View Full Version : It has begun! - wedding weekend stories
Chicken lady
9-1-17, 8:08am
So, we shall start with my mil, of course, who yesterday sent me a list of things I need to be sure to have in my purse. (Spoiler alert, no purse)
also, she called to see what time Saturday morning she should get here "to help" (no one has asked her to help, or mentioned needing help. She got the she brunch invitation everyone rise got.) Dh said "there is no helping mom, it's catered. And don't come early because you'll be in the way."
i swear if she comes early anyway I'm going to ask her to wash the windows on the dining porch. They could use it, I won't get to it, and she hates washing windows.
the groom (my son) was in charge of dinner music, "stuff to throw at them" when they leave, and the marriage license. Last night the bride informed us that the dinner music is a piece off the internet entitled "wedding playlist". He's thinking about getting some confetti today (we reminded him that as they are getting married at a golf club he better call about that) and he thinks he has the license thing figured out, but it's possible they have to return it in person within 30 days of the wedding, so he's going to ask when they go to get it today, because if that's true, they're just going to justice of the peace it while they're there and have the wedding tomorrow. They might need us to come up and be witnesses. The bride then says in an "I may kill your son" tone "or we could just ask the people behind us in line." And he said "yeah!"
Sounds like it's off to a rollicking start, Cl. Be sure to find the joy wherever it may be.
iris lilies
9-1-17, 9:49am
Hoy boy. If your son and his bride perform the actual deed in front of a JP, that could be cause for a big MIL meltdown. Some people place store on viewing a marrying couple say virgin vows. Anything else (like a "wedding" after the couple is legally married) robs them, in their mind, of an authentic wedding experience. Just saying. Not that you care about your MIL's ideas of propriety.
There are long, passionate threads on Wedding Bee about this topic with guests complaining that they were duped or cheated when attending a wedding, only to find out that the couple got legally hitched earlier. This is, of course, a U.S.issue since in Europe it is common to have a legal city hall marriage that differs from the religious or party affair.
There are long, passionate threads on Wedding Bee about this topic with guests complaining that they were duped or cheated when attending a wedding, only to find out that the couple got legally hitched earlier. This is, of course, a U.S.issue since in Europe it is common to have a legal city hall marriage that differs from the religious or party affair.
Too long of a backstory to get into, but sister and BIL got legally married two weeks before their church wedding. It was kept under wraps because they didn't want grief from guests over this very same thing. Now OTOH, in talking to my many European coworkers, this sort of thing is never an issue because of the requirement of civil ceremony in addition to (and usually before) a church wedding, sometimes with several months in between the ceremonies. I know one guy who got married, went on his honeymoon, came back to work where we we all congratulated him and he mentioned he and his wife were now planning the church wedding.
Some people place store on viewing a marrying couple say virgin vows. Anything else (like a "wedding" after the couple is legally married) robs them, in their mind, of an authentic wedding experience.
That would be me. Call it a reception or something else. I have declined to attend weddings when I knew the couple secretly (though it never seems to be kept a secret) married months earlier but still wants a big public ceremony so they can hit up everyone for gifts.
I wouldn't assume that a public ceremony was just for gifts, it seems that marriage with all the legal parts is not the most romantic part of the process. A celebration is not just for the couple, there are all sorts of family and friends who become connected at that point.
Co-worker is getting married outside Sunday - forecast is 100+ degrees all weekend - very unusual. His dad said well then "make it short"! Hope the reception is inside! We didn't get an invite :+1:
ApatheticNoMore
9-1-17, 2:01pm
I don't know why one would assume it was any more for the gifts to get legally married and then have a celebration than to do both at the same time. I mean afterall, noone has to have a wedding at all if all they want is to be legally married ...
And considering most people will spend more on their weddings than they get in gifts, doing it for the gifts does not even seem like a credible motive.
I eloped and I didn't then have a ceremony after and act like I hadn't gotten married. My brother had a west coast marriage, then an east coast reception for the other side of the family billed as a reception and not a pseudowedding. Why the dishonesty, unless you have an ulterior motive? That is why I always assumed it was a gift grab. The word duped that IL used is a good one.
I wouldn't assume that a public ceremony was just for gifts
Me either. In any case, why is it of any concern to anyone whether the couple chooses to do the JP thing, the church thing, or the JP + church thing? The idea is to celebrate the joining of two people in marriage. Have a party! Rejoice! Have a glass of champagne and chill.
My son was going to JP it, but then found that one of our favorite pastors was free and so he and his wife commissioned him to marry them. I wasn't sure that I, or DH, would even be invited, because they wanted it small and private. We were invited to the Wednesday service on the Monday before. It was lovely. I was only bummed because my other 3 kids were not part of it, but that was strictly between my son and his siblings. As far as I'm concerned, I have no right to complain about how other people decide to do these things, even my children. Shoot, they're all over 30 now. They have the right and the obligation to live their lives as they choose.
Yep, adults can do whatever they want, but I don't have to give them a wedding gift for what's not a wedding, any more than I got gifts when I got together with some guy and threw a party.
Yep, adults can do whatever they want, but I don't have to give them a wedding gift for what's not a wedding, any more than I got gifts when I got together with some guy and threw a party.
If I am happy for people, regardless of whether they have a civil ceremony, or a religious rite, or whether it's today or yesterday or last month, I just can't discriminate. If someone sends me a card announcing their wedding that took place a month ago, I would send them a gift, if I feel happy for them. I can't get that literal about the actual ceremony.
Funny how we can set expectations for others to meet without first gaining their consent.
Some family members wanted to be married on a particular day in a particular place that did not accommodate a large gathering. They had their small ceremony and then invited others to a large party that suited the large group's convenience much better. They did make a special public commitment to each other in front of the large gathering but no ceremony. It worked well and the marriage is still going strong.
Chicken lady
9-1-17, 4:26pm
lol!
my son found a 20lb bag of rice in my basement. Anybody can return the form, so they didn't get Jp'd
my mom stopped by by surprise with a big tin of cookies and ironed all the table cloths for brunch and the groom's wedding outfit.
we leave for the rehearsal in 20 minutes and the bride says my jobs to calm her mother down. Also, the bride likes the dress I bought.
(they went on their honeymoon in July btw.)
lol!
my son found a 20lb bag of rice in my basement. Anybody can return the form, so they didn't get Jp'd
my mom stopped by by surprise with a big tin of cookies and ironed all the table cloths for brunch and the groom's wedding outfit.
we leave for the rehearsal in 20 minutes and the bride says my jobs to calm her mother down. Also, the bride likes the dress I bought.
(they went on their honeymoon in July btw.)
Have a wonderful evening, CL!!!
CL, your mom is Wonderful! I'm happy to hear things are all falling into place. LOL about the bag of rice in the basement. So happy to hear you chuckling through all of this. DIL sounds wonderful too.
Chicken lady
9-1-17, 10:56pm
We invited all the aunts and uncles to the rehearsal dinner, but mine declined. My cousin also declined, but then my uncle ended up bringing her and her husband to the same restaurant for dinner, so they came up to say hi. I teased my uncle about not eating Free food.
i love these kids so much!
and it was great seeing the little boys who grew up in my house all dressed up with girl friends and jobs. Thy are good men.
iris lilies
9-2-17, 2:32am
That CL, always prepared with bags of rice! Haha. (Although I am not sure rice will be ok to toss at the bridal couple, there is something sbout birds eating it and then getting bloated. But whatever, it will all work out.)
Chicken lady
9-2-17, 7:38am
According to dh, his father started saying over and over at every break in the conversation after 9:00 (which is when dessert was served) "well. I guess everybody needs to go home and get some rest now."
the 20 somethings went back to the best man's house and extended the party to midnight.
dh parents had announced that they were coming to the rehearsal (for no reason, without being invited, which they then actually didn't). But when dh and I arrived at the rehearsal dinner venue, 20 minutes before dinner was due to start, they were sitting in the lobby looking dour and miserable (I could see them through the window as we approached) they informed us that they had been up and checked out the party room for us and everything looked good. (Thanks?)
I thought rice was a big No-No at weddings anymore. We had bird seed which was on the accepted list at the venue. I was picking bird seed out of my hair for Days.
Teacher Terry
9-2-17, 4:13pm
CL: your stories are always very entertaining but of course I am not having to live through them. Have fun at the wedding today! When my son got married to a woman from Poland she came here and they had 90 days to get married. So I planned the wedding based on what my son wanted. They had agreed that the states wedding was his and they would get married in Poland in the catholic Church a year later. So he wants to be married outside in a beautiful park and I find a minister online that says he is licensed in CA and NV. Much of the reserving, etc had to be done before she got here. Well a few days after the wedding they had still not received the paperwork from the minister, etc and after contacting him many times we found out he was not legal to perform weddings in NV. So they had to run to the J of the Peace and get married. If they had just assumed they were married she would have gotten thrown out of the country at 90 days. Ugh! They were not mad at me and it makes for a funny story.
Chicken lady
9-2-17, 11:19pm
The brunch was great, the wedding was lovely, it stopped raining long enough to have it outside on the deck as the bride wished, and my mil got the stomach flu and spent the day in her hotel.
i actually do feel bad for her. We sent her lots of photos and short videos as the event unfolded and the phone was passed around.
my mother teared up when she saw the bells from her wedding hanging on the bridal arch.
they will vacuum up the rice.
Chicken lady
9-4-17, 7:54am
Mil is feeling better. She has had time to watch the videos, look at the pictures, and digest everything she was told. So she called dh to tell him everything that was done wrong. We just lay in bed last night and laughed.
my dil is a lovely, gracious young woman. The satin wedding bells were a little discolored by time, and I suggested that dd just tuck them into the greenery at the side of the arch where they would be inconspicuous. Apparently she was doing that when dil said "but Grammie might not see them there!" And instructed her to hang them off center from the arch so that they were just above the (slightly short even in heels) bride's head. Mom had them in the center - she wore heels, so she and dad were both over 6'.
Dil also wore her grandmother's beaded head piece and mother's veil. At the reception, she had the dj play my father's favorite love song and announce my parents anniversary (he used to sing it and dance with my mom in the kitchen all the time when I was growing up), and then later, she stopped the dancing while everyone sang happy birthday to her uncle Elmer.
my sil, who is still in her 40's, but has chronic health issues, danced. Last year at dd 's wedding, she told me her dancing days were over.
and my bil endeared himself to me because he and dh were talking about ds getting married fairly young and what his friends were doing right now and bil pointed out how young we got married and dh said, yeah, and you did this, and you did that, and bil said "but you found the love of your life."
What a wonderful weddng, and what wonderful memories!!
Lovely post to share, CL.
Teacher Terry
9-4-17, 12:22pm
Wow what a beautiful story! Your DIL is one special person. She has her priorities right. Lucky you!
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