Very stressed out

[frugalone]

I just want someone to listen to me for a bit, if you don't mind. (For the record, I do have a therapist, who I will be seeing on Wednesday).

As some of you might have read in one of my other threads, I'm in the midst of a legal situation. We were supposed to get a decision on it last Wednesday, and here it is Monday, and we have not heard from our attorney or the district justice involved. This has been really, really stressful on both me and my spouse. Additionally, we'll probably have to move house to get away from a toxic neighbor. I'm trying not to think about moving until after we get the legal matter settled (or at least learn where it is going from here).

At work, we had not one, not two, but THREE students quit a month before the semester ends (they are work-studies in my department). My boss, who has been here more than 20 years, says he has never seen this happen before. Why did they quit? One was "health reasons" and the other was "stress." I don't know about you, but the only thing that stressed me out when I was 18 or 19 was finding a boyfriend. I worked full time and never worried during the year I did attend college. (Later I finished my degree at 37). This is after we trained SIX new students this semester. Two more are leaving in January, so we'll have to train five. Ai-yi-yi.

My mother just got a new laptop, and we haven't been able to figure out how to make it print. She keeps bugging me about it. What is so important she has to print? Freaking COUPONS. My sister offered to help, but spouse wants to handle it himself (as if we don't have enough problems). I'd really like to stay out of it, but since she's my mother, I'm the one who gets the phone calls and the emails.

Then there's the election and its aftermath. To be honest, I don't remember people being this stunned and upset since 9/11. I don't mean any disrespect towards anyone who lost someone on 9/11. Just the same overall, eerie feeling of being all over the place and not knowing what the heck is going on.

And to top it off, next week is Thanksgiving. No one in my family has said a word about hosting dinner. At this point, I don't even want to go to anyone's house and pretend Everything is Just Fine. In the past, some of you might remember, I've had various issues regarding the holidays. One year we decided not to go, on short notice, and my mother had a freaking fit.

I mean, is it just me, or don't you think if someone intends to host dinner, they should have said so by now?

In the meantime, every day I am having headaches, mini panic attacks and the desire to sleep, sleep, sleep. I have anti-anxiety meds but I don't like taking them because they make me droopy during the day.

Thanks for listening. I'm not sure how to handle all of this.

[danna]

No real answers for you frugalone but I am sending out hugs!!
---I agree holidays are way too much and, I have no idea how so many of your American
families will celebrate what seems to us Canadians as your favourite holiday (in Canadian it still seems to be Christmas).
---These holidays always seem to full of family issues much less how everyone voted in such a recent, extremely
contentious Election.

As a Canadian I can see how this Election has clouded over our lives....we feel your tension and we aren't even there.

I know all I have added is more questions and no answers....so sending more hugs your way. Breather deep and often!

[iris lilies]

I agree that discussion about Thanksgiving hosting should have taken place by now, IF it is important to your family.

In my household we wing it. maybe we will get an invitation, maybe not, but either way we are cooking a turkey.

Since you dont eat meat you can skip the cooking turkey thing.

[sweetana3]

We are going out to dinner. Paying a little too much but I dont want to cook, dont want to go to Mom's and cook and dont want to go to friends.

If it was not for husband's mom, we would skip the whole thing. I would far more enjoy a day in pjs, sewing or reading a book and having snacks.

It is only just another day and next year there will be another one. What would happen if you just skipped it once?

Legal issues are like a remodeling project. They are never done when expected, take longer than anyone would think reasonable and are only important to you. I do feel for you since I am one where a time given is expected to be met or a call made to explain why.

Sorry about you mom and the computer. It is exactly why we are not jumping to provide one to his Mom. We would have loads of 40 minute round trips to fix little things.

[Tybee]

Frugalone, I am so sorry you are going through everything at the same time! I can empathize as I have been freaked out by the election, and my son has a court date this week involving his ex-wife moving their son without court permission, which has been dominating my mind for over a month now. It's hard to believe two such big things are within 10 days of each other. These two things have turned my world on its side, and I really can't do a damned thing about either of them, so I am trying to think about things I can change or at least try to handle.

Okay--Thanksgiving--we will go out to eat this year. We were going to try it last year and didn't, so I just decided, reading your post, we'd go out. That might be something you want to try. I think it sounds kind of fun.

Sleep, sleep, sleep--I have been feeling like someone slugged me with so much happening. Can you hide out in bed with a good book?
I binge watched The Crown and that helped. Some series that is far away from the current world.

The students--that's one of those things maybe you could just let it go? They may be very stressed out by election, too. Many of us are. Maybe just decide you won't even think about the students until next year, when you start training a new crop?

Can you buy your mom a session with a computer trainer--we have an Apple store that does that. Then take her to lunch? If it stresses you, it's got to go. Printing coupons is not that important right now.

If there's anything of this you can just release, and say, "something will happen, I don't know what, but I don't need to control the outcome and I can't worry about that right now."

I have been emulating Scarlet O'Hara lately, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

Wish I had better suggestions. Swimming and mowing the lawn felt really good this week.

[frugalone]

Believe me, I am quite tempted to just stay home and celebrate my own Thanksgiving. The fact that we are vegetarians always complicates things a bit. We generally have to bring our own entree. I used to really enjoy making food and bringing it to other people's homes, but the past few years, it has begun stressing me out.

The funny thing is, my brother (after a rather bizarre separation and reunion with his wife) gets to do whatever the heck he wants for holidays.

Sweetana3, that's a good way of looking at legal matters. I ought to know better--I worked in the legal field for 13 years. LOL

As for my mom and her computer, when she first got a laptop six years ago, I made a list of books specifically written for seniors on how to use computers. She rejected every attempt to help her. She complains all the time that she "had to" get a computer because "everything is online now." When her first one broke a few weeks ago, we suggested she go to the library and use theirs. "Oh no," she replied, "it's too slow." She then pestered us till we delivered her new one. Now it's the printing issue. I mean, I love her, but sometimes she is a big PITA.

As for the students, Tybee, yes, I do have to stop thinking about it. Christmas break is only a few short weeks away...

Thanks, everyone, for listening and for your words of wisdom and hugs too!

[Tammy]

I'm working 12 hour shift on thanksgiving. Doesn't bother me a bit. 😄

[sweetana3]

This is the time of year for stress to hit almost all of us. Sometimes for good reasons and others for no good reason at all. I should not wish for time to go by, but I really would like it to be Jan. 2 and life to go on in an after holiday mood.

[Zoe Girl]

Hey I made vegetarian thanksgivings for year, I have a wonderful menu if you want to cook at home and have a delicious meal. I wouldn't got to visit family this year, I currently am not wanting to be around anyone who thinks things are going to be fine. My heart is not in it.

[freshstart]

frugalone, we are going through some similar things. I am being sued by my ex for so much more money than I make on disability, I have to settle with him or wait to see if a judge grants him even more money, it's tearing me apart, I hate the negotiating and hardball. I hope it goes your way and then I hope the housing situation resolves itself.

I am completely in shock and full of fear over the election, I am scared of the power Trump will have with the Supreme Court and Congress. I find I cannot even stand to hear his voice for 1 minute, so I'm not, I am not watching the news. But reading it is just as bad. I want to stick my head in the sand and not hear about one more little kid finding a picture of a lynching in his desk.

I think the suggestion to binge watch something like the Crown is a great idea to get away from it all. Can you lie down and take your anti-anxiety med when you get home from work? I always think my body is telling me something when all it wants is sleep.

Someone should've offered to host Thanksgiving by now. I'd enjoy the day doing things you actually want to do and if you get invited somewhere and don't want to go, I think with such short notice, it's fine to say you have plans, even if the plans are watching the Crown in your PJs!

If your mom has an Apple, their phone tech support is awesome. If not, I would let your sister's DH take over the IT guy role. He offered, I would direct your mom to call him. My brother lives 3 hrs away and is a computer genius, to be honest. He buys my parents expensive tech gifts, sets them up initially partway or not at all and then gets outta Dodge. Leaving me with no passwords and no clue how to proceed except by calling Apple. I was on the phone with Apple for 3 hrs yesterday for my mom. After we hung up, it went back to doing the same thing. My brother's motto is "I'm not everyone's tech support guy", he refuses to help my parents with little things. Well, I'm punting both my parents tech problems over to him over Thanksgiving. If he balks, I'll remind him I am everyone's private nurse and would he like to change places when my mother is hemorrhaging in the BR??? Fix your damn gifts.

I hope the next few weeks bring you some answers and be a little selfish; put yourself and your well being first for a while

[ToomuchStuff]

The legal stuff sucks and tears you up inside. I had been dismissed from court ordered mediation and could do nothing until trial, and found out six months later that the first round of mediation failed, and they went a second round and settled, and the other attorneys were told to notify mine. (which they didn't) I packed up a suitcase and put it in my car before heading to court that day, because I had no idea how things were going to work, or how judgements worked, etc. as I expected to end up homeless. If it were a criminal proceeding, then you could look up what was going on, on Casenet or some such thing. As is, you will probably have to call your lawyer and ask his secretary what the status is.

I've had a lot more stressful life then you. College time involved a full time job, going to school full time, and hospice. Other times dealt with other things. You may not know everything going on with them, and not everyone is built the same. I have a relative that at that age, was in Vietnam, and suffers PTSD. Yet the time I remember seeing fear on his face, dealt with another relative that I was told to fear by some, and other family members compare me to. (he said he would rather go back to that time then deal with him)

The emails need to be setup with a rule to forward them to your spouse. If your not allowed to send a Youtube link on how to install a printer on a new computer, then you don't even need to see them. Let the phone calls go to voicemail. This should also be the case since Thanksgiving is getting close. Just tell whoever try's to get in touch, this late, that plans were made since you hadn't heard anything.

As for the fear, which I don't get as in all these other things: This too shall pass. You may not find any answers since your not seeking them, but venting, just realize your not alone.

[frugalone]

Sure, would love to see your menu! You can PM me if you'd like.


Hey I made vegetarian thanksgivings for year, I have a wonderful menu if you want to cook at home and have a delicious meal. I wouldn't got to visit family this year, I currently am not wanting to be around anyone who thinks things are going to be fine. My heart is not in it.

[frugalone]

I'm so sorry to hear about your lawsuit. That really sucks. I hope things go in your favor as well.

I've really got to check out "The Crown" as I am a huge Anglophile. I just got a DVD set of "Inspector Morse" from the library yesterday. Yay!

My mom's got a Chromebook. We figured, the less complicated, the better. But there's always something. Now it's "I can't use Caps Lock." We explained twice how to do it (there is no Caps Lock key on a Chromebook) but she keeps insisting it doesn't work. Then there's her Yahoo account. She claims she can't change the font size on it. I've sent screenshots, explained, etc.

Oy vey...


frugalone, we are going through some similar things. I am being sued by my ex for so much more money than I make on disability, I have to settle with him or wait to see if a judge grants him even more money, it's tearing me apart, I hate the negotiating and hardball. I hope it goes your way and then I hope the housing situation resolves itself.

I am completely in shock and full of fear over the election, I am scared of the power Trump will have with the Supreme Court and Congress. I find I cannot even stand to hear his voice for 1 minute, so I'm not, I am not watching the news. But reading it is just as bad. I want to stick my head in the sand and not hear about one more little kid finding a picture of a lynching in his desk.

I think the suggestion to binge watch something like the Crown is a great idea to get away from it all. Can you lie down and take your anti-anxiety med when you get home from work? I always think my body is telling me something when all it wants is sleep.

Someone should've offered to host Thanksgiving by now. I'd enjoy the day doing things you actually want to do and if you get invited somewhere and don't want to go, I think with such short notice, it's fine to say you have plans, even if the plans are watching the Crown in your PJs!

If your mom has an Apple, their phone tech support is awesome. If not, I would let your sister's DH take over the IT guy role. He offered, I would direct your mom to call him. My brother lives 3 hrs away and is a computer genius, to be honest. He buys my parents expensive tech gifts, sets them up initially partway or not at all and then gets outta Dodge. Leaving me with no passwords and no clue how to proceed except by calling Apple. I was on the phone with Apple for 3 hrs yesterday for my mom. After we hung up, it went back to doing the same thing. My brother's motto is "I'm not everyone's tech support guy", he refuses to help my parents with little things. Well, I'm punting both my parents tech problems over to him over Thanksgiving. If he balks, I'll remind him I am everyone's private nurse and would he like to change places when my mother is hemorrhaging in the BR??? Fix your damn gifts.

I hope the next few weeks bring you some answers and be a little selfish; put yourself and your well being first for a while

[frugalone]

I'm going to look at Casenet. In the meantime, my spouse is calling our lawyer today to find out what the devil is going on. We were told a decision would be made by last Wednesday; the hearing was Tuesday.

That sounds like an awful situation you were in. I hope it has been resolved in your favor.

The thing with the Chromebook--we can't figure it out. We followed all the instructions on how to install a printer, and we found we could only do it with another computer present. We don't have a laptop; hence, we need my sister or BIL to go set it up.

Yeah, you guys are all right about Thanksgiving. It's not very considerate for my sister not to have mentioned it by now.



The legal stuff sucks and tears you up inside. I had been dismissed from court ordered mediation and could do nothing until trial, and found out six months later that the first round of mediation failed, and they went a second round and settled, and the other attorneys were told to notify mine. (which they didn't) I packed up a suitcase and put it in my car before heading to court that day, because I had no idea how things were going to work, or how judgements worked, etc. as I expected to end up homeless. If it were a criminal proceeding, then you could look up what was going on, on Casenet or some such thing. As is, you will probably have to call your lawyer and ask his secretary what the status is.

I've had a lot more stressful life then you. College time involved a full time job, going to school full time, and hospice. Other times dealt with other things. You may not know everything going on with them, and not everyone is built the same. I have a relative that at that age, was in Vietnam, and suffers PTSD. Yet the time I remember seeing fear on his face, dealt with another relative that I was told to fear by some, and other family members compare me to. (he said he would rather go back to that time then deal with him)

The emails need to be setup with a rule to forward them to your spouse. If your not allowed to send a Youtube link on how to install a printer on a new computer, then you don't even need to see them. Let the phone calls go to voicemail. This should also be the case since Thanksgiving is getting close. Just tell whoever try's to get in touch, this late, that plans were made since you hadn't heard anything.

As for the fear, which I don't get as in all these other things: This too shall pass. You may not find any answers since your not seeking them, but venting, just realize your not alone.

[frugalone]

P.S. Last night one of my teeth broke. Thank God I am not in pain (as I am big baby), but they can't fit me in till Nov. 30. What the what?! I'm on a waiting list.
And this morning I spilled water on a little art book I made early this year. I know it shouldn't have been on the kitchen table, but I enjoyed looking at it every day. It's not ruined, just a little bleed-through from the water-soluble markers.

[frugalone]

Well, da-yum. I just checked Casenet. I knew that hearings were listed on it, but didn't realize the results would be. Says our case is "closed." Spouse is calling lawyer now to get the whole story.

A relief beyond measure.

[freshstart]

yay! a light at the end of the tunnel

[frugalone]

I may have spoken too soon. It seems a hearing has been scheduled at a higher level court in the winter. I'm trying super-hard not to flip out/cry/scream. It is not helping that our attorney is not contacting us. We found this out by calling his office.

To (mis)quote Dr. Evil in "Austin Powers": Give me a frickin' clue here, people.


yay! a light at the end of the tunnel

[CathyA]

As the saying goes Frugalone........when it rains, it pours! Seems like you can't catch a break. Hang in there. And as far as holidays/family, and your mother go, I encourage you to stop feeling guilty for saying no to some things. You'll get used to it and really love it. I think you feel too guilty over some things and you shouldn't. Free yourself! (((hugs)))