View Full Version : how would you handle this?
I met a gentleman from Texas online, he's 56, retired, well-groomed, funny and respectful. But he's pushing to come up here (I'm in NY) the weekend after this one. I would have him get a car from the airport and get a hotel and then meet him for dinner driving my own car there. Even with those safeguards, I just don't know. I do not want to feel like I have to be intimate with him because he flew here. Has anyone dealt with situations like this?
it seems sketchy since Ive only been on the site three days. That's kind of moving fast, doncha think?
it seems sketchy since Ive only been on the site three days. That's kind of moving fast, doncha think?
Yes.
Your instincts are good, IMHO. There's no way I would want to host a stranger I met on an online dating site 3 days ago.
As for the intimacy thing, don't ask me. I was raised by nuns in the 60s, and I've been married 40 years, so my mores are very outdated to say the least. But still, if you're uncomfortable AT ALL, I'd push back.. and push back some more.
iris lilies
2-9-17, 10:11pm
That is silly. Even if the guy is just a regular friendly enthisiastic guy who wants to jump into it feet first, he isnt behaving sensibly and he seems to be pushng you.
Were it me, I would not enjoy myself during his visit, having to host someone I dont know for an entire weekend.
Freshstart, Trust you gut. This is hinky.
freshstart
2-10-17, 7:55am
thanks, guys
Yep.....I agree with what everyone else has said!! Something's just not right here.......
I don't know if it's hinky or not. Maybe he's just a lonesome guy with a hole in his schedule and anxious to get a head start on the competition.
Three days? Run in the opposite direction!
Yeah, I thought about that too, Alan, but it's just too drastic too soon. Why not spend more time just talking online...or even a "real" conversation on the phone? If he continues to sound really good and credible, then reconsider.....but after a while of getting to know him more. Then again, you can fool lots of people with just words.
Have you talked on the phone yet?
I would think the chain of events would go:
email, text, talk, lots of talking on phone, an in-person meeting over coffee (no alcohol - dont want to impare our judgement) at a very safe public place, a longer meeting over a meal and activity (date), a lot of good discussions.
I'm afraid that some use on-line dating sites just for hook-ups, they think 'oh this person is using on-line dating because they are desperate and I don't mind taking advantage of that'.
I'd be very clear about your time-line and what you are not comfortable with - if someone is whiny or pushy then forget it, he does not have your best interest at heart. I'd much rather be alone than feel taken advantage of.
No way would I accept an invite to meet him at his hotel bar and never at my home.
Just as a side note: My first fiance was from NM while I was in MO and we actually met in Washington DC when we both worked a summer program there. We were the best at long-distance relationships and everything was perfect. It was just when we were together in the same place that I couldn't stand some things about him. Took me 3 years to figure out it would never work!
Teacher Terry
2-10-17, 1:27pm
Many of my friends did online dating in middle age and they all talked to the person via email and on the phone for about a month before meeting. One guy did fly in but after talking daily on the phone for a month my friend was comfortable by then. Tell him you need to take it slow.
I'm always wary of desperate-seeming people...
ApatheticNoMore
2-10-17, 2:13pm
He might not be a bad guy, but kind of clueless for sure. Yes, I'd say get to know him better, by email or chat or skype or phone (I mean I do think people have their mediums that they prefer more than others - but whatever medium one uses - really should invest some time in learning a bit about each other before buying a plane ticket). I mean the wanting to rush to meet, might just be because he's done the long distance thing before and people are drastically different in person than they seem via other communication (in looks sure, but they can also be so in personality as well and not in a good way ... trust me on this one :)). So it could even be a not wanting to get burned thing but ...
Why not do something like Skype?
Yes it's unclear how much phone or Skype talking has occurred. I'd want lots of that first. And regardless if you are uncomfortable don't do it. And don't give out your address. You could also ask straight out if he is wanting to have sex with you. And tell him if you're not into that so soon.
freshstart
2-12-17, 4:45pm
Well, he flamed out. I told him the precautions I would be taking if he came here and that there would not be sex. He thought I was not trusting him so I sent him a link to a site that tells you all the precautions you should take if you're dating online. So then he was a little better. Then yesterday, I took my sick dad who is in a lot of pain to run errands. The guy asks me to buy him an iTunes gift card while I'm out, he doesn't feel comfortable buying things online and his car wasn't running. WTH??? His car would be fixed before I could mail him the card. I said no, sorry we're not going to anymore stores, I have to get my dad home. He accused me of lying about my dad and then asked me to buy him an iTunes gift card online and give him the code. I said if your old enough to date online, you are old enough to make your own purchases online. He got mad and I blocked him. I also reported him to the website because people aren;t supposed to ask for gifts or money. Thank God he pulled that stunt and I didn't let him come here. Live and learn
Well, he flamed out. I told him the precautions I would be taking if he came here and that there would not be sex. He thought I was not trusting him so I sent him a link to a site that tells you all the precautions you should take if you're dating online. So then he was a little better. Then yesterday, I took my sick dad who is in a lot of pain to run errands. The guy asks me to buy him an iTunes gift card while I'm out, he doesn't feel comfortable buying things online and his car wasn't running. WTH??? His car would be fixed before I could mail him the card. I said no, sorry we're not going to anymore stores, I have to get my dad home. He accused me of lying about my dad and then asked me to buy him an iTunes gift card online and give him the code. I said if your old enough to date online, you are old enough to make your own purchases online. He got mad and I blocked him. I also reported him to the website because people aren;t supposed to ask for gifts or money. Thank God he pulled that stunt and I didn't let him come here. Live and learn
Wow, that is really scary, Freshstart. I would get off that site and forget about that way of meeting people--it sounds dangerous! That would stress me completely, and I don't need any more stress.
It almost sounds like the beginning of a catfish scam. Asking for little things, then hitting you up for more and more money.
It almost sounds like the beginning of a catfish scam. Asking for little things, then hitting you up for more and more money.
And there is no way to sort out the fishermen except to assume that they are until proven otherwise.
iris lilies
2-12-17, 6:29pm
He wouldnt have really come to visit you, OP, unless you sent him travel money plus money for "extras" and that would only be if he sussed out that you HAD some money to toss around.
freshstart
2-13-17, 12:14pm
That was a site for larger women and almost all of the men lived far away. I don't like that. I decided to try Plenty of Fish which has tons of locals on it. I think with online dating it's best to stay local, email and talk a few times and then meet for coffee in a public place. Don't give out your real email or phone number. And there's no pressure because it's just coffee and you haven't spent ages emailing or talking about personal stuff only to meet the guy and you have no chemistry.
I have my first coffee date Weds with a sweet sounding guy but I don't think we'll date, we'll probably just be friends. He's not looking for a relationship and I am so I put him in the friend zone. He was agreeable to being friends and he picked a place that's public and we;ll each drive there. I figure he's a good no stress practice run.
freshstart
2-13-17, 12:15pm
He wouldnt have really come to visit you, OP, unless you sent him travel money plus money for "extras" and that would only be if he sussed out that you HAD some money to toss around.
he wouldn't have got much, that;s for sure!
Local is good. You don't have to worry about hooking up with a Nigerian scammer prince who has mysterious problems accessing his own money.
Teacher Terry
2-13-17, 3:35pm
Most of my friends met their spouse or partner through online dating. On average they had about 16 dates before they found the one. 20 years later all of them are still together. They were between the ages of 40-50 when they were all looking after divorces.
Local is good. You don't have to worry about hooking up with a Nigerian scammer, er prince, with mysterious problems accessing his own money. (Oh, how I wish we had strike-through.)
We do. No we don't. Yes, we do.
It's the last 'ABC' icon on the 'Go Advanced' page, or you can manually do it with 'Strike' - '/Strike' bbcode.
--
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.