smoking vs snacking

[Zoe Girl]

I hang out with hippy dippy buddhists ya know. And we are in Colorado, the gluten free state. It makes sense that I get this type of conversation. So I share that I am in the process of quitting smoking to someone, not very many people. They then share something like not snacking or eating a strict diet for their allergies is also really hard. Dude, not the same thing.

I did some really strict diet things when my oldest had severe excema and I was breastfeeding. It was hard, but not like getting nicotine out of your body and brain. So 38 days no smoking and 19 with no nicotine I still have some headaches, the sore throat has not gone away, the effect of caffeine is still changing, my sleep is messed up,and I am touchy and emotional leading to unwanted tears. A lot of literature talks about getting a support system, oh yeah. I would love one, maybe I will call one of those lines this week, but honestly you could eat a cookie, take an allergy pill and not worry about lung cancer or heart disease. Good news is that my peak flow was at 350! The highest so far and well in normal expected range.

Very grumpy this morning.

[JaneV2.0]

I think a strict allergy diet could easily be harder than quitting smoking--and I've quit smoking and done lengthy elimination diets as well.

You don't have to smoke to live, and the urge to smoke eventually goes away for most people. Psychological and physiological cravings can be rough, depending on the drug--sugar cravings can be especially hard. If you have celiac disease, for example, you can't just "eat a cookie and take an allergy pill."

At any rate, comparisons are neither valid or helpful in this case. Everyone's experience is different.

[Zoe Girl]

Yes I get that I am grumpy, but when someone shares with me a difficulty I try not to compare. In that moment it is more about listening and support, and add the comparison for the end of the conversation.

The point for me is that I am trying this support thing, reaching out, and it isn't going well. I just keep on thinking somehow I am doing it wrong? Like I should be able to figure out which person to talk to or how to say it better to get something back that feels encouraging? I have spent a lot of time with a friend who had multiple back surgeries, and more recently with my sister who has severe anxiety.

I need a nap but camp is this week and I probably need to shop, We have different staff and I wouldn't be getting last minute plans from my own staff like this.

[JaneV2.0]

Soliciting support can be frustrating. Most people would rather just talk about themselves, and some people (like my beloved partner) are inclined to one-up you--"You think you have it bad? How about this!" I'm sure he'll be saying that as I'm breathing my last...:~) Others, like me, are prone to making suggestions that people looking for sympathy find unhelpful.

I'm my own support, and I'm both used to that and sanguine about it. A relative whose (genetic) physical complaints are much like mine, is not shy about listing and lamenting them at length. Perhaps they've forgotten that we have the exact same limitations. I'm not good at hair-pats; I offer an ear and what I think is helpful advice.

[Chicken lady]

Maybe "I just quit smoking and I'm finding it really hard. I wish I could find a group of people to talk to when I get frustrated who would [just give me positive feedback on my progress]" or whatever specifically you are looking for?

i think you are totally reasonable to be grumpy that you don't feel more better yet.

[catherine]

When my DH quit smoking (he started up again 4 years later, unfortunately) he found a lot of support online at someplace like the American Lung Association discussion boards. And he's NOT the support group type. But he found it very helpful to share experiences online with other people struggling with the same thing.

I've never smoked (except for a few weeks in 4th grade when little kids could actually purchase cigarettes "for their parents") but I've always lived with people who do--my mother (who died of emphysema--after having quit 5 years earlier) and DH. I KNOW it's very, very difficult, so I give you props for sticking with it, Zoe Girl.

Find support from like-minded people.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you, I kinda think we are not taught how to do any of these things anymore (support, listen, be a good friend). I don't live near to family or have a great group so that someone can tell me if I am being the unsupportive one or if I need to put some boundaries myself around other people and their behavior.

I did (after I broke down) seem to get some support from my director/mentor. At the end of our conversation she said several times that I was not being oversensitive to the situation, and that I had courage to come talk to her. I think that is the closest she can say to admitting the one supervisor is being very grumpy herself and the stress of what our department is going through is valid.