Need better habits - fighting a Food/sleep/depression weight cycle

[Chicken lady]

two nights ago, after taking me out for a giant noodle bowl! Dh looked at me and said "we both need to lose some weight."

i know this. I am at my all time high not related to pregnancy, and for the first time in his life, dh actually has a little bit of a belly.

normally my weight cycles - up in the winter, down in the summer, 10-15 lbs.

this year I don't have a garden, so I'm getting less exercise.
This year I don't have a garden, so I am not swimming in fresh produce

Dh work schedule means he has to get up at 5:30 during the week, which means I am getting up at 5:30 to make breakfast and pack his lunch (unfortunately this one is non-negotiable, just take that as given, ok?)
i am very light sensitive, I have trouble falling asleep if it isn't fully dark.
i have farm animals. It takes twice as long to get them into the barn if I start before dusk - they want to stay out.

i am eating a lot of carbs for the energy boost because I am exhausted all the time.
i don't want to do anything because I am exhausted all the time.
i'm starting to hear the voice in my head that usually only turns up in winter (SAD) that tells me I am fat and lazy and generally suck at life. I give it chocolate to shut it up. Then it comes back louder.

i don't know what to do about the sleep. I could take a nap, but then I am not tired enough at night to go to sleep. I toss and turn and dh complains that I am keeping him awake, but he can't sleep if I don't come to bed either. It's hard enough going to bed at 10:30 when I just finished my chores and the sun hasn't been down long. Since I don't fall asleep instantly (my head is full of all the things I failed to finish/need to do tomorrow) I am getting maybe 6.5 hours a night, and I need 8.

For dh, I reduced his lunch cookie count and stopped packing chips every day.

i need to work on some more healthy dinners. And get some exercise.

anybody else struggling to have healthier habits?

[Zoe Girl]

yes, struggling too. I let go of the weight thing however, I am not eating junky food very often at all so that part is good. But the sleep thing I can relate to. I can't lie down before 9:30 at the earliest and usually 10. I have the alarm for 5 am, on weekends 6:30! Last weekend I actually slept really late (I usually cannot) and I felt great. Like you there is a reason I set the alarm for 5.

I do love naps, yesterday I came home from camp and fell asleep for about 40 minutes. That was essential to my survival! I found going back to bed later seemed like I wasn't going to fall or stay asleep, melatonin has actually been helping. I scoffed for years because it didn't work for my kids, but it is gentle and I stay asleep longer. My issue is not staying asleep, I can fall asleep easily however.

what I would suggest is taking a nice walk in the late afternoon, not really late since that also affects sleep, for some exercise. About the sleep, i don't see any way around a nap if you want to get closer to 8 hours. I know that not enough sleep affects weight and carb craving. Do you have light blocking curtains? They have really worked for me to get a room darker.

[Chicken lady]

I think if I could just improve the sleep/eat/exercise/mood the weight would take care of itself.

we used to have blackout curtains when dh worked shifts, but this house doesn't even have curtain rods, and we use window fans to cool the bedroom.

i'm working on the depression angle at the moment - good things I did so far today - finished laundering and hung 3 shirts in the closet for dh, Unpacked some more dolls (uncovering more books) and found two doll boxes to discard, and added a book to the goodwill pile.

[SiouzQ.]

I don't have any answers, but I can commiserate with you! I have been struggling with sleep issues ever since I got back from vacation two weeks ago and started back to my crazy schedule at work. Well, I actually had a lot of sleep problems during my trip (try having insomnia all night in a tent when the desert gets really cold at night and then your legs start giving you horrendous muscle cramps...absolutely miserable). I went to some Wholefoods-type store in Taos and got some natural capsule things that didn't work very well on me, then ended up going back on good ol' Benadryl several days later which helped a lot during the rest of the trip at least.

But with the craziness involving my upcoming interstate move, working and packing up the house, my sleep schedule has been pretty horrible as of late. All last week I probably only slept 4 hours each night; one night I went to bed at 11pm (I can't fall asleep early in the summer either) and woke up at 2:30am. I have to get up at 5am to be at work by 6am. So then I get on the caffeine merry-go-round and the whole thing just snowballs!

The last three nights have been a little better though. I think I managed to stay asleep for six hours with no real wake-ups in the middle of it last night! A miracle, wow, six whole hours of sleep!!!!! I think when I get to my new life in New Mexico a lot of this problem will be alleviated. I will be able to go to sleep when I am tired and wake up when I need to naturally. I don't have to be at work until 10am and my commute will be about ten steps outside my door!

[pinkytoe]

During our current pre-move stressathon, I am averaging about 4-5 hours a night so I commiserate. Not getting out and talking my daily walk either since the heat index never goes below 98 so I notice my pants fitting a little tighter. Lack of sleep and stress definitely ramps up hunger. Your age too can make everything wacky (hormonal stuff), too. We found that separate bedrooms for actually getting sleep was a lifesaver. I try to have high protein snacks like nuts and lo carb meals at the ready so we rarely eat bread or crackers, etc anymore and it has helped. All I can say, is be good to yourself.

[Ultralight]

So I am trying to think of this from a "how can simpler living solve these issues" perspective...

[Zoe Girl]

On a side note, I am glad I am not the only one dealing with depression issues. Last night they were doing construction on a side street past 10 pm, I assume it was an emergency, but still difficult to sleep. Meanwhile it seems like this is affecting a lot of women in my age range, so a certain level of hormonal factors are probably part of it.

Today is field trip day and all I want to do is take a nap!

[catherine]

What kind of carbs are you eating? Last year I lost 20 lbs in 3 months by giving up all carbohydrates like pasta, bread, crackers, white rice, simple sugar. (I do eat complex carbohydrates like potatoes and starchy vegetables). I am sticking to "real food" and I don't find that I'm hungry.

Can you and your dh commit to walking every day? Even if it's hot mid-day, could you go either at dawn or dusk? I find that getting up early and getting out and moving is so motivating and sets up the day to be more active and engaging.

If you did those two things, I bet the sleep would take care of itself.

[Chicken lady]

I'm eating bread and crackers (whole grain) rice (slow cook white, brown, and black), pasta (refined, because dh likes it and this needs to go), potatoes, jam, honey, and chocolate milk. Also whole grain cereal, which is another thing I'm trying to quit - it's like dessert to me, and often I wait until I am really hungry to get breakfast, and then it's so easy....

this is morning I was good and had scrambled eggs on rye toast instead.

civil twilight (the crack of dawn) was at 5:51 this morning. Dh had finished his yoga and was getting into the shower. I had packed his lunch and was cooking his breakfast and drinking coffee. He was gone by 6:15.

i do tend to sit too long with my coffee in the morning - then I go out and do an hour and a half of barn chores. I've tried doing the chores before the coffee, but I am half asleep and make stupid mistakes that sometimes waste food or time and sometimes get me hurt.

dh gets home between 6:30 rarely and 8:00. Usually about 7:30. We have dinner and I do another hour of barn chores. Civil twilight (dusk) will be at 9:33.

in the "no solution eliminated" category, dh retires early (causes more problems for us than it solves) dh current boss retires or gets transferred and is replaced by someone with a home life (prayer accepted) or dh finds another position (which he is open to and alert for). Neither of us want to sell the farm.

in the simple solutions category, I am starting with eggs or fruit for breakfast and drink more water. Plus, remind myself when I do something good.

[Ultralight]

On a side note, I am glad I am not the only one dealing with depression issues.

I kind of wish I was the only one who was depressed...

[Tammy]

Pack his lunch at 10 pm. Make a little plate of breakfast at 10 pm. Put them both in the frig. Don't get up at 5:30 am. He's an adult, and he can do this.

Even packing and preparing is more than he requires from you. You're still helping him out by doing it the night before.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Pack his lunch at 10 pm. Make a little plate of breakfast at 10 pm. Put them both in the frig. Don't get up at 5:30 am. He's an adult, and he can do this.

Even packing and preparing is more than he requires from you. You're still helping him out by doing it the night before.

yes that's what I thought, so he isn't going to do it himself, ok, but why not make it the night before? If I'm well organized I make MY lunch the night before. I am not always well organized :) I don't have a 5am schedule regardless though. Not negotiable that you must be chronically sleep deprived so that his food can be made that day rather than the night before? Really? I understand if you tend to wake up with him anyway but ....

[Ultralight]

5am is really early.

[Tammy]

I feel a little badly about saying that - she did say to just accept 5:30 as a given. But that was the only solution I could see.

Since he brought up the weight loss, and since sleep deprivation is tied to weight gain, this could be a good time to renegotiate the morning routine with him!

[ApatheticNoMore]

I feel a little badly about saying that - she did say to just accept 5:30 as a given. But that was the only solution I could see.

yea I thought maybe the "he isn't going to make himself" might be the non-negotiable part. Because it's hard for me to even relate to someone who absolutely needs fresh food that day rather than left overs made the day before. Wow, that is a picky eater!

[Chicken lady]

If I make his lunch the night before I am just up later. I could make it in the afternoon, but honestly, a sandwich that has been sitting in a fridge for 20 hours isn't usually great. Anybody here a fan of reheated eggs?

seriously, I knew this was going to get thrown out here, which is why I pointed out in the initial post that it was a given. On the net household happiness scale, me having to get up early creates a small shift in the unhappiness direction, and having a hot breakfast and freshly packed lunch gives dh a huge shift in the happiness direction. I would love to teach him to go to sleep by himself though.....

[Ultralight]

In my life, and I am only speaking for me, I have found that taking on too much, doing too much, depletes me of time and energy and grit.

As a result I make bad food choices -- pizzas slices, potato chips, etc. I also overeat.

When I am too busy I can't get to bed when I am tired or I cannot wake up rested (because I have to get up too early).

And when I am taking on too many tasks I feel frustrated and like I cannot get anything done. This is depressing. But what is worse is that I feel like I cannot really dig into the things I want to do! (Who has the time?!). That is really depressing.

So I think that getting back to the fundamentals of simple living and why we do it might be a key to alleviating some of these issues.

For me, I have an alarm clock -- but I don't use it for waking up. I go to bed when I feel tired. I wake up on time without the clock.

I do the things for myself that alleviate my depression. I live simply, as a minimalist. I meditate daily. I ride my bike. I read books.

As for the food issue, I am still in that struggle. So I will report later. But I am applying some of the same things...

Like I know I need to save enough time, energy, and grit to make healthier foods and convince myself to eat them. I have been working and reworking as system to make this more effective. I am measurably improving!

My point really is that you have to decide what your priorities are, shuffle out the other stuff, then focus on your priorities with time, energy, and grit.

[ApatheticNoMore]

well could you go back to bed again AFTER you wake up to make his food, after he's left? Get a few more hours sleep ... before your wake up time? (why lunch has to be sandwiches rather than say a hearty soup etc. I don't know but I'll drop that approach).

[Tammy]

He needs to find his own happiness. You are not responsible for his mood.

[Ultralight]

He needs to find his own happiness. You are not responsible for his mood.

There was a time in this culture when women certainly took it a lot more on themselves to be responsible for their husbands' moods and happiness. It was some time again though, decades probably.

I wonder how society would do if more women took CL's approach.

[Teacher Terry]

I lost 40lbs by buying a Fitbit and making sure I had 10,000/steps/day and only eating 1600 calories. You enter your food into the site and it tracks everything for you. It sure gets harder as you get older. I went thru a horrible time with sleep problems when I was in the thick of menopause and still had to get up for work so I know how you feel. My Mom did my Dad's breakfast but I made sure to never get into that habit. They were working different shifts at one point and hers was the night one and yet she still got up to do his breakfast. He expected it. Ugh!!

[Chicken lady]

Lunch has to be cold because he often has nowhere to heat it up.

i have tried to go back to bed, but generally I have become awake enough that by the time I actually fall asleep again chores are already late. It would be great if his job would adapt to the rhythm of the farm. And it would be great if I could get the weather and livestock on a different schedule. But I don't have superpowers.

dh and I are a team. He works really hard at a job that is often stressful and unpleasant so that the two of us can spend weekends (and evenings) here enjoying the farm. I take care if the house and the errands so that there is less work to do during those weekends and evenings. If you love someone, you want them to be happy. He does things just to make me happy. Why would I refuse to get up in the morning when it starts his day off so much better?

so, right now is when I need to be changing something - The coffee has worn off and I'm tired. I'm not really hungry because I had a good breakfast, and I don't really feel like fixing lunch. It's hot outside and the animals don't really need me. Housework is uninspiring. The underlying problem I'm seeing is tiredness and lack of energy, and this is where I solve it with a slice of toast with honey or some cookies.

[Chicken lady]

Maybe I should pack two lunches!

if I had a fresh inviting lunch in the fridge ready to eat (or heat up - I have a microwave) maybe I would just get it out and eat it and gave more energy in the afternoon instead of snacking.

[Chicken lady]

And ultralite my fiend, we already know how society would be if more women took my approach. For many women, it kinda sucked.

let us now wonder how society would be if more people put the happiness of their partner high on their priority list.

autocorrect made you a fiend instead of a friend. It's funny. I'm leaving it.

[Ultralight]

Here is a thought. Someone I know has two kids, one by her ex and another by her husband. She works like 60+ hours a week. She is preggers with kid number three and due in September. Her ex gives her a lot of trouble. Her current pregnancy is unplanned.

She was telling me that she is "tired, always tired."

She eats mostly convenience foods. She feeds her kids mostly convenience foods. She snacks a lot and carries around too much weight.

But she loves her job (judging by how much time she puts into it). Her kids, her husband, her health, etc. are all lower on the priority list.

I asked her what she was going to do about being exhausted all the time. She said: "I am just going to be exhausted all the time. This is how my life will be for the next 18 years or so."

Being exhausted all the time is the price she pays for prioritizing her job above all else and -- and! -- piling on 2 kids (soon 3), a pregnancy, a husband, etc.

CL, the moral of the story is that if your life is set up this way and you want to do and have all these things, then maybe the other side of the teeter totter is just that you are going to have sleep problems and gain weight and be depressed. Perhaps simply accepting this without judgment and without struggle will take the edge off. But the sleepy, depressed, weight gain might just be your reality in perpetuity.

We all wrestle with what to change about ourselves and what to just accept as our cross to bear.

For me, I kind of just accept that my left shoulder and elbow will be sacrificed to "make a living." I have a repetitive motion injury from working at a desk/computer that is not ergonomically sound.

20 years from now I know my left arm will basically be destroyed and hurt all the time (worse than it already does). But I gotta make a living the best way I know how, which is working at a desk on a computer. So I accept this.

[Ultralight]

autocorrect made you a fiend instead of a friend. It's funny. I'm leaving it.

I LOLed!

[Chicken lady]

M dad is anemic. When my kids were young I went to my MD and asked him to check for anemia because I was so tired all the time. He checked (nope) but he looked at me sympathetically, shook his head and said "you have three little kids. Unless Mary Poppins shows up, you're going to be tired." I got that.

this, I don't yet accept as a "thing I cannot change." I do think you have a point with "all the things" though. Today I made jam. The blackberries are ready to pick again, but I am not going out to pick again until I wash the empty pickle buckets I got this week and use them to clean up all the random bags of dried clay (which is why I got them) and crush all the empty cans (because I bought more soda.). Today, I did not add any new things to my todo list.

i did eat a salad and some fruit for lunch. I got hungry again quickly and had some crackers and cheese. I've still been tired all afternoon.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I do a little wonder if this was one of those: what can I change, I don't want to change anything! posts.

So the husband not being able to heat lunches, no microwave at work and so on, what about a thermos or something? The old fashioned solution: thermoses. The dark bedroom really does make a real difference to sleep, if there is really no way to make that work with window fans (custom size curtains or blinds?), then I might reconsider the window fans. People lose weight on lots of different diets, but the thing there is knowing what if anything one can stick with (there are very limited things I can stick with as far as diet other than avoiding the worst stuff I'll tell you that, but that's me - at least I know it, I'm not always off pursuing some unicorn diet that I'm unlikely to follow through on or something).

[Chicken lady]

The place where I need to make changes is between 6 a.m. And 6 p.m. I need to find ways to improve my exercise and eating habits in ways that boost my energy level without increasing my weight, and I need to make good choices about how to use my time and what I want to accomplish and choose to do things that make me feel good about myself so I can reverse the negative spiral in my head.

and I need to not go chasing unicorns (thanks apatheticnomore for that image) because that way lies failure, self blame, depression, bad choices, lather, rinse repeat. I guess I'm looking for small changes (like making my lunch in the morning too, so eating the good thing is also the easy choice) that I can build on without completely disrupting my life. Maybe I'm still tired and I only lose 5 lbs, but the depression backs off and the house looks better. I mostly need to change direction.

[catherine]

i did eat a salad and some fruit for lunch. I got hungry again quickly and had some crackers and cheese. I've still been tired all afternoon.

I do think you are going to get hungry on just a salad, unless you make a big salad with hard-boiled eggs and/or chickpeas and/or chicken strips or salmon.

[nswef]

Reading your post, I wonder if a wee nap in the afternoon after your pre-made lunch might help. I think if you are sleep deprived, the extra little nap might not hurt your lack of night sleep. I've tried an eye mask with little success, but it might help you. Good luck.

[JaneV2.0]

I do think you are going to get hungry on just a salad, unless you make a big salad with hard-boiled eggs and/or chickpeas and/or chicken strips or salmon.

I was thinking, as I read that "protein. Protein and fat." They should help keep you full at least.

I like the sound of those pickle buckets.

[Chicken lady]

I put walnuts in the salad. I'm think you have to be hungry sometimes or you don't lose weight. The trick for me often I s to be interested enough in what I'm doing to not want to quit and snack, and then drink water before I eat so I feel full sooner.

[JaneV2.0]

I put walnuts in the salad. I'm think you have to be hungry sometimes or you don't lose weight. The trick for me often I s to be interested enough in what I'm doing to not want to quit and snack, and then drink water before I eat so I feel full sooner.

In my experience, you don't have to be hungry to lose weight, but if your diet is carb-heavy you will probably be hungry most of the time. YMMV.

[Chicken lady]

I'm talking "hungry" as in "is dinner ready yet, I'm starving!" Not as in "I can't concentrate because my body is actually starving."

eta: slept from about 10:45 to 7:15 last night. Not tired.

[creaker]

I'm talking "hungry" as in "is dinner ready yet, I'm starving!" Not as in "I can't concentrate because my body is actually starving."

eta: slept from about 10:45 to 7:15 last night. Not tired.

When I was carb binging, I felt very hungry even when I was full. And I was always tired. I also found postponing breakfast contributed to being hungry later in the day.

"Change" is such huge, nebulous thing to tackle - any possibility you could change the morning routine even just one day a week? In terms of fatigue, a little catch-up can make a big difference, at least for me.

[Miss Cellane]

Well, I'm thinking several things.

One is that you are so tired you can't make decisions right now. I know, I'm just coming off three months of split work days where I work 8 am to noon, and 5 pm to 10:30 pm. I get home, and my brain won't stop working, so it takes me an hour or more to unwind--so I get to sleep at midnight and I have to be up at 6 am. Not fun. It's taking me some time to get back to a good routine. I have to force myself into bed at 10:15 every night, even though I've been up much later for the past 3 months. But I know if I don't do this, things will get worse. The house will get even messier, I will be more tired (is that even possible?), things will slide that much more.

So first things first--you need to make getting more sleep a priority. Without enough sleep, you make more mistakes, you make poor decisions, you eat more carbs without really meaning to--everything just goes to pieces. When you get enough sleep, you do more in less time because you have the energy to get things done.

Another is that you are focusing only on your own behavior and the possibility of changing that. You are not looking at other things that could change. You can also change your physical environment, your schedule. And your husband can change.

1. Physical environment. There's at least one study out there that indicates that the darker your bedroom, the lower your weight. http://www.bbc.com/news/health-27617615 So making your bedroom darker could get you better sleep *and* help you loose weight. You can add curtain rods to your windows. You can hem/tape up/tie up/use a stapler to shorten blackout curtains to accommodate a window fan. You can install blackout roller shades that you pull down to the level of the window fan (this is the set-up in my bedroom). You'll still get some light in around the fan, but the bedroom will be darker, and you may get more/better sleep. Or explore the idea of a portable air conditioner--you can exhaust these out the window, but you can cover that part with curtains or shades or whatever=more darkness.

2. Making lunches. Making lunch the night before shouldn't keep you up later. I make my lunch either while I'm cooking dinner, in those minutes where I'm waiting for water to boil, or something to finish cooking. Or I make it right after dinner, just before cleaning up the kitchen, so I only have to do one cleanup. I prep food ahead. You can clean and peel and prep raw vegetables a few days ahead, and just grab some each night and toss them in a container, that sort of thing. Sandwich, vegetables (maybe with hummus or salad dressing to dip them in), a piece of fruit, some yogurt, string cheese--pick an assortment daily and it takes 5 minutes or less to prep lunch.

3. Your husband. So you want to make him breakfast every morning. You want to make him lunch every morning. He wants you to go to bed at the same time as him every night. He complains when you are restless because you aren't ready to go to bed then.

Perhaps a discussion where you point out that doing everything he wants to make him happy is a) causing you sleep deprivation and b) making you unhappy. Make a list of everything you do for him that interferes with *your* health and well-being. Have him pick the top 2 or 3 that will make him the most happy. Throughout this entire thread, I see you bowing to his wishes, even when they are causing you harm. I'm annoyed on your behalf. I know you want to make him happy. But that should not come at a large cost to you, as he should also want to make you happy. And right now, that doesn't seem to be the case.

What's most important to him? A hot breakfast every morning, or a well-rested, happy, healthy wife?

I do think a lot of your symptoms, including part of the causes of your depression, are being caused by inadequate sleep. It's affecting your entire life, and until you work out how to change that, these problems are going to continue.

[Chicken lady]

So, on weekends I do sleep until I wake up, and he makes his own breakfast, and I don't pack lunch. If I were going to pick another day to do that, Wednesday would work. I may approach that.

i have found that eating early in the morning before I am at all hungry causes me to eat "brunch" as well, which is why I eat after chores instead of with dh.

darkening the bedroom does seem like something worth exploring.

packing lunch at night would take extra time. There is no free time in the evening when I am in the kitchen. Nearly all cleaning up and putting way that happens in the kitchen happens in "down time". Not a huge fan of housework.

Typical lunch:
sandwich - which would get soggy overnight in the fridge
fruit - either a premade fruit cup when I am really tired or slow, applesauce (which could be packed the day before), fresh apple slices (better fresher), or an orange grabbed out of the bowl.
two slices of pound cake for snack (could be sliced and packed the day before.)
Packaged drink
snack - chips or veggies or pretzels w/hummus (could be packed the day before)
cookies - could be packed ahead for the week and grabbed.

so if I do all the pre-work on the lunch - I can sleep maybe 8-10 minutes longer. I would need to keep a little more space free in my fridge and buy and store a few more containers. I can't actually put the stuff in his lunch until after he gets home unless I buy him a second lunch box.

dh does a lot of things that make me happy. For example, I won the siding arguement on the addition and it is taking a huge amount of his time and labor compared to his first choice.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I've only ever lost weight when I was hungry, so yea I'd tend to agree you need to be hungry to lose weight (but then you can see when you can manage be hungry - and how to be hungry *sometimes* without going crazy). Maybe my body doesn't particularly want to be any weight than what it is. And it's kind of why I don't diet, I know what chronic hunger is and eventually I can't stand it (I do fast sometimes, that is all)

I think though you can have a good quality of life being what 15 pounds overweight or something but I'm not sure you can have a good quality of life being chronically sleep deprived. A darker room does help me sleep.

That doesn't sound like he has the world healthiest lunch, but whatever, that's not really relevant to your problems (maybe his gaining weight) except that if he's super rigid in what he has for lunch it rules out other options like a hearty soup in a thermos, maybe a salad (but yea it's easy to be hungry there) etc. that would make making lunch the night before possible which is relevant to you.

[Chicken lady]

He's a grown up. I've given up on making decisions about his nutrition - all I can do is offer (the poundcake is homemade and replaces vending machine pop tarts, so there's that....)

i'm not sure how heating up soup and putting it in a thermous would be faster than making a sandwich anyway.

all of which is mostly irrelevant, since I'm still going to get up to make breakfast.

[Simplemind]

An inexpensive investment in a good sleep mask will do you wonders. I have one that allows you to open your eyes with it on so it isn't smooshing your eyelids. It made a huge difference along with covering all light emitting electronics. I also sleep with a fan on low.

[gmpg54]

Get your thyroid levels checked.
Everything you mentioned,fatigue,insomnia,weight gain,depression is a symptom of hypothyroid.

[Chicken lady]

They have been checked. That was part of the "discovering SAD" journey. I don't have insomnia. If the sun has been down for an hour or so, I fall right asleep. And if the person next to me doesn't toss and turn and have an alarm go off, I sleep right through like a rock until after the sun comes up.

that's the thing about a mask, I would probably have to lie there with the mask on doing nothing for a while, that would drive me nuts I think. Possibly I should try to structure my day so I can do something in the basement (away from natural light) before dark. Or darken the bedroom.

[Miss Cellane]

Here's the thing. It sounds, from everything you've posted, that you need more sleep. Getting more sleep would solve a lot of the problems you are having.

There are 3 ways to get more sleep. Go to bed earlier. Sleep later. Take naps. You've basically said that you can't do any of these, for various reasons.

I don't think there's anything you can do if you need more sleep, other than get more sleep. One of the issues with sleep deprivation is that it is hard to make decisions. It is also difficult to be creative, i.e. come up with novel solutions to your problems.

In your shoes, I'd have a long talk with my husband. I'd lay out the problem--I need more sleep, but I have to get up early to fix your breakfast and lunch. I have to stay up late to deal with the animals. I'm not a good napper. I'd listen to my husband's thoughts on this matter.

Then I'd propose that we, as a couple, do a two week experiment, where we change one of the three obstacles to my getting enough sleep. First, we'd get blackout curtains or shades on the bedroom windows, because that's a solution that could have benefits for both of us, long-term. Then we'd do one of the following: Husband would get up and fix his own breakfast; I'd make his lunch the night before (there are ways to make a sandwich so it isn't soggy the next morning). I'd sleep in. OR--I'd go to bed early, husband would deal with the animals.

After two weeks, we'd evaluate the pluses and minuses of the experiment. And, hopefully, I'd be feeling better, because of getting enough sleep. And then we'd experiment with the other solution. And then brainstorm all sorts of ideas that would work for us both, but would allow us *both* to get enough sleep.

It could be that Husband needs to help with the animals every night, or that the animals could be trained to come inside earlier (not knowing what type of animals they are, it is hard to say). Or Husband makes his own breakfast and lunch. Or you hire someone to deal with evening animal duties during the week. Or you sleep in separate bedrooms so you don't disturb each other. Or something entirely different.

But since your husband is a factor in all of this, I think he should be pulled into providing a solution. It could be that you think he feels strongly about something, but that he would be willing to change that, if it meant that you would feel better.

[ToomuchStuff]

Get your thyroid levels checked.
Everything you mentioned,fatigue,insomnia,weight gain,depression is a symptom of hypothyroid.


Can't depression itself cause the other symptoms?
I know that when I get depressed, I can feel tired/fatigue, then not get enough exercise so I have the weight gain, etc. The insomnia isn't that much different then lack of restful sleep, do the dreams associated with what normally depresses me.
Unfortunately some people get depressed more easily so I think there is some biological factor there, while others have experience or memory triggers (what I would consider mine).

[Chicken lady]

So, I have been thinking about this. (It's Sunday, I slept to 7:30 and I'm not tired.) My preferences would be I sleep later, or I take a nap (which means I go to bed later). Dh preference would be I go to bed earlier.

The he animals are all me. Asking dh to help with the animals would be like asking me to help with engine repairs (he does those) - no skill, talent, interest, or even basic knowledge (I can find the dipstick and battery, add oil, and identify a "belt"). So by the time I got done teaching and supervising, he'd probably be retired.

Goats are trainable, chickens are not. Currently the chickens free range during the day and get shut up in the barn at night. There are actually some things about this that are a hassle in other ways, and I have been thinking about changing to chicken tractors. This would require an investment of time, energy, and a little money but might be a good solution for next summer (mid fall to mid spring it gets dark early and this whole problem goes away)

short term maybe we be we need to agree on one night that I got to bed early (maybe the chickens don't go out that day and we get some curtains, maybe it can be a flexible day so that if it's storming all day - less light - I pick that day) and one morning a week he eats a cold breakfast and buys his lunch and let's me sleep in.

on the food front I had a bit of a setback today because dd decided to get up early and surprise us with donuts. So I had two donuts with coffee and milk for breakfast.

[Chicken lady]

It's fair week - which is a week that I am always happy exhausted.

went to bed around ten last night, but didn't fall asleep for a while - clear sky, full moon, forgot to put the cat out and he wanted to play, drank a lot of water yesterday evening so...

i will ill be doing a ton of walking today.

[Ultralight]

CL:

It is pretty obvious that you are not getting enough sleep and also doing too much (which probably prevents you from getting enough sleep).

You can continue to do the same thing you have been doing while hoping for different results. I doubt this will work.

You can make tiny changes and maybe get tiny results you will barely notice.

Or you can make some big changes and have a strong chance of getting big results.

What I have noticed about the vast majority of people (even myself in certain contexts) is that we all tend toward inertia.

So my best guess would be that since this is the rut you are in, you are likely to stay in this rut. So I will come back to this isea of self-acceptance. Perhaps just accepting that you will be tired, kinda depressed, and gain weight is your reality could make you feel a little better about it. At least you won't be struggling with decision-making.

[Chicken lady]

I'm actually looking for tiny changes - positive things to help me spiral upwards and exercise and diet changes that will give me more energy and make my weight creep down instead of up. I'm not good with big, sudden change.

i lost a pound since Thursday. If I lose a pound every month I'll be in my acceptable zone next summer.

and I'm in a really great mood because it's fair week!

[herbgeek]

Little things that you can try that might help:

- take 15-20 minutes and lie on the floor with your legs up against the wall. Breathe deeply. I often find this more refreshing than a nap.
- have handy snacks like almonds hanging around. Good fat/protein balance helps keeps blood sugar even.
- some yoga, particularly Svaroopa yoga if you can find it, or yoga nidra if you can't find Svaroopa. Very restful and restorative.
- make 2-3 salads to keep in the frig for quick meals for yourself or side dishes to husband's lunch. We rotate through various potato salads, pasta salads, bean salads, grain salads. I find I eat better if things are handy and I don' t have to spend time prepping. I can spend 1/2 hour making up 3 salads, and these will last 4-5 days.
- a half hour walk even when you are tired. I find exercise gives me more energy, even when I start out tired, I feel more energetic during the day.