Overcoming doubts and fears

[razz]

After reading the inspiring threads from both SiouzQ and Tradd about facing up to doubts and fears and successfully working through them, I wondered how many of the rest of us have a story to tell about fears and doubts overcome or need to do.

My most memorable one is years ago. Our first daughter was a very difficult delivery and complicated for me afterwards for a few days. I had always wanted more children but didn't want to ever go through that type of experience again. I finally decided that the fear of getting pregnant had to be faced. The next pregnancy was a snap, of course.

What is your fear or doubt overcome.

[iris lilies]

Good question. I know I have some fears
I,have overcome but will have to think on it.

Truthfully, I havent stretched myself much in recent years.I am thrilled that the youngsters like Kestra and Siouzie and Tradd are doing so.

[Zoe Girl]

I am sure I have, hmmm. Some things were awhile ago, but a continual process of being willing to do things alone. It started with hiking alone, then going to some movies, and eating out. I am pretty comfortable now with doing things alone, so it is time to shift.

Last weekend was our women's retreat weekend. They all went on a longer retreat in May that I was not going to be able to do no matter what due to work schedules. I even had a woman call and offer financial support which I wish I could have taken. There wasn't just a work crunch but after having a bad year I was working incredibly hard to have a better year at work. At our weekends we do a lot of interaction, exercises, not too much silence. We are almost at the end of a 'module' and the future is very uncertain, but we did find a retreat at a very affordable place sometime next year and want to all go together! So my stretching out/risk is to plan on this as my longer retreat for the year, to do it WITH other people and let myself really be in the group. As we were leaving a different woman told me that no matter what they are getting me to the next retreat!

[Tybee]

I took early semi retirement this January. Still working through it; much harder than I thought. It was hard to do, but the job was so toxic.

[Tammy]

I'm driving on multiple 8-12 lane highways and changing lanes and switching to ad adjoining huge highway -- without worrying about it anymore. I did it when absolutely necessary before, but realized this summer that it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm totally comfortable.

I wish I knew why but I don't. After a few decades of hating that type of driving suddenly I don't. Maybe it's one of the unknown benefits of menopause. 😄

[catherine]

Cool topic!!

Mine would be when I was struggling financially as a word processing supervisor, typing up reports the market researchers gave me, and I typed up an internal presentation for the president of the company which talked about HR issues, including hiring a couple more analysts. I had assumed entry level analysts would make about what I was making then as a supervisor, but when I read that they started at 42k, my wheels started turning in my head. I had NO experience, NO marketing background, NO MBA or any graduate degree, NO science or medical background (the position was in healthcare MR) and people's perception of me in the company was "typist." I didn't know the very basic lingo of market research, other than what I had been typing for other people. AND I was 46, when all the other analysts were in their 20s/early 30s.

So, I went to the president and asked if she would consider me as an analyst. She put me on a new team she was forming so that people wouldn't look at me as anything other than a market researcher, and thus started the rest of my new life. It was challenging to learn enough about medicine to be able to speak intelligently with doctors. It was challenging to learn how to use data without even knowing what a "tab banner" was. It was challenging when clients would go over the heads of the young people who knew tons more than I to speak directly to me because they assumed I was the one with a lot of experience. Talk about fake it till you make it!!

The other time I overcame extreme doubt and fear was when I decided not to have an abortion.

[iris lilies]

I'm driving on multiple 8-12 lane highways and changing lanes and switching to ad adjoining huge highway -- without worrying about it anymore. I did it when absolutely necessary before, but realized this summer that it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm totally comfortable.

I wish I knew why but I don't. After a few decades of hating that type of driving suddenly I don't. Maybe it's one of the unknown benefits of menopause. 
Ugh, fast highways.ugh.

Next summer our national lily show is held at a hotel complex all the hell out the way out on a highway I hate to get on, so I will be going there 5,6,7 times. That will be stretching.

[nswef]

I too hate huge highways and dread driving on them....my husband nearly always drives so I am out of practice.

[JaneV2.0]

I used to be more intrepid. I was an early adopter of a non-traditional job, which came with many challenges. I bought real estate when women were just starting to be allowed (!) to. I moved up here by myself without thinking twice about it. I used to take off for parts unknown in my old VW with nary a thought about everything that could go wrong--without benefit of AAA, cell phone, or backup plans. As I get older, I find myself more circumspect. Now I contemplate everything that could possibly go wrong on a one-mile trip to what passes for a city center here. I'd like to get over that.

[freshstart]

my biggest fear was facing up to the need to leave my violent, angry husband. He had been mildly rough on two occasions and we went to marital counseling. When I brought up the violence and anger, he stormed out and never went back. Then there was a very bad violent action against me and he tried to kidnap my son, I knew I had to leave and get my kids out. I was scared because I was only working PT as a nurse and even though I went FT right away, I feared I would never be able to financially manage leaving. I took 6 mos, saw a lawyer, plowed money away and then on Christmas Eve, I sold our house to the first person who saw it. On Dec 26 I bought my townhouse, the first one I looked at, I lied and said of course he was coming with us. He was NOT.

We moved in on Valentine's Day 2002, the kids were 3+4, we slept that first night on piles of mattresses in the LR and talked about what our new lives would be like. I was free and happy, they were safe. Little did I know, he would spend the rest of his life trying to take me to court at least once a year, bad mouthing me to the kids with horrible lies that have lead to them essentially being alienated from me because I refused to say the things he did that made me leave. They know there was violence, they think I overreacted. Someday when they are older, maybe I can tell them and they will understand.

my worst fear was realized, they chose him but to my surprise, I have not curled up and died like I thought I would if that ever happened. I keep the door open to resume our previous very close relationships but I no longer chase them, trying anything to get them back. I sleep easy knowing I took the high road at every single turn, no matter how badly I wanted to spill all the evil things he had done, I've kept my mouth shut. Now they are an adult and a 17 yr old, if asked, I will now answer. But only if asked.

My second biggest fear was when I had to take disability and quit the company I worked for for 23 yrs. That's still a fear I'm working out as I try to get a bead on how I will manage financially.

[freshstart]

Cool topic!!


So, I went to the president and asked if she would consider me as an analyst. She put me on a new team she was forming so that people wouldn't look at me as anything other than a market researcher, and thus started the rest of my new life. It was challenging to learn enough about medicine to be able to speak intelligently with doctors. It was challenging to learn how to use data without even knowing what a "tab banner" was. It was challenging when clients would go over the heads of the young people who knew tons more than I to speak directly to me because they assumed I was the one with a lot of experience. Talk about fake it till you make it!!


I love this story!

[Tradd]

Goodness, never though I'd be an inspiration for anyone!

[Gardenarian]

My biggest fear is being betrayed by people I put all my trust in.
I can't say I've beaten it; it's a lifetime journey. I'm better than I was. It's made me very self- reliant, and I suppose that's something.

[pinkytoe]

Actually in the midst of living one of my larger fears - that of being rootless. Although having few possessions and living a vagabond lifestyle has its appeal, I have realized how important some structure and a home base is to me. We are still living out of boxes in temporary housing while trying to find another house to buy and I do not like it - not one little bit.

[nswef]

Pinkytoe, I'm agreeing and nodding my head at your rootlessness. It is temporary which is fortunate...Good luck.