Zoe Girl
10-13-16, 11:02pm
I met with my 'growth partner' today. It is a new program where we have a partner that helps us in our career, a mutual support relationship. I didn't have a person but they paired 2 of us up and it is a good fit. I already have a mentor but she is in charge of this program so we can still meet as a mentor/mentee but she can't be both. So that is good, and I think this will be good overall.
So apparently I have a LOT of anger and bitterness in some areas. I really thought I had worked through more of it than this. I have plans on how to move forward, how to express what i need to, and I feel support for the mindfulness work I am doing. I held a training for staff and my mentor (who is also the interim head of our department) popped her head in to tell me she was really proud of me for doing this. I worked out an agreement to take 2 hours a week off to teach mindfulness to homeless teens, and I am working with the organization I work for on the side to provide mindfulness programming to the staff who work with the homeless youth. So lots of great work! I also got approved to go to a conference I asked for, it is a big deal and expensive in my opinion but I get to go! I feel great about that and how things are moving forward. So I was kinda surprised that I had this much negative, I feel this year is going better. Work load is the biggest issue in my mind.
Most of the anger and bitterness is old stuff that has been triggered by the idea of career growth. I simply don't trust them to recognize what I offer. And there is a push to share more of our 'culture' to get to know each other. I don't even want to do that. I would love to authentically share at times, but I just don't feel they want to know the real me. The punk a** kid that still can have an attitude that you would not mess with. I love that part of me! The reason I am totally comfortable working with homeless youth and Dharma Punx. And they are not ready for me to share that culture. It would definitely not boost my career, although I think using that fierce energy to support and protect our most vulnerable students is a great thing! I just learned the hard way it isn't seen that way. I either need a specific meditation focus for awhile or a therapist again.
So apparently I have a LOT of anger and bitterness in some areas. I really thought I had worked through more of it than this. I have plans on how to move forward, how to express what i need to, and I feel support for the mindfulness work I am doing. I held a training for staff and my mentor (who is also the interim head of our department) popped her head in to tell me she was really proud of me for doing this. I worked out an agreement to take 2 hours a week off to teach mindfulness to homeless teens, and I am working with the organization I work for on the side to provide mindfulness programming to the staff who work with the homeless youth. So lots of great work! I also got approved to go to a conference I asked for, it is a big deal and expensive in my opinion but I get to go! I feel great about that and how things are moving forward. So I was kinda surprised that I had this much negative, I feel this year is going better. Work load is the biggest issue in my mind.
Most of the anger and bitterness is old stuff that has been triggered by the idea of career growth. I simply don't trust them to recognize what I offer. And there is a push to share more of our 'culture' to get to know each other. I don't even want to do that. I would love to authentically share at times, but I just don't feel they want to know the real me. The punk a** kid that still can have an attitude that you would not mess with. I love that part of me! The reason I am totally comfortable working with homeless youth and Dharma Punx. And they are not ready for me to share that culture. It would definitely not boost my career, although I think using that fierce energy to support and protect our most vulnerable students is a great thing! I just learned the hard way it isn't seen that way. I either need a specific meditation focus for awhile or a therapist again.