitting. It was like the old saying, quitting is easy, I've done it hundreds of times. They didn't have e cigarettes at the time, but patches and gum were most definitely helpful. Hard to say, but I might not have been successful without them.
Something to consider.
When I do the 11 Hour Challenge with friends I tell them, you won't believe me now, but the only way to complete this challenge is to put everything else on pause.
The 11 Hour Challenge is meditating 1 hour a day in at least 20 minute increments.
So if I may be so bold as to making a suggestion about kicking nicotine it is this:
Put everything else that you possibly can on pause while you quit. Quitting will take up most of your grit. So you will need to be honest with yourself. You might feel an impulse to do this or do that. Sit with the impulse for a moment, realize it is just an impulse, then move your focus back to solely just quitting the cancer sticks.
Do this for three months.
This is going to sound harsh, but another option is to keep smoking and just not worry about it. Accept that this is a flaw that you have and try to live around it.
I may have to put total quitting on hold, but keep it down in the meantime. I forget every year at this time I have a really rough time of it, transitioning into summer camp. I have new staff and new programming and I also have this wonderfully big push to finish out the year paperwork and remember! we are reviewing you! I was hoping to quit before camp started, I can't really take breaks and come back smelling. But I can use the gum and lozenges if I need to get through the day. I have been more accepting it as a flaw and not beating myself up over it for the last couple months,
I may have to put total quitting on hold, but keep it down in the meantime. I forget every year at this time I have a really rough time of it, transitioning into summer camp. I have new staff and new programming and I also have this wonderfully big push to finish out the year paperwork and remember! we are reviewing you! I was hoping to quit before camp started, I can't really take breaks and come back smelling. But I can use the gum and lozenges if I need to get through the day. I have been more accepting it as a flaw and not beating myself up over it for the last couple months,
I saw an interview with John Cougar Melloncamp several years ago. He was like:
"I work out six days a week -- religiously. I eat my veggies. I relax and take time to smell the roses. But I can't quit smoking. I know they will probably kill me. But I just can't stop. So I accept it and live healthy in every other way."
One more thing...
It is much easier to call quitting a journey than a destination.
But it really ought to be a destination. Calling it a journey makes it easier to rationalize yet another puff.
Yeah I have quit for long periods of time before and the best way was not to create some hyped up quit date, but to slowly notice that the process and the aftermath made me feel sick, and notice when it made me feel good. So up until a few months ago I had quit for 2 years, but looking back at some of my anxiety I get more discouraged. It wasn't like the anxiety and depression went away, but I somehow managed them.
I think with my shorter summer days I can get out and do some hikes, have a little social life, in ways support actually leaving stress at work which has not been happening. I basically quit every weekend except when I get into work. One of my colleagues agreed this type of work is really hard to leave at the door at the end of the day, but we are working together on this. In my crappiest moods I want someone to take some responsibility or help make some changes in how the complication and stress level of almost everyone I know has increased over the last 5-10 years in a variety of industries. You can do what you can, but last year a more casual attitude ended up with me on an improvement plan and a really low review.
Yeah I have quit for long periods of time before and the best way was not to create some hyped up quit date, but to slowly notice that the process and the aftermath made me feel sick, and notice when it made me feel good.
Might be worth reexamining this "best way" because so far it has not done better than a two year cessation. But obviously this is up to you.
David Lee Roth, who is in his 60s and still smokes, said: "The problem with self improvement is knowing when to quit."
So again, one option is to just accept this flaw about yourself and carry on.
A good friend of mine from college is a big gal. She is like 5'11" and about 275 lbs. In college she was about 180 -- "thick," in today's lingo.
She struggled with her weight for a few years after college. She said she then observed her mom struggling with her weight, and both her sisters, and then all her friends... They all dieted, then lapsed, then dieted again, then lapsed again. They had grueling work-out sessions that they hated. They ate food that tasted bland at best, and more often bad. So my friend said to herself: "This just ain't worth it. I want some enjoyment in my life without this weight loss monkey on my back all the time, draining the fun from my life."
So she just said: "Hey, I am a big girl. So be it."
Her work-outs are long bike rides (something she enjoys!) and softball leagues (something she is passionate about). She eats mostly what she wants only eschewing a few of the worst offenders, which is fairly easy because she has enough grit to say "no thanks" to chocolate cakes and "give me the 6 inch sub" instead of the foot long.
She is happier than all her friends. She has more fun, travels more often, saves more money, and generally has a more resilient attitude about life.
But she is a big gal.
Sometimes excepting a certain flaw is altogether better than struggling constantly against it only to wear yourself out and not gain any ground anyway.
I think with my shorter summer days I can get out and do some hikes, have a little social life, in ways support actually leaving stress at work which has not been happening. I basically quit every weekend except when I get into work. One of my colleagues agreed this type of work is really hard to leave at the door at the end of the day, but we are working together on this. In my crappiest moods I want someone to take some responsibility or help make some changes in how the complication and stress level of almost everyone I know has increased over the last 5-10 years in a variety of industries. You can do what you can, but last year a more casual attitude ended up with me on an improvement plan and a really low review.
I really want to address this second part by itself and directly.
If the job you have during the year prevents you from hiking (an exercise you enjoy), inhibits your social life to a large degree, stresses you out majorly and keeps you smoking, and does not allow you to "leave the office at the office" then perhaps you are, in the words of YMOYL, "making a dying."
You believe in your job and you invest yourself profoundly in your job.
But it sounds to me like your job is literally ruining your health -- destroying your life energy.
I agree, UA, with much that you say on this subject. I've known many adults who smoked, as most people of my parents' generation did. Most of them lived long lives. There were obvious exceptions though, and since you can never tell if you'll be one, it's best to quit if you can. Not to mention the stratospheric cost. And kudos to your non-dieting friend; you've got to find what works for you.
I also agree that Zoe Girl's job sounds like the very definition of "making a dying." I carp about mine, but it was a predictable eight-hour gig with minimal politics. Even so, I often resented it for taking away from what I perceived as my real life.
Ultralight
6-6-16, 10:41am
And kudos to your non-dieting friend; you've got to find what works for you.
The interesting thing is that, by most indicators, she is pretty dang healthy. She is just big!
I also agree that Zoe Girl's job sounds like the very definition of "making a dying." I carp about mine, but it was a predictable eight-hour gig with minimal politics. Even so, I often resented it for taking away from what I perceived as my real life.
My job is mind-numbing and soul-crushing, as I have mentioned a bazillion times before. And I would like a more tolerable one.
But it sounds like ZG's job runs her ragged on the daily. :(
iris lilies
6-6-16, 10:58am
This is random, but there is a ton of smoking in the tv show "Episodes" which mocks Hollywood. In it Matt LaBlanc and other characters smoke a lot and I think that reflects reality in LaLaLand.
its about weight cntrol there, as well as coping with the pressure of fame, etc.
Ultralight
6-6-16, 11:08am
This is random, but there is a ton of smoking in the tv show "Episodes" which mocks Hollywood. In it Matt LaBlanc and other characters smoke a lot and I think that reflects reality in LaLaLand.
its about weight cntrol there, as well as coping with the pressure of fame, etc.
I went to graduate school with a guy who was a writer for that show Nip Tuck. I doubt it is still on. He wrote for some other shows too and did some stand-up.
But he said that pressure of daily life in LA was intolerable and unimaginable to most people. Each day started and ended with overwhelming traffic. Work was so high pressure and there was also all kinds of pressure to keep up with the Joneses and have certain styles an appearances. He was married. He got divorced and said he felt like all of it piled up until he was on the verge of a breakdown. So he took a couple post-divorce vacations -- to Rio and Bangkok.
Then he decided he was just going to pack up his stuff and go to graduate school. So he ended up in a PhD program at Bama. I think he teaches at a community college (a good gig as it is full-time with bennies down south somewhere). He married some salt-of-the-earth country girl from Bama, had a kid, and lives a generally quiet life. Though he does some open-mic stand up for kicks and giggles sometimes.
ApatheticNoMore
6-6-16, 11:34am
My job is mind-numbing and soul-crushing, as I have mentioned a bazillion times before. And I would like a more tolerable one.
maybe this is the part of myself I should accept I'll never change, I mean if I could I think I would have by now, I've hated work for decades. I will always have mind-numbing jobs, though of course sometimes changing from one mind-numbing job to another is possible and maybe the pay or something is better - ha only sometimes even there, this job market is horrible IMO.
But it sounds like ZG's job runs her ragged on the daily.
yea but it's a trade off, she gets a lot of emotional fulfillment from her job, even though the hours seem absurd to me, I mean I'd be totally losing it putting in those hours. A trade off as you can't usually have it all, but you can look.
Ultralight
6-6-16, 11:51am
maybe this is the part of myself I should accept I'll never change, I mean if I could I think I would have by now, I've hated work for decades. I will always have mind-numbing jobs, though of course sometimes changing from one mind-numbing job to another is possible and maybe the pay or something is better - ha only sometimes even there, this job market is horrible IMO.
You might be on to something. But it is not a happy something. Though perhaps it could be more sad?
yea but it's a trade off, she gets a lot of emotional fulfillment from her job, even though the hours seem absurd to me, I mean I'd be totally losing it putting in those hours. A trade off as you can't usually have it all, but you can look.
I am going to go ahead and say it: I am dubious about the emotional fulfillment she gets from it. And all the emotional problems that come with it probably obliterate the fulfillment. Her posts are very often about the mental, emotional, financial costs of this job of hers.
She could have fallen for the Sunk Costs Fallacy. "I already put so much into this, I can't turn back now!"
I know the Sunk Costs fallacy because I have fallen for it a couple times.
Or it could also be one of those "staring into the abyss" scenarios. By this I mean, she takes a good look at her life and thinks: "Nothing has worked out in a way I am all that happy with. I am actually actively unhappy about most everything."
So she stares into the abyss and thinks: "I need to rationalize to myself that I am doing something meaningful and good in my life."
Then she proceeds to rationalize all kinds of stuff about her job.
My mom did this about the job that destroyed her health. My mom wanted to be a writer of childrens' books, though she had a more practical dream of someday being an elementary school teacher. Instead she ended up the lowest level supervisor in a small hospital kitchen. By her mid-40s she had a double knee replacement and a double hip replacement. The doctors said much of this was from standing and walking on concrete all the time at work -- 10 or 12 hours a day. My mom also smoked for 23 years because of stress.
From there on her health got worse and worse... But yet, rather than stare into the abyss and say: "Welp, I made bad choices and my circumstances were not great. Now things are rather horribly messed up" she swears that she got meaning and satisfaction from her job, despite constantly pointing out how her bosses all made her feel horrible, gave her bad reviews, or no raises, or the smallest raise HR would let them give her, or how she got no opportunities, or how people thought she was some push-over and not worth much, and on and on.
My mom certainly made a dying at her job. She eventually had to get on disability a few years before she was scheduled to retire.
There are so many issues with work, But right now I am also dealing with a friend who can't take jobs because of her 'ethics'. Seems like too picky to me. It is a rough complicated world! I don't see where a different job would cure it all. I do look around and keep my resume up to date, I am doing side work and got a mentor to help me work on things. So I am not just giving up here (and I am much more cheerful in person).
I remembered that it is really seasonal. The transition to camp is always rough, I go through this every year. Then I get into camp and have overall a blast. I met with staff today and our plans look great, they are responsible and communicative. I had a great compliment from one who has worked many years, a few different sites and our short camp sessions (2 days when school is out). She just said thank you for being so organized and making things easy. I really soaked that up.
Besides in all the happy, positive thinking movement we have lost the sense of reality!! Like we need to pay our bills and this is the best paying job I have had so far. I live pretty simply but I need everything I earn. And trust me, earning little money in a total crap job would make me feel worse. I do get kid hugs and parent appreciation on a regular basis.
...right now I am also dealing with a friend who can't take jobs because of her 'ethics'. Seems like too picky to me.
Perhaps disengage from her and focus on your own goals.
Perhaps disengage from her and focus on your own goals.
It really isn't affecting me that much, I did tell her that we all make compromises and that I had to pay my bills so I don't have the perfect job but it is good. It just reminds me that actually like living in reality much more than that. I spent some time thinking that positive thinking would make it all work out but I really wasn't that happy. Some part of me knew I wasn't really working at much. Right now I feel I am working towards a longer term career, making connections, and yeah a couple times a year I totally bomb out. It is part of my mental condition, and one of the things I need to work with and not beat myself up about.
Gardenarian
6-7-16, 4:06pm
I was a heavy smoker and found using nicotine gum the only thing that helped me quit.
I did it gradually, substituting gum for cigarettes until I was no longer smoking. Of course, I was then addicted to the gum...
Nicotine is the most addictive substance there is. Go buy a box of gum and try it out. You don't even have to say to yourself that you're quitting, just get your fix in a different way.
It's a start.
I was a heavy smoker and found using nicotine gum the only thing that helped me quit.
I did it gradually, substituting gum for cigarettes until I was no longer smoking. Of course, I was then addicted to the gum...
Nicotine is the most addictive substance there is. Go buy a box of gum and try it out. You don't even have to say to yourself that you're quitting, just get your fix in a different way.
It's a start.
Those vaporizers are supposed to really help too. From what I understand they do not hurt one's lungs. Nicotine is still an known neurotoxin though.
Let's revive this one, I left work on Friday exhausted and my chest aching. It was a very stressful week, kinda the week of as-holes. But I still kept the amount of smoking down. I made it through this weekend without mostly because I felt like crap, on the verge of a bronchitis type thing so lots of motivation to not smoke. I have gum and snacks and everything I need.
Here is my question to people who have quit, they say that the craving lasts 3-5 minutes. I put some very short meditations on my phone for those times. However I crave highly for at least 30 minutes, and then it lingers in the back of my head for another hour or three. Would be a LOT easier if the craving was 5 minutes and then I caught a break. Tomorrow I will be back at work and the short meditations are my go-to, but I am enjoying breathing better after 2 1/2 days!
maybe this will give you food for thought. I have been asking my husband to quit smoking for years. For many reasons. One was that when he got ready to retire, he would need health insurance until time for medicare. Well, that time is here. He is 63.5 yrs old and wants to retire. He cannot because he cannot afford health insurance or life insurance for a smoker.
thank you, I smoked for 2 years as a teen, quit for about 20, smoked on and off for another 2 years, quit for 2. This has been 6 months and I am finding it much harder this time. But I know I can do it and I know I have a life that supports me as a non-smoker. So going to grit my teeth through it for the 2 weeks I hear are the worst!
Gardenarian
6-28-16, 2:48pm
Yes, the first 2 weeks are the hardest. 3-5 minute cravings? Yeah, I've read that too. It's just that the cravings keep coming back!
Doing a bit better this long weekend. I am using my meditation practice to note when I get cravings and what the emotions are around them. A lot of my cravings are based on emotional states. I have a moderately stressful summer camp however the hours are shorter so I am putting exercise and meditation as my primary goals along with doing social things. Sitting home alone all weekend is really not helpful! I have a vacation with a friend in one month and we will be doing a lot of hiking so I have a goal.
The good news is that I am actually having the craving time get shorter!! I am still having one now and then however I am not dealing with the 'crawling out of my skin' feeling for 30 minutes at a time.
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