not funny anymore

[Zoe Girl]

I have hit a wall in the last couple days, this is under health for mental health. It is mental health awareness day. The latest from a presidential candidate has caused quite a stir, and I have pretty much stayed out of it, and yet with the twitter storm of women reporting the casual and serious ways we have been assaulted over our lifetimes has really affected me. I still don't feel safe sharing my history, I still don't want to give up my personal responsibility in life, but I am kinda numb and pissed and not ready to leave my safe cozy home for the real world of work and people. Just the deadline pressure when I am feeling so raw is hard. It is both the stories of the groping and other assaults that have reminded me of a lot of things I had left behind, and even more is watching the narcissistic process on the large screen.
Fun memory,
My daughter who is pregnant came over last night, she is about 2 weeks away! She saw the grandparents on dad's side recently for a birthday party (this is the narcissistic wing of my ex-family). Grandma told her 'now don't go do what your mom did, she had you and ruined our dinner plans'. We were supposed to meet for dinner and I went into labor, had T, and was ready to leave the hospital because they agreed I didn't have to stay overnight when my ex-in-laws found out. We stayed in the lobby of the hospital so they could see the baby before we went home. I recall my ex-FIL was just furious, peeked at the baby and then sulked in anger. I hadn't thought about that for a long time, really surprised that grandma would bring that one thing up the only time she saw my daughter before the baby was born.

Thank you for letting me share, I am not sure what to do with all of this some days. Should I share like the women? Should I suck it up and figure everyone knows what a narcissist is like so it is no big deal? Should I spend 2 weeks arranging everything so I can take a day off? I try my best to avoid it all, can't do that very well, just counting down.

[sweetana3]

Babies all come in their own time. Talk to your daughter about what she wants or expects and talk about what is possible. Be the mother she wants and forget the others. You can change the future. Whether you can be there at the immediate birth or not due to work is not totally within your control. If you both understand it and can express your love and support within what is in your control you both will have less stress.

ps: you can always talk about your past to help get over it. We understand. But you, your daughter and your new grandbaby are unique and can make your own loving present and future.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you, it just pushed a real button to hear they are still talking about that, and totally weird and unkind. It is a good reality check that things really were that messed up in that family however! Right now similar stuff is on stage for the world, very familiar in a bad way.

I am putting together my back up plan so I can get to the birth, we tend to have fast labors in the family so you just never know. My daughter was born in 1 hour, officially being held in on the elevator ride. After I was taken into the room, they moved their hand and she popped out someone asked me what my name was. So we all know that we will try our best, and I am not the only one around and her fiancee has the primary job!

[razz]

ZG, you are living in the 'now'. You cannot change the past in any way. Deal with your DD and the new baby understanding what you do now is what matters. Really make an effort to be the mother of today with all that you have learned and grown over the years to guide you.

Everything else is water under the bridge. This is based on my experience and simply letting go all the c''p of the past and enjoying today. It is so much easier and peaceful. Baby and family will need your love and support so focus on that.

[freshstart]

You've got this, mama. Just being reminded of that time set you back for a minute, that's totally natural considering how that family is. Your DD also has her fiancee so if you can be there, great, if not you'll be there soon after. This new baby is a fresh start and another generation removed from that family.

I can't believe you almost gave birth in the elevator!

[Zoe Girl]

You've got this, mama. Just being reminded of that time set you back for a minute, that's totally natural considering how that family is. Your DD also has her fiancee so if you can be there, great, if not you'll be there soon after. This new baby is a fresh start and another generation removed from that family.

I can't believe you almost gave birth in the elevator!

Thank you for understanding that I am not in some drama spiral, just a moment. I was talking to my mom and told her and she just laughed, that helped a lot.

Another 'funny' moment from these people. exMIL married my ex FIL when my oldest was 2. She is Jewish and he converted. Not an issue to me at all, but then she went on the mission to educate us all on Judaism! I have had close friends my whole life who are Jewish so I have done plenty of Hannukah parties. I just humored her overall and reminded her that I could play dreidl. Until she gave me a lecture on not circumcising my son because she was Jewish! My besties at the time were a Jewish lesbian couple who had a son a year earlier and almost didn't circumcise, so we had a lot of talks. But none of them were about my FIL converting and how we should be obligated to this.

[jp1]

Grandma told her 'now don't go do what your mom did, she had you and ruined our dinner plans'. We were supposed to meet for dinner and I went into labor, had T, and was ready to leave the hospital because they agreed I didn't have to stay overnight when my ex-in-laws found out. We stayed in the lobby of the hospital so they could see the baby before we went home. I recall my ex-FIL was just furious, peeked at the baby and then sulked in anger.

WTF? I'm sure this goes without saying, but you do understand how incredibly bizarre this story is don't you? What kind of grandparent is more into their dinner plans than the birth of their granddaughter?

[Float On]

I worked on staff at a church. It took 2 years and fertility treatments for me to get pregnant. I was so excited to announce it at our Christmas Staff Dinner. The minister was more worried about how my program areas would get taken care of. The next year he started the dinner off by saying "Well, at least we won't have an announcement like last year." I said, "Excuse me, we're having another baby". Oh the look of disgust from him...a minister. I stayed long enough to have the baby and then I quit and we left that denomination.

[Ultralight]

I been to 8 county fairs and 1 pig scramble and I ain't never heard of no man of the cloth doing anything wrong!