View Full Version : People trying to make you do things you're not comfortable doing
This is a spin off from my scuba thread.
I had said I'd go on a trip to Little Cayman next August with a friend. I backed out before I had put a deposit down. Friend wanted me to always buddy with her on the trip (you don't dive alone and always have to have a buddy). She's much more experienced than I am, goes down to 100 ft and swims through rock formations and such. Things I'm either untrained for or uncomfortable with. Your basic certification I have gets you down to 60 ft or so.
When I cancelled the trip, I told her why. My concerns were poo pooed and she's kept at me pretty persistently. Told her trying to convince someone to do more than they want to in a sport where you can die is not a good thing. Several people on a diving forum told me I was being irrational - easy dives, warm, clear water, nothing will happen to you.
Complacency can easily kill you in this sport. My instructor was stunned when I told her what people were telling me.
ToomuchStuff
11-6-16, 10:06am
She probably always cleans a firearm without safety checking it first as well.
This is one of those times where it would be nice if you could cause some fault in the gear and see if she notices it before suiting up. Instructors tell you to inspect/maintain your gear and keep it with you, so you know how it has been treated.
Now does she have a point that you MIGHT get to where you feel comfortable going lower, when you get there? That is a huge difference between might, and expectation.
You always have to go with your instincts, which are there to protect you.
If friend is pressuring you, I would say, "let me get some experience with this and when I am ready, I will absolutely contact you about doing this; it sounds like it will be fun when I am get enough experience to be comfortable doing it."
Or something like that!
Nope, she said, I was being silly and tropical diving is the diggity bomb. There was no might. It was all you WILL.
There are issues with nitrogen narcosis around 100 ft. The effect is similar to being drunk. Dealing with it is handled in advanced classes.
There are things where you either jump - or not. Like tandem jumps from an airplane. This isn't - this more of a you train and practice and increment until you're comfortable taking that next step. I'd be more comfortable with someone more concerned about getting me from here to there than someone who just dismisses that.
ToomuchStuff
11-6-16, 10:49am
Nope, she said, I was being silly and tropical diving is the diggity bomb. There was no might. It was all you WILL.
There are issues with nitrogen narcosis around 100 ft. The effect is similar to being drunk. Dealing with it is handled in advanced classes.
That is something I didn't know. The main scuba diver I knew, took all the classes at one time, decades ago.
I don't know what classes cover what, but I would expect your friend/dive partner to. There may be easy and not so easy places to dive, but you would only know that, once your there. I can't tell by reading anymore then you can tell conditions without being there. I view what you right as rock formations as basically big, underwater boulders, which would be much different from underwater cave diving/spelunking. (as an example)
iris lilies
11-6-16, 11:28am
I can see where warm tropical waters in calm bays lulls people into thinking there is no danger.
It is good that your internal caution flag is keeping you grounded in reality.
Sounds like she's dismissing your concerns so she can have a diving buddy. Tell her you absolutely won't change your mind, and you'd appreciate it if she would quit asking you (and stop dismissing your concerns).
You will know when you're ready.
Teacher Terry
11-6-16, 2:35pm
I know a couple that cave dive together. He is much more experienced and so they only do dives together that she has had the classes for and feels comfortable doing. Because as you know diving can be life or death. YOur friend is being a jerk.
I know a couple that cave dive together. He is much more experienced and so they only do dives together that she has had the classes for and feels comfortable doing. Because as you know diving can be life or death. YOur friend is being a jerk.
Cave diving can be very dangerous without the proper training and equipment. Overhead environments are a no-no until I've had the classes for it.
Many of you know my other passion is shooting. I'm actually an NRA certified range safety officer, and I'm something of a safety nazi on the range. I'm cautious by nature. Friend didn't start on the "you will go to 100 ft and you will do swim throughs" until several weeks after I'd agreed to go on the trip. I never knew she was somewhat casual about safety issues.
Complacency kills in diving. Friend seemed to expect me to do "trust me" dives and expect that everything would be OK. That mentality can end in death or disability. No way, no how.
I don't know anything about diving, but I do know about feeling pushed and having gut feelings dismissed. I got with my instinct a lot, and it can be hard to explain. I seem like a stick in the mud sometimes. I don't know if it is part of it but I don't tend to have a lot of friends. So I totally support following your good sense, and I understand that it feels like crap to have a friend dismiss it.
When I cancelled the trip, I told her why. My concerns were poo pooed and she's kept at me pretty persistently. Told her trying to convince someone to do more than they want to in a sport where you can die is not a good thing. me.
You absolutely did the right thing, and your friend is being foolish.
I pull a couple of bodies a year out of the ocean here because people were being foolish.
Not only would I forgo the trip, but she would no longer be my friend. She's showing you her character. She doesn't respect other people's boundaries.
Not only would I forgo the trip, but she would no longer be my friend. She's showing you her character. She doesn't respect other people's boundaries.
She's blocked on FB.
flowerseverywhere
11-8-16, 6:45am
Good for you Tradd. We all progress in a sport at our own comfort level.
here we have no helmet laws. When I see someone flying down a highway on a motorcycle with no helmet I cringe, especially when they weave in and out of traffic. Don't put your life in danger to please someone else.
Yes to motorcycle helmets!! My DH has been riding for years and is not required to wear a helmet, but he always does. A couple of weeks ago, he was a respectful distance behind a truck loaded with tree branches. A small branch flew out, bounced over his windshield and scraped right across his face shield at eye level, leaving a good scratch on the face shield. He said he saw it coming and was able to keep control of the bike. If he hadn’t been wearing the helmet, it would have hit him right in the eyes. This happened near the shop where he bought the helmet earlier this year, so he stopped in for a new face shield. The clerk pointed out that it was a good thing he wasn’t like a lot of the riders he sees, wearing nothing but bandanas on their heads.
freshstart
11-8-16, 5:01pm
I agree with Tammy. Glad you blocked her on FB.
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