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This isn't a really crappy thing, just something I noticed and it will probably be like this forever huh!
I was talking to my mom, I am super excited about this organization I am going to be working with on mindfulness with (check out the longer post in work forum). They are still getting contracts and work but are growing and are well managed. I can do mindfulness work on the side, growing towards larger career goals, and not deal with marketing, budgets, legal issues, etc. And I am not being asked to volunteer at all, I will be paid for curriculum development, grant search time, and actual instruction all around my regular work hours since we all understand that my primary job cannot be at any risk.
One reason I told all my mom this is that she has a masters and taught at community college, one idea since I have a masters degree is to use me in serving college classes if my schedule allows.
The only thing my mom said was "well you need to look at the cost of benefits, they are X% of what you earn, and you have to set that aside,..." She is basically worried about me quitting my full time employment, which I never even hinted at. Oh dear, it is a mom worry thing however it would have been nice if she listened better this time, Can I get her hearing tested or check alcohol levels over the phone? This one is just amusing, however there have been many 'not listening' moments that were quite painful.
Your mom probably knows you better than most folks. Perhaps her concerns are legitimate?
I did have one breakdown many years ago, and since then I have done a lot of work with medication and other supports. Yes she knows about that but that it one thing in my 50 years on earth. My mom is sometimes really out of touch, some of our 'not listenings' included not believing me about my daughter's peanut allergy until I refused to send her to visit one summer because she was unsafe at my mom's house. My mom sent peanut MM's every year for Christmas for years until this blow up we had when my daughter was 15 (we knew since she was a baby that she was allergic). Also the first article I ever had published and told her about she was totally silent on the phone, and then was upset later when I didn't send her a copy. Those were the hard ones, but routinely at family functions she interrupts and discounts what I say, the room gets silent sometimes it is so obvious. I have a pretty thick skin right now about it, it balances with her generosity overall and she is a good person.
That was the most dramatic, however it typically takes a couple years, literally, to get something solidly through to her. My one supervisor is EXACTLY like this, OMG. It has taken 5 years and she still publicly showed she has no idea how to say my last name (it was in front of over 100 people, cringe). I have learned that I just need to give things an extreme amount of time and not expect either one of them recalls anything. I can say my mom knows me well, but I also know her
Could it be that you simply grew up to be someone she'd prefer you not be?
That is part of the issue I have with my parents. It can be really annoying and manifest itself in myriad ways.
OH yes! I think it is getting much better the last few years, she understands why I spend money on retreats instead of other vacations which is huge. But honestly I think she would love a daughter more like her. You are right it comes up in many ways.
Ultralight
7-7-16, 10:47am
It is interesting how parents often like the kids most like them.
When I was a teen Ju Jitsu prodigy my dad thought I was great! But then when I got into playing music he thought I was a ne'er do well.
When I became a lefty political activist he frowned upon me. When I became a fisherman he thought I was the coolest thing since mudflaps!
It seems like a parent ought to be happiest with their kid when their kid is happiest being themselves (provided they are not a wacko criminal or something).
But mostly I think the old saying that "People like people like themselves" really holds true with parents and kids.
The street goes the other direction too. Part of the reason I dislike my dad is that he is unlike me/wrong about most things.
It seems like a parent ought to be happiest with their kid when their kid is happiest being themselves (provided they are not a wacko criminal or something).
I hope I have been somewhat successful in this regard with my own four kids. I remember when my oldest son, who dropped out of high school because he simply didn't fit into the standard educational pigeonholes, found success as a teaching golf pro. He had on his own decided to try to pass the PGA PAT (kind of like passing the bar for lawyers)--and HE DID! On his first try he became a PGA Pro! With no real golf training except for the years of weekends golfing with my husband. He then followed the sun, working in VT in the summer and FL or AZ in the winter--golfing for a living.
I happened to be in front of the mother of one of his school friends in the supermarket line. She also lived in our neighborhood, which is a bedroom community for professionals commuting to New York. She asked me about my son, and I proudly told her about his golf career and her reply was, "Oh well, I guess that's better than working at McDonalds."
Honestly, I wasn't mad or insulted. I just considered the source. I really hope her son is as happy as my son is right now.
Oh yeah, I think about myself as a mom as well. I feel pretty good about it, but I will be honest that when I am around people whose children are traditionally successful it is hard. My parents are so happy my one niece is just interested in making money (she is 17). My proudest moment was when my son said he would rather do something he really liked than do something he hated just for a lot of money. His example was me, I really love the majority of my job and I have an impact on the community, and he noticed!
Ultralight
7-7-16, 11:54am
What do you mean "traditionally successful?"
Ultralight
7-7-16, 12:00pm
Here is another mom story for yas!
This past Monday when I went to the 4th of July parade in my hometown I introduced my significant other to my babysitter from when I was a kid. This woman is obviously about 60 something. I said: "T, this is 'S'. She was my babysitter when I was a kid and my moral compass."
S humorously said: "How did I do?" to T. haha
T said: "He is a good man." (No doubt, I was surprised and flattered that T said that).
But anyway, my mom asked later on if I got to visit with folks from the old neighborhood and I said: "Yeah, I talk to ____ and _____ and ____. And I introduced T to ______ and ______ and S, who I described as my 'babysitter' and moral compass'."
And my mom just gave me the evil eye, I mean evil!
Teacher Terry
7-7-16, 3:19pm
I enjoy my 3 boys company and each one of them for who they are. My parents were the same. Conditional love sucks.
ToomuchStuff
7-8-16, 1:54am
I can do mindfulness work on the side, growing towards larger career goals, and not deal with marketing, budgets, legal issues, etc. And I am not being asked to volunteer at all, I will be paid for curriculum development, grant search time, and actual instruction all around my regular work hours since we all understand that my primary job cannot be at any risk.
One reason I told all my mom this is that she has a masters and taught at community college, one idea since I have a masters degree is to use me in serving college classes if my schedule allows.
The only thing my mom said was "well you need to look at the cost of benefits, they are X% of what you earn, and you have to set that aside,..."
When I read this, several thoughts hit me.
You are talking about part time work "aka when it suits you" and a school may only be looking for full time employment. (one reason possible for costs verses benefits arguments)
You also DO need to worry about budgets and such, as your getting paid to do this, which makes it a business and that does have tax/legal implications. (taxes, accounting, etc)
I am not sure if I understand this part, if I get a job through them then I would commit for a semester or however it is structured, not just drop in unless I subbed for another instructor. The organization takes care of the contract and scheduling side and then offers the job to their teachers to see who is available.
On the benefits thing she specifically concerned that I charged enough money for health insurance, and I am not quitting my regular job in any way. She has a little concern about health insurance, she seems to think I haven't had it or provided it for my kids. Funny to me since my kids were sick all the time as kids and I was at the DR office a lot, plus I do see the DR now. Just an odd thing that only came out when she was stressed about something in my life.
My take on this is that she gets nervous because I talk about things that are SO different than her life, or feels that way. So she does not have a way of saying she is nervous, like most people, so the first worry that comes to her head is not evaluated against reality and blurts out. Of course our brains are wired for the negative and worries so it makes sense. She has come so far!! She does not freak out when I tell her I am going hiking alone, but I do tell her where I am going and check in after since I know she worries. The biggest bummer is that I have spent years in a variety of practice and training to get to the point I am qualified to do this work and get paid this! That is huge, I never expected to meditate my way into anything career wise. Instead I am soothing her worries instead of celebrating, but that isn't a real big issue honestly, just a mom thing.
I wonder if your mom has this lens as she has even recently helped you reach your monthly financial needs. I believe she was giving you a couple hundred a month to make ends meet? I can see where she has some self-interest to you staying gainfully employed.
Yes, Reyes, I am concerned about earning enough money and building my career. She has helped me over the years. So I think I am telling her something that will put her mind at ease, I am earning additional money in a way that uses many of my skills. The people I am working with are very respectful that this needs to not affect my full time regular employment. Yeah me! But she still gets nervous. Her mental tape that says "ZG is like this ,...." is so strong that I could be more practical, conservative and even boring than my brother and she would still worry that I was going to do something crazy.
Okay thinking back, I AM the only one of her kids who shaved their head or went in a mosh pit (at 45 even) or has a tattoo. I can't really do much about how awesome I am like that!
Okay thinking back, I AM the only one of her kids who shaved their head or went in a mosh pit (at 45 even) or has a tattoo. I can't really do much about how awesome I am like that! http://www.simplelivingforum.net/clear.gif Reply (http://www.simplelivingforum.net/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=246965&noquote=1) http://www.simplelivingforum.net/clear.gif Reply With Quote (http://www.simplelivingforum.net/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=246965) http://www.simplelivingforum.net/images/buttons/multiquote_40b.png (http://www.simplelivingforum.net/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=246965) (http://www.simplelivingforum.net/report.php?p=246965) :D
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