Coworker confided in me that her husband is a hoarder...

[Ultralight]

A coworker confided in me that she thinks her husband is a hoarder.

She knows I am a minimalist and that I do classes on voluntary simplicity and help others who want to de-clutter.

I did not and still don't really know what to tell her or what I should tell her. I merely said things like: "I am sure that is challenging."

But it was like she wanted me to tell her if he had CHD or to give her reassurance or something. It was socially tricky...

Thoughts?

[SteveinMN]

I think you handled it well. At this point you have no idea if she was looking for empathy or hints on how to deal with the hoarding. You left the door open for her to ask more specific questions -- or to fish for some reassurance. See what happens.

[Ultralight]

I think you handled it well. At this point you have no idea if she was looking for empathy or hints on how to deal with the hoarding. You left the door open for her to ask more specific questions -- or to fish for some reassurance. See what happens. Good points.

As she was telling me about it, I was checking off the constellation of symptoms:
-Compulsively buying things not needed for emotional reasons
-Unable to discard items he does not need
-Holds onto broken things to "fix up later" but they never get fixed
-Difficulty with executive function
-Attention span problems
-History of clutter (she referred to seeing his still intact childhood bedroom, which was hoarded)
-Some OCD tendencies

I did not tell her about this symptom constellation. She said: "I am worried that my house will eventually look like what your parents' house looks like, or my parents'."

She had told me her parents are probably hoarders.

[Rachel]

It's always a bit tricky when a co-worker reveals something that they might later regret. Any kind of conflict between spouses can be a minefield! If she brings it up again, you could suggest places she can go or things she can read if she suspects or worries that it might be hoarding. That way you are not putting a label on it, just suggesting ways to find out more if SHE thinks a certain condition might be in play. I would not offer reassurance to anyone who said they were dealing with a hoarder---from what I have seen, only the hoarder can change but they rarely do---the other people generally have to save themselves.