I might have a beau!

[Tradd]

Let me just start out by saying this was totally unexpected. I've been doing pretty well on my own.

I've been dealing with a really great guy through work for 15 years (vendor, not a customer). Phone/email contact. Few years older than I am, similar backgrounds/education. He owned his business and always took responsibility for issues and cleared them up in an upstanding way. Very highly respected as a businessman in his town for our industry. Located 3 hours from me in Indiana. He's a gun guy. Loves that I shoot. First guy ever that hasn't freaked out that I'm into guns. Very similar educational backgrounds (both schools are fierce rivals!) and we've been in the same industry, just different aspects, for nearly our entire working lives. Delightful smile, makes me laugh, great laugh that turns me to mush, kind, just a great guy. Similar politics views.

We met about 6 weeks ago when we visited a customer of mine. Instant connection. My manager who was on the customer visit as well told me she had noticed him paying a lot of attention to me, seemed interested and flirtatious. So it wasn't just me. Asked me if I would date him, and I said heck, yes! I'd mentioned to guy before that we should get together to go shooting over the summer. A couple of weeks after we met, we set a date for it. We met up at an outdoor range in northern IN yesterday (2 hour drive for each of us). We shot for nearly 5 hours and then went for lunch. He was a gentleman - held the door, paid for lunch, brought ammo to shoot through my rifle. Didn't get grabby, although several nice hugs and a kiss on the cheek. Said he had a perfect day, thanked me for being such good company, and wants to get together again very soon. Said we'll talk this week. Of course, I'd prefer it be sooner, but we're both adults with very demanding jobs. While I appreciated him not getting grabby (too many men have gotten grabby on the first date, and weren't nice when I said no), if he had wanted to get frisky, I would have been up for it! :)

This is kinda stupid humor, but sweet: I shoot my rifle with the adjustable stock all the way in and he shot it with stock all the way out. We had a friendly competition going and were trading off after we'd each shot a mag. Once he handed me back my rifle with the stock all the way out and when I had to push it back in, he joked that he “had left the seat up.” That was a running joke all day. Once he pushed it back in before I shot rifle again and I said, “hey, you put the seat down.” We laughed our heads off.

I'm 47, he's got a few years on me. Calls himself a bachelor. So I'm assuming never married or it was a very long time ago. Neither of us have kids.

So, just how did you guys handle long distance relationships? This isn't too bad - three hours drive between his town and mine.

I've already made up my mind that if things worked out (aka permanent), I would move to IN. Chance to get out of IL? I'd jump. Guy knows that I'd move out of IL if I had a good reason (he asked how I felt about the current mess IL is in). For the time being, I've got a good job, church, friends, so I see no reason to move. Even if I couldn't find a job doing exactly what I do know, I would be able to work in a different aspect, which would probably have more jobs in his area, anyway. Global trade compliance jobs often require a brokers license and lots of transportation/logistics experience, which I've got 23 years of.

So, just how did you guys handle long distance relationships? This isn't too bad - three hours drive between his town and mine.

I'm giddy. :)

[Chicken lady]

Well, we were much younger and there was no internet. 7 hour drive, all night on the greyhound. Wrote a lot of letters. Called (long distance was expensive) for short talks when we could afford it - a couple times a month, visited for weekends every couple of months. Three years three months in he proposed. The last year of 4 he moved only an hour and a half away and I drove down almost every weekend. Didn't live in the same town until after the wedding.

[iris lilies]

Tradd, that is nice!

The ease of communication with the web will make a LD relatinship easier. Back in the day, If there was web face to face technology of today, I probably wouldnt be married to DH, and would have stuck around an earlier boyfriend. This worked out for the best. :)

[Tradd]

Yes, communication is so much easier! I had a boyfriend my freshman & sophomore years of college. In the summer between those two years, we lived about an hour apart, but that's when non-very local calls were still expensive. He had a full time job office and actually wrote me a letter nearly every day at lunch! I wrote lots of letters. This was 1988.

This guy and I text a fair bit, with some email. I don't mind not talking so much. I have the emails and texts to save for later reference.

[Float On]

Did you mention (read your post quickly and no time to go back)....are your religious backgrounds similar. I know church has been a very important part of your life. I'd want that squared away before I invested very much in a relationship but he sounds great and right for you. Glad to see you having a good time with him.

[SteveinMN]

My LDR didn't work out all that well (married too soon and divorced "too late"). :|( But that was then...

As others mentioned, communication these days is far simpler: texting/"free" long distance/email/Webchats. Communication, even about mundane daily occurrences, cannot be rated too highly.

At three hours away (we were three hours away by airplane and that's before TSA doubled flight times), you're close enough to meet most weekends or even sometimes for special events after work. We were limited by time and $$ to visiting every six weeks or so for a long weekend and the occasional week and, I have to say, it was not enough time to get to know each other properly. Those 48-72 hours are not anything like real life as you put aside chores and preferred ways to spend free time to spend time with each other. We did not spend enough time on enough days with each other to identify values and behaviors which became real issues after we moved in together.

tl;dr: take your time and try to live as normal a life with each other as you can. And have fun!

[Lainey]

Tradd, sounds like you're really enjoying each other's company. At this point it's a little early, but I'm sure logistics will work out if there's sincere interest on both sides to continue a real relationship.
I'd say give it a few months to see how things play out, and I also agree with Steve to be aware that these are "best foot forward" type of get togethers and just keep your eyes and ears open for anything that might be concerning.
Have fun, you deserve it :)

[Teacher Terry]

I don't see the religion thing as important at all as long as both people are respectful of the others choices. My ex does not believe in God, etc and after our divorce he married a very religious woman. They are happy together and he goes to church with her. They were happy in all other areas and decided this was an area where they could compromise.

[chrisgermany]

I'd take it easy, meet and visit + vacation regularly for at least a year before thinking of moving.
You both are probably pretty well established in your habits and it takes time together to find out if the relationship has the potential to become permanent.
You have a lot to loose by going head over heals.

[Tradd]

Did you mention (read your post quickly and no time to go back)....are your religious backgrounds similar. I know church has been a very important part of your life. I'd want that squared away before I invested very much in a relationship but he sounds great and right for you. Glad to see you having a good time with him.

Question didn't come up, although when we were talking about our hobbies/involvements, etc., I mentioned I was Orthodox, sing in the choir, and am pretty active. No mention of actual beliefs. I dislike it when people start in on their beliefs without having been asked, so I don't do it either). Guy is of an ethnic background that is almost exclusively Catholic. He was mostly likely baptized Catholic at least. I'm Orthodox now, but I grew up Catholic. A Catholic is going to be the closest I'd get without marrying someone Orthodox. There are quite a lot of theological differences, but enough similarities (sacraments, etc.). My expectations are low: I simply want no interference with my church attendance, with the guy recognizing that during Lent/Holy Week there will be more services. I actually have several friends in this exact situation. The guy being baptized is important as the Orthodox Church won't marry its members to non-baptized people.

[Tradd]

I'd take it easy, meet and visit + vacation regularly for at least a year before thinking of moving.
You both are probably pretty well established in your habits and it takes time together to find out if the relationship has the potential to become permanent.
You have a lot to loose by going head over heals.

I wouldn't move before marriage.

[chrisgermany]

The point is getting to know each other really well before making further steps, be it marriage or moving.
In the meantime, enjoy and have lots of luck with this!

[Tradd]

My guy friend and I talk a good bit, as well as texting and some email. He is so excited I'm getting into diving that it's actually rather sweet. Said it's fun for him, too, seeing my enthusiasm. :) We are still trying to schedule another date. We both have been out of town multiple weekends, plus I've got my pool time for the diving class this weekend. He's also got a trip to visit his parents 5 hours away this weekend and a dive trip with friends in a couple of weeks.

He's said he definitely wants to do the underwater pumpkin carving at the quarry 1.5 hours south of Chicago, depending on date (not yet announced for this year). As soon as I find out from my instructor if certified divers are allowed to tag along with on the certification dives in mid-Sept (some allow it), I'm going to ask him if he would come for the Sunday on that weekend (we dive both days). The dive shop has a BBQ after the cert dives in the morning and then you can dive all afternoon for fun. It would be great to have him there for moral support (he's been diving since the late 80s), as well as appropriate since he inspired me to try diving.

We're getting to know each other better, and I am still head over heels. I don't know yet if he considers me as more than a friend yet, but signs point that direction! My guy friends, some of whom were bachelors until their late 40s, said they were particularly oblivious to signs women were giving out, and also took time to adjust their thinking to being in a relationship from being single for so long. I made it pretty clear about 10 days ago that I enjoyed being with him. I called him and told him I had such a good time when we went shooting that we need to get together again very soon. He totally agreed.

[iris lilies]

Good news, keep us posted!

[freshstart]

underwater pumpkin carving is a new one on me!

this all sounds sweet and wonderful and I wish you all the best

[Tradd]

Underwater pumpkin carving (this video is actually from my local quarry)


https://youtu.be/UIWI27ij6CE

[Kestra]

I'd recommend asking him soon, and directly, if he sees relationship potential or just friendship. I'd hate you getting disappointed after significant time and energy.

[Selah]

I'm so happy for you, Tradd! It sounds very promising indeed. When it's time to "get frisky" (LOL!) pick a great little getaway midpoint between your respective homes, and have fun packing! :)

[Tradd]

I emailed my diving instructor yesterday and asked if my guy friend would be allowed to actually tag along and dive with us on my cert dives. The answer was no, for liability issues as well as the possible distraction factor. But the dive shop does a BBQ lunch on the Sunday of certification weekend, and then you can dive for fun all afternoon. instructor said he should come about 11 am, after cert dives are done, join us for lunch, and then we can have dive for fun. That's what I'm going to do. Tried calling him a little earlier this evening, but had to leave a voice mail for him to call me back.

We're talking/texting a lot more on weekends and evenings. We usually exchange at least a couple of texts or emails during the work day. His big boss (from HQ in another town) was down in my guy friend's office yesterday and today. In the past, he's never told me in advance when he was going to be out of the office. But he made a point of telling me Sunday evening and reminding me this morning that I wouldn't hear from him during the day since his boss was in the office. He'd never done that before.

[freshstart]

it sounds like it is developing nicely!

[Tradd]

Well, my guy friend won't be coming out for the BBQ and fun dives the afternoon of the Sunday I'm certified. Asked him today. He has a dive trip scheduled with his brother and a friend. It was originally scheduled for the previous weekend but his brother had a scheduling conflict. He said it was funny I mentioned that weekend because he had noted we would both be diving the same weekend, just on opposite sides of the state. He thanked me for the invite. At first I was very sad and disappointed, but then I was sort of relieved. If things didn't go well with my cert dives and I didn't get my cert, there would be no fun dives that afternoon. That would have been embarrassing. We're still on for the underwater pumpkin carving sometime in October. Dang, do I want to see him badly, but it seems I'm going to have to wait until October - 3 months after we went shooting.

Slowly, slowly.

[Teacher Terry]

Just got back from vacation and saw this. HOpe things work out with the new guy. It sounds promising:).

[freshstart]

sorry you're disappointed. Could you suggest something low key in Sept, like a hike somewhere?

[Tradd]

My knee and sciatica wouldn't stand up to a hike. Going shooting again would be a good option

I am trying not to push him too much. He's had a big upheaval in his work life about six months back where he went from owning the company to selling it to a bigger competitor. He was tired of long hours, he said. He was doing very well before the recession, but had to cut staff in half during the recession. That's when it seems the 60 plus hour weeks began. He's now a manager with the company that he sold to. It's going well, but he's having a hard time adjusting to no longer being the decision maker and now having a 40-45 hour work week. He said he is still discombobulated. He owned his company for about 20 years.

So with the the work upheaval, I'm not sure if me coming into the picture creates more upheaval in his life. So I'm trying to be patient, even though it is making me absolutely nuts.