Living deliberately

[Chicken lady]

So, this is sort of a distillation of a bunch of other things that I have been working on over the last year in which I have been examining just about everything in my life. Big ones including eating the elephant and finding balance and mindful consumption, and I'm finding that it all boils down to

1) what are my goals and values
and
2) how does this serve them?

it's the first day of spring, which is one of the days of reflection sprinkled throughout my year. I made a list of actions that serve various areas that are important in my life (and have to accept that some of my goals -and even values - are in conflict with each other). And I thought about setting some specific goals and challenges, but my list is very long and there are many I'm still working on.

so, instead, what I want to go is pay attention to the choices I am making from day to day (what am I doing, why, how does this relate to what I tell myself I want to be doing) and keep track of the ones I make consciously and the ones I become aware that I have been making unconsciously.

i'm going to focus on the newer stuff - steps in the right direction, but as an example,
this morning I am making my dh breakfast and packing his lunch. Those are decisions I made some time ago because they improve his health, our budget, and our relationship. I probably won't mention that again unless there is some reason I don't do it.

then a little later I am working at the foodbank. This is a new thing tied to investing more energy in my community. It also involves driving, which is a negative, so I will sometimes mention combining trips (although I did the math and am trying to not need to grocery shop afterwards).

I have been there long enough that I recently felt comfortable asking if I can take some of the recycling that they were throwing away when I go. Also, there is a woman who takes expired/moldy/ wilted, no longer for human consumption food for her farm animals. She doesn't come on Thursdays and sometimes she comes early enough on Mondays that they find stuff after she leaves (this fruit is fine, but nobody wanted it and it won't make it from Monday to Thursday...) so since I stay to clean up, I am now taking these things for my chickens (or sometimes compost if they are really bad, or honestly sometimes I eat them i.e., the fruit). So, while my primary goal was to help out and become more involved in my community, the activity is also serving my environmental and financial goals. - marginally after gas, more of an offset?

i guess what I am looking for here is a place to reflect on larger choices with others, and maybe support from or for others who have more generalized goals or want to focus on a wider range of factors (healthier habits vs. eat 5 servings of fruit and vegetables every day) without starting a bunch of different threads.

[catherine]

Great idea for a thread. I love the idea of living deliberately, and mindfully.

I use a mind map for overall direction in terms of where I want to go. It helps me visualize the different areas of my life that I want to concentrate on. I like the idea of "leaning in" to get to where you want to be as opposed to a more rigid "resolution" approach.

Other tools i use are my Way of Life app.. it allows you to set up daily goals and then track them.

So I try to "lean in" to more permaculture activities--thank God for my little group of permaculturists near me. They offer all kinds of opportunities to get together--not just volunteering on the farm but attending frequent pot lucks, and participating in their other activities: outside yoga, Parkour, mushroom inoculation, writing workshops.. it's becoming a whole wellness center, which is awesome.

I also try to "lean in" to more exercise. I was running for a while 3x a week, and I'd love to get back into that now that the winter is almost over. (Well, as you said, it IS over!) I wish I could be more diligent about yoga, but it's the last thing I think of doing every day. Not sure why, because I really believe in the benefits.

When I think of living deliberately it helps me to think of role models. I loved my great-aunt's lifestyle and her simple but beautiful, peaceful approach to life. As I get older if I could be half the woman she was, I'd be so happy. There are so many spin-offs of my mind map I could create if I used her as the center of it--from easy routines, to ritualizing mealtime, to getting up and showing up for life every day by dressing nicely, to engagement in the world, to creating (she was a knitter and she taught me how to sew), to laughing every day.

Thanks for the opportunity to think of these goals in a big picture way, Chicken lady

[Chicken lady]

Catherine, I am not a yogs person, but my dh is. For a while we were going to a group yoga session every Sunday morning. The meditation/spiritual aspect of it didn't really work for me, but it was important to dh, and the stretchy/exercise/core work was good for me. Then the leader changed and while it was still helping dh physically and to a small degree from a community aspect we decided that on balance, it was no longer a good trade off.

now he sets his alarm 20 minutes early and puts on one of several recordings he has made for guided meditation and yoga before he gets in the shower 5 days a week (I drink coffee, spend time reflecting on my day or checking in with the world, and pack his lunch.)

[Chicken lady]

So, I remembered to turn the heat down this morning before I left for the food bank (if I am going to be gone more than a couple of hours and the program is set to "chicken lady is home" temp, I drop it 5 degrees.)

i brought home two grocery bags of recyclable case wrap and a box of bread for my chickens (some of that will be for me because we had so much bread come in this morning we cleared stuff that said "sell by March 18"). I also rescued the empty water bottles to recycle, but I discovered we make coffee with bottled water and now I feel bad about drinking it.

otoh, the thermostat is set low because people go in and out a lot and it's a very small building - the volunteers often keep our coats on, so a hot cup of coffee is a multipurpose treat (one volunteer kept her gloves on all morning today)

now I am home and I have eaten (healthy homemade vegetarian lunch plus a pastry full of all kind of sugars and refined/artificial this that and the other that I brought home from the food bank.)

i am curled up by the woodstove trying to find the motivation to tackle making cookies and soap - my two afternoon projects for the day. Unfortunately my inner regulator is advocating for sitting by the fire reading and recharging my introvert batteries. It would help if the sun would come out.

[Chicken lady]

So, I did make soap.

also made a bad snack choice but managed to stop myself 3/4 of the way through.

Dinner was "clean out the fridge" stew with toasted food bank rolls.

i don't need to make cookies until tomorrow because dh has a work lunch tomorrow. So I did all my important things for the day and i feel good about most of my decisions. I need to just plan for the "post food bank" recovery. There are low energy jobs I could do rather than expecting to tackle a bigger project. (Bigger project being something that takes over an hour - I wasted almost 3 hours avoiding that. I could have finished half a dozen short tasks)

[Mary B.]

So, I did make soap.

also made a bad snack choice but managed to stop myself 3/4 of the way through.

Dinner was "clean out the fridge" stew with toasted food bank rolls.

i don't need to make cookies until tomorrow because dh has a work lunch tomorrow. So I did all my important things for the day and i feel good about most of my decisions. I need to just plan for the "post food bank" recovery. There are low energy jobs I could do rather than expecting to tackle a bigger project. (Bigger project being something that takes over an hour - I wasted almost 3 hours avoiding that. I could have finished half a dozen short tasks)

Might be worth scheduling in a bit of post-food-bank downtime, Chicken Lady. I know I sometimes find a half hour that I commit to doing nothing in is more restful than two or three hours of procrastination. (Overscheduling is a challenge for me... I seem to think I can be productive in all my non-sleeping hours, and surprise, that is not true...)

[Yppej]

I like this challenge also. I am trying to catch myself when I brood on the past and redirect my thoughts to the present.

[BikingLady]

Chicken Lady,
1) what are my goals and values
and
2) how does this serve them?

Sums up how I handle things or attempt too, along with two more thoughts: Will this make me happy and Does it bring value to my life.

[Chicken lady]

Well, being happy is one of my goals.

yesterday was overcast most of the day and I was struggling. I finally decided that since dh would be home really late, to make cookies (to avoid a problem today), do my chores, and then just really wallow in slackerdom and self indulgence. - get it out of my system.

i ate whatever I wanted to eat whenever all day. I binged on mindless tv shows on Netflix, I left the dishes all over the house. I went to bed late still feeling draggy.

this morning I woke up ready to refocus and "clean up" my house and my act. I expected to get on the scale and see that I had thrown myself back out of the ten pound acceptable range I have struggled so hard to barely drop into - nope, same weight. But more energy. Possibly by limiting myself too tightly to "healthy" food I have been starving myself of too many calories. Today I plan to eat bread AND jam AND eggs AND cheese AND cookies in reasonable amounts. AND a glass of juice or chocolate milk.

so this morning I fixed dh breakfast and lunch and got him off, did my chores, got done things in the mail that needed to go out, addressed the dishes and laundry, started picking up, and exercised (realizing that this is the first time in over a month that I have ridden the bike hard enough to get really sweaty.). I feel pretty good, although it is hard to know how much of that us going myself a real break yesterday and how much is the current sunny weather.

I am not working today because it is spring break.

i have had breakfast and a snack, so now my plan is to get in a couple hours of pottery before a late lunch.

[Chicken lady]

Yppej how are you doing?

i went out in the world yesterday and I am still processing.

i started at a store I rarely visit that required a few extra miles of driving on the total trip - bought the commercial soap I recently switched to on sale, and nuts in bulk. The nut dispenser jammed and my jar was overfilled, so I called over the employee on duty who was wearing gloves and filling dispensers - thinking that as long as my jar hadn't been moved, she could just put the nuts that were stuck in the dispenser funnel back in the dispenser. Nope, she just swept them into the trash.

so my quest to avoid plastic garbage By accepting a higher monetary cost resulted in food waste as well as increased gasoline usage. I've started making more soap - I'll just go with that and buy the nuts in the plastic bags at the regular grocery I guess.

next stop I bought spices in plastic bags, that are higher quality (and price) than my regular grocery. More plastic, but good spices make a big difference in getting dh to eat less meat.

went around the block and ran the mandatory errand - no issues

stopped at the farmers market and my regular salad guy wasn't there, so I bought expensive organic kale in a .....plastic.....bag. But the kale lady told me that my salad guy has a home stand, which could be more convient for me than the farmer's market, so there's that.

foodbank - put a couple of children's books out on the free table, collected the case wrap, one water bottle and a can. Nobody made coffee and I didn't volunteer to. Brought home more chicken bread, suggested adding some of the really far gone vegetables to the on site compost pile for the on site community garden instead of putting them in plastic bags and giving them to chicken keepers. Wanted to bang my head on the wall because everyone thought that was really radical and creative. Also got free fresh bakery bread "sell by" yesterday because it came donated straight from the store in open paper bag sleeves and we can't give out baked goods that aren't sealed. (Wanted to bang my head on the wall again!)

i'm getting slow start today, but I want to get out to the studio and also make some bread into flavored Melba toast (savories and sweets) to offer dh instead of packaged snack food. Might make some more soap.

[Yppej]

Chicken Lady thanks for asking. I am getting better at redirecting my thoughts. Also I have been trying to eat more deliberately and am down one pound. Another thing I am working on is better listening instead of racing ahead in my thoughts as to how I want to respond. Instead I try to just choose one thing and tuck it away until my turn, rather than a half dozen points to make.

You all are admirable on your environmental focus.

[Chicken lady]

Most of the environmental stuff is small - I think it does more to make me feel better than anything else. i keep trying to figure out how I can be a smaller part of the problem (not building the addition would have been one)

today i I am sore all over, but that is a good thing because it is the result of getting back into my groove on the farm. The chicken coop is cleaned out, and I cleaned up 100sqft of the three sisters garden that had been fallow for over a year and was growing up in wild blackberries. (We have tons of wild blackberries already.). I think I might do just corn in it this year, there's another 100 sqft to clear though.

I had to cancel my registration for a backyard organic gardening class this morning - I had signed up mostly to build community, but when they sent more information, I realized that the class was being held not on the farm, half an hour from me, but downtown in the city, over an hour away, mostly highway, find a parking garage yourself. The logistics of that are daunting to me, even if it weren't going to be an evening class (dinner, chores, city driving in an new area in the dark) and the point was to meet people I have something in common with who live close(ish) to me.

my weight is creeping up again - at the very top of my range this morning, and I don't think it's muscle. I think I overestimate the amount of energy I burn doing chores and i've been grabbing "easy" foods like bread, cheese, and cookies because I'm tired. I need to peel some carrots and put them in the fridge.

the weather is slated to be awful today, so I am planning to do laundry and work in the studio. I don't snack when my hands are covered in clay.

tomorrow is food bank again. Last week I had a short conversation with Quinn about where his son goes to school. I don't know how old Quinn is, but he is quite a bit younger than I am. He seems like a nice guy, and I am setting a goal to have another conversation with him tomorrow. He's a single dad, maybe he's lonely enough to make friends with an old lady who loves kids. (Ultralight Angler has encouraged me) He hasn't used the word "church" yet.

[Yppej]

Chicken Lady I totally get you with the class. Recently I tried to volunteer for an organization which operates in my area but has orientation sessions with the same distance/no parking challenges so I bailed and reached out to a closer group that can hopefully use my help.

[Chicken lady]

The food bank definitely needs my help. Most of the volunteers are 20 years older than I am and one hospitalized herself two weeks ago by injuring her back lifting a bag of frozen meat off the floor.

the sun came out, so I cleaned out more in the barn instead of doing pottery.

my plan for tomorrow is (after my usual morning routine)
food bank, feed store, then home - knowing I will be over peopled, so:

unload the car right away, switch over the laundry, eat a healthy lunch (I'll fix it before I go) and then spend some time brushing my rabbit - a necessary chore which soothes us both - before I go out to the pottery studio.

stop working in the studio early enough to come back, wash up, and make a good dinner.

[Chicken lady]

Quinn thwarted my "talk to Quinn" plan by not being there.

i did bring home a lot of case wrap to recycle. And a couple of empty water bottles and three boxes of matzoh that the food culling lady was determined to throw out because "nobody ever wants this crap." And I put a bag of mushy pears in the compost.

i stopped drinking the coffee because of the bottled water.

i did ok with my plan for the day, right up to "pottery studio". Then I checked on my goat (the last one bred for this year) and ended up pretty much spending the next 7 hours checking on her every 20 minutes as her labor progressed very slowly, so no pottery. But, two beautiful, healthy baby goats!

also, I cut up the vegetables for dinner, but before I put the rice on, dh called to say they were keeping him for second shift (lot going on at his job right now). So dinner prep is done for tonight, but I then proceeded to make bad choices - eating cereal for dinner and waiting up half the night watching videos and reading depressing news until dh got home.

my head hurts, and I have to go to bed early tonight even if he doesn't come home, because I go back to work tomorrow.

[Chicken lady]

So, I was back to a regular work week plus some extra hours this week.

the secondary fridge is plugged in again to handle the spring flood of milk and eggs.
My exercise program tanked this week, but my weight is ok.
The "no trash service" system is working fine though, despite a week of spring break in March.
I'm doing ok with the cooking.
I'm doing ok with the food budget.
i'm doing ok with the driving.
not as well as I'd like on the pottery, but significant progress.
behind on the garden and house (mess, not quantity in vs. out) and about to be late on shearing a goat.

i have spent a lot of time on the phone this week listening to my girls work through things in their lives.

i still have trouble with transitions (pretty sure that's inherent) and haven't really found a good solution. I have started finding ways to push myself to do just a little bit more in a lot of areas (tidy up when I'm done, do end an extra 5 minutes loading the dishwasher, hang up laundry instead of surfing the net or reading the paper when I don't have to be out the door for 10 minutes....)

Also still working on caring for myself in positive ways (fruit and nut mix, a cup of herbal tea, a walk, time with a book...) instead of less helpful ways (chocolate, coffee or wine, videos or surfing the net....)

I kerp reminding myself that I am making a choice. Sometimes I still decide to make the bad choice, but I think I am trending better.

today I stayed late to cover for an exhausted co-worker. As a result, i didn't swim. I may or may not have made the same choice another time, but today it wasn't "what do I feel like doing?" It was "yes, I think the right choice is to exchange my exercise time for some extra pay and helping a friend." I could still have exercised late, but I knew that if I did I would have to deal with traffic and be unlikely to cook dinner. So I mentally rehearsed cooking dinner on the way home and then did it before I could fall into my common arriving home pattern of "sit, computer, snack, computer." That definitely needs disrupting.

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday I went out in the world with dh.

we drove his car, which gets much better gas mileage, over an hour to see dd2 compete in a swim meet. Dd1 came up to meet us and I took her eggs. I also took her a bag of broken electronics because her community has a free drop off recycling day for them today.

dh bought me swim goggles - new in packaging - because I've been wanting them for over a year now so I can do front crawl at the pool.

on the way home we stopped at a far away fancy grocery store we really like and spent the slack from the March grocery budget, plus too much of April, on wine, meat, fancy cheese and crackers, artisan bread, local mustard packaged in a canning jar and a few vegetables. Dh also bought me a soda in a glass bottle as a treat. - my third soda of the year.

We also stopped to buy more wire for the addition.

dh didn't ask the butcher for paper and he wrapped the lamb chops on a styrofoam tray, so now I have that.

i was wiped out from all the people by the time we got home.

good weather today, but my afternoon belongs to a school fair.

[early morning]

Styrofoam is my bane... I used to be able to recycle it at my mother's, as her town took it. Now I just try to avoid it, and have to trash what I can't reuse. Sounds like you had a nice outing, Chicken Lady! Jungle Jim's, perchance? That's MY fav far-away store! Trader Joe's, Dorothy Lane Markets near Dayton, and Jungle Jim's are wonderful places we really enjoy visiting sporadically... and JJ's http://www.junglejims.com/ is great entertainment AND shopping!

[ApatheticNoMore]

Styrofoam is my bane... I used to be able to recycle it at my mother's, as her town took it. Now I just try to avoid it, and have to trash what I can't reuse.

oh I wouldn't be too concerned. A lot of the times Styrofoam doesn't actually get recycled anyway. Better off just avoided, ok easy to avoid Styrofoam cups or something, harder to avoid it if one buys stuff online and it's shipped with it (well remember what companies ship with Styrofoam maybe - actually Amazon doesn't usually - but other than that ..).

http://keenforgreen.com/b/styrofoam-recyclable

[Yppej]

Today was a beautiful day but instead of walking in the slush I shovelled out my son's car for exercise and to surprise him. It felt good to do something with a purpose.

[Chicken lady]

Oh yes, jungle jim's! (Swim meet was at Miami university in Oxford)

glad to know I am not the only person who hates styrofoam. Anything that comes in peanuts, I drop the peanuts off at the ups shipping store.

the school fair was nice. I dropped off my pretzel bag of trash and a couple pieces of recycling while I was out. I also discovered that even though it seems longer to stop at the grocery store on the way home, actually, it's less than a tenth of a mile more. More idling at lights though. Still, I think that is the definite grocery winner (I stopped for bananas and Gasoline and bought bagged nuts on special.

dh is almost done with the electrical work and informed me in a very confrontational manner "that box is full of trash. I don't think you're really going to be able to keep up with this when you realize how much trash is piling up." Every trash can in the house is empty except for two quart ziplock food packaging bags in the kitchen trash can. "That box". Appears to mostly hold oak leaves and sawdust that he swept up and case wrap that recycles. It's going to be a pain to sort out, but not a problem to "keep up with."

i don't think he gets it yet that this is an ideological campaign against the very concept of "trash" not a crusade to "save" everything, not a personal vendetta against the trash company, not a high labor way to save $25/month, but a philosophical objection to obtaining items that go directly to the landfill. Even in disposable food packaging a quart at a time. With a secondary focus on avoiding items that get recycled.

I want to just bring in that which is wanted/useful. I know some trash is unavoidable in my current life. And some is a conscious trade off (my nuts in plastic seem to be the lowest environmental impact way to get nuts. They are definitely the cheapest, and as a vegetarian, I really don't want to give up nuts.)

school fair was fun. Now I need to make cookies.

[Chicken lady]

I figuratively shot myself in the foot.

background: my family is a little complicated (whose isn't?) and besides my three biological children I have someone I call my "heart daughter". her son (cc) calls me "aunt" because he has three grandmothers already, but she switches between my name and "mom" depending on context (we also work together - relationship came first)

anyway, my oldest bio daughter has cc for the day on Saturday and is bringing him out to the farm. I got very excited because I live in a really small town and the park around the block is having the Easter bunny arrive in a fire truck followed by an egg hunt. To which my daughter replied "no. How is plastic and sugar and an adrenaline fueled frenzy of greed in line with our values? If you want to do that, you call his mom and you drive down and get him and leave me out of it."

so I guess we will play with the baby goats and plant trees and look for the eggs the chickens laid in the barn and maybe bake bread. But I like Easter egg hunts. :-(

[catherine]

Shoot! I'd be a little disappointed, too. Those kinds of events can be fun--especially in a small town. Maybe you could negotiate with her once she gets there.

Or have your own Easter egg hunt with real colored eggs and quarters taped to them.

[iris lilies]

Well, good for your daughter to remind you of values.

We are helping to run big Easter egg hunt this Saturday where hundreds of plastic eggs are used, but they are kept by the organizer and used the following year. It is an egg hunt for dogs, so very few dog owners keep the actual eggs which are hollow, holding a dog biscuit.

Baby goats are great. I wish I could get my hands on some.

[Chicken lady]

I have free range Easter egger chickens, so my barn is dusted with real colored eggs. And I know the desire to go to the Easter egg hunt is fuled more by my collective memories and their emotional overtones than by a rational assessment of the likely experience.

but it's hard. I have to tell myself it would be like the packaged muffins I gave up - they were really hard to resist, until finally one day I broke down and bought myself one as a "treat" and discovered that after months of fresh, homemade baked goods - they were awful.

the fire truck will be too loud, the bunny will be scarey, the park will be muddy, some bigger kid will push him, he won't find very many eggs, and he'll either eat the candy and spoil his lunch or cry because he's overstimulated and can't have the candy until after lunch....

really, my two clear happy memories of public egg hunts with my kids are from when dd was 2 and 3. At two she found one purple plastic egg, which we couldn't get open to get the jelly beans out, and she named it "egg egg" and used it as a rattle for months, and at 3 she found three eggs and was very excited to discover that two of them had chocolate inside but sad and confused that the third had only a piece of paper - she was even more confused when the strange man traded her a big stuffed bunny for the paper. I think I liked the bunny more than she did. It bugged her that it was green.

i have a real bunny in my barn too.

[catherine]

Well, sounds like you've resolved that one, Chicken lady! Nice job with the mindful, deliberate living and choice-making! I agree that it sounds like you have all the ingredients of a great Easter experience for cc right in your own backyard.

(I identified with your post, though, because at Christmas time, our fire department drives Santa around and he waves and throws candy from his truck Mardi Gras style and my kids were always so excited to hear that siren coming down the street!)

[Chicken lady]

So, I didn't think this had been a particularly difficult week, but last night I lay down on the dog bed in front of the fire at 6:30 and fell asleep. Dh left me alone and I woke up stiff and sore three hours later. Dragged myself through evening chores and then slept another 9 hours and I'm getting a really slow start today.

i've made a lot of commitments this month, so I need to keep an eye on my energy level and focus.

[catherine]

So, I didn't think this had been a particularly difficult week, but last night I lay down on the dog bed in front of the fire at 6:30 and fell asleep. Dh left me alone and I woke up stiff and sore three hours later. Dragged myself through evening chores and then slept another 9 hours and I'm getting a really slow start today.

i've made a lot of commitments this month, so I need to keep an eye on my energy level and focus.

Hmm.. I wonder what kind of a moon we're under. Thursday night I had 3 hours sleep because of work commitments but also because my DH and 2 of our sons had a big golf trip to Florida planned (DS planned it because he/DDIL are having another baby in a couple of weeks and he wanted to squeeze in a little fun before the baby comes). Anyway, long story short, the bad weather and the fact that it's Spring Break weekend totally destroyed the weekend. Cancelled flights, no rebooking until Sunday available, house rental full deposit lost, lots of disappointed people. A complete disaster.

Then I had to get up at 5:30 to drive through Friday morning NYC rush hour to get to Eastern L.I. for two in-home interviews. Then took the ferry to CT and checked into hotel.

Last thing I remember is turning on Jeopardy at 7pm. I didn't get up until 7am. But I feel great now! I have another in-home interview which happens to be in my home town in CT, so I'm going out with my brother and his wife for his birthday dinner. Only downside is I never get to see my son, who is now spending the time in NJ in lieu of Ft. Lauderdale (what a come-down!) and I had planned the weekend in CT bc I thought they would be away. Oh well.

Yes, I feel a little focus and energy-check is exactly what I need to do, too, CL. I took on too many projects this month and I'm suffering for it.

[Zoe Girl]

I have been following this thread, I have been doing well with maintaining my actions. One thing is that I don't bring my computer home every night. That means that I am putting some boundaries around work and it also means that I can bring down a bag of recycling when I go to work. We do recycle a lot but struggle with getting it from the 3rd floor apartment to the recycle dumpster a full building away from us. I have been very happy that I am packing my lunch daily, I am very good at that already but I have just given it a boost with some tastier options. So I will buy the more expensive lunch item so I am really looking forward to my packed lunch, which is still cheaper and healthier than any take out options.

[Tybee]

We are back to hanging out the laundry, which feels wonderful.

[Chicken lady]

I need to get my laundry line back up! We took it down for construction and I miss it.

Zoe Girl, it sounds like you are making good changes!

dd decided to punish me by sending cc out with her husband and taking his place on a volunteer assignment. Not much of a punishment since I love my sil and haven't seen much of him lately. So, we played with the baby goats and then went to the egg hunt while the big guys worked on a car.

the egg hunt was actually pretty good. There were so many eggs! They separated the ages with streamers and there was no pushing. It looked very festive. We returned the plastic eggs for reuse and played at the park for a while. The amount of candy made him happy and fit neatly in a cereal bowl when we got home (I needed to stick it in the fridge because it was soft from the sun). Waiting for his candy to harden gave him time to eat lunch. (If you're reading the food bank thread, he tried all my breads and chose a stone ground whole wheat roll. He did not like the rye-lol!)

we built a Lego helicopter while the guys finished the car, taught the dog to pull him down the driveway (sitting) on a skateboard, petted more goats, and see-sawed with my dh. We were going to get the bunny out, but my dd called to remind her husband that the child had tickets to a play and needed to be returned, so we ran out of time.

i think tree planting might wait for tomorrow.

[Zoe Girl]

Lego helicopter! now you are talking my language,

I am making crochet baby octopus toys for my kids. I made one for my grandbaby, and now everyone wants one.

[Yppej]

Yesterday I attended weekly services at the Buddhist temple which always helps me to live deliberately and in the moment.

[sweetana3]

It worked well to take my packed lunch to a whole day outing at a convention center. We call the hot dogs "million dollar dogs" because it feels like that if you have to buy them. Took bottled water, sandwich and healthy crackers. More than enough. Saved $10-$20 and got better nutrition.

[Chicken lady]

Yppej, do you attend services regularly?

sweetana, I think not eating a hot dog is always a good call.

we have 39 trees left to plant. Most of them are the evergreens though - poke hole, drop in, splash, stomp, stake, tag.
dh commented on all the plastic marking ribbon. I have to think about that for next year - what is brightly colored, long term reusable, or biodegradable but not fast.....?

we have to mark the trees because dh bush hogs where they are not to keep the honeysuckle down, otherwise it would just take back over and smother the little trees. So our woods are full of pink and orange plastic streamers.

i'm struggling a little with food management - I feel like I am making good nutrition choices, and I've been tracking spending since the beginning of March. If I spend less than $30 on food in the next two days (which should be easy since I plan to go to the grocery store on Wednesday) I'll be back on target for the grocery budget, but even with regular exercise I can't seem to keep my weight down. And no, i don't think my goal is unrealistic. There is a ten pound range that is my goal, and the bottom of it is comfortably within "average" for my height. The top of it is the edge of "why do my knees hurt all the time?"

I have a really full full week this week, but I think if I keep my head down and focus on one task at a time it should go pretty well. My friend came out to choose her goats yesterday (she wants two neutered males - the hardest to sell for non-food) and she made my day by saying "oh, they're all so cute! Advertise them all and I'll take the last two. Or sell them all and I'll keep boarding buddy (my spare buck) and get some next year." Offering to board buddy for a year is like offering to come clean my bathrooms every week! But I've known her long enough to know she means it. (She's had buddy for over two months already)

on to my day....

[Yppej]

CL I go weekly weather permitting. Goats were my favorite when my son was little and we went to farms!

[Chicken lady]

So, while I did not get as much done today as I would have liked, I did make good progress.

did some laundry (not put away) took out the compost, ran the dishwasher, worked at the food bank (in the garden today and made some social connections), washed buckets, planted some seeds, had a friend come over to pick up milk for an orphaned goat, vaccinated and disbudded goats, got straw and put it away in the barn, made dinner, planted some trees, and ran the dishwasher again.

tomorrow I'm working and chipping away at the list.

[Chicken lady]

I looked at my list this morning, and it was overwhelming.

so I went down it, and I put one star next to everything that was important. Then I put one star next to everything that was time sensitive. Then I put one star next to everything that really really had to happen today.

now I only have 4 things to do. :)
The things with three stars.

unfortunately I have a lot of two star things - but some of them are "time sensitive, today" but not "important" which means, if I don't get to them, they will be gone tomorrow.

[Zoe Girl]

Sounds like a good plan, my lunch packing is challenging this morning. It happens when I am working a lot of long hours and I don't like what is in my fridge. So I am going with the tuna and crackers and greens salad today. I also bought some real-sugar cokes for days like today and I will need one. My assistant had her last day on Friday so I was already short staffed, the new hire is in fingerprint limbo, and then my one staff was in a serious car accident and will be out all week if not longer. You have to start laughing at some point.

Mondays are my meditation group and I didn't bring enough food for both lunch and dinner, but instead of getting a whole fast food meal I just got a veggie burger and water. That was enough and no plastic trash either.

[Chicken lady]

Zoe girl, I'm pulling for you to make it through the rest of your week! - triage!

don't forget to think outside the box. Sometimes you can grab dinner around the outside of a grocery store as fast as you can get fast food - fruit, bagel, drink, cheese/nuts/meat....

yesterday went pretty well. As always I didn't get as much done as I wanted, but I did all the three star things. I'm using the system again today. There are more three star things, but Wednesday is always my busiest day.

I also ended up with a bunch of social stuff happening to me (that's really how I feel about it) which I guess was good, but it was a lot of people for one day. (My heart daughter was talking to me about her son the other day and she said "I don't know how to help him. He wants friends, but not people." I understood exactly what she was saying. I said "me too.")

anyway, on top of teaching, two of my kids called, dd2's best friend stopped by, and a woman from the food bank garden called and talked for a very long time. She ostensibly called to answer a question I asked her, but it was the sort of question you can just answer for yourself easily if you have a computer - literally concerned the weather forecast. Then she just kept talking.and she offered me a plant. I told dh I think that means she wants to be friends. (Or she is afraid I won't come back and help?). He just looked at me funny. He usually does when I try to get him to interpret social cues for me.

[catherine]

So I sat down to breakfast today with the intention of eating mindfully. I have not had a decent breakfast during the week for a long time.. I tend to get wrapped up in work and skip over breakfast and sometimes lunch. In short, my eating habits of late have been horrendous. I realize that's not great, so today I resolved to actually make breakfast for myself (DH doesn't eat breakfast often either) and sit at the table and eat it.

I did OK with that. The breakfast was delicious, but my client interrupted me with a call, so the breakfast was cold and interrupted. But at least I had one.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you Chicken, it is triage. I have a family that is driving me bonkers, and I said to much to the other family in the situation apparently. There is a bully and a victim and I like the bully's family better right now. So after loads of reassuring and them stopping me in the hallway to have conversations (not taking me up on any appointment times I offered) I am totally frustrated. I also made a mistake in the middle of this and shared too much with one family,

The reason I thought about it is because I just got a text on my work cell from the victim's family. The child is starting a new after school club today and they want to know all the other students enrolled in the club, by text, at 7:30 am. This is not about one child bullying their child, which is valid and we are taking lots of steps to ensure he is safe, but also looking for bullying everywhere they go. I was sitting with tea and yogurt, and I am back to tea and yogurt focus, and making an epic packed lunch.

[sweetana3]

I suspect that family needs to be escalated. Is it even appropriate to pass around the names of all the other students to other parents? I agree with you that they are looking for problems and not solutions.

[Tybee]

Sounds like that situation needs to go directly to your school social worker. I would not have any more to do with that one, as it's already out of hand.
School social worker is your friend--that and your supervisor!
Let them do their job.

[Zoe Girl]

Thanks all, it is escalated to my supervisor and her supervisor and the principal and psychologist. They are not comfortable talking to me apparently. There is enough gossip already, they learned about the bully students behavior from the gossip mill that is super active in that grade/class. So my supervisor came to help out with my super short staffing issues and we talked, and she included me on an email that she sent to them blindly just updating and requesting we all meet. I want someone else there to see that I have explained things and maybe we can all work together.

I am making tacos with ground turkey, that is what is important.

[Chicken lady]

Zoe Girl, I am really glad that you are focusing on your tacos. And awesome packed lunches! The situation with the children will pass, but you need to take care of yourself.

catherine, good for you too, focusing on breakfast.

i enlisted a student in my exercise program yesterday - lol. She struggles, she was having a hard day, and she confides in me a lot. I was leaving and I told her. "I need to go swim and I don't want to, but if I don't, my joints will hurt. So I'm telling you because I make you do a lot of things you don't want to do because they are good for you. Now I have to swim. Because if I start to back out, I'll remember I told C, and if she asks me if I swam, I better be able to say yes." She smiled. I swam.

covered the three stars yesterday. The week is getting harder because I am getting more tired. The current schedule combined with dh is only giving me 7 hours of sleep a night, and I am a person who needs 8-9, especially if I am going hard. Dh watches movies before bed at night. In the living room he leaves the sound on and it's too loud for me to sleep. In the bedroom he uses his iPad and headphones, but it's too bright for me to sleep. I sense a fight coming, because he thinks I'm over sensitive and I could sleep longer if I didn't milk goats.

i went to the grocery store yesterday. I'm doing really well at not buying random items, cooking what we have, eating seasonally, and staying under budget. (I have another $80 cumulative to get to next Wednesday). Dh says we need more salty snacks, but in the abscence of a specific request, he gets popcorn. I did buy two loaves of bread yesterday because I have not had time to bake and dh has very specific bread preferences that include not eating day old bread (nevermind that the bread I make becomes day old bread in 24 hours). So I got him grocery store preservative bread in plastic bags.

usually I feel guilty when I resort to that sort of thing, but I looked at my list and thought - what should I have not done in order to have time to make bread? And the answer was "nothing. The store bread is a reasonable cost of doing these other things." So I am good with it.

on to today....

[Tammy]

DH needs to watch the movies on his iPad with headphones in the living room. Alternately, he could do so in a spare bedroom away from you.

[Chicken lady]

Amazing Tammy, such reasonable solutions! And yet, when I mention them, I am told that this is his house too and he doesn't want to do those things. Also that I am too sensitive to light and noise.

Eventually I will get annoyed and instead of quickly silencing my alarm and creeping out of the bedroom at 5:30 to dress in another room in clothes I prepared the night before, I will get up, turn on the overhead light and start getting stuff out of my dresser. Then he will get upset about being tired and me waking him up so early, and I will tell him it is my house too and he is too sensitive to light and noise. If you won't respond to reason, you get passive aggression.

[Zoe Girl]

Oh the sleep thing, I am not sleeping this week really. It is a combo of hormones and stress, practicing having actually effective conversations with people instead of being talked over. I was married for a long time and the sleep/quiet thing was huge. In California houses are small and my ex wanted a piano. He actually wanted a baby grand even though it would have meant no kitchen table and he liked to play at night. So we ended up getting a nice weighted keyboard with headphone option. He grumped about my oversensitivity to needing quiet to sleep, and then a couple years ago apologized to me for the snoring! Apparently his snoring and his new wife's restless leg means that no one was getting any sleep. My ex used to get furious when I left to sleep on the couch because of snoring.

In any case I am happy I have the chance to sleep in a quiet place, not that I can always sleep.

[Tammy]

Chicken lady -

I don't think I could live with a man like that. I might choose to make one of the spare rooms my bedroom and he is not allowed into that space. Or I might tell him to shape up or move out.

[Yppej]

This thread inspired me to eat breakfast today after skipping it yesterday.

[Chicken lady]

I kind of like him.

i mean, obviously it's annoying that he's not perfect when I'm so perfect....

but I kind of like him.

still working my system.....

[Zoe Girl]

I had a late night meeting tonight, and since my staff came from work to the meeting I was allowed to purchase food! I got 4 salads from the grocery store and not everyone wanted one. So that means I have 2 salads in the fridge for tomorrow. They did not put in very much lettuce so I will buy an extra bag of lettuce. It makes up for grabbing lunch at Taco Bell earlier.

[Chicken lady]

Score on the salads! But did your staff not want them because they don't like salads, or because they had other dinner?

An interesting side effect of my star system is that my house is getting very dirty. Generally I tend to take care of housekeeping by randomly cleaning up what is in front of me. Since there are a lot of starred items in the yard, barn, and studio this time if year, I just keep walking. Dh is off work today - I am not. It will be interesting to see if he cleans the kitchen floor or catches up with the dishes.

last night after an hour of him complaining that he couldn't go to sleep and me complaining that I couldn't either and he was the reason, he got up, tucked me in with the heavy blanket he hates and left to read somewhere else. I still got less than 7 hours of sleep, but I slept well.

Still hard to get going this morning.

[Zoe Girl]

My staff had already eaten, they like salads, I just promised no pizza! That is what we tend to always get. A couple staff work at different sites so I couldn't be sure if they needed dinner but one of my staff I work with every day, I told her I was picking up food and she still brought her own. No problem just funny.

SO one of my goals this week was not to waste food. I didn't buy enough bread or breakfast items and I am working very long hours. So I am glad my son had yogurt in the fridge I could eat along with my granola. I have to leave for work super early today so no time to go to the store. I need a really good list, my breakfast items totally change when the weather gets warm like it has been lately. I always have oatmeal but I can't eat that when it is hot.

[Chicken lady]

Crash and burn. Today was, as my dad would say "a day in the bucket". There was crying in two of my classes. (I did not cause the crying)

I bailed on exercising and dh and I went to the little local cafe for dinner - where I ate food I'm allergic to because I was too tired to navigate the menu. (So I will have eczema to look forward to). It was yummy at least.

chores, bed, reboot tomorrow.

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday was a recovery day. I slept late, I helped dh work on installing the vent for the kitchen, a friend stopped by, I did a little pottery, I worked in my garden and dh and I went to a concert downtown. We took the efficient car, but he did buy me a treat in a plastic bag and a drink in a plastic cup accompanied by a napkin, and all went in a trash can.

I decided to just enjoy the experience and not worry about the impact. The weather was really nice and I enjoyed the concert, the treat, and the short walk through the city from the farther, less crowded parking garage he chose (bonus, the ability to get out of the parking garage quickly after the concert reduced idle time for the car - I literally can't stop)

dd and her husband are coming out for dinner tonight. His mom is supposed to get them for the Christian holidays, but apparently last night she "cancelled Easter".

[Chicken lady]

Dinner was good. My week is slowly getting scrambled. I am relearning that I need to do things in the now. Because later changes.

my plan for today was housework/chores in the early morning, planting, and then pottery, insulation delivery and make dinner. - last night heart daughter called with a last minute request for me to fill in for her at work this morning (automatic yes, family and financial priorities) so housework is out, planting and pottery are shortened. (I can actually do some pottery stuff while subbing - the kids will be working independently for part of class and I can supervise and glaze a little at the same time, but I have to remember my stuff.)

I haven't talked about the hoarding issues much lately (I've been doing very well) but I had a big positive experience at the food bank yesterday. Last summer they had a book drive and gave books away to kids with the food. Apparently, ever since, people have been treating us as goodwill. And we now have a clothing rack and a free shelf.

A guy pulled in with a whole trunk full of stuff and we took it. After he was gone, the volunteer who also works at the free closet shop took most of the clothes and a variety of decorative items to her car. (And I learned that the philosophy is "we honor the spirit of the donation by making sure it gives back to the community" - the non clothing items will be sold at an annual sale I didn't even know about that helps non profits in the community pay for their utilities)

But we kept all the toys and kitchen stuff. Except one non-stick griddle that was coated with blackened oil as if someone had tried to "season" it. When Ruth threw that in the dumpster, my brain ran through the mandatory "couldn't I take that home and clean it" "is it recyclable?" Litany. But my limbic system stayed quiet and my brain quickly dismissed the waste of time. This is a really big deal for me.

also fun, one woman was very happy to get a big frying pan to go with the big bag of chicken pieces we handed out. And we gave away about 1/3 of the toys already.

[Yppej]

A fellow sangha member who also has a commute spoke at one of our services about driving meditation, and I am trying to be attentive and compassionate towards other drivers. They may not notice but it takes my stress levels down.

[catherine]

A fellow sangha member who also has a commute spoke at one of our services about driving meditation, and I am trying to be attentive and compassionate towards other drivers. They may not notice but it takes my stress levels down.

Wow, I was just practicing driving meditation today, driving in Atlanta, and I always think of Thich Nhat Hanh, who has, not an app, but a gatha for that ;)


The car and I are one
When the car goes fast
I go fast

I recited that for DS once, and he thought it was ridiculous but I think it's great. Keeps me mindful and off my phone while driving!

[Yppej]

I visited Atlanta once and was struck by the traffic. I'm glad you've found something that helps you get through it.

[Chicken lady]

Dh and I have an arguement about me and the phone and the car. First off, I drive with one hand. I am willing to accept that that is a bad habit, but unless I am in a situation that creates a sense that I might need to turn quickly, I drive with one hand.

so, I like to talk to my mother when I drive. If I need two hands I say "hang on", and put the phone on the seat for as long as needed (she knows she can hang up if I take too long because there is always a possibility that the phone slid onto the floor. - in which case I am not going to get it. Sometimes she has already hung up and I am talking loudly to the seat about why the phone is still down and where I will stop to pick it up.). When I talk to my mother on the phone, I feel like my mother is in the car. And I drive like my mother is in the car.

when I don't talk to my mother on the phone, particularly on a long, often repeated drive - like to work, I tend to fall into a revery and not pay enough attention to my surroundings. Even with the radio on.

The last few weeks I have been trying not to talk on the phone while driving at my dh request. I have cut off another car, run a stop sign, and just barely missed a deer. I also completely missed my turn and didn't notice for a couple of miles and accidentally took a route that did not go near one of my planned stops.

so I think he should get me an ear thingy. But I will still drive with one hand.

[Yppej]

CL can you put it on speakerphone?

[Chicken lady]

I have a flip phone. And an old car.

[Yppej]

My phone is cheap. I think it cost $50 with no contract but it does have a speaker button.

[Chicken lady]

no speaker button. often translates texts into martian symbols, and randomly accesses message every few months. Takes and recieves photos, but the screen is smaller than a postage stamp. Basically it's a phone. But it has a connector for an earpiece.

[mschrisgo2]

I highly recommend an earpiece.

I had one that I've since passed on to my daughter so we can catch up on my way home from work (my new car came with bluetooth). Also helps me return calls that I never can get to during the school day and must be made between 8 and 5. Very helpful as a stress reliever!

[Chicken lady]

Dh went to the driving range after he finished insulating the ceiling yesterday. I had a meal planned, but he didn't ask. He just decided to stop at the grocery store for plastic packaged lamb chops and out of season, packaged in plastic, but at least organic spinach. Then he made dinner and ate more meat than I usually feed him in week. He also didn't bring home the reciept and has no idea how much he spent. I thanked him for making dinner and praised him for choosing organic spinach. I'm not stupid.

after dinner I said I needed to make cookies, and he asked "why do you need to make cookies?" And I said "because I don't have any dessert for your lunch tomorrow." And he said "I'll go out." I said "you'll go out because I'm missing dessert?" And he said "yeah." I made cookies. Before you say he probably wanted to go out - he makes a big deal about appreciating me packing his lunch. He asks me to get up 15 minutes earlier than I would otherwise have to every weekday so I can pack his lunch. And if I know there is going to be a conflict, he buys lunch but is always dissapointed about it. He was just trying to make things easier, because apparently he can't get to the idea of eating a packed lunch with no dessert or buying a candy bar from the vending machine or taking extra fruit. Usually if he goes out, he gets something like chipotle with no dessert!

ok, letting go of his path now, even though it winds around mine.

Two more positives:

He ordered r36 insulation with a minimum 50% post consumer recycled content for the roof.

also, my dd and her dh are buying a Leaf next weekend after test driving my friend's Leaf (which my friend has had since early fall and adores)

today I go to the food bank and work in my garden.

[Yppej]

I have decided to take a break from the Buddhist temple. This time of year it is more restorative to be out of doors. I think some of the Protestant denominations in my area that recess for the summer have it right.

[Chicken lady]

I think they close because nobody shows up and it isn't cost effective. (I was raised Protestant)

but outside is definitely my temple/cathedral/shrine.

didn't work in my garden today because I worked in the food bank garden all morning and got really tired. Old seems to be showing up far too suddenly.

[Chicken lady]

Once again feeling frustrated about dh and his effects on my "path".

dd and her dh had some issues picking up the Leaf - issues that were caused by a lack of planning, planning that was needed because it's an electric car. Everything worked out fine, but it caused them some aggravation and cost them a little extra money.

On hearing the story, dh said "They're living their values." In the same tone you would use to say "you wanted a dog." To the partner who is upset about the kitchen full of shredded trash can contents. I replied "I'm living with you." In the tone one would use to announce winning a free small soft drink in a raffle, right after their friend announced winning a car.

i love him, and while in some cases he is actively resisting me because he doesn't agree, mostly he just doesn't care. While I was at the pottery fair yesterday, he went to the grocery store. And when I got home, he made me dinner. And this is a good thing, except, we had a long conversation about eating in season and as locally as possible and organic when we can, and he agreed that he thought it was a good idea. I've been working really hard to provide healthy, varied meals on this plan.

he bought conventional out of season zuchinni, and conventional out of season apples.

also, we had a conversation about March being a month of reduced income and increased expenses and we've been working on the grocery budget, among other things. He bought two small sized packages of snack pretzels, hummus - which I already had, fancy mixed nuts - which I already had a cheaper version of that he likes, and a pint of ice cream. Putting us back over budget. Only slightly, but I know he went into the store hungry and bought the produce and then thought "oh, I want some nuts to take to work (grab container at eye level), oh, you know what else would be good...." Also already in the fridge were applesauce, kale, spinach, carrots, parsnips, and a turnip. In the bowl on the counter were oranges and grapefruit. We have two kind of potatoes in the cupboard. We needed zuchinni and apples?

it's the see/want/buy that drives me crazy. I swear I'm going to start picking up tools and fancy glazes every time I go into the clay studio. "Oh, I know I spent $12, but I was in the studio getting cones for school and I saw this and it looked good. That's our shopping policy right?" (Not really, she who cares the most about the budget spends the least on impulse buys.)

otoh, I did spend money on books and blocks to give away to kids at the food bank - which goes back to the "living my values". And the frustration comes from sometimes feeling like his values are "I should just have stuff because I want it, no further thinking required."

[Teacher Terry]

You are sweating the small stuff:|( CL.

[Chicken lady]

It's all small stuff. (It's a book actually, "don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff")

But semi-seriously, day to day my life is built of small acts, small moments. I am not going to make some huge change, do some major thing, have some big effect on the world. I am going to leave my footprints and dissapear and the best I can do is hope that I am contributing to a trail in the right direction.

it's not the apples, it's the talking to me about the ideas, indicating buy in, and then literally forgetting all about it.

i have spent half my day looking for a recipe I promised to send someone. I am losing my mind because I can't find it. Both because I a a person who, when I say I am going to do something, does the thing if at all possible, and because I'm really going to want to cook the thing again in August. But mostly the first one. Otherwise I'd give up and assume I would find it by August.

edited to add - and then, after sorting through piles of papers and recycling a bunch of stuff - I found the recipe.

[Tybee]

A therapist I used to know used to say, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"

I think about this sometimes with respect to marriage in general.

[Chicken lady]

Oh, I choose happy. I say "thank you for making me dinner!" And then I eat it. Doesn't make the shopping any less frustrating, but i've know. This man for 31 years. Trying to discuss it would just ruin my evening.

[Tybee]

Oh, I choose happy. I say "thank you for making me dinner!" And then I eat it. Doesn't make the shopping any less frustrating, but i've know. This man for 31 years. Trying to discuss it would just ruin my evening.

It sounded from this part,
"On hearing the story, dh said "They're living their values." In the same tone you would use to say "you wanted a dog." To the partner who is upset about the kitchen full of shredded trash can contents. I replied "I'm living with you." In the tone one would use to announce winning a free small soft drink in a raffle, right after their friend announced winning a car."

that you weren't happy to be living with him--that he was winning a small soft drink and not a car. That was what I picked up on.

[Simplemind]

You sound like an exacting person. What you want to achieve is logical and makes sense to you. Even if it has been discussed and agreed I don't think it is reasonable to expect somebody to toe the line exactly as you do. It is one thing to stress yourself out with your own expectations of perfection but something entirely different when you impose it on somebody else. Believe me, he has also known you for 31 years and knows how the conversation is going to go. He might agree just to get out of the conversation knowing it is gonna end up your way or the highway. You can look at him buying the apples as thoughtless, or even worse, a purposeful act of war. Or you could look at him buying them as him shopping, getting distracted and not remembering which apple to buy, hell - he is lucky he even remembered to buy apples. If you want something done right (aka - your way) then you have to do it yourself.
My husband and I agree on nothing. It seems like we do but since we think in completely opposite ways we always end up at odds. Sometimes it is funny and sometimes it is really frustrating. One day he was going to the store and I asked him to get some dill weed for a recipe. He asked where to find it and I said on the spice aisle. He came home with a three foot, fresh dill weed plant. WTH?? I asked for a box of cornbread and he came back with yellow cake mix. He saw the picture and thought they were one and the same. Details, details.......... I don't look at him as being thoughtless because that would make me mad. I prefer to look at it as him not being as thoughtful because it isn't as important to him. If it is going to jack me out of shape if it isn't done exactly how I want it, then it is up to me to do it.

[Chicken lady]

His point was sort of that they deserved the negatives consequences - as if living their particular values was a choice he would advise against. And my point was that while I have made my choice and it is a good thing, I am proud of them and think they are making very good choices and have excellent values. I'm hanging on to ,y soft drink, but I'm not going to give up on the car. ;)

i try to do it myself. Staying ahead of him is a lot of work because he doesn't give any warning before he suddenly does something that we have agreed is my job.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm happy not to have to deal with this--I think for most people, living together is complicated. But I'd be more like your husband, thinking "this is how I want to spend the money I worked for. I don't want to have to think every purchase to death, and life is short so I'm going for the nuts and ice cream." I suppose if I lived with someone who was always vetting my purchases, I'd be more careful, but probably I'd just be resentful.

[ApatheticNoMore]

he bought conventional out of season zuchinni, and conventional out of season apples.

at least he bought basically healthy food (fruits and veggies, not the worst thing), so yea I'd probably be annoyed getting nagged on of all things zucchinis and some apples, small potatoes, I mean apples. Yes organic is better, I buy it whenever I have a choice, but I know it won't be perfect. I think women tend to be more obsessed with food than men generally though and maybe with details as well.

[Tammy]

You only control yourself, not him. It's his house too. It's demeaning toward him for you to think that you can control his shopping choices. He is not your child.

One of those thoughts might make sense for you as you process this. Those are the ideas that came to me as I read your post.

[Chicken lady]

I did not nag him. I did not even bring it up. The point was not the apples specifically. The point was that there was a whole conversation, that resulted in a plan we made TOGETHER to make some changes that matter to me, and they matter so little to him that he can't even remember them, which is frustrating to me because it would be nice if he remembered things that are important to me and cared enough to follow through, and he does in the big things, generally because they require a one time action. But in the little things, he pretty much has no follow through at all.

He has mowed my raspberry canes down 7 times at three houses in 25 years. He has moved the stakes I put up to remind him not to mow (after he said "well, I didn't see them, why don't you put up some stakes?) because they were in the way of mowing. And then he has actually asked "why don't we have any raspberries (fruit) this year?" It's just who he is.

my point was simply that the partner I am walking my life path with is sometimes a drag in the wrong direction rather than help carrying my load. Commenting on it was both an act of awareness and a vent. (He has adapted to the no trash service very well. He now hands me every piece of "trash" he generates or leaves it on the nearest surface - even though we still have wastebaskets. I think it's his attempt to point out that I am being stupid, but it works great for me, because I am now sorting out the recycling and compost before I discover I have a wastebasket full of mail, a water bottle, and coffee grounds.)

and it really is a sign of ignoring ME. We have had a vegetarian son in law for almost a year. NOW dh reads the labels of prepared food if he cooks for sil. He still doesn't read them if he cooks for me, and he still gets his feeling hurt when I don't eat the thing he made that has lard in it.

in any case, our relationship is generally very good. I wasn't looking for advice on it, it was more of a "I'm trying to grow an organic garden without harming any wildlife and I thought I had fenced out the rabbits, but i forgot that rabbits come in different sizes and one ate all my beans" type comment. You would then either sympathize or offer ideas that I could implement to protect my beans or things I could grow that rabbits don't eat or other places to get organic beans. I've already decided to leave the rabbit alone, and there's no changing it's nature.

[Tybee]

my point was simply that the partner I am walking my life path with is sometimes a drag in the wrong direction rather than help carrying my load. Commenting on it was both an act of awareness and a vent. (He has adapted to the no trash service very well. He now hands me every piece of "trash" he generates or leaves it on the nearest surface - even though we still have wastebaskets. I think it's his attempt to point out that I am being stupid, but it works great for me, because I am now sorting out the recycling and compost before I discover I have a wastebasket full of mail, a water bottle, and coffee grounds.)

and it really is a sign of ignoring ME.

You sound frustrated. You say, "I think it's his attempt to point out that I am being stupid"--do you think that is the message he is trying to get across to you, that he thinks you are being stupid? What do you think he is trying to say (via behavior, I mean)?

[Tybee]

I post that because my first husband used to call me things like worthless and stupid, and became extremely emotionally abusive as time wore on, and was physically abusive to my children, and I had to get a protective order against him at the end because he was stalking me. It started with control and worked up from there. So I tend to be overly sensitive to power dynamics in a relationship.

It would have been nice if we could have turned things around much earlier, if that might have been possible.

Anyway, it's always good to think about whether you want to be with someone or not, and it's always good to think about what they are trying to tell you, and what they want out of the relationship, along with what you want out of the relationship/

He is much happier with Wife number 3, so it all worked out fine!

[Tammy]

My point wasn't that you nag - I understand it's a vent.

My point was more toward your own thoughts and emotions.

1. It's a waste of your life energy to try to change him ("agreement" sounds more like your own plan that he doesn't care enough about to remember)

and 2. It's a shared life and property and his "forgetting" sounds like a passive aggressive way for him to let you know that he doesn't agree (you say that he intentionally leaves trash on surfaces to show his disagreement).

So my biggest point I guess is that it's not your stuff and life, it's both of yours. His quiet resistance shows his lack of agreement.

I am like you in wanting a simple no-waste life etc. My husband buys more stuff - but still a lot less than most people. But more than me. I'm on the extreme end of things. And I've had to tell myself many times since 1981 that "this is his house and life too. Stop trying to make him just like me. He is an adult. He. An choose his own path . I am only responsible for me. I am not responsible for my entire household."

[Teacher Terry]

Oh, I get being frustrated with a mate you love. My DH is fairly messy and sometimes I want to kill him:~). However, I remind myself that he also puts up with me and that I also do annoying things. Your DH would probably like a cleaner, neater, less stuff house but he has picked you so he is not getting it. Marriage is about compromise. I think you have become excessive about your footprint, etc. I recycle etc but I won't turn my life upside down to do it like you do. Also men tune us out sometimes. Right after I tell my DH something he will ask me about the same thing sometimes. I get annoyed of course. But after being in 2 bad marriages I recognize a good thing when I see it.

[Chicken lady]

The agreement was the result of an actual drawn out pleasant conversation. The budget concerns were actually initiated by him. But he literally forgets, it's just not in the category of things he thinks about. I think he should put it in the category things he thinks about because it should be classified as "things that are important to chickenlady". But he classifies it as "stupid s*** I don't really care about".

he doesn't call me stupid, he just thinks that cancelling the trash was stupid. I know this is what he is trying to point out non-verbally because he also points it out verbally. I am more likely to put myself down than he is, he tends to build me up. He's a good guy, just sometimes annoying.

and I don't turn my life upside down to recycle. My current system might cost me an extra ten minutes a week over never rescuing anything that was thrown in the wrong container and hauling everything up to the road and bringing the bins back, but it's also possible it takes less time. I haven't really tracked it, but it felt like a lot of wasted time trudging a tenth of a mile each way up and down the driveway and fishing the trash can kids out if the woods. Sometimes in rain or snow.

Also, I've been reminding myself that the net effect of being with dh as opposed to someone with a similar approach is significant - because dh puts a premium on his time, so faced with the opportunity of a large trash can and no intervention, everything he doesn't want in his life would simply go in it. As in evetything, from actual trash like a plastic candy wrapper to a shirt he bought that still has the tags but turned out to not match the pants he bought it to go with (and the reciept and bag are also in that hypothetical can - I am the only one who ever returns, donates, composts, or recycles, but I do it for both of us.) to things that belong to other people who left them behind by accident and will be back soon. - he gets that from his mother. I learned early on that if I had to leave the table during a meal for any reason (bathroom, crying baby, rain in the open window of my car...) my entire meal would be cleared away when I got back.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I think this train of thought that spawned this thread started with wanting to improve one's actions because one could not control much in the outside world if I remember, the larger political situation etc. (the extend to which that is true is only an extent but that's tangential to this thread). But it seems to me we can EVEN LESS control other people!

I mean you could delve down into why he doesn't care. Does he just not care about environmental issues period? Does he think one person is a drop in the ocean anyway so what does it even matter (I'm not saying it's right or wrong - ok I do care about environmental issues). Of course maybe he does CARE at some level but just doesn't have a mind for details and that's just the way it is, we can't have minds that function completely differently than however they do. Maybe he cares but the whole thing seems completely overwhelming anyway and just reminds him how hopeless it all is in the larger scheme of things and is all rather demoralizing. I suppose there are things you could do like getting all your produce from a CSA delivery or other organic local produce subscription that will lessen grocery trips where non-organic zucchini and ice cream somehow shows up. Is that the type of practical suggestion that is useful?


Also, I've been reminding myself that the net effect of being with dh as opposed to someone with a similar approach is significant - because dh puts a premium on his time, so faced with the opportunity of a large trash can and no intervention, everything he doesn't want in his life would simply go in it.

if he works a lot of hours this isn't even a choice, really it's not, it's a different mentality entirely and forced by circumstances, and at a certain point it becomes triage, of managing what one absolutely HAS TO to manage and letting the rest slip, maybe what has to be managed is downtime to just rest and recuperate and that actually is more important to keeping going in the day to day than recycling.

[Chicken lady]

I wasn't judging his priorities, just stating them. Mine are not the same, but his priorities are his, not mine.

yes, my intent is to control the things I can control by making concious decisions. But we do influence other people. His shopping decisions effect my diet. Only to the extent I allow it, but his actions have placed me in a situation where, even when I consciously choose an option, it is stil not the option I would like. That was really all. Sometimes the actions of other people limit your choices in ways you don't like, it kind of stinks when the other people in question are ones you love, end of complaint.

[Chicken lady]

This week has been a bit of a roller coaster. First, there has been almost no sunlight all week, so that the first two days, when I had a lot of time to focus on things, my brain was able to make good decisions, but I couldn't find the energy and willpower to follow through on them.

Then I had a situation with a student that made me really angry (not at the student) and I made some non optimal decisions.

My work decision tree starts with "will this get me fired" - in this case, probably not. A formal reprimand is possible though, and the timing is great - annual staff evals are this month. Next step on the decision tree "will this benefit my student(s)" which is where I could have done a lot better - basically I got so focused on one major aspect of a situation that I ignored a lot of other factors that I should have taken into consideration. Had I done so the net student impact would have been more optimal, and the reprimand would have been less likely, not because I would have not done the thing that will cause it, but because the chance of being reported would have been much lower. also, I would have avoided doing the things I will be told not to do that I agree I shouldn't do, but the administration won't see as the main problem. (Gee mom, I'm really sorry I didn't fill the gas tank. Not sorry I took the car without asking, I needed it. And you would have said no.)

then I had a day off on which I reverted to coping behaviors that are bad for me instead of any of the new, positive ones I have been trying to acquire. Capped by an exhausting and somewhat overwhelming shift at the food bank. (Also even though I called people, the health care bill passed)

but yesterday on my lunch break, I got to work on a team with a student and it was one of those moments that make me think "YES! This is why I do this. This is the perfect storm where everything goes right and I really get to make a difference." The meeting was the result of months of groundwork I've been putting in with the student getting her to be receptive, and with the team members, getting them involved, prepped, and available.

of course, being me, I can't just ride that, I have to get up this morning with the first student on my mind and compare and contrast the two situations and try to figure out why I can't find the switch that shifts the first kid to a different track. (Note to self: sometimes that's because the switch is not in your control and all you can do is try to keep the kid on the tracks at all. Response to self: No. Keep looking.)

i have a flow chart on the wall of my classroom showing the path to success leading through a variable number of loops "try, succeed/fail, try again, succeed/fail better, try again, succeed/fail better..."

so here I am again. Pull focus, find a starting point, take the next step.....

[Yppej]

I am feeling more competent at work but being employed does - no surprise - make living deliberately more challenging. Especially difficult is my caloric consumption. There are candy jars, free food people bring in or left over from meetings, coffee with cream, Friday lunch ordered out, etc. Everyone says they gained weight once they started working here. And with only a half hour for lunch versus an hour at my previous job I am not using the company gym.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I am feeling more competent at work but being employed does - no surprise - make living deliberately more challenging.

oh it really does


Especially difficult is my caloric consumption. There are candy jars, free food people bring in or left over from meetings, coffee with cream, Friday lunch ordered out, etc. Everyone says they gained weight once they started working here. And with only a half hour for lunch versus an hour at my previous job I am not using the company gym.

is it super stressful? (ok no job is stress free but they vary). Then no wonder everyone is gaining weight :\ The 1/2 hour lunch is hard as a meal eaten at a reasonable pace alone takes 40 minutes or so to eat generally (takes me that to finish my salad). You probably need some rules around the work food like avoiding the candy. Can you use the gym after work? I joined a gym near work since I started this new job this year (didn't do that at my last place as that area I worked in was just an insane asylum), it entails walking 10 minutes or so to the gym from work, work out pretty hard with weights 20 minutes or so, walk 10 minutes back, I aim for twice a week, don't always reach it and sometimes only go once, know that that is life and it's difficult to fit stuff in perfectly (I mean I'd quit entirely if I thought I had to be perfect). I take walks sometimes during lunch or if I need to think as well though.

[Yppej]

There is a gym at the new job, but by the end of the day I just want to go home and beat the traffic. We get out at 4. I don't think the job is especially stressful once you learn the clunky DOS based system (yes, really) but it is boring and food perks everyone up.

[Chicken lady]

Can you think of things that would perk you up besides the food? Just plan to get most of your calories at work and your nutrition at home?

i really get the just wanting to go home thing. Now that it is spring, I am just not swimming after school. I told dh to cancel my membership and I will sign back up in the fall.

i feel like I am doing better today. I didn't get a lot done, but I made a little progress on the dishes and the laundry and the studio, and my dd is home and I helped her unload her car. I've eaten a little better, and I'm making homemade pizza for dinner, then going out with dh for the evening (dd us going to her best friend's house)

dd and I have a a mutual support plan to help us focus and meet our goals this summer.

[ApatheticNoMore]

well I suppose before work is maybe an option but might requiring showering then etc. (and if you are getting out at 4 that requires being a serious morning person - getting out at 4 alone would be hard for me, and at that point and I wouldn't do anything before work at all to allow the maximum amount of sleep in the morning). Or just join a gym close to your house and go after work before going home, it may really be the more rational if less frugal option if you really want to go to the gym.

Do probably need rules around food at work, maybe no sweets (you could allow sweets on weekends if you aren't inclined to give them up entirely - you are just likely to actually enjoy them then rather than be eating out of boredom), or maybe no snacking (or if you must snack a planned snack if you need it and not snacking all day long at least - and something with some nutrients you bring, I sometimes do need an afternoon snack as I do get home fairly late). It's not easy.

[Chicken lady]

So, dd starts her summer job tomorrow. I get up in the morning, make dh breakfast (dd says she wants to eat the cereal she brought hope me with her) and pack two lunches. Then I do chores and go to the foodbank.

today dd and I went to an arts festival and I bought a handmade wooden soap rack for my shower and a really nice welded trellis for dsil for his birthday (the welder is ds's best friend, but the trellis us a new piece I hadn't seen before.)

[Yppej]

Cut my number of trips to the candy jar in half, though I did have strawberry shortcake someone brought in. Monday is our busiest day and the culture is to work through lunch but I saw one lone woman in our group warming up chicken so I took a quick 10 minute lunch and that kept me from the jar in the afternoon.

Heard from a place last night without the 2 hour round trip commute. They are still interviewing. Though it is in town it is not in my field, pays less, would have less generous benefits, the manager seems hard to please and fired the last person, and it would mark me as a jobhopper on my resume, so I likely will stay where I am. My current boss is low key and my coworkers are all nice to me so far, despite the cliques I was warned about in the interview.

[Chicken lady]

Good job on the candy. Also good job supporting the woman who made a healthy choice to take a break and eat real food - cultures can change. Be the change! Strawberry shortcake is hard to resist. Better for you than candy too.

i think you are making a good decision about the job. If you leave so soon you need to have significant reasons and it seems like this one is a wash.

I did badly yesterday. I think I may be bootstrapping depression. It doesn't make sense, because the weather was nice, and there is enough sun that I am having trouble going to bed early (related problem. I need more sleep) but I just can't find any motivation. Intellectually I want to do things, but I'm not having any limbic response to them and keep not doing the things because it takes less energy and there are no immediate negative consequences.

it may be situational though.

i did work at the food bank, and that was fine. We weren't very busy, but since the church that was supposed to send volunteers (organizations sign up for different days) didn't send any, that was good. I ran two stations and helped with the bread. Brought home a bag of recycling. Most of the regular volunteers have figured out which things I recycle and call me over to hand them to me now. (Case wrap, water bottles, cans, paper, torn plastic bags - we reuse whole ones). Also Paul takes the cardboard boxes to a drop and they've discovered I cheerfully "take this to Paul's truck."

i made a list to work on today, but I am already staring down the reality that as long as I make breakfast, pack lunch and have dinner ready tonight, nothing I do today is going to matter to anyone but me. (Well, and chores. The goats will scream all day if I don't feed them.)

[Yppej]

Took a short lunch even though no one else did trying to keep my blood sugar stable, but it turned out to be my downfall. Putting my lunch in the fridge I saw Mother's Day cupcakes were out and had one. Later getting my lunch out I saw chocolate cake was out and had some. I think I may need to pack a lunch that does not require refrigeration. However, when free cheesecake was announced mid afternoon I did manage to stay away from it. Also I have gotten used to the commute and my caffeine use has stabilized and is now gradually decreasing.

[Chicken lady]

Sorry you had a setback Yppej. How have the last few days been?

my week has been up and down. A lot going on and I have been very tired.

i do feel like I'm making progress with the help of my new hoarding (anti-hoarding?) support group. Things have left my house. And yesterday I had a pretty successful grocery shopping trip. I have been staying under budget on the groceries too.

i have been working a little more on making connections and reaching out to people, and that has resulted in some connections where I have been able to divert a small part of the resource stream so that one group's discards become another group's supplies. That makes me happy. (Reduce trash! Save money! Yay! - lol)

my school year will be over in nine days and I need to work on creating a structure for my days and weeks. Also need to incorporate some regular reflection time. The last couple of weeks have been heavy on reacting.

[Yppej]

No free food other than my trips to the candy jar. I am getting some exercise gardening, which also balances out sitting at a desk. Decluttering is admirable, and something I should get back to doing.

[Chicken lady]

Good job on the good decisions!

in my case I think "decluttering" might be a mild term for what needs to be done.

i am currently fighting "it's never enough" syndrome. Where the things I need to do pile up to the point at which I lose any hope that they can all be done and then I freeze and fall into dispair.

i can't even come up with a good triage system because I have so many conflicting priorities. But I need to do something. Maybe if I get a blank calendar and write out the deadlines I can work it backwards and manage it better. But things keep adding on. And I get so tired.

Sleeping. Good nutrition. Saying no. Trying not to make the things I cut all the things that feed my soul in order to please others... That is the hardest.

in my natural state, I would first eliminate meals. Eating would become regular snacks of fresh fruit, raw vegetables, cheese, nuts and bread. This would eliminate cooking and most dishes, freeing up a couple of hours every day. To the people I live with, meals seem to be the most important thing I do. I think this week I need them each to cook or get take out one night and I will get take out one night. That is not unreasonable, right? I asked dd to cook once last week.

i need to plan today. And then the week. And then through June 9.

and I slept late, so first, I really need to do my chores.

[nswef]

The plan to ask those who want meals to make meals is very reasonable. Change is hard and they will balk and try to make you feel guilty. Try to stay strong on this one issue and eventually it may become a non issue. Good luck. You are hard on yourself. Good luck.

[Tammy]

I stopped being the default person for cleaning cooking and shopping when I started working full time. When I was home with the kids it was my job - it only made sense. But when the kids were in high school and I was working overtime and my husband was 30 hours a week --- well I just stopped. I only did those things if I wanted to. It was an adjustment and no one ever did it the way I would like it done -- but that's ok.

[Yppej]

I read once how new mothers working outside the home triage. First to go is the housework. If not enough pressure is released as a result next to go is the maintenance for or even the entire significant other. This is why divorce rates are high in this group. She never lets go of the kids though. Of course if the children are adults priorities will be different, but yeah, the cooking can go by the wayside.

[catherine]

I read once how new mothers working outside the home triage. First to go is the housework. If not enough pressure is released as a result next to go is the maintenance for or even the entire significant other. This is why divorce rates are high in this group. She never lets go of the kids though. Of course if the children are adults priorities will be different, but yeah, the cooking can go by the wayside.

True. I was a working mother of 4 and believe me, I panicked when people dropped by unannounced. And our marriage suddenly became nearly 100% joint effort in child rearing, with little attention on our own relationship. We took one long weekend away from the kids for our 10th anniversary, but that was it. We were utterly devoted to the kids. When I started traveling, it just so happened that DH was working from home, which was great--he became a Mr. Mom of sorts. The downside of that was he had a huge existential crisis when my youngest went to college. So did our marriage.

[Chicken lady]

I didn't plan my day, I struggled through it. I think the list might be a little shorter, but things got added as well as done, and I am tired. I do feel good about most of my decisions today even though they were made in the moment.

i only work two days a week (plus planning and preparation). I am also chief farm person, housekeeper, and errand girl. Dh works 40-60 hours a week. He is also chief construction worker. He would eliminate work by eliminating goats. I would rather clean stalls or do laundry or go pick up his racquetball racket (all of which I do) than cook. I don't enjoy cooking, I'm not very good at it, and I'm just as happy with "ingredients". I also don't get as hungry as he does and snack more. Sometimes when he eats out, I just skip the meal completely.

[Yppej]

No stops at the candy jar today though I walk by it often. I have gotten tired of candy. However my mother sent some cotton candy ice cream home with my son and that will be hard to resist. Brought my lunch featuring garlic roasted asparagus rather than ordering pizza with my office mates. (Not everyone orders every week, so this is not a snub.)

[Chicken lady]

Sounds good Yppej!

i just finished a very full two weeks wrapping up the school year. Parties all day today and my trash can got filled twice - I made the decision just to go with easy options and enjoy the parties with the kids.

my house is a wreck and I have 9 people and 2 dogs arriving at various times tomorrow and staying for lunch/dinner/both besides the three currently living here. 4 of the new arrivals and the dogs will be staying overnight.

then on Sunday my son's future mil and her significant other will be coming over for the afternoon.

i am going to relax, do what I can, not apologize for the mess, feed the people, not apologize for the food, and enjoy the weekend. My son is coming home. I have missed him. All the people tomorrow are people I love. Everything else is noise.

[Yppej]

You have the right approach CL.

[Chicken lady]

Saturday was too much.

the last visitor left Tuesday morning and dh and dd went back to work. I thought that Tuesday would be enough to recover, but it has pretty much taken me two days. I did get most of the "extra" laundry and some dishes done yesterday.

i have watched an entire "season" of a Netflix comedy (partly while folding and putting away laundry) eaten up too many leftovers (and gained 3 pounds) and fallen way behind on my garden and house. I have 4! Plastic grocery bags of trash to drop off somewhere. And dh bought meat on styrofoam trays.

but it was still good to see everyone, just too many of them here on saturday!

Today I need to get back to making good decisions.

[Yppej]

CL it sounds like when people need a vacation to recover from their vacation. Today at lunchtime I sat outdoors in the beautiful weather, relaxed and recharged.

[Chicken lady]

Today I have to go out into the world.

i have not made optimal decisions so far - slept too late and too much time on-line, but I am feeling tired and low energy this morning. Relaxing now and planning to focus more when I have to leave in an hour.

[nswef]

Breathe CL. Today is a new start.

[Chicken lady]

Wow. So, I took care of the trash.

my class was amazing. I'm very glad I'm treating myself to this, I have four weeks of class on Mondays very intensive one on one with a great teacher. It's the most extravagant thing I've done in a long time.

i made good choices at the grocery store - limited packaging, organic, healthier ingredients, less processing where possible/reasonable. I did impulse buy - non organic cherries packaged in trash, organic juice in a glass bottle, and cookies in a paper package. All on sale or clearance. Not bad.

Although groceries for the week were 136% the cost of my class for the week, leading me to contemplate the fact that I'd usually rather learn than eat. (I remembered all my class materials and supplies today, but forgot my lunch and didn't notice until I got home.)

i remembered my coupons and I remembered the plastic bags to recycle and I remembered to ask for paper grocery bags so I can take them to the food bank.

my body is tired but my brain is racing and I really want to rush out to my studio and work all night. But I need to do more evaluations for my job, and I am supposed to make dinner, and I will have to get up in the morning. So I will be responsible.

[Yppej]

No candy at work but there was carrot cake. However, I set a goal to drink 32 oz of water a day and work myself up to 50 and I met that today. I also took a lunch although everyone else worked through theirs. I am getting my work done and helping out others so I do not feel guilty.

[Chicken lady]

Yppej, I think taking allocated break time is important. Not just for you, but as a message to those around you. Building breaks into your day helps you be healthier and more productive. Work cultures where those breaks are not valued can become toxic.

i realized this morning that I have been focusing too much on "external" issues. My weight is creeping up again and reflecting on my food habits, they have not been good the last two weeks. I get tired and I eat badly. Too much bread and cheese, and with dd home we have juice in the house now too.

Plus I gave been sitting a lot to work on things on the computer and snacking a lot because I don't want to be doing those tasks, so I sweeten them with food.

you can gain weight on nuts and fruit as well as cookies. :(

[Yppej]

Yes you can gain weight on them too. I will decide to give up one fattening food and another one will call to me. This past week it was deep fried plantains and, separately, halva. My sneakers made it to the car but I never walked at lunchtime either. But I will do better this weekend in the beautiful weather that is predicted.

[Chicken lady]

Well, I stopped my weight from creeping up, but I haven't creeped it back down yet.

Yesterday i went to class again and had a sucessful grocery store trip. I was really tired - class is exhausting - I'm not moving around much, but so much new information!

two of the things I'm having trouble with are managing my time well when I am home all day, and getting to bed at a reasonable hour. (Which is usually a problem because I didn't manage my time well.) I have enlisted dh help in this - if I'm not in bed by ten without a good reason he is going to take my iPad to work with him the next day. The iPad is a good resource, but it's also part of the problem.

[nswef]

CL You made me laugh about the iPad. Want More Time? Get Rid of The Easiest Way to Spend It (http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=7.VnM&m=3eUj65xi7ylPxAJ&b=zLpWzVf.rxJ1M_gNUjgN7w) This was on my Raptitude today and fits right in with what you are saying. Making yourself go to bed is HARD!

[Teacher Terry]

I got a fitbit a few years ago and it helped with weight loss, activity and I could not lie to myself about how active I was.

[Chicken lady]

So far so good on bedtime. I was actually in bed at 9:30 last night, but I woke early because I am stressed because I have jury duty today.

it's the sitting in a box with 11 strangers part that worries me. Both the extended sitting and the people. My daughter assures me that I will be fine, but I reminded her what it was like to have to take me to a 4h quality assurance meeting (2 hours in a folding chair packed into a room full of people while someone explains government regulations and required practices to us.)

i don't sit for very long unless I'm reading a book. I can make it through a movie at a movie theatre, but at home I usually ask "can we stop the movie for a minute" so I can get up for something.

my friend had jury duty in the same courthouse yesterday. She said to bring a sweater and snacks. also that she had to sit in court for 4 straight hours.

dh says they will send me home anyway because "nobody in their right mind would let you be on a jury." But they picked Ruth.

in other news I have been focusing on my pottery studio the last few days. I have a vision.

[TooSweetForMe]

How did the jury duty thing go today?

[Chicken lady]

They selected me for the jury. The defendant threw up during opening statements. They sent us all home. The trial will be rescheduled, but they have to give jurors 2 weeks notice and my term of service ends June 28. So I am done.

i remembered to get feed on my way home and then I hid in my bedroom and watched online tv and read because I had had too much people time and the drywall guy was still here.

tomorrow I will regroup.

[TooSweetForMe]

Sounds like an interesting day, CL. At least you won't have to go back, hopefully? What happens if, even though the reschedule the trial, they want to use the jury that was already seated? Or is that not an option, legally?

[Chicken lady]

Not an option. We are "compromised".

i have a raccoon problem with my chicken coop. I thought I had solved it, but no. This is so exhausting!

i am keeping to my bedtime mostly, but stayed up late last night watching a movie with dh.

i am making progress in my pottery studio, but that also is tiring because along with some moving of heavy things, I am having to make a lot of the kind of decisions that are very hard for me. I am probably purging 10% of what I "should" and the rest is going into the basement for later. Still I need to go to both goodwill and the recycling drop soon and I don't think there is room in my car to make that be one trip.

my diet and weight are up and down, but the weight is sticking in a three pound yoyo, so that's ok right now.

i just want to sleep and watch videos, and I know it's because I am hiding from the hard things and I need to just do some of them. They will be less hard than I thought maybe, and in any case, I will feel better when they are done.

[TooSweetForMe]

CL, just wasn't sure how that would work as I've never been "lucky" enough to have been chosen for jury duty. I think if I get chosen to go in now, I would have to try to be excused. I am my Mom's caregiver and I don't think I could get anyone else to come n and sit with her (at least not at this time of year).

[Chicken lady]

So today, my daughter was able to walk out to the studio, get a 3 minute tour from me on where everything was and which materials she could help herself to, and throw for two hours. :)

it it is still a work in progress, but I did take a very full card load to be recycled.

i am still struggling with low energy and working on putting my focus behind what is important to me. I have not gained any more weight or made significant overall improvement in my nutrition. I am working with an online hoarding support group to reduce my clutter and June has been good so far. Today I advocated for myself with my boss again, but I have not heard back from that. I am still fighting the raccoons.

[nswef]

Good work CL.

[Yppej]

I always crave the Reese's peanut butter cups at work, so I brought in some peanut butter which I ate spoonsful of, and it kept me away from the candy jar all day. Also due to the holiday week traffic was light, and I got to work early enough to take a 20 minute walk before starting time. At lunchtime it was close to 90 but the early morning was beautiful.

[Chicken lady]

sounds like a good plan.

i did my outside stuff this morning. Not all the stuff on my list, but my yard is better. I planted the bushes I brought home from mil's, so they were out of the ground for only about 24 hours.

my barn is in better shape (there was a crisis with the farm sitter and it has been getting patchwork care - smelled like sour milk and rotten eggs when I got home.)

then inside and i haven't quite finished the trip laundry, but it is all washed plus stuff that was left here dirty. My kitchen is better than when I left. I baked cookies.

got groceries (dropped trash, remembered coupons, remembered plastic bag recycling, remembered to ask for paper bags) and filled my gas tank. Worked on my in box and recycled some stuff. put everything I brought back with me at least near where it belongs.

did all this while watching a friend's elementary age kids so she could go to the nicu with her older daughter to spend time with her new granddaughter. And am now cooking a fairly complicated dinner.

still need a shower. But didn't do a bad job of not over planning the day.

[Yppej]

You should sleep good tonight after all that!

[TooSweetForMe]

Thinking about getting all my trash out after breakfast today - that way I don't have to worry about going outside during the hottest part of the day to get it to the street.

[Yppej]

It was so busy today I did not get to take a lunch, but only had 2 pieces of candy thanks to my peanut butter. For breakfast I have started scrambling my eggs with vegetables instead of potatoes. I think with gradual changes I will get where I want to be, but often it takes me awhile to come up with a solution.

[Chicken lady]

I think gradual changes work best.

i am working on my priorities today, because I am feeling overwhelmed with my list.

if i don't get the tomato plants in the ground soon, I will never have any tomatoes. They are too big for their pots. I have to clear space for them.
it is time to paint the addition. Dh noticed that I was not hustling on that and informed me that he made a $50 bet with a friend at work over who would get their kitchen cabinets in first.
my rabbit needs to be brushed (sounds silly, but it's a health issue for the rabbit and it takes an hour)
i have been working on my pottery studio and want to keep making progress.
i also have homework for my pottery class (outside deadline)
i also have fair entries that are not done. (Another outside deadline)
my barn is still not up to my standards.

i feel guilty because they need me at the food bank and I told them I couldn't come this morning. Really, I choose not to come - I am putting myself (and all these other things) first. There is too much demand and most of the volunteers are over 70 and they keep getting injured. Much of the work is just too hard for them. My back and arms are sore from last night and I am not yet 50. We filled 28 wagons and restocked the shelves for this morning all in 2 hours.

[Yppej]

Summer garden/yardwork always keep me busier than other seasons. CL will things be any easier for you come fall?

[Chicken lady]

No.

i used to think that I would have more time "later" "when things slowed down." Now I am almost 50 and I know that things do not ever slow down. In fact, I'm starting to believe that things speed up. *I* slow down. I cannot paint as long or as fast as I used to.

in the fall I will be working more hours than last year (by choice) and four of the classes I will be teaching will be from scratch - I should be working on those now, but am not yet.

one of my best friends is here from out of town for a short surprise visit. Her daughter brushed my rabbit yesterday.

i must do class homework today.

[Chicken lady]

I am really struggling.

i am covered in poison ivy blisters. I picked up a little goat who had escaped and gave him a cuddle before I took him back to his momma, not realizing he had been somewhere other than my back yard. There is poison ivy coming up everywhere. I have a raccoon problem. I have house mice.

I just went outside for 40 minutes to cart the dead raccoons off into the woods and dump two mice, then try to move the "temporary" fencing so the boys could clear a new area. The temporary fencing hasn't been moved for so long that it is sunk into the ground and the bottom wires are trapped by weeds. I shifted one piece one foot at one end - letting them into an area that I think is tight with permanent fence. I am now stripped out of my probably poison ivy covered clothes and still have sweat running down my body. The poison ivy blisters burn.

i haven't done the milking yet. I am behind on my work for class. I have class from one to three today, but it is a full hour drive. I have promised to go to the food bank this evening and I know I am desperately needed. Dh expects me to finish painting the kitchen area tomorrow so he can start cabinets this weekend. My fair entries are not done, so I will have to scratch some categories. This makes me sad because I really enjoy competing in the fair. Fair week is usually my annual "vacation"

i have completely lost my garden.

my weight is holding steady because when I get overwhelmed time for meals is one of the first things to go so I am living on milk, nuts, raw fruit, and raw veggies.

and do, I do the next the - milk.

[nswef]

Breathe, CL. Maybe take a cool shower, put calamine on your blisters, Milk, drive to class. Skip the food bank-they will survive without you. Just my suggestion. On your drive to school listen to soothing music or nothing. Breathe.

[Yppej]

I've got mice too, and have tried umpteen things to get rid of them. It's not the end of the world. Can dealing with them be delegated? My son now sets, clears, cleans and resets the traps.

[Geila]

Or get a cat!

[early morning]

chicken lady, all I can say is I'm so sorry you're so stressed.... maybe, just maybe, it's time to let some things go. I understand where you are coming from - I think I've been close to that place myself (long and boring story). But when I stopped beating myself up about what I wasn't doing, I sure felt a lot better. Easier said than done, I know. Anyway, I am sending hopes your way that your poison ivy subsides, the fences hold, and the mice and raccoons move on. Take care of yourself please! (if I lived closer I'd come help in all of my spare time, lol. I think you're a fair bit south of me...)

[Chicken lady]

I have a cat. Last night he had to stay in because of the raccoons and he got one mouse and I got one mouse. I was hoping there was only one mouse. I reset the trap. I don't see anyone else (dh or dd) doing.it

i told the food bank I am not coming next week. They have another young(ish) volunteer for Thursday nights the rest of July. So I don't feel guilty.

i am just trying to keep doing the next thing and not add stuff, but it is hard. I promised a small project to the owner of the clay studio. He has been really good to me. I know it's a business, but it is also a community and he really cares for it. The project has no deadline though.

I am eating a real dinner. Then I am going to do my chores, find the cat and bring him inside, set up for the raccoons, take a shower, and watch a tv show with dh. I will probably also cleanup the kitchen a little more before I go to bed because the cleaner the kitchen is in the morning, the more easily I can start my day.

tomorrow, maybe raccoons and mice, chores, and painting. If I get the kitchen done, I will go spend the rest of the day in my studio. I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, and the laundry can wait. Also other people know how to cook dinner. I might clean the kitchen up a little more. But I am not letting all my studio time be nibbled away again.

i did go to and really enjoy my class today, and the traffic wasn't bad, so I am getting some r&r. It is good to go to a place where the only expectation is that I will make stuff with clay. I just wish I had more time to take advantage of all the options - it's a really rich class and I'm soaking in information, but not finding time to keep up with the assignments. Nobody is grading me, I am just missing learning opportunities and not getting to use equipment that I don't always have.

[Chicken lady]

Today I get to spend the whole day at the fair.

i have been letting the housework go. I am trying to keep up with the kitchen but struggling.

i have let the garden go.

i started the project for the studio (bonus it cleans some scrap out of my garage)

i have made made very small progress on my class work. I am resigned to "doing the best I can" I am limited by the speed at which one cn dry large clay forms without warping. Also, it is very humid here. I am going to set up a drying rack with a fan this weekend.

there were only 3 mice.

there are still raccoons.

my nutrition needs work. But not today. Today is "eat crap at fair" day. It is also "stay out late" day. (I have been getting to bed by ten.)

today i am on vacation.

[Teacher Terry]

Vacation and eating crappy food at the fair sound fun:)) Good for you and enjoy yourself.

[Chicken lady]

Fair was fun. I placed pretty well in a lot of things I entered. But I stayed out late, which I enjoyed, but had consequences.

this morning I am very tired and my head hurts. I still have a lot of things to go (some I want to do, some I "need" to do.)

i lost two two more chickens to the raccoons last night (at least, I can only find 14 of them at the moment, but they are all "free range" 24/7 right now because they WILL NOT go near the coop.)

i also lost lost one of my favorite goats yesterday. This was not related to fair. Her health has always been fragile and she has been at death's door three previous times. This time she stepped through.

i am making an effort not to bring "things" home from fair, but I did buy a t- shirt. And I got a frozen Lemonade in a souvenier cup because I felt like it was better than styrofoam. - if I get another frozen lemonade, I can use the same cup - they do refills. Year-to-year also.

there is so much trash at fair. I accidentally ordered a fried potato thing that came in a sturofoam tray (I ordered it on purpose, I didn't realize about the tray) and I threw that away. I did pick up a couple of abandoned water bottoes to recycle though - offsets?

my nieces are hems holed and my brother is discussing economics with the oldest. Right now they are exploring the idea of opportunity cost.

yesterday I found myself asking "what are the benefits of splitting a $6 styrofoam tray of greasy salty fried potatoes with your 20 y.o. daughter at fair?" "What are the drawbacks?" "what are the direct and opportunity costs?" "How could you maximize the first and minimize the rest?"

dh would tell me I think to much.

[Gardnr]

i have let the garden go.

I'm curious about this. Have you not mulched to keep the weeds down? What is going on that you had to let it go?

My drip system is on automatic. I go out once/week to "climb" my cucumbers on the trellis, pull the new weeds, check my tomatoes and "recage" them if the branches have grown out.....it takes me less than 30 minutes. Oh and check for zucchini every day-takes 1 minute.

I noted in an earlier post you are 50. I am 56. I agree with your recognition you cannot do things as long as you used to. I discovered that at 50 and my stamina continues to decrease. Part of it for me is this knee injury that can only be "fixed" by joint replacement-for which I'm pondering a spring 2018 event.

I realize your garden is one of the many things on your list. I guess I inquire because for me, it's just about the last thing I'd give up. The fabulous fresh food is so awesome and what we can and/or freeze is a gift through the winter.

[Gardnr]

yesterday I found myself asking "what are the benefits of splitting a $6 styrofoam tray of greasy salty fried potatoes with your 20 y.o. daughter at fair?" "What are the drawbacks?" "what are the direct and opportunity costs?" "How could you maximize the first and minimize the rest?"

dh would tell me I think to much.

I'd concur with DH. Sometimes choices need to simply be enjoyed. Revel in all the things you DO that make a difference and simply enjoy the occasional fall off the wagon;) I don't think anyone is perfect!

[Chicken lady]

The garden has been infiltrated by poison ivy. The vines have sent out runners under the mulch and little tiny leaves pop up everywhere and hide under the plants spotting them in the beans for example, was hopeless.

I am severely allergic - as in once the cat walked through poison ivy and lay on the couch and I sat on the couch in shorts and I got what looked like second degree burns from my butt to my calves and had to change the layered bandages several times a day for more than a week. I have had "wrap your arms in ace bandages" cases twice this summer in spite of long sleeves and gloves.

it generally takes the goats a year to really clear it out. They love it and eat it to death.

[Tybee]

The garden has been infiltrated by poison ivy. The vines have sent out runners under the mulch and little tiny leaves pop up everywhere and hide under the plants spotting them in the beans for example, was hopeless.

I am severely allergic - as in once the cat walked through poison ivy and lay on the couch and I sat on the couch in shorts and I got what looked like second degree burns from my butt to my calves and had to change the layered bandages several times a day for more than a week. I have had "wrap your arms in ace bandages" cases twice this summer in spite of long sleeves and gloves.

it generally takes the goats a year to really clear it out. They love it and eat it to death.

CL, you might want to try this salve from Lehmans:
https://www.lehmans.com/product/all-natural-plantain-salve/

One year I had awful poison ivy on my hands and they were blistered like you describe and were actually scarred--this healed them right up, no more scarring.

[Chicken lady]

Oviedo oil and beeswax are moisturizers probably helped reduce scarring. I suppose I could try straight puréed plantain - which I have in the yard in abundance, but I am doubtful. My skin literally drips. I have to dry with a hairdryer to achieve a crust when I put calamine on, or it literally rinses off.

[Gardnr]

The garden has been infiltrated by poison ivy. The vines have sent out runners under the mulch and little tiny leaves pop up everywhere and hide under the plants spotting them in the beans for example, was hopeless.

I am severely allergic - as in once the cat walked through poison ivy and lay on the couch and I sat on the couch in shorts and I got what looked like second degree burns from my butt to my calves and had to change the layered bandages several times a day for more than a week. I have had "wrap your arms in ace bandages" cases twice this summer in spite of long sleeves and gloves.

it generally takes the goats a year to really clear it out. They love it and eat it to death.

OMG that's awful! No wonder you abandoned the garden!!!! Hopefully the goats will do their work so you can go back to growing food next year.