View Full Version : Are you normal?
I know that by definition, being aspirants of a simple living lifestyle we may not fit the mold in certain respects but..
Last night I was talking to my DD. I hadn't spoken to her since last weekend when she met her new boyfriend's parents for the first time. So I asked her what they were like. She said, "Oh, they were really nice!" And then in an attempt to describe them she said, "They're more ... um...." She was grasping for a word and I was saying in my mind "please don't say 'normal,' please don't say 'normal."
"They're more.. normal." she said. And then she went on to say that the mom was like the typical soccer mom. Well, I was a "soccer mom" to all 4 of my kids in a literal sense--I wonder how I'm NOT a "soccer mom" mom in the figurative sense?? I have to ask her about that, but the take-away was: his family is normal, her family is not.
Do you consider yourself normal? Would your children, or other family members, describe you as "normal." If not "normal" you take that as a compliment or a concern or are you neutral about it?
Ultralight
9-12-17, 7:52am
Total "normie," right here!
No, I'm not normal. I'm not on a career ladder clawing my way to the top, I don't aspire to designer goods, I watch little TV, don't go to the movies, or listen much to popular music. I don't go shopping for fun. I don't have children. I'm not particularly spiritual. So if you tell me I'm not "normal", I would probably admire your observation abilities. :)
Does get a little lonely though. I have a hard time with small talk, since I can really only listen and not participate. There is so little overlap with what I like to do with how most people spend their time. So not much for me to say without their eyes glazing over. With a lot of folks, that's ok though, since they just want to talk.
gimmethesimplelife
9-12-17, 8:24am
This is such an interesting question! Thanks for posting it, Catherine!
I remember once I saw a meme on the Internet that said that all "normal" is is a setting on a dryer and the older I get the more and more I agree with that. "Normal" to me is such a subjective word and what is "normal" to one person is not "normal" to another. For quick evidence, note some of my takes that have been disputed in Simple Policy (and I'm not naming anyone nor am I trashing anyone's views, I'm just making a point). All along I have merely posted my truth and I guess my "normal" from the 85006 - see how this hasn't gone over with some folks here? Certainly my "normal" is different from theirs..........
But then again this word is so subjective for me. I didn't indoctrinate in high school, I stopped believing in the US at a very young age in stages, I did go to college and at the age of 50 I'm finally training for something the remotest bit related to my degree, I don't chase consumer goods....what impresses me is having passports to more than one country, not driving a nice car or living in an upscale zip code with an appropriate house.
Something else I've noticed.....I truly believe that some of what is considered "normal" falls into social class....what is considered "normal" in the 85006 is not going to fly well in Paradise Valley or Cave Creek or North Scottsdale (moneyed areas in the Phoenix metro area). How many people in these upscale areas voted for Hillary Clinton as she was unlikely to antagonize Mexico so as to keep access to affordable medical and dental care across the border open to Americans? How many people in these said areas protested a social cause recently? How many people in these said areas are afraid of the police? See what I mean? My point is the "normal" in the 85006 does not translate to "normal" in these upscale areas - but vice versa holds true, too.
What passes for "normal" in nicer areas than where I live - most of what passes for "normal" there at any rate - does not work for me and has not for years. On the other hand, in an hour and a half I'll be getting on a city bus (auto ownership is not "normal" to me - and wearing some of the best of my thrift shop business casual (buying most clothing other than underwear and socks firsthand is not "normal" to me) will be training for a supervisory position (most people would consider taking this job "normal" though I believe?). So much of my daily life is not what people above the 85006 would consider "normal". But for me it's very everyday and boring and "normal" based on my life experiences and what life has taught me - not what society has taught me but what I have come to realize based on my life experiences and through independent thinking, something of which I am quite capable. Interesting topic! Rob
PS I came back to add that society's "normal" overall does not work for me and realistically never has - something I personally find flattering about myself, though I'm not going to go around and advertise this fact. This also translates to the gay world, too - what many in the gay community consider "normal" does not work for me, either - my independent thinking knows no immunity from any group of people or way of thinking it seems.....
I am traveling right now and am struck by what Rob said about "normal" being so different depending on where you are. I think what your daughter is talking about might be social norms, and they do vary so much by place. I was just visiting my brother on an island and the social norms are completely different than where I live, so I do not think I would feel normal there and people might find me more aloof and certainly "lower class" since it is a very rich island! But where I live, in another state on the mainland, I pass for normal pretty easily, and people talk to me in checkout lines and we seem to approach things in a pretty similar fashion.
When I have visited my friend in New Jersey, I was struck by how different that was than the Midwest or South,where I have been living. I went to high school in New Jersey many years ago, and New Jersey then is not like New Jersey now, as there is so much more money and social pressure, I guess you would call it. Lots more pressure on where kids go to college, on competitive activities, on your kid distinguishing him or herself than when I was going to high school in New Jersey.
I think that is part of my nervousness about figuring out where to live--can my normal fit in with their normal?
I think that is part of my nervousness about figuring out where to live--can my normal fit in with their normal?
I hear ya. Definitely part of my anxiety about finding a new place as well. They don't explain that in the Zillow reports.
Rob, you reminded me of the famous Krishnamurti quote:
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
1925
I would feel kind of insulted to be described as "normal," though I can pass. I've never been afraid to be myself.
I guess I maintain an appearance of mostly normal but probably have ideas that aren't the norm - especially where I live now. It has been interesting to leave a place I knew backwards and forwards and plop myself into unknown cultural territory as a retiree. I had no idea there were other kinds of normal once I left the "island" of Austin.
There's no such thing as normal; only average. "Normal" appears to be a straw man people like to set up and knock down to demonstrate how unique they are.
catherine
9-12-17, 10:28am
There's no such thing as normal; only average. "Normal" appears to be a straw man people like to set up and knock down to demonstrate how unique they are.
Having come from an abnormal, dysfunctional home, I was the opposite. I craved the normalcy my friends had, and therefore have had a lifelong desire to fit in and be normal. That's why I was afraid of my DDs response. I didn't like being the "unique" kid in the neighborhood whose dad drank and whose mother divorced and who wore wrinkled uniforms to school. There's still a piece of me that wishes desperately to be that soccer mom.
ApatheticNoMore
9-12-17, 10:48am
yes there are plenty of ways noone really wants to be unique (really truly noone particularly wants to come from the most dysfunctional family on the block) but they just might anyway. If they take pride in that it's merely making a virtue of necessity. But I will say this: the vast majority of the time it seems I don't even understand how most people think in some way, it makes little sense to me and I'm always shocked by how different it seems. But some weird interactions (and these can probably be mapped as vastly different ways meyer-briggs types process!)
Anyway if one were to set out to be abnormal in a benign way (not in a pscyhopath next door way, but more in being a bit of a character way) then they only do the rest of us a favor by making life less boring! That's a serious social favor there, it's deadly dull sometimes.
No, I'm not normal. I'm not on a career ladder clawing my way to the top, I don't aspire to designer goods, I watch little TV, don't go to the movies, or listen much to popular music. I don't go shopping for fun. I don't have children. I'm not particularly spiritual. So if you tell me I'm not "normal", I would probably admire your observation abilities. :)
Does get a little lonely though. I have a hard time with small talk, since I can really only listen and not participate. There is so little overlap with what I like to do with how most people spend their time. So not much for me to say without their eyes glazing over. With a lot of folks, that's ok though, since they just want to talk.
This is pretty close to a description of me. My mother was a chatter, and that's the kind of people I gravitate to. Saves me a lot of work.
HappyHiker
9-12-17, 11:38am
I'm with Herbgeek...I always chose the "road not taken" and that has made all the difference. Plus I'm a member of a 2% of U.S. population minority, so how could I be "normal"?? Normal sounds kind of dull to me, truth told. But, like Jane, I can pass and clean up nicely. You'd never guess my different drum. I'm okay with me, and work on being non-judgemental of others...
I would suspect if you asked most people, they would claim to be somehow different from the norm. It's hardwired into the human condition that nobody likes to think of himself as a walking cliche. We're all freethinking nonconformists in that respect.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/8e/57/07/8e5707abca10f30f363569d8bea8be48--good-motivational-quotes-inspirational.jpg
May I suggest that you are interpreting what she said incorrectly? If her family wasn't normal your DD would have had no measurement to compare the BF's family to. She was indicating that they seemed fairly well-adjusted and going about the usual business of life in the usual way.
Am I normal? Yes, I prepare meals, enjoy people but on my terms, love doing things and and curious about just about everything which makes life fun. Am I unique and individual - absolutely which is what is normal, IMHO anyway.
I have to ask her about that, but the take-away was: his family is normal, her family is not.
LDAHL: Yes, there is a tension between wanting to belong and wanting to be recognized for your own gifts and talents, whatever they may be. I agree with that!
razz: Yes, I have to ask her and get clarity on what she meant, but she definitely said that BF's family is "more normal" by comparison to ours. As a mother, I'm just wondering what the heck she meant by that. How are we "less normal" than his parents?
rosarugosa
9-12-17, 6:53pm
I remember us talking in a HS psych class about different definitions of abnormal. One was to be different from the rest of the group and the other was related to pathology, like abnormal medical test results. I think that is some of what we're talking about here - the former can be rather delightful and the latter, not so much.
perfectly normal. Thanks for asking:cool:
BikingLady
9-13-17, 4:20am
I am normal for the groups I see daily, but different to the other groups I see daily. Over all the people and area I live in, I am normal. Drop me in an different part of the city and I would be considered weird I imagine. Perhaps because we would have different daily issue to be concerned with.
Now peel back the onion....everyone has some strange tendencies!
I don't think i am seen as normal. I am kinda cool in certain small groups such as meditators and apparently 'makers' . I am also not too outside the box in education, which is nice. It is little things, i talk about food differences a lot. That seems to be big. My ex and the parents of my son's girlfriend are 'normal' , kinda pretentious jerks according to the kids
It is cool to say none of us are normal but i have actual evidence. I test as a very small group in the Meyers Briggs system. That is self reported but in work settings i also have had trainings where i am about the only one in my type in whatever system they use. And then thereiis the bipolar. That is a factor and has an impact. Right now with attention for my maker work it is better, good different. A lot of times i would trade in the empathic part and the part where i don't make sense to people
ToomuchStuff
9-13-17, 9:47am
http://qi.com/infocloud/normal
I remember an episode of that, where the Air Force tried to design a seat for the "normal" or average person. It fit no one.
What is normal, other then a concept?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch9UuMFwzCE
iris lilies
9-20-17, 9:43am
It is really nice if you can find your people. That was here in my neighborhood 30 years ago, my tribe.
Now, not so much. No one is volunteering here, no one has passion for anything, no one gives a rip, the new people assume their taxes just cover eveything. They have no idea of the work the neighborhood association has dne over 45 years. Cant get board members, cant get anyone to serve as President. Oh, and then there is the contingent that coddles the criminals. Plus, our neighborhood cop retired (thank god for him getting out of the fray! But bad for us) and we have a new police officer assigned to our neighborhood who is, well, not enthusiastic. Perhaps she will warm up to us.
I need a new tribe, I think.
IL, I think you ought to try Hermann, after the car jacking incident. Would be last straw for me.
ToomuchStuff
9-20-17, 10:38am
and we have a new police officer assigned to our neighborhood who is, well, not enthusiastic. Perhaps she will warm up to us.
I need a new tribe, I think.
I feel like that in my neighborhood (I think I am now the second longest resident). She will I expect, warm up to those who help themselves as well as trying to help the neighborhood. Not to those others who are "it is not my problem" and "that is your job", rather then even trying simple things like knowing their neighbors.
ToomuchStuff
9-20-17, 10:38am
IL, I think you ought to try Hermann, after the car jacking incident. Would be last straw for me.
What car jacking? She posted about someone trying to steal her car, but there was no person assaulted in doing so.
iris lilies
9-20-17, 10:42am
IL, I think you ought to try Hermann, after the car jacking incident. Would be last straw for me.
People doing car theft and vandalism is a regular thing here, for 30 years. That is not the new thing. I am not deterred by the criminals,, I am deterred by the lack of strong reaction, this new "aww but we have to understand them" attitude to these idiots.
over on MMM madgeylou (remember her?) just ripped me for using the term "thug."
See, it is that kind of reaction from the citizens here in their $500,000+ houses that are boring me to death. No grit, no fight, write a check for everything is the attitude of
The New People.
I see the same thing, IL, the reactions of the New People. I do remember Madgeylou, she had the shift business, right.
Thug is an excellent word and I am sorry I misued the word carjacking, too much stuff.
gimmethesimplelife
9-20-17, 11:04am
It is really nice if you can find your people. That was here in my neighborhood 30 years ago, my tribe.
Now, not so much. No one is volunteering here, no one has passion for anything, no one gives a rip, the new people assume their taxes just cover eveything. They have no idea of the work the neighborhood association has dne over 45 years. Cant get board members, cant get anyone to serve as President. Oh, and then there is the contingent that coddles the criminals. Plus, our neighborhood cop retired (thank god for him getting out of the fray! But bad for us) and we have a new police officer assigned to our neighborhood who is, well, not enthusiastic. Perhaps she will warm up to us.
I need a new tribe, I think.IL, as we all know, the two of us seldom agree. That said, I am really blown away here by how on target your words are, at least for me in my life. Thinking your post through - I really have found my tribe, and tribe is a good word for it. My niche, or tribe, or however you want to describe it, is in struggling lower income recent immigrant areas.
Seriously, now that it's been over ten years that I worked for them, I will state that on one of my better paying server gigs, I worked at California Pizza Kitchen at 24th Street and Camelback - an intersection in Phoenix that has the highest per square foot office rents in this metro area of 4.5 million plus people. The money was good during the real estate boom, I won't deny that, but I was serving guests of a much higher social class overall and although I possess the basic skills to pull this off, I was never really comfortable and would, as time allowed, often eavesdrop on guest conversations (both male and female) and many times I felt surprised that I didn't need a passport to enter the neighborhood as the priorities of the people I served tended to be so foreign to me. But go back to the 85006 by bike every night, and once I was south of Thomas Road and 24th Street, I once again "got it" or was again comfortable or with my "tribe".
Even in college I gravitated towards the foreign students - partly because they tended to come from places with socialized medicine and I valued their takes on things as they came from somewhere with a higher regard for human life, and partly because realistically I've always been a misfit in this society and usually fit in better with other outsiders. Plus they often had me over and I had the chance to hear interesting stories and try different foods. My point here is that my "tribe" has always been "other" in some way.
You post really made me think this morning and your words here are powerful, Thank You. I sincerely hope that whatever tribe works for you, you meet up with them once more. Rob
The new families in my work neighborhood are a mixed bag. Some are wonderful and helpful, some are a royal pain. I have had parents sign up for something on a Saturday only to email me by Monday morning asking about their confirmation. I guess they assume that it is automated, but I don't actually work on the weekend. I also had one who told me no sugar, ever! The boy scouts run a free program for us because we still have low income, but the higher income families also get free access. So the more affluent families are used to having a say in things like this, and it is awkward to be in the place where they are demanding a service that comes with typically high fees, while benefiting from the lower income of half of the school.
I would say that managing cultures is a really big part of what I do in work and personally. I am surprised by where I feel comfortable honestly. I grew up in upper middle class white America, I can play by those rules. However I am really comfortable in a room full of meditators who are recovering addicts. I also talked at length with one of the other facilitators who is a financial guy, white and in his 20's. He feels super uncomfortable at work to have anyone know he is vegetarian or that he doesn't drink. In my work I am managing the more white/affluent families moving in, the traditional families that are either hispanic or white people who moved here many years ago and are feeling awkward about the neighborhood change, oh yeah and my own staff who is now out of jail and continues to learn how to interact in this environment with her own judgments about culture and people. Where do I belong? Somewhere in the middle of the circus!
For those of us who are older and for whom the US as we knew it has changed much, it is increasingly hard to find your "tribe". DH and I talk frequently about the changes we have seen in the last decade - the growth of the upper middle class who segregate themselves from others not like them, the disappearance of what was a once huge middle class, and the increase in homeless, destitute populations.
Teacher Terry
9-20-17, 12:58pm
I like the neighborhood we live in but my neighbors have never been my close friends. We are friendly with them. I am probably normal in some respects and others not so much. 'don't really care and at this age I am comfortable with that.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.