View Full Version : staff and social media
I got a call from a parent yesterday. One of my staff has friended her husband on social media and the mom is upset. She was clear that she had no idea if something was going on, or if it was a difference in how we use social media, but she was still really concerned.
I have been clear with my staff about any photos of kids or sharing about them on social media, just no. We have permissions to use photos in our programs for almost all of the kids, a few we don't take any media of, however it should never be on their pages. I have left the friendships up to their discretion with some advice. I think I shared before that we have a lot of overlap in our families, especially over summer I saw how many staff knew each other, knew the families, etc. from childhood on up. So in an area where people have lived for generations and all know each other I am not going to say to not be friends outside of work, but be careful. I have one parent on mine, her daughter moved on to middle school after being with us many years. She has a lot of special needs and we grew close over the years of caring for the girl.
My supervisor suggested just having a general talk with all of the staff about the subject, I have no reason to believe there is anything funny. My staff person seems to have a lot of people on her social media page, but I keep mine very limited.
Is there a written policy to prohibit it? If not, then just talk directly with the staff member simply so she's aware the mom was upset. Don't tell her what to do - let her handle it, unless policy dictates otherwise.
I hate it when management talks generically about a problem in a meeting and doesn't go directly to the person. It's so passive aggressive.
I would look at it differently. What reflects on the working group affects the credibility of the working group. Management needs to define your responsibilities more clearly.
Your staff know their clients well. Many work settings face the same scenario of clients and workers as friends for life, sharing volunteer contacts, church activities, children' sports and so on. There is no way that a manager of a work setting can control the social activities whether online or off of their workers.
Inappropriate behaviour of a worker will reflect badly on the work setting so there should be consequences to protect the work group. That is a boundary that can be set and stated clearly.
Asking you to police a social setting scenario that has violated no work or social standards is, IMHO, beyond your control. You should be able to state this. I think that it is up to the husband of the woman complaining to stop the "friending".
I agree with your manager that a simple reminder about respecting the appropriate boundaries 24/7.
iris lilies
10-11-16, 10:50am
This is a good lesson in exercising boundaries and previous posters made the good points.
* wife of friended husband has little to no jurisdiction over who "friends" her husband. If his FB friends are a problem, and she needsto take it up with the guy who accepted the friend request
* management need not lecture everyone about somethng specific that is random and not their business
However, if it has been a while since ZG talked about generalized social media protocols with her staff, then it may be time to visit that topic at a staff meeting.
ToomuchStuff
10-11-16, 12:04pm
I would revisit that topic, and you might privately tell the party that the spouse expressed concern over her husband and her being FB friends.
Besides taking it up with her husband, do you know about their personal lives? Maybe he has had an affair and meets people via FB.
iris lilies
10-11-16, 12:45pm
I would revisit that topic, and you might privately tell the party that the spouse expressed concern over her husband and her being FB friends.
Besides taking it up with her husband, do you know about their personal lives? Maybe he has had an affair and meets people via FB.
Doesnt matter his past or current behavior, that is HIS behavior to be accountable for.
I am always amazed at women who go barreling through life shouting "stay away from my man" as though he has no control over himself and if women enter his sphere, he will act with them. If he doesn't have control, that is not my problem nor the problem of anyone other than himself and fo a lesser extent, his wife.
ToomuchStuff
10-11-16, 1:03pm
Doesnt matter his past or current behavior, that is HIS behavior to be accountable for.
I am always amazed at women who go barreling through life shouting "stay away from my man" as though he has no control over himself and if women enter his sphere, he will act with them. If he doesn't have control, that is not my problem nor the problem of anyone other than himself and fo a lesser extent, his wife.
It would be his problem, and if something like that has happened before, and his wife is already acting up on befriending, it could turn into a safety issue, hence warning her. Then it is up to both parties to watch for signs.
Be careful about violating confidences as well. The wife may have spoken to ZG thinking it would be held in confidence.
Thank you all, I have decided to have a conversation with the staff just briefly telling her the concern. The wife has been talking to her husband and has an open mind about what might be happening could simply be a misunderstanding. They may have other social connections and there is nothing wrong with that. I know that this staff keeps on getting invited to go to the bar with another parent and turns her down, so she generally has good boundaries. However she also nannies for families at times so there is a lot of connections.
We all use social media in different ways. However the conversation with staff won't have any weight from me as a supervisor since there is not a policy in our department on social media. I am glad I have worked with her for a couple years so we have a rapport already.
sweetana3
10-11-16, 5:54pm
I like your choice because I am with the camp that generic reminders in a group meeting never are "heard" by the person needing the information. All the others merely get bothered and worry what they might be doing wrong. Been there and hate the feeling. Did not raise my opinion of my manager just made me think she/he was a total wimp.
I had a conversation in the tone of letting her know what was happening rather than having an issue or secret. Found out they have a mutual friend and they all talked football on this guys FB page, then he did a friend request so she asked around if he was okay before friending him. At some point recently she felt a little weird and asked if he was married, when he said yes she said they shouldn't be friends. So I am reassured because I have never questioned her professionalism even with living in the neighborhood with her extended family for generations and knowing a lot of people here. She felt like the wife was giving her the stink eye the other day so I am glad I told her what is going on rather than having this awkward situation.
More confirmation that you know exactly what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Well done!
I find it so ridiculous when people can't be friends with someone who is married if they're the opposite gender. Next thing we're going to say is what's your sexual orientation? And then if they're bi or gay? then we have to unfriend them to. When will it end? Pretty soon will have no friends at all.
Ultralight
10-14-16, 8:46am
I find it so ridiculous when people can't be friends with someone who is married if they're the opposite gender. Next thing we're going to say is what's your sexual orientation? And then if they're bi or gay? then we have to unfriend them to. When will it end? Pretty soon will have no friends at all.
Most of my friends, probably with a ratio of 8 to 1, are mostly women, straight/bi women.
My significant other was, and in many ways still is, uneasy about this. If I take a bike ride with my friend Jeff -- no big deal. If I take a bike ride with Amy or Adrienne -- problem! If I take a walk around the lake with Jay -- non-issue. If I take a walk around the lake with Jenny -- jealousy rapidly rises.
Makes no sense.
I think that if the wife had known from the beginning it would be different, like hey I am going to friend this lady who really likes the Patriots. But the wife is pretty traditional and my staff was being extra cautious since there was overlap with work. Honestly it would be none of my business as a boss, but I wanted her to know. This staff connects to a lot of our dads around sports, it is a great deal.
UA, I don't tend to have issues with cross gender friendships, not that I recall what it is like to be in a relationship. However when I was fairly newly single I made a lot of miscalculations on friendships with men. Pretty much all of them expected to sleep with me. Really frustrating when I had spent my teen years with more male friends than female and we were fine navigating attraction, and being friends around that.
My friends differ depending on how I know them. Church friends are mostly women. Shooting and diving buddies are mostly men.
I figure if I can't trust my spouse to be around someone of the opposite gender - than why am I married at all?
greenclaire
10-14-16, 3:07pm
I figure if I can't trust my spouse to be around someone of the opposite gender - than why am I married at all?
This ^
I tend to get on with men much better than women in general. I'm glad my partner doesn't get funny about it! I also have no problem with him hanging out with other women socially.
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