Back after a long time away!

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Hello again SL community. I have been away for a at least two years and probably longer. My join date was 2010, so I had been around for awhile before taking a break. Yesterday while being fed up with Facebook, I searched to see if you were still here, and there you were! Old friends carrying on as I remember. It was good seeing some of those familiar names.

To catch you up on what has happened in my life, or the most impacting event, is a sad one. Two years ago on April 21st, my husband passed away. No warning whatsoever. He got up as usual that morning early to feed the cats, I heard a loud crash and by the time I ran from the bedroom to the kitchen he was unresponsive and in seconds/minutes, not breathing. When I talked to his doctor some time later he said, in his opinion, that he was "gone before he hit the floor". What a shock! We had been married since 1969, and it was always just the two of us. No children. So, to say my life took a huge change all at once is an understatement.

We both had been followers of the simple living movement for many years, living below our means, carrying no debt etc. so for those principles I was "okay" financially. Not wealthy by any means, but our lifestyle had prepared me to adjust and work with what I had with no big jolt to my day to day living.

Grief is such a horrible thing to live with I can't imagine doing that while worrying that I can't pay my rent, utilities, etc. on top of it.

I know this is a rambling conversation, but I didn't want to jump in without reintroducing myself and catching you up on what has happened while I have been away. I am looking forward to being a part of the community again.

[razz]

Welcome back. Going through a huge change in one's life like that is huge adjustment.

DH passed away 4 1/2 years ago and I am finally now able to feel back to being myself. The first year was proving I could survive, the second was making the needed changes, the third was finally dealing with all the emotions, the fourth year I totally lost all my confidence and now I am back to being me.
I was blessed by having family and friends who helped me, an acquaintance to saw me at a local donut shop and spent two hours talking to me. Her DH had passed away 9 years prior and she had had little support. She had then made it her goal in life to ensure that no one would ever struggle alone as she did. I have adopted her goal as mine and a number of opportunities have present themselves.

So my offer to you is if you ever want to think out loud about anything, please PM me and I will respond with understanding but without judgement or providing solutions as each of us needs to find our own way.

I now have a small group of individuals who are solo for whatever reason and we get together to chat. I prepare a meal as I miss the cooking that I used to enjoy. One of the group is taking a turn this Wednesday.
Hugs

[Float On]

DH passed away 4 1/2 years ago and I am finally now able to feel back to being myself. The first year was proving I could survive, the second was making the needed changes, the third was finally dealing with all the emotions, the fourth year I totally lost all my confidence and now I am back to being me.
I was blessed by having family and friends who helped me, an acquaintance to saw me at a local donut shop and spent two hours talking to me. Her DH had passed away 9 years prior and she had had little support. She had then made it her goal in life to ensure that no one would ever struggle alone as she did. I have adopted her goal as mine and a number of opportunities have present themselves.


This is an incredible statement from the timeline you experienced to your friend who made it a goal that no one struggle alone to you adopting that goal. I actually had to print it out. It's such a good reminder that everyone deals with loss in different ways and different time but encourages me to be available and listen.

SadEL: welcome back. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.

[Teacher Terry]

I am so sorry for your loss. In the past few years we have lost some friends in their 50's and 60's so it really brings home that life can be short.

[catherine]

So good to hear from you, Sad Eyed Lady, but so very sorry for your loss and for the pain and grief you are experiencing.

I can't believe it's been so long since you posted regularly! Welcome back!

[Lainey]

We remember you, Sad Eyed Lady. What a shock to lose your life-long spouse, I'm so very sorry that has happened.
Understandable that you would be needing time to yourself before you reconnect. Looking forward to your future posts here.

[nswef]

Sad Eyed Lady, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Know you have healing thoughts being sent your way.

[Yppej]

Welcome back, and I hope things become easier to bear.

[rosarugosa]

Welcome back, we have missed you! I am terribly sorry about your husband.

[Zoe Girl]

It is really good to have you back, I remember you and like some others I always wonder what happened. I hope we can be supportive for you,. .

[Mary B.]

So very sorry to hear about your husband, Sad Eyed Lady. What an appalling shock.

I'm glad you're back. I have never been a hugely prolific poster, but I've been here since we were back on Dave's boards.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Thanks to all of you for your kind replies to my first post in a long time. It is good to be back and to reading the many interesting thoughts and ideas being posted on the forums.

[Simplemind]

I'm so glad you found your way back to us. I hope it feels like slipping back into a familiar place with friends who have saved your spot. Very sorry to hear about your loss. ((hugs))

[BikingLady]

I am sorry to hear about your husband, I can't believe it has been two years gone from here. Welcome back, formally ctg492

[iris lilies]

Is it not ce to hear from you. What a shock about your husband, I am so sorry.

[Teacher Terry]

A good friend of mine had something similar happen a year after they retired at 60. Her DH was sleeping on the couch and she heard a thud. He was gone by the time he hit the floor. Such a terrible shock. I think sometimes when someone is sick you get used to the idea about what is to come but no time to adjust when it happens suddenly. She said the only good thing about it was that he did not suffer.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

A good friend of mine had something similar happen a year after they retired at 60. Her DH was sleeping on the couch and she heard a thud. He was gone by the time he hit the floor. Such a terrible shock. I think sometimes when someone is sick you get used to the idea about what is to come but no time to adjust when it happens suddenly. She said the only good thing about it was that he did not suffer.
Despite the trauma and shock of this happening before my eyes, the good thing is I had no questions left unanswered. I think what IF it had happened while he was driving, (he had our recycling loaded up in the car to take to a drop off place that morning); what If I came home and found him then I would have wondered how long he might have lain there, and did he suffer; what IF I had been the one gone somewhere on a trip with friends and it happened while I was gone, then how guilty I would have felt? And on and on and on. To me this was the best possible way, quickly for his sake, and my being able to be there and know how it happened. Horrible as it was.