View Full Version : International Dating...?
Ultralight
1-26-17, 5:51pm
So it has been a while now that I have been single again. After the prompting of some friends I decided to try dating internationally.
The rationale is that, because of my quirks, I stand a better chance of finding someone who fits right in with me if I take my romance global.
Anyway, thoughts on this?
I know it does not seem simple or minimalist, but it is an idea. Obviously technology and flight tickets make this kind of courtship possible.
Chicken lady
1-26-17, 6:41pm
Which country would you like to move to?
Ultralight
1-26-17, 6:44pm
Which country would you like to move to?
Ha! Canada would be nice. But I am also open to other nations or to having her (whoever she might be) move to the US to be with me.
iris lilies
1-26-17, 7:31pm
What are your "quirks" that eliminate you from being with American women? Sure, I guess you can find compliant young lassies desperate to escape their poverty stricken, war torn, countries but are they actually simpatico with you?
I dont think you are a good candidate for a third world bride. You don't want children. You arent involved with yor parents, exactly (although to some people that would be a plus!) so you are not family oriented. You arent religious and would mock anyone keeping a religious home. I will sa,that third world immigrants do demonstrate simplicity in their living, but thats because they have to.
who is this demographic you imagine would work?
I have watched a slew of films about old men, most of them losers, who chase young women so those color my point of view. i just saw one last week about Russian brides and there was an interestng array of experiences in that film. You are not "old" and I doubt that youth is exactly what you are looking for. Educated women of color in poor countries will be likely religious and want children.
I had an employee who was ex military and who said, paraphrasing "I want a wife frm south of the border. American girls are too consumeristic and greedy." He wanted a traditional wife who wouldnt dump him and take off with his his children. While that was a bit simplistic of him, I did understand his shopping list.
What is your shopping list? What part of the world supplies that?
Teacher Terry
1-26-17, 7:33pm
My son wasn't trying to date internationally but 10 years ago he met a woman from Poland. They dated for 3 years. Lots of $ spent on plane tickets. She was not able to get a work or travel visa to come here. After 3 years they decided to get married so got a fiancee visa and once she got here they had to be married within 90 days. He saved all the plane stubs, etc through the years because he knew the instant he met her he wanted to marry her. He needed to be able to prove that this was a real relationship. I was shocked because he was a confirmed bachelor at 33. They have a great marriage and are very happy. She is a wonderful DIL too. So it could all work out great:))
Ultralight
1-26-17, 7:42pm
What are your "quirks" that eliminate you from being with American women? Sure, I guess you can find compliant young lassies desperate to escape their poverty stricken, war torn, countries but are they actually simpatico with you?
I am open to dating American women. This is not so much about the woman being or not being American. It is more about finding another rare bird.
I dont think you are a good candidate for a third world bride. You don't want children. You arent involved with yor parents, exactly (although to some people that would be a plus!) so you are not family oriented. You arent religious and would mock anyone keeping a religious home. I will sa,that third world immigrants do demonstrate simplicity in their living, but thats because they have to.
I appreciate you sharing this opinion. But I think maybe you are essentializing women too much. Women in other nations are not a monolith.
who is this demographic you imagine would work?
Well, there might be some rare birds in any nation or culture. I buck a lot of American cultural trends, so perhaps there are women in other nations who buck their trends.
I have watched a slew of films about old men, most of them losers, who chase young women so those color my point of view. i just saw one last week about Russian brides and there was an interestng array of experiences in that film. You are not "old@ and I knw that youth isnt exactly what you are loking for. Educated wmen of color will be religious and eant children.
I'd only want to date women roughly my age or older, up to say... I dunno... 57. So up to 20 years older than me.
I had an employee who was ex military and who said, paraphrasing "I want a wife frm south of the border. American girls are too consukeristic and greedy." He wanted a traditional wife who wouldnt dump him and take off with his hs children. While that was a bit simplistic of him, I did understand his shopping list.
How did that work out for him?
What is your shopping list? What part of the world supplies that?
I'd like someone who is not religious, does not want kids, and lives simply.
Be real careful. I think there's a lot of "international dating" that is cover for sex trafficking.
Ultralight
1-26-17, 7:43pm
My son wasn't trying to date internationally but 10 years ago he met a woman from Poland. They dated for 3 years. Lots of $ spent on plane tickets. She was not able to get a work or travel visa to come here. After 3 years they decided to get married so got a fiancee visa and once she got here they had to be married within 90 days. He saved all the plane stubs, etc through the years because he knew the instant he met her he wanted to marry her. He needed to be able to prove that this was a real relationship. I was shocked because he was a confirmed bachelor at 33. They have a great marriage and are very happy. She is a wonderful DIL too. So it could all work out great:))
Cool story! :)
Ultralight
1-26-17, 7:44pm
Be real careful. I think there's a lot of "international dating" that is cover for sex trafficking.
Uh... I am not paying anyone for anything. I am looking for a life partner.
Also lots o international women looking for American citizenship by marrying a citizen.
iris lilies
1-26-17, 8:07pm
Your rationale doesnt compute, in my mind anyway.
Your reqirements of
1) not religious
2) likes simplicity
3) doesnt want children
are entirely reasonable to find in this country. How does going overseas increase your chances, other than the obvious facts of simply more bodies being available? Columbus has a big population and it is impossible for me to believe no one fits with you. But if you have exhausted that population, ok. move on to more crunchy places WITHOUT going all the way over an ocean. Overseas dating is very expensive, so try long distance meetips with women at least on your continent.
And yes, I cant accurately characterize women from one part of the world, very true.
About the children thing, what about women who have grown children out of the house? You are reaching an age where they would be in your age range. There are lots of them.
I think, am not sure, that my employee married an Hispanic girl. He had an Hispanic last name so perhaps he was more culturally Hispanic than I was aware.
Miss Cellane
1-26-17, 10:25pm
If your basic requirements are not religious, doesn't want kids, lives simply, I don't think you need to go international just yet.
However, you may need to expand your search throughout the US.
And practice patience. You have a very specific list. While there are many women who would fit your requirements in the US, you need to figure out a way to meet them, and then get to know them. And that will take time.
You might try the West Coast of the US. Not everyone, obviously, but I do think the general trend on the West Coast is more about nature and living simply than in the big cities of the East Coast (although there are pockets of simplicity there, too).
And there's the old conundrum. You meet someone who checks off every box on your list. Perfectly nice person. And the two of you just don't click romantically. It happens.
To me, it would make more sense to explore other parts of the US before dealing with language barriers, the possibility the woman really only wants to get to the US, the travel involved, etc.
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:38am
Also lots o international women looking for American citizenship by marrying a citizen.
Do you think that a woman could be looking for a life partner and US citizenship in equal measure?
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:46am
Your rationale doesnt compute, in my mind anyway.
Your reqirements of
1) not religious
2) likes simplicity
3) doesnt want children
are entirely reasonable to find in this country.
Really? Would you like me to tell you some stories about my dating history? I've love to!
How does going overseas increase your chances, other than the obvious facts of simply more bodies being available?
This is the crux of it -- larger population to draw from.
Columbus has a big population and it is impossible for me to believe no one fits with you. But if you have exhausted that population, ok. move on to more crunchy places WITHOUT going all the way over an ocean. Overseas dating is very expensive, so try long distance meetips with women at least on your continent.
Again, I am more than happy to tell you about my dating experiences.
You want me to move to another state to try to meet someone? That is expensive too and it requires assuming a great deal of risk (leaving my job, finding another job, going there to explore to see if the town or city is suitable, etc.). That ain't cheap!
About the children thing, what about women who have grown children out of the house? You are reaching an age where they would be in your age range. There are lots of them.
Why are there lots of them? Why are they single? But yes, I am open to dating women who have kids that are all launched.
I literally married the girl next door, so I can't offer much on logistics. I see nothing wrong with expanding the universe of possibilities, especially for a statistical outlier.
ToomuchStuff
1-27-17, 9:21am
Uh... I am not paying anyone for anything. I am looking for a life partner.
I take this post to mean you only eat what food you can get locally grown and free, since your not paying anyone for anything. So why would you try to be in a hurry to find one, out of a group that is targeted/marketed to as become a US citizen?
Do you think that a woman could be looking for a life partner and US citizenship in equal measure?
Not out of the fish pond they are talking to you about. If you were going to go that route, I expect you have already tried online dating? You sound as desperate as a guy I knew that lived in a laundromat and wanted to marry a woman, so he could get laid and she could take care of him. Desperation isn't an attractive trait. Probably when you would stop looking, you might find someone, although I doubt perfection exists.
In the last year, I was hit on by a gal I was always attracted to (friends ex wife), but I know we want different things (she is currently dating the sheriff) and in the last six months, a 24 year old that I watched grow up, that wanted me to be the father of her kids (I hit on her mother years ago). From your posts here, you both desperate and critical, and neither are things are attractive to someone who isn't from an abusive home.
Several years ago a fellow at work tried his hand at international romance. He was in his mid 40's at the time, financially comfortable yet socially awkward. He had never been married, never had a serious girlfriend yet wanted a relationship badly. Somehow he got hooked up online with a woman in the Philippines and began a 6 month or so long distance courtship which eventually advanced to the point he asked her to come to the US and marry him. He sent her $3500 for travel expenses.....and she disappeared!
ULA..........I think you should forget that idea. No matter where you are, there you are. I don't think looking to another continent is going to help. Just keep trying where you are. Would counseling help you with some of your problems? Sometimes it really helps to get a different perspective of our behavior.
Several years ago a fellow at work tried his hand at international romance. He was in his mid 40's at the time, financially comfortable yet socially awkward. He had never been married, never had a serious girlfriend yet wanted a relationship badly. Somehow he got hooked up online with a woman in the Philippines and began a 6 month or so long distance courtship which eventually advanced to the point he asked her to come to the US and marry him. He sent her $3500 for travel expenses.....and she disappeared!
I think this was the kind of scam I had in mind when I advised caution. I have heard of this happening, too.
I know someone who got a "mail order bride" from the Philippines, and she's more like a servant.
It worked for The Donald...
It worked for The Donald...Yeah, but President Obama's mom had a couple of bad experiences.
I know someone who got a "mail order bride" from the Philippines, and she's more like a servant.
Another aspect of the human trafficking conundrum. Something else to think about.
What other countries have you spent extensive time in? What other languages do you speak?
UA, have you thought about the ancillary consequences of this? If you've given up on finding a good match out of a population of roughly 320,000,000 people, what happens if you still can't find a good match in an expanded pool of 7,000,000,000 or so? That can't be good for your self esteem.
OP, You might find this helpful in researching international dating; from the organization Human Rights Watch:
https://www.hrw.org/news/2000/02/21/international-trafficking-women-and-children
OP, You might find this helpful in researching international dating; from the organization Human Rights Watch:
https://www.hrw.org/news/2000/02/21/international-trafficking-women-and-children
Well, "international dating" spans a wide range of practices, from purchasing a 3rd-world child bride over the Internet on one extreme to moving to Iceland for several years and participating in the local scene, and deciding to settle down there with someone....
iris lilies
1-27-17, 2:28pm
Yeah, but President Obama's mom had a couple of bad experiences.
Youve been on a roll today! Haha.
Teacher Terry
1-27-17, 4:03pm
I think you have to look at all the circumstances, etc. A friend of ours was using a dating site and met a Russian woman online. He was 55 and she was 20 years younger and beautiful, thin, etc. She had 2 teenagers. He was old, bald, etc. It did not take a rocket scientist to figure out that she wanted to come to the states. After 5 years she left him and could stay in the states. Now my son met a professional woman who did not want to come to the states. Falling in love with him cost her the profession because she can't teach here. She speaks 5 languages. They dated in person for 3 years and were able to live together for up to a month at a time to determine if it was real. 10 years later they are still madly in love. Neither want kids. He is not religious but turned Catholic for her so they could get married in a Catholic church in Poland which was important to her and her family. It took a year of going to classes here etc to be eligible. So they both did things to make the other happy.
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:00pm
Fair warning: I am going to do some serial posting on here. But there is just too much good stuff not to respond to it individually. haha
Not out of the fish pond they are talking to you about. If you were going to go that route, I expect you have already tried online dating? You sound as desperate as a guy I knew that lived in a laundromat and wanted to marry a woman, so he could get laid and she could take care of him. Desperation isn't an attractive trait. Probably when you would stop looking, you might find someone, although I doubt perfection exists.
In the last year, I was hit on by a gal I was always attracted to (friends ex wife), but I know we want different things (she is currently dating the sheriff) and in the last six months, a 24 year old that I watched grow up, that wanted me to be the father of her kids (I hit on her mother years ago). From your posts here, you both desperate and critical, and neither are things are attractive to someone who isn't from an abusive home.
Okay, friend, I can assure you I am not as desperate as your friend from the laundromat. LOL
While I may feel uh...physically desperate on Saturday nights, I am not in a huge rush. If I were, then I were just date someone very close by who was not really my type or what I am looking for. Besides, I actually have two long-time female friends who have invited me to roll in the hay with them any time I please. Both are nice enough gals and one was a friend-with-benefits from college. But I don't know that this is what I am really looking for as a middle aged man.
I am glad to hear you are getting hit on by all these ladies! Sincere best wishes!
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:01pm
Several years ago a fellow at work tried his hand at international romance. He was in his mid 40's at the time, financially comfortable yet socially awkward. He had never been married, never had a serious girlfriend yet wanted a relationship badly. Somehow he got hooked up online with a woman in the Philippines and began a 6 month or so long distance courtship which eventually advanced to the point he asked her to come to the US and marry him. He sent her $3500 for travel expenses.....and she disappeared!
I appreciate you sharing this cautionary tale. I would not wire someone a huge sum of dinero.
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:03pm
ULA..........I think you should forget that idea. No matter where you are, there you are. I don't think looking to another continent is going to help. Just keep trying where you are. Would counseling help you with some of your problems? Sometimes it really helps to get a different perspective of our behavior.
CathyA, if you had been through the total wackiness that I have been dating here in Columbus, you'd look elsewhere too! LOL Want me to share some stories?
You mention some of my "problems." Please tell me what problems of mine you are referring to. ;)
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:07pm
I know someone who got a "mail order bride" from the Philippines, and she's more like a servant.
A little more detail on this story would be helpful.
But... here is the deal with me: I clean up after myself (not that there is much to clean). I do my own dang laundry. I work for my own unremarkable living. I pay my bills. I take care of Harlan -- walk him, feed him, take him to the vet, etc. I am not looking for a servant, I am looking for a partner in life -- someone whose quirks compliment my own.
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:09pm
Another aspect of the human trafficking conundrum. Something else to think about.
Not everyone in developing countries is being trafficked. This is some kind of paranoia. I know that human trafficking is a real thing.
But most people in the third-world are just working folks, people with fairly regular aspirations, people with their own ideas and goals and plans and values.
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:12pm
What other countries have you spent extensive time in? What other languages do you speak? I studied abroad in Costa Rica in college. I lived with a Spanish speaking family. Hablo un poco de Espanol.
Eu falo um poc do Portugues tambem.
But really, I only know English. I'd be willing to learn whatever language my potential partner spoke. That could be a good bonding experience and be fun too.
Ultralight
1-27-17, 5:13pm
UA, have you thought about the ancillary consequences of this? If you've given up on finding a good match out of a population of roughly 320,000,000 people, what happens if you still can't find a good match in an expanded pool of 7,000,000,000 or so? That can't be good for your self esteem.
LOL! At that point I'll become a Buddhist monk!
iris lilies
1-28-17, 9:15am
CathyA, if you had been through the total wackiness that I have been dating here in Columbus, you'd look elsewhere too! LOL Want me to share some stories?
.... ;)
Yes, share the stories! Convince us!
Why not go to something like this (domestic, but still you'd be meeting people from diff parts of the country):
https://www.atheists.org/eclipse
looks fun!
Yeah, but President Obama's mom had a couple of bad experiences.
Maybe, but one of those produced an outstanding son and citizen of the world: all in all, not bad.
I wish my "bad experiences" had been so salubrious. :~)
CathyA, if you had been through the total wackiness that I have been dating here in Columbus, you'd look elsewhere too! LOL Want me to share some stories?
You mention some of my "problems." Please tell me what problems of mine you are referring to. ;)
Well, it's all the problems you've been talking about......your unhappiness. I wasn't being insulting, if that's how you took it. Talking to a therapist can be very enlightening, if we seem to be stuck in certain patterns of behavior that don't lead to a bit of happiness and don't seem to be working for us.
......citizen of the world......
Be careful, that was a racist dog whistle just a short time ago.
A bit off topic but I have heard that phrase "dog whistle" a lot lately--exactly what does it mean? I am not up on this slang. I keep thinking of my real silent dog whistle that is in my pet drawer somewhere.
A bit off topic but I have heard that phrase "dog whistle" a lot lately--exactly what does it mean? I am not up on this slang. I keep thinking of my real silent dog whistle that is in my pet drawer somewhere.
As I understand it, it's when people hear something that's not there. It is mostly used by left leaning people when responding to something a right leaning person has said.
Oh--so the dog whistle aspect is like the silent dog whistle, that the dog hears but humans don't hear. I thought it was just someone whistling loudly--okay, will have to think about it more. Who then is setting up the silent dog whistle that the left hears--is it the right invoking some reaction, or is it originating from the left--kind of like the Manchurian candidate concept?
Be careful, that was a racist dog whistle just a short time ago.
I'm sure I'm not up to speed on "dog whistles," but I recognize some of them--like referring to President Obama as "arrogant" when you mean "uppity." As far as being a citizen of the world, I think there are a few public figures who can be seen as transcending nationality.
ToomuchStuff
1-28-17, 1:05pm
It worked for The Donald...
Yeah, but President Obama's mom had a couple of bad experiences.
Donald did it twice. You would have to ask him about his first experience, as well as his future first ex lady.:laff:
Why not go to something like this (domestic, but still you'd be meeting people from diff parts of the country):
https://www.atheists.org/eclipse
looks fun!
A quick Google search, showed there are Atheists match dating sites.
Donald did it twice. You would have to ask him about his first experience, as well as his future first ex lady.:laff:
...
AKA "Venus on the Half Shell."
Ultralight
1-28-17, 4:26pm
Yes, share the stories! Convince us!
I joined OkCupid (OkCreepy?). I got a message from a woman and we talked a little here and there for a few days. All seemed fine.
I asked for her number. She said to call at about 7pm.
So I did...
When she picked up I noticed a very thick Russian accent -- which I am fine with. But then she talked literally non-stop at high volume for an entire hour about her two pet rabbits -- their mating habits mostly, along with their tendency to bite people and eat and destroy carpets.
Around minute 15 I realized she and I were not a good match. But I stuck it out for another 45 minutes, just to be polite.
More stories on the way!
Ultralight
1-28-17, 4:28pm
Well, it's all the problems you've been talking about......your unhappiness. I wasn't being insulting, if that's how you took it. Talking to a therapist can be very enlightening, if we seem to be stuck in certain patterns of behavior that don't lead to a bit of happiness and don't seem to be working for us.
I have been seeing a therapist for a year.
Here is what helped me greatly: Minimalism and meditation.
You should have known me before I minimized and before I regularly meditated!
I can't imagine ultralite as a non-minimalist.
Ultralight
1-28-17, 7:03pm
I can't imagine ultralite as a non-minimalist.
I do love minimalism. It has made my life so much better.
But most ladies DO NOT like it! haha
Ultralight
1-28-17, 7:22pm
Another story:
I once went on a date with a woman who made 6 jokes/references to cannibalism by the end of the date. I was afraid I might end up steaks in her freezer!
ApatheticNoMore
1-30-17, 6:32pm
I once went on a date with a woman who made 6 jokes/references to cannibalism by the end of the date. I was afraid I might end up steaks in her freezer!
probably just an odd sense of humor, quirky is just that, and normal is normal. But they tell women to trust their instincts about danger so ...
Ultralight
1-30-17, 6:53pm
probably just an odd sense of humor, quirky is just that, and normal is normal. But they tell women to trust their instincts about danger so ...
I went on a date with a woman to the dog park.
I brought Harlan, she brought her dog.
Within the first five minutes she was telling me what a great v@gina she had. I said: "Well, so far I haven't met one I didn't like."
It was so awkward. But it was only going to get awkwarder!
At the end of the date she said: "You know, I think I might be a full-time lesbian."
I asked: "Did I do that?"
I've always hated blind dates, but I reluctantly allowed a woman I thought was my friend to arrange a meeting between me and a guy...
Who turned out to be a Nazi-wannabe petty arms dealer who thought I was swoonworthy because I had German antecedents and drove a VW Beetle.
At least I think that was the draw. I found out about the arms dealing later. Good lord!
Oh my, Jane. How could your friend mis read you so?
Oh my, Jane. How could your friend mis read you so?
Got me. I thought she knew me better than that. I did date some colorful characters...:cool:
Ultralight
1-31-17, 7:11am
Here is another dog park date story:
I met a different woman at the dog park, again I brought Harlan and she brought her dog. This woman was very attractive, seemed sporty and fun. She was a Yogi.
As we talked she started getting weird and then, in the middle of the park, in broad daylight, she walked up to me. She stood directly in front of me, well into my personal space.
Then she cradled my face in her hands. She sort of lifted herself onto her toes to get to eye-level with me.
Then she gazed deeply (and creepily!) into my eyes for a long moment.
She asked me: "Have you ever considered mutton-chop sideburns?"
Ultralight
1-31-17, 7:12am
I've always hate blind dates, but I reluctantly allowed a woman I thought was my friend to arrange a meeting between me and a guy...
Who turned out to be a Nazi-wannabe petty arms dealer who thought I was swoonworthy because I had German antecedents and drove a VW Beetle.
At least I think that was the draw. I found out about the arms dealing later. Good lord!
Beware of Nazis!
Beware of Nazis!
We met for drinks after work; there was no second date. He didn't convince me that "Hitler was misunderstood."
Teacher Terry
1-31-17, 2:26pm
UL: you have had some bizarre dates!
Ultralight
1-31-17, 4:20pm
UL: you have had some bizarre dates!
I ain't done yet. I still have more!
Once I went to an atheist even and I met this most lovely woman! She had black kinky hair, dark eyes, and curves that mesmerize!
We talked, really bonded over atheism, laughed, and just had fun. So I asked her at the end of the event: "Would you like to get together sometime? Can I get your number?"
She said: "Sure!"
So we decided to get coffee at a cafe and then go to a huge book store here in town. We met up, got beverages (coffee for her, non-caff tea for me). We talked and it was great.
Then we walked to the book store. And during the conversation I said: "So what do you want to do after you finish graduate school?"
She said: "I'd like to start up my own clothing line."
I said: "What kind of clothing?"
Then she gave me a weird look. She said: "A clothing line directed specifically at the lesbian community."
I said: "Nice! A niche market. You must have done your research."
She goes: "Yeah, you could say that."
There was an awkward pause.
Then I caught on and said: "Wait... are you a lesbian?"
She says: "Yeah... yeah, I am."
I asked: "Full time?"
She said: "Yup, gold star."
I asked: "So this isn't a date?"
She said: "Well, it kind of is..."
Then I said: "Well, this isn't the first date I have gone on with a lesbian. So why don't we make the best of it?"
She agreed and we kept hanging out and talking.
Then she drops it on me. She says: "You know, I just turned 30. My clock is ticking. I'd really like to have a baby soon."
I said: "Okay..."
She continued: "And I would like the father to be a guy I know and trust."
Then BOOM! I get it. She is Papa Shopping!
So the big reveal:
I have been talking to someone on the international dating site and I think it is going quite well. We talk every day via email and we have been Skype video chatting too.
So the big reveal:
I have been talking to someone on the international dating site and I think it is going quite well. We talk every day via email and we have been Skype video chatting too.
Good luck with your new romance!
Then I said: "Well, this isn't the first date I have gone on with a lesbian. So why don't we make the best of it?"
She agreed and we kept hanging out and talking.
Then she drops it on me. She says: "You know, I just turned 30. My clock is ticking. I'd really like to have a baby soon."
I said: "Okay..."
She continued: "And I would like the father to be a guy I know and trust."
Then BOOM! I get it. She is Papa Shopping!
At the risk of sounding like an old fogey channeling Maurice Chevalier, "I'm glad I'm not young anymore" and I mean I'm REALLY glad I'm not young anymore. I know that when I was dating of course there were LGB people (undercover--and actually I spent all four years of high school desperately chasing two awesome guys to no avail--who knew they were gay? They sure weren't coming out back then) but still, all these added dimensions like "who will be my baby daddy?" make dating seem SO much more complex.
In any case, good luck with your quest!!
Teacher Terry
2-1-17, 2:00pm
What country is she from?
What country is she from?
She is from Peru. 36 years old, she works currently in bilingual education but previously worked for WWF (the conservation group). She lives very simply (almost minimalist). She is not religious. And she is very adamant about not wanting kids. She loves dogs.
Teacher Terry
2-1-17, 6:03pm
Sounds perfect for you!
Sounds perfect for you! We'll see. I am taking it slow and so is she. We're Skyping tonight.
Teacher Terry
2-1-17, 7:00pm
That is what my son and his wife did. They would meet in other countries that were cheap to travel and sometimes he would go to Poland. They skyped daily too. They did this for 3 years to be sure.
messengerhot
2-15-17, 7:11pm
I'm sure you'll meet a lot on this "international dating", just be extra careful because they might take advantage of you. But on the bright side, there's also a lot of successful marriages that started from International dating. You might want to check out the list of dating sites here http://www.nairaland.com/1794102/best-10-international-online-dating
Since everyone on a dating site has a mission of some sort it sounds like...what's in it for ladies from another country to look for a US dude? Are they looking for mates in other countries too?
Ultralight
2-16-17, 8:18am
Since everyone on a dating site has a mission of some sort it sounds like...what's in it for ladies from another country to look for a US dude? Are they looking for mates in other countries too?
Hopefully what is in it for them is love and a life partner.
International dating..........I guess it's sort of like adopting a child from another country, as opposed to adopting one from your own country. Seems like there's always enough orphans and/or prospective mates in one's own country to go around.
Ultralight
2-16-17, 8:28am
Seems like there's always enough... prospective mates in one's own country to go around.
Not if you are a different kind of cowboy!
It's not actually easy to get US citizenship by marriage. I married a US citizen, and had to do the whole conditional temporary resident, temporary resident, legal permanent resident route. It takes several years and costs quite a lot of money.
ULA........I think if you don't find it here, you won't find it anywhere. Maybe you're "lookin' for love in all the wrong places...." ?
May I ask how old you are?
Ultralight
2-16-17, 4:49pm
ULA........I think if you don't find it here, you won't find it anywhere. Maybe you're "lookin' for love in all the wrong places...." ?
May I ask how old you are?
What are these wrong places?
I am 37 years old. You?
Some ladies back in Austin probably would have been interested in you. But then, that's a whole other planet in itself. Especially apparent since I moved north.
Ultralight
2-16-17, 4:57pm
Some ladies back in Austin probably would have been interested in you. But then, that's a whole other planet in itself. Especially apparent since I moved north.
You'd think that, but I have certain elements in my lifestyle that send women running. It happens all the time when I am dating.
-Atheism
-Teetotal
-Child-free
-Minimalism
These things are like an evacuation notice to most women on dates with me! haha
But the more difficult situations are when women think they are cool with these things then down the line realize they are not.
I'm 67.
I would never have done online dating, but DD has. She was in jobs that just never let her meet guys. Through online dating, she's met some that turned out to be less than desirable, but she's been with a guy now for awhile and things are really good between them.
Maybe you could try that for awhile, so you can let people know who you are, before the relationship even gets off the ground. I'm sorry if I haven't read that you've already tried this. DD used eHarmony. You could even say exactly what you believe in, in your online description. What kind of work can you say you do?
Ultralight
2-16-17, 5:07pm
I'm 67.
I would never have done online dating, but DD has. She was in jobs that just never let her meet guys. Through online dating, she's met some that turned out to be less than desirable, but she's been with a guy now for awhile and things are really good between them.
Maybe you could try that for awhile, so you can let people know who you are, before the relationship even gets off the ground. I'm sorry if I haven't read that you've already tried this. DD used eHarmony. You could even say exactly what you believe in, in your online description. What kind of work can you say you do?
eHarmonay is for Xians. But I have done Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, InternationalCupid, and InterracialDatingCentral.
So I am an old hat at internet dating.
The kind of women that contact me often have some problems... I can give you a few examples to illustrate... Want me to? haha
Hmmm.....maybe I was wrong, cause DD and her beau are atheists. I'll ask her.
Would you be happier with a guy? I'm serious.
iris lilies
2-16-17, 5:41pm
You'd think that, but I have certain elements in my lifestyle that send women running. It happens all the time when I am dating.
-Atheism
-Teetotal
-Child-free
-Minimalism
These things are like an evacuation notice to most women on dates with me! haha
But the more difficult situations are when women think they are cool with these things then down the line realize they are not.
I would be fine with 1-3, and I like and admire the idea of minimalism and dont mind if YOU are a minimalist, but I would have a light-to-normal amount of stuff in my own space and would expect to keep it.
Now when you say "teetotal" surely you dont mean that your SO cant drink either, right? Surely not. That would be tight assed indeed.
Ultralight
2-16-17, 5:50pm
Hmmm.....maybe I was wrong, cause DD and her beau are atheists. I'll ask her.
Would you be happier with a guy? I'm serious.
I wish I was bisexual, but unfortunately I am straight as an arrow. Don't get me wrong, I like being straight. But I think it would be nice to walk into a room full of people and be like: "Yes! I want to boff you all!" haha
Instead, I walk into that room and want to boff just the women.
Then when you do more math, only a tiny fraction of those women want to boff me.
So at every turn my chances decrease! haha
As David Lee Roth once said, in his infinite wisdom: "I don't get all the women I want. I get all the women who want me."
Ultralight
2-16-17, 5:57pm
I would be fine with 1-3, and I like and admire the idea of minimalism and dont mind if YOU are a minimalist, but I would have a light-to-normal amount of stuff in my own space and would expect to keep it.
Now when you say "teetotal" surely you dont mean that your SO cant drink either, right? Surely not. That would be tight assed indeed.
Here is the quirky thing about being teetotal. The vast majority of people, when drinking around you, get this idea in their head that you think you are better than them because you are teetotal. And they are largely right, though I do not ever tell them this.
I have gone to college three times. I have been in a fraternity. I spent many nights at parties with my long haired drunken friends from the old neighborhood before that too.
And it happens dang near every time. Someone gets it into their fool head that you think you're better than them. And they start with little probing questions. Or they outright ask you (especially if they are male).
What I have more noticed with women is that they become self-conscious and worry that you are "judging" them. And they can see it on my face. I cannot hide it. They can see I disapprove of their drinking, despite my tolerance of it.
All this is to say that tolerating someone's drinking does not always work. My tolerance is not "enough." They think/know I am judging them.
Chicken lady
2-16-17, 6:36pm
So, you are judging them. When you "tolerate" something, you have categorized it as bad/wrong/annoying/ in some way objectionable, but decided to keep your mouth (but apparently not your face) closed.
fil tolerates my drinking.
mil judges me openly.
my oldest dd has decided she is an alcoholic - as this is an issue in my family and she seems to have her head on straight, she probably Is. So she doesn't drink anymore. But she but she buys wine for her do that she knows he will enjoy and things it is just as normal and reasonable that I drink alcohol as that I eat apples.
I think we call that acceptance?
dh tolerates my stuff. There is a limit to how much tolerance, and even acceptance, you can have in a relationship. It needs to be heavily weighted toward appreciation.
Ultralight
2-16-17, 6:48pm
So, you are judging them. When you "tolerate" something, you have categorized it as bad/wrong/annoying/ in some way objectionable, but decided to keep your mouth (but apparently not your face) closed.
fil tolerates my drinking.
mil judges me openly.
my oldest dd has decided she is an alcoholic - as this is an issue in my family and she seems to have her head on straight, she probably Is. So she doesn't drink anymore. But she but she buys wine for her do that she knows he will enjoy and things it is just as normal and reasonable that I drink alcohol as that I eat apples.
I think we call that acceptance?
dh tolerates my stuff. There is a limit to how much tolerance, and even acceptance, you can have in a relationship. It needs to be heavily weighted toward appreciation.
Uh... yeah, I do judge people who drink. And if they were confident in their drinking then they would simply give zero f-cks.
People judge me for my minimalism and my atheism and do you know how many f-cks I give? Guess.
I think a little bit of self-confidence goes a long way.
This is actually what I tell SJWs who think that someone else expressing a different opinion or even disputing their claims is "invalidating" their opinion or experience or even "invalidating" their "existence."
I ask: "Is that all it takes?"
I give you a little judgey look and you lose your composure? Grow up. Toughen up.
In the words of Winston:
“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”
You can think of my judgey facial expression as a barking dog or you can think it "invalidates" your existence. lol
You get to choose. :)
ApatheticNoMore
2-16-17, 6:54pm
I don't think anyone really wants a significant other that is judging them all the time. Giving two ****s is fine for a random stranger judging one, but if people are dating they are looking for something more than that maybe.
I wouldn't care if someone were an atheist; I lean that way myself. I would care if they were militant about it and given to using it as a club. Just as I wouldn't have chosen an Evangelical of any stripe (sorry, Great Grandad!). I never wanted children, so that wasn't an issue. I'm not interested at all in minimalism, but thrift and frugality not carried to extremes is fine. I can take or leave alcohol, but (see above) I wouldn't want a partner who had a massive hangup about other people drinking. One of the traits I looked for in a potential partner was tolerance and ease with others. I grew up around hypercritical people, and I didn't want any more of that.
The no kids thing might not go over with a lot of women unless they were infertile to begin with. Biological urges can be very strong. Right now, DD at age 34 is in a tizzy about having kids. All her friends are having kids and she is feeling the pressure. When I go to the park and see so many young moms with three plus kids, I am so not jealous.
Can't you "refine your search" to exclude drinkers, folks of faith, and women who want children? That should narrow the results to a more promising group for compatibility. Don't these dating sites let you select for things like that?
Chicken lady
2-16-17, 8:47pm
UA I think I would enjoy chatting with you while I drank my beer and you ate your dead animal.
I also deeply enjoy a gin and tonic with my mil (I find the more gin I drink, the less annoying she seems)
but in a partnership, I think it is more annoying to have areas where I don't give a f what you think, than areas in which I am affected by your judgement because I do care. In the first case you are a permanent pain in the butt, in the second, I may change my behavior for the better. (I keep hoping dh will give up the dead animals, he keeps hoping I will give up the stuff. We make concessions.). If I am going to care and unwilling to change though - you have to go. your recent ex gf being a case in point.
(short version, just because I am confident in the validity of my existence doesn't mean I'm interested in being barked at.)
Can't you "refine your search" to exclude drinkers, folks of faith, and women who want children? That should narrow the results to a more promising group for compatibility. Don't these dating sites let you select for things like that?
Don't forget he's also looking for a sex-positive woman who's willing to live in a pup tent with a change of underwear and a spork.
Don't forget he's also looking for a sex-positive woman who's willing to live in a pup tent with a change of underwear and a spork.
Now that's the best explanation of his problem I've heard so far.
I wish I was bisexual, but unfortunately I am straight as an arrow. Don't get me wrong, I like being straight. But I think it would be nice to walk into a room full of people and be like: "Yes! I want to boff you all!" haha
Instead, I walk into that room and want to boff just the women.
Then when you do more math, only a tiny fraction of those women want to boff me.
"
Hmmm....if you talk like this on your dates.........
Ultralight
2-17-17, 6:43am
I grew up around hypercritical people, and I didn't want any more of that. You lost me here...
Ultralight
2-17-17, 6:49am
The no kids thing might not go over with a lot of women unless they were infertile to begin with. Biological urges can be very strong. Right now, DD at age 34 is in a tizzy about having kids. All her friends are having kids and she is feeling the pressure.
This is the age bracket I try to date in, the 30-45 bracket. They all have the baby-rabies. It is like they don't even have a clue as to how much work and money is involved and how everything else in life takes a back seat for at least 18 years. I have gone out with women who are like 34 years old. And they tell me by the second date that they want to have "3 kids in the next 4 years."
That basically means we have to get started by the third date!
One woman, who was 37 when we dated, said: "I really like you! I really, really do -- with your quirks and all. But I want a baby more! I want to break up. But if I have not had a baby within the next 4 years, then I will get in touch with you because by then is it probably too late anyway."
Ultralight
2-17-17, 6:50am
Can't you "refine your search" to exclude drinkers, folks of faith, and women who want children? That should narrow the results to a more promising group for compatibility. Don't these dating sites let you select for things like that?
Yes! And I have done this. There search leads to almost no results locally, or even regionally.
Ultralight
2-17-17, 6:55am
UA I think I would enjoy chatting with you while I drank my beer and you ate your dead animal.
I also deeply enjoy a gin and tonic with my mil (I find the more gin I drink, the less annoying she seems)
but in a partnership, I think it is more annoying to have areas where I don't give a f what you think, than areas in which I am affected by your judgement because I do care. In the first case you are a permanent pain in the butt, in the second, I may change my behavior for the better. (I keep hoping dh will give up the dead animals, he keeps hoping I will give up the stuff. We make concessions.). If I am going to care and unwilling to change though - you have to go. your recent ex gf being a case in point.
(short version, just because I am confident in the validity of my existence doesn't mean I'm interested in being barked at.)
I'd probably enjoy hanging out with you too.
Also: I am not a barker. It probably seems like that on here. But in the context of a relationship I either hold my tongue or gently bring up points supporting my position in the context where both of us are thoughtfully discussing this issue.
Really, I don't bark. I don't yell or raise my voice in relationships. In fact, this is a dealbreaker for me. I expect that my partner and I discuss concerns and issues calmly without yelling or outright insulting each other.
Ultralight
2-17-17, 6:56am
Don't forget he's also looking for a sex-positive woman who's willing to live in a pup tent with a change of underwear and a spork.
It'd be even better if she just didn't wear underwear.
Ultralight
2-17-17, 7:00am
Hmmm....if you talk like this on your dates.........
No, I really only say silly stuff like this around friends and the like.
I tend to be gentlemanly and considerate on dates. But if someone is going to really get to know me, then I let out my sillier side. Though I do make a point to let someone know I can be a joker and off-color and wacky sometimes.
I bet if you did a survey of women I have taken on dates they'd all say something like this: "Nice guy. Paid for dinner and the rest of the date. He asked questions, was forthright, and treated me with respect. He's a real character though!"
Chicken lady
2-17-17, 7:36am
You compared your failure to conceal your judging expression to a barking dog - I was just running with the metaphor.
Teacher Terry
2-17-17, 2:52pm
I spent most of my life not drinking and never judged others who did including family, friends, etc. I would serve it if having a dinner or party, etc. I did not drink at all until my kids were launched and I had more time to go out with friends, etc. Most the women my son met wanted to have kids and it was a definite no for him. Fortunately, he met his soul mate and she did not want any either. It is expensive to get a fiancee visa, etc. Also you have to make enough $ to support the person you bring over for 10 years and if not another family member has to sign that they will support them if need be. They do not want them on any type of assistance.
ApatheticNoMore
2-17-17, 3:46pm
The no kids thing might not go over with a lot of women unless they were infertile to begin with. Biological urges can be very strong.
oh for heavens sake, it's NOT a biological urge! Sex might be a biological urge, but even the strength of that urge varies greatly among people with some much below or above typical.
But having kids is not a biological urge at all, it may be a desire, it may be perceived as something worth doing in life etc.
I suspect most people do it because it is how they think their life can be meaningful in some way (some people do enjoy playing with kids as well of course, so they enjoy the company of kids, but there is still a bit of a leap there to wanting one's own). Some maybe just have kids because they wonder if they are missing something if they don't.
oh for heavens sake, it's NOT a biological urge! Sex might be a biological urge, but even the strength of that urge varies greatly among people with some much below or above typical.
But having kids is not a biological urge at all, it may be a desire, it may be perceived as something worth doing in life etc.
I suspect most people do it because it is how they think their life can be meaningful in some way (some people do enjoy playing with kids as well of course, so they enjoy the company of kids, but there is still a bit of a leap there to wanting one's own). Some maybe just have kids because they wonder if they are missing something if they don't.
If it's biological, I wonder if our primitive ancestors experienced it, assuming they didn't understand the baby-making process and presumably didn't have much choice in the matter (kind of a rhetorical musing). I've never had the slightest twinge of desire to breed--maybe I didn't get a copy of the mest gene. And I know quite a few women who don't seem compelled--of the five female cousins in my family, two of us bothered to have children.
Obviously, only some women will have a biological childbearing urge. But I kind of think that's what nature has in mind. Survive long enough to procreate. I had absolutely no interest in having a kid but surprise, one came along, and I was hooked and wanted another. Good thing we have choices now for those who aren't interested. Maybe UL, it's not the particulars, but that you are rigid in the particulars. No babies I get however.
ToomuchStuff
2-18-17, 12:34am
I would assume the question comes up (why don't you want kids), during the dates, to which you reply (already had the vasectomy/done the responsible thing). I had a relative that years ago did that, and eventually, they fostered then adopted some other relatives kids, after that relative was abusive (he had grown attached to them by then). So in my view, that could change and differs from not wanting your own.
I don't get the whole Atheist thing being a big thing, unless your a militant atheist:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fflxknHV3yE
I would think something more like Christopher Hitchens or Stephen Fry's view (believe what makes you feel good, but don't push it on me), might be the better way to approach your dates. I would think they would run more, if your theistic view involved being a member of the Church of Satan, as a friend of mine was. (preacher for them in the military)
ApatheticNoMore
2-18-17, 2:08am
biological urges are things like hunger, thirst, sex (although plenty of variation). To equate wanting to have kids with that seems just inaccurate. People want many things that aren't biological urges of course. and some may be driven subtly by biological factors, but that's not like the hunger drive or something which is what comes to mind using a term as strong as biological urge. I'm not sure why one should particularly care what nature had in mind either. "Because nature" seems a most silly reason for having kids, but then I don't think that is anyone's reason anyway. I think people have kids for cultural reasons (peer and family pressure), intellectual reasons, meaning making reasons (to have a purpose) mostly and yea some of them even like kids.
Ultralight
2-18-17, 7:10am
I would assume the question comes up (why don't you want kids), during the dates, to which you reply (already had the vasectomy/done the responsible thing). I had a relative that years ago did that, and eventually, they fostered then adopted some other relatives kids, after that relative was abusive (he had grown attached to them by then). So in my view, that could change and differs from not wanting your own.
I don't get the whole Atheist thing being a big thing, unless your a militant atheist:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fflxknHV3yE
I would think something more like Christopher Hitchens or Stephen Fry's view (believe what makes you feel good, but don't push it on me), might be the better way to approach your dates. I would think they would run more, if your theistic view involved being a member of the Church of Satan, as a friend of mine was. (preacher for them in the military) I am an outspoken anti-theist. But I believe in freedom of (and just as importantly -- from!) religion. Isn't that good enough?
Ultralight
2-18-17, 7:13am
I spent most of my life not drinking and never judged others who did including family, friends, etc. I would serve it if having a dinner or party, etc. I did not drink at all until my kids were launched and I had more time to go out with friends, etc. Most the women my son met wanted to have kids and it was a definite no for him. Fortunately, he met his soul mate and she did not want any either. It is expensive to get a fiancee visa, etc. Also you have to make enough $ to support the person you bring over for 10 years and if not another family member has to sign that they will support them if need be. They do not want them on any type of assistance.
1. A lot of depends on not drinking. What were your reasons for being teetotal?
2. That ten years of support is scary! So if you marry someone from overseas and then divorce you a year later then you have to float them for another 9 years?!
ApatheticNoMore
2-18-17, 11:09am
Not owning a t.v. is so much more of a plus for me than anything related to using or not using alcohol or marijuana ever could be (except not being an addict, actual addiction is a problem obviously).
In my experience as a foreign spouse, I had to first get conditional temporary residence ( conditions included physical residence with spouse, no foreign travel). I think it was at least a year. After that, I applied for temporary residence without the conditions, but needing a re-entry permit should I travel outside the US. We had to get letters from non-family members to certify that we were living together as a married couple. I had to provide a letter from my employer to prove that I was gainfully employed, and bank statements. I also had to provide three letters from non-family individuals to testify to my moral character. We also had to be interviewed by a homeland security agent. Filing fees were a couple of hundred dollars. After that, I could apply for comditjonal legal permanent residence, and then apply to have the conditions removed. At any time up to the granting of non-conditional legal permanent residence ( which took several months, and cost over $1,000, 15 years ago), ending of the marriage would have cost me my temporary residence visa, leading to the probability of deportation. I could have appealed for permission to remain, but would have had to show viable employment. I would have been entitled to whatever goods/money the divorce laws of the state mandated. Should my appeal have been rejected, I'd have had to leave the USA. After three years of unconditional legal permanent residence, the foreign spouse can apply for naturalization as a US citizen, again a fairly lengthy and expensive process. It even costs money to get permission to pay by credit card!
There are severe penalties for marriages contracted for the purpose of acquiring US citizenship, including deportation and permanent exclusion of the foreigner. The US citizen can be heavily fined.
One of our neighbours (a Vietnamese immigrant and naturalized citizen) married a Vietnamese woman on a visit to his family. It took 5 years before her visa was granted. By then, they already had a son.
This is just to point out that it's not easy to get a green card or US citizenship by marriage. It's deliberately made difficult. There are no guarantees either; the foreign-born spouse can be denied at any time, and deported, or not get an entry visa in the first place.
This link may be of use to anybody complatimb importation of a spouse:
https://www.uscis.gov/family/family-us-citizens/spouse/bringing-spouses-live-united-states-permanent-residents
Perhaps the OP is looking to leave the country and go to live in the country of the new partner (if OP obtains new partner). I would think that would be a motivator for many people looking into international dating.
In which case, check out potential mates from Ireland, Denmark, or Ecuador.
ToomuchStuff
2-21-17, 10:35am
Perhaps the OP is looking to leave the country and go to live in the country of the new partner (if OP obtains new partner). I would think that would be a motivator for many people looking into international dating.
In which case, check out potential mates from Ireland, Denmark, or Ecuador.
Only if he finds someone who could pay off his education loans. By other posts, he has left that option out.
Teacher Terry
2-21-17, 1:30pm
UL: I did not drink because my family had a fair number of alcoholics in it that I had never met but heard the stories. So I decided with 3 kids to raise to not even risk it. If you divorce too soon the person has to leave. I think you must stay married for 5 years for the person to be able to stay. My son dated my DIL long distance for 3 years and then applied for a fiancee visa. He got it fairly quickly but he had 3 years of pics, plane ticket stubs, etc to demonstrate it was a real relationship. It was very expensive to pay all the fees, etc. She came here in 2009 and the rules may have changed since then. They cold live in Poland if they wanted to but he does not speak Polish and there are not enough jobs for everyone. Many Poles have moved to GErmany and the UK for jobs. They may move there when they retire but my son needs to live somewhere he can work. Both wages and COL are low.
Perhaps the OP is looking to leave the country and go to live in the country of the new partner (if OP obtains new partner). I would think that would be a motivator for many people looking into international dating.
In which case, check out potential mates from Ireland, Denmark, or Ecuador.
Why would you suggest these countries?
Only if he finds someone who could pay off his education loans. By other posts, he has left that option out.
Apparently I could just stiff the USA and stop paying, if I became a foreign national and worked abroad.
A coworker of mine has really been on me about going to Southeast Asia to meet a wife. His suggestion is Vietnam, but he said Cambodia is good too, even Thailand or maybe Laos.
He thinks I should save up 3 weeks of vacation time and go to Vietnam for all three weeks. He suggests I try to make connections with women before I go and then spend the whole time dating there, not really doing tourist stuff per say. Just go on dates everyday.
Apparently whereas I am seemingly invisible to most women here in Ohio I would be noticed there; whereas my options here are very limited I'd apparently have many more options there. Again, this is his viewpoint.
This guy is a frolleague of mine, we're fairly tight. And I think he can tell I am lonesome. So he is trying sincerely to figure out a way for me to meet a life partner. He knows a number of guys who have taken this route and are happily married.
iris lilies
7-6-19, 8:51am
A coworker of mine has really been on me about going to Southeast Asia to meet a wife. His suggestion is Vietnam, but he said Cambodia is good too, even Thailand or maybe Laos.
He thinks I should save up 3 weeks of vacation time and go to Vietnam for all three weeks. He suggests I try to make connections with women before I go and then spend the whole time dating there, not really doing tourist stuff per say. Just go on dates everyday.
Apparently whereas I am seemingly invisible to most women here in Ohio I would be noticed there; whereas my options here are very limited I'd apparently have many more options there. Again, this is his viewpoint.
This guy is a frolleague of mine, we're fairly tight. And I think he can tell I am lonesome. So he is trying sincerely to figure out a way for me to meet a life partner. He knows a number of guys who have taken this route and are happily married.
Maybe. Do you think that culturally southeast Asia is the best pool for you to draw from? I was thinking European culture might be better. But for sure you have to get someone who is educated.
I’ve been watching a few mail order bride documentaries and There is a severe shortage of men in the Ukraine, so Ukraine girls are looking outside of their area for men
Maybe. Do you think that culturally southeast Asia is the best pool for you to draw from? I was thinking European culture might be better. But for sure you have to get someone who is educated.
I’ve been watching a few mail order bride documentaries and There is a severe shortage of men in the Ukraine, so Ukraine girls are looking outside of their area for men
I don't know if SE Asia is the best pool. My coworker seems to think so. What is wrong with the SE Asian culture? What is so good about Ukrainian culture?
Why should I get someone educated?
I have heard that Ukraine is called "The Bride Basket of Europe." Apparently they have something like a 4:1 female to male ratio there.
Ultralight
7-6-19, 10:17am
I’ve been watching a few mail order bride documentaries...
Which ones have you watched?
I have watched a few. Most of them seem to be a combination of mockery and cautionary tales.
They mock some awkward goofball or worn-out old guy who can't get a date in America or England as he goes to Ukraine or Thailand. Usually these guys get scammed. Once in a while you will see how a Western guy seems to take advantage of these women for the sex.
I think that the guys in the documentaries seem to make slight permutations of the same mistakes, such as:
1. Dating women way too young for them. If you are 50, then 45 to 55 is pretty reasonable. Not 20!
2. Not focusing on a woman with real potential. Instead they think: "Oh, oh! That one over there might be even better than the one I am talking to now!" And they bounce around and end up leaving empty handed.
3. Moving too dang fast! Spend more time on getting to know the woman, keep in frequent contact after you leave, go back again to visit for longer, etc. Take it a little slower.
4. Dating a woman who is way out of the guy's league. If you are a fat guy with a boring personality and not much money then don't think you are gonna be crushin' it with smokin' hot women who look like models or pop singers. Be realistic. Like, I would say I am roughly a "5" on the 1-10 attractiveness scale. So I would not go to Thailand and try to get hooked up with an 8 or 9. I would go for a woman who is in my league. Most guys go over there trying to pick up a model.
iris lilies
7-6-19, 10:21am
I don't know if SE Asia is the best pool. My coworker seems to think so. What is wrong with the SE Asian culture? What is so good about Ukrainian culture?
Why should I get someone educated?
I have heard that Ukraine is called "The Bride Basket of Europe." Apparently they have something like a 4:1 female to male ratio there.
Why should you get someone educated? Oh for heavens sake UL, you are not the type of man To be content with a subservient little homemaker from the country. I love Asia, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it necessarily it’s just that an uneducated woman from Vietnam is so culturally distant from you I can’t even picture that. They would look at you as a commodity.
I suppose in any of these mail order bride situations you are a commodity.
I was thinking if not Ukraine, then Central or Eastern Europe. We had a gorgeous friend from Romania, she had a PhD in chemistry, she was stunning, smart, and she died of a brain tumor, it was tragic. Or someone like teacher Terry’s daughter-in-law from Poland who is educated and has some shared values about getting ahead and frugality.
Oh what about the African continent? There are so many educated women there and opportunities for making money and jobs are limited for them. Since you like black women, why wouldn’t you go to Africa?
From watching the mail order bride documentaries it seems to me that the unions that might make it are helped along when the girl’s family is involved in meeting the man in a home setting. Also, if a girl is dressed in a modest way in her initial photograph rather than bare skin and provocative clothing/pose sends a message of what she’s selling.
It seems to be common that mail order brides ask for money in the many months and years leading up to the time when they come to United States. How do you feel about that?
Ultralight
7-6-19, 10:37am
Why should you get someone educated? Oh for heavens sake UL, you are not the type of man To be content with a subservient little homemaker from the country.
But maybe I should be okay with someone who is not an educated intellectual. My friend Jeff told me that I should not expect so much from a woman. His example was like this: "If your wife does not intellectually stimulate you, then read a book or hang out with your smart friends."
I love Asia, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it necessarily it’s just that an on educated woman from Vietnam is so culturally distant from you I can’t even picture that.
Why can you not picture it?
They would look at you as a commodity.
At least they are looking at me! LOL
I suppose in any of these mail order bride situations you are a commodity.
Well, I think on some level most women do look at men as commodities.
I was thinking if not Ukraine, then Central or Eastern Europe.
I spent two weeks in the Balkans. No flirty glances at all.
Oh what about the African continent? There are so many educated women there and opportunities for making money and jobs are limited for them. Since you like black women, why wouldn’t you go to Africa?
I would be open to marrying an African woman.
From watching the mail order bride documentaries it seems to me that the unions that might make it are helped along when the girl’s family is involved in meeting the man in a home setting. Also, if a girl is dressed in a modest way in her initial photograph rather than bare skin and provocative clothing/pose sends a message of what she’s selling.
Advertising the real estate to blatantly is a red flag in my eyes.
What do you mean the family is involved in a home setting?
It seems to be common that mail order brides ask for money in the many months and years leading up to the time when they come to United States. How do you feel about that?
Not good.
iris lilies
7-6-19, 11:30am
OK here’s what I think about a mail order bride’s family: If her mother her father and perhaps extended relatives value her and show prospective husband that she is valued, that gives an important context to the bride and groom relationship. Groom knows that he has a woman of value that’s not just about sex and serving him, she has a place in society. When he is invited to her parents’ home to meet relatives and to share a meal, that shows her place in their family and in their culture.
In one of the documentaries I saw, a cute little blonde Ukrainian 22-year-old paid her way on all the significant trips she took to visit her intended man. And she didn’t have a lot of money. Her family reluctantly supported her in this pursuit of this English man. He was a good 20 years older than she was. But he I will say that he was very handsome, he was a sexy guy. So she came off as a fairly independent and valuable person, And her family didn’t push her off as someone who would earn them money by marrying outside of the country, They were primarily concerned with her welfare.
In contrast, Another documentary I saw I had the potential Asian bride’s family charging the American man money to spend time with her. He was supposed to pay the potential bride’s sister for every date and they weren’t even having sex. So here, the bride’s family treats her as a commercial enterprise not respecting her value as a human and her place in their society. That relationship was doomed.
iris lilies
7-6-19, 11:37am
Values matter.
So you get your uneducated Asian wife into your home and she all of a sudden kicks Harlan to the curb because dogs do not belong in clean homes. And no matter how many times you insist Harlan will live in the house, she will never like it.
I would not expect your educated wife to be an intellectual, Nor would it be someone who is charged with challanging you or entertaining you because that is a fearsome burden. I would not want that kind a burden. But I expect her to be , well, educated.
There’s a huge chasm in worldview between Third World people from the countryside versus Third World people who have a European centered college degree. Hell, you know about the old country folk from your hometown – would you want to marry one of those women?
Ultralight
7-6-19, 11:50am
Hell, you know about the old country folk from your hometown – would you want to marry one of those women?
:doh:
Ultralight
7-6-19, 12:00pm
Values matter.
I agree. I have a unique set of values. This works against me on the dating market.
So you get your uneducated Asian wife into your home and she all of a sudden kicks Harlan to the curb because dogs do not belong in clean homes. And no matter how many times you insist Harlan will live in the house, she will never like it.
I would divorce her. But more realistically, I would vet a woman about my dog. Harlan is the most important thing in my life.
I would not expect your educated wife to be an intellectual, Nor would it be someone who is charged with semi letting you because that is a fearsome burden. I would not want that kind a burden. But I expect her to be , well, educated.
You have a good point here.
There’s a huge chasm in worldview between Third World people from the countryside versus Third World people who have a European centered college degree.
This is probably true.
Hell, you know about the old country folk from your hometown – would you want to marry one of those women?
This actually brings up a larger topic...
I've had coffee with some Canadians.
iris lilies
7-6-19, 3:36pm
I've had coffee with some Canadians.now THAT is a bunch to watch out for
, hahahaha
The "submissive Asian bride" trope is troublesome on so many levels.
As is the "privileged American white dude going bride-hunting in disadvantaged foreign lands" thing.
Then there's the "women who are 9/10s" business, and the presumptions of who they may or may not be interested in.
And connected, of course, is the MRA movement, and the MGTOW movement.
What a stew.
now THAT is a bunch to watch out for
, hahahaha
I *might* consider remarriage at some point, if it came with Canadian, Norwegian, Swedish, or Icelandic citizenship access :-)
1. Dating women way too young for them. If you are 50, then 45 to 55 is pretty reasonable. Not 20!
2. Not focusing on a woman with real potential. Instead they think: "Oh, oh! That one over there might be even better than the one I am talking to now!" And they bounce around and end up leaving empty handed.
3. Moving too dang fast! Spend more time on getting to know the woman, keep in frequent contact after you leave, go back again to visit for longer, etc. Take it a little slower.
4. Dating a woman who is way out of the guy's league. If you are a fat guy with a boring personality and not much money then don't think you are gonna be crushin' it with smokin' hot women who look like models or pop singers. Be realistic. Like, I would say I am roughly a "5" on the 1-10 attractiveness scale. So I would not go to Thailand and try to get hooked up with an 8 or 9. I would go for a woman who is in my league. Most guys go over there trying to pick up a model.
Except for #4, you've just describe to a T a guy who lives down my street. Well, maybe #4 except obviously he has money. He's a well-meaning guy but he doesn't seem to have any idea of the women he's dealing with and is always crushed when they ghost him. JMHO he'd be much better off looking for a romantic partner here but American 25-year-olds probably have a different view of him than the Filipinas do.
1. Dating women way too young for them. If you are 50, then 45 to 55 is pretty reasonable. Not 20!
I set the sliders on the online apps to "45-65", and I'm just-now 56. I've had some unsolicited expressions of interest from people in their mid-30s.
The "submissive Asian bride" trope is troublesome on so many levels.
As is the "privileged American white dude going bride-hunting in disadvantaged foreign lands" thing.
Then there's the "women who are 9/10s" business, and the presumptions of who they may or may not be interested in.
And connected, of course, is the MRA movement, and the MGTOW movement.
What a stew.
I am not really buying the Asian-women-are-submissive thing. But I can't say I have much first-hand experience with Asian women as I have only ever gone on a date or two with Asians. They just never really caught my eye, nor were there many in my social circles to meet.
I just want to find a life partner -- if I find her in my apartment building or in Latvia I would just be grateful. And man, I would play my cards differently too.
I've had some unsolicited expressions of interest from people in their mid-30s.
If they are otherwise a good match, I say go for it! Mid-30s is totally doable.
Except for #4, you've just describe to a T a guy who lives down my street. Well, maybe #4 except obviously he has money. He's a well-meaning guy but he doesn't seem to have any idea of the women he's dealing with and is always crushed when they ghost him. JMHO he'd be much better off looking for a romantic partner here but American 25-year-olds probably have a different view of him than the Filipinas do.
I have a frolleague who is 25. I cannot imagine dating someone her age.
If they are otherwise a good match, I say go for it! Mid-30s is totally doable.
I went on a date last week with someone who was 72, who was quite wonderful.
I went on a date last week with someone who was 72, who was quite wonderful.
:)
I would date a 72 year old if she and I really clicked!
Ultralight
11-14-19, 10:22pm
I am giving this a try again.
Ultralight
1-31-22, 4:45pm
And again...
Trying this again. haha
I am giving this a try again.
Pre-Covid, I was having a pleasant time dating folks from Canada, Iceland, and Norway. The international barriers weren’t as troublesome then. For the past few years I have been dating someone from another island here in the USA, where the travel barriers are still significant but governmental barriers to travel are less so. I’m on the boat back to my island right now in fact after a wonderful few days elsewhere.
Ultralight
1-31-22, 7:15pm
Pre-Covid, I was having a pleasant time dating folks from Canada, Iceland, and Norway. The international barriers weren’t as troublesome then. For the past few years I have been dating someone from another island here in the USA, where the travel barriers are still significant but governmental barriers to travel are less so. I’m on the boat back to my island right now in fact after a wonderful few days elsewhere.
Very Cool!
You have a good set-up.
I am thinking more like the Philippines or Cambodia.
If I ever ended up single again, I'm not sure I would even bother. :|(
FishFinder
4-18-22, 3:31pm
I heard horrifying stories of men posing as pretty women dating guys in the US or Canada only to empty their pocket. Expensive gifts, plane tickets of coming to meet the dude etc are what the con artists go for. Its not as simple as it looks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.