This just kind of...hurt

[frugalone]

My husband and I have had trouble, on and off, with a neighbor for a few years. To make a long story short, the guy is mentally ill but also 'crazy like a fox.' We have been unable to get much help from law enforcement authorities.

Yesterday I was discussing the latest incident with my sister, and she suggested that the police don't care about us because "we're poor and my husband looks different."

We live in a neighborhood that has seen better days. (actually, our whole county has seen better days). We don't own the house, and the porch really needs replacing. Admittedly, we're not the neatest people in the world, but we try to have plants on the porch and keep the hedges trimmed. As for my spouse's appearance, he has a long ponytail that he keeps neatly tied back. He's not a clothes person, so often his pants and shirts have minute holes in them. Sometimes he wears a headband.

But for cryin' out loud, this is the 21st century and I see people with nose rings, purple hair, and multiple tattoos walking down the street.

My sister lives in a different world. Two high incomes, three labradoodles, three "nice" cars (with three nice car loans), mini McMansion neighborhood, etc.

I can't seem to get what she said out of my mind. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt me, but is this how my family sees me? Like we're some kind of freakish losers?

[sweetana3]

Look at it this way, did she say anything not factual? Are you poorer than she is? Yes. Does your husband look different than others she socializes with? Yes.

I mean it would be totally different if she said you are white trailer trash or your husband looks like a dirty old hippy?

[JaneV2.0]

I think how the police see you is irrelevant--it's possible your neighbor can't be caught doing anything actionable, and perhaps the police where you live are stretched thin. In Portland, I'd say half the calls are for mental health issues.

[frugalone]

You hit the nail on the head. This guy never gets caught in the act, and we live in a one-horse town.

I know, I shouldn't take what my sister said personally. I think it just hurts to be reminded of my financial situation. When I lost the job I had before my current one, I lost 1/3 of my income, not to mention the long stretch of unemployment where I lost my savings and was unable to put anything toward retirement for four years. We've never really had much money. I'm working toward making things better, though.


I think how the police see you is irrelevant--it's possible your neighbor can't be caught doing anything actionable, and perhaps the police where you live are stretched thin. In Portland, I'd say half the calls are for mental health issues.

[Chicken lady]

My dh has a friend whom I really like. He comes out now and then, and brought his boys when they were little. But fortunately he only brought his wife once. We've never been invited to their house (McMansion). When they signed the papers, he looked at the total and said "man, [chicken dude] paid less than this, and he has 28 acres!" And his wife said "yes, but his 'house' is a double wide." And yes, he told dh this. It only made me sad for the friend.

i could see myself saying what your sister said if I believed that was the issue, but in my case, it would be said with anger that anyone could think you deserved less justice. I hope your sister simply cares so little about the things she mentioned that it didn't occur to her that her words could be hurtful.

[freshstart]

what your sister said was very insensitive, perhaps that's not what she intended but she needs to think more before she speaks

[ctg492]

We all know you can't judge a book by it's cover. Take it like water off a duck's back;)

I know harder said than done.

[frugalone]

Thanks for listening, everyone. I don't think she meant any harm at all. She does sometimes say things that are insensitive. I guess everyone does--myself included!

I'm feeling much better about it now.

[freshstart]

I'm glad