View Full Version : What is your Purpose?
A while back, Catherine posted an article someone wrote about the Kondo method and how he/she believed that the spark joy question was the wrong one and that we should instead be asking something like, "Does this help me fulfill my purpose?" And I thought, "Wow, that's a big heavy question. Do I even know what my purpose is?"
I've thought about it a few times since and I'm starting to identify what I feel my purpose is right now. And that it might change with time. I thought it would be an interesting topic for discussion.
Do you know what your purpose is?
And if so, would you be willing to share it with us?
This is the original thread created by Catherine:
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?15344-Another-Kondo-thread-Is-quot-Does-it-Spark-Joy-quot-the-right-Q
I have to admit that I did not read the article, I just skimmed through it and in the interest of accuracy, I went to see what the author's actual question was and it's a bit different than what I had interpreted, but still a complex question. I think it might make the process of decluttering a very convoluted process. But interestingly, it opens up the idea that we might have more than one purpose in our lives.
Does it help me fulfill a greater purpose with my life?
I don't think I have a purpose, unless it's to be a reasonably good citizen and amuse myself here while I'm still breathing.
I guess I haven't evolved much; don't care. :~)
iris lilies
9-27-17, 2:16pm
I don't think I have a purpose, unless it's to be a reasonably good citizen and amuse myself here while I'm still breathing.
I guess I haven't evolved much; don't care. :~)
Yes! Enjoying life as long as it isnt too much at the expense of others, is my purpose in the big picture.
"Enjoyment " means for me, and also for DH, some community betterment projects because we like accomplishing tangible things. So, part of our amusements involve do-good ventures with a lower case "d".
I felt a little embarrassed last week because I helped out at a "human support event" which I pretty much swear off and this one was even associated with Very Sick Small Children. But since I was not the organizer, just a helper peon, I am still able to claim no interest in the realm of human services social support.
My priorities remain:
bulldogs/pets
cultivated plants
old noteworthy buildings
goldensmom
9-27-17, 2:53pm
Certainly, I am happy to share my purpose in life with you. My purpose in life is ‘to glorify God and enjoy him forever’ (Westminster Shorter Catechism). Practically speaking that means to follow God’s will which in turn means that I need to study the Bible and pray to know what God’s will is. It is a life long study of learning and changing every day. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes not so easy but I will persevere.
Teacher Terry
9-27-17, 2:56pm
Helping people and animals. I helped a Mom on welfare go to college by providing free childcare for 3 years and helped with food the last year when they counted her $ she borrowed to pay tuition, books as income against her food stamps. I have done things like that my whole life but that was probably my biggest commitment. Like IL we do dog rescue and have taken old, sick dogs that their owners no longer wanted. That however is coming to an end because the cost became prohibitive and I no longer have the energy to do it. Plus we want to travel more so I have decided to only have 1 as they go by natural attrition and be more selfish. I have helped people clear out their clutter, taken disabled people to appointments, navigated various agencies for them and was a guardian for my friend with Alzheimer's. I also chose work in human services because it was my passion. I knit about a hundred scarves a year for the homeless. Now I teach 1 college class that has become my passion but they are paying me which is awesome:)) I am not one bit creative and always wished I could be. I would love to be that person painting, singing, designing,creating, etc. It took me forever to learn how to just make basic scarves. I enjoy reading posts about people making awesome things like CL. IL: you just might get converted yet:))
Ultralight
9-28-17, 6:59am
Payin' bills.
Here is the general summary question by the author of that article:
"So when you’re holding one of your possessions in your hands, ask yourself, Does it help me fulfill my purpose? Does it help me craft a lifestyle in which I am able to build relationships and care for others, or might I be able to use my time, money, and energy in better ways?"
I think about the mugs in my cabinet, and if I ask myself "Does this chipped Sun Studio mug help me craft a lifestyle of purpose?" it seems a bit of a leap, and even silly.
But these days, as I'm looking at places to live while seizing up in anxiety over having to start the process of getting rid of crap, the question helps focus the bigger goal. So for me the question is "Does the totality of my 'stuff' help me craft a lifestyle in harmony with my purpose?"
Earlier I also asked the question of you guys, "Should I keep my house and continue to slog my way through work for the next 5 years, or give myself my freedom by downsizing?" The money I've made through my job in market research has enabled a lot of good stuff: college for kids, a trip to Scotland so my MIL could take the kids to the house she grew up in, ability to pay my bills, etc. etc. But now, where do I want my life energy to go?
I have focused on my relationships my whole life, and I think my purpose is wrapped up in them--my husband and kids. Now they are older, and I have started to find purpose in the joy I get in learning new stuff, particularly in the areas of permaculture and sustainability. I also find purpose in trying to pay attention to every moment. The momentary experience=purpose, because it is a little package of energy, imbued with the purpose to just "be"--and, to glorify God and reflect the beauty of creation.
Most of my stuff is a barrier to potentiating my time and energy in those areas at this point. The bedrooms once occupied by kids. The basement filled with clothes once worn by kids. The boxes of project material I once worked on in my job. Probably about 1,000 square feet of the past. My house as a time capsule--maybe even a tomb.
Geila, thanks for giving me the chance to write this stuff out. Helps me clarify things in my mind.
This "purpose" thing is confusing to me. Is everyone saying that they believe they are here to accomplish something?
I don't have a purpose.
BikingLady
9-28-17, 8:00am
Deep thought and question. Don't have much of an answer. When I am gone I hope I give someone fun and pleasant thoughts when they think me. But I also know that when those that love/knew me are gone, I do not think I will have left a mark on the world as no one will know I was here.
When I see an old grave yard when I am biking I almost always stop and look at the old grave markers or the ones that are disappearing into the ground. I think a kind thought about the name on the stone, because they were loved and probably did kind things in life.
This "purpose" thing is confusing to me. Is everyone saying that they believe they are here to accomplish something?
I don't have a purpose.
I think it can be defined as "why do you get up in the morning?"
This was Viktor Frankl's point in his book Man's Search for Meaning, which is one of my favorite books. Here's an excerpt from an article about the book
1. “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
This is the refrain of the entire book.
Throughout the book, Frankl speaks deeply about his own ‘why’ and its power to help him endure his situation.
He also speaks of many prisoners who had completely lost their ‘why’ and quickly lost their life as a result.
Frankl and his fellow prisoners had to endure atrocities that many of us cannot even imagine. Prisoners had to survive on one small piece of bread a day and maybe some thin soup. They had to work 20 hours each day, digging and laying railroads and so on. If you looked weak, you were beaten. If you stopped working, you were beaten. And you didn’t get much of a second chance after that. You could be killed for any reason.
There are three ‘whys’ that stand out from Frankl’s writing:
Love
Work
Dignity in suffering
We have likely heard many people utter these words from a concentration camp prisoner: “I have nothing to expect from life anymore”. In fact, we have probably uttered these words ourselves. Many of our own darkest moments look positively radiant when compared to that which POWs like Frankl had to endure. And yet we still have the gall to say such things.
Frankl asserts that it doesn’t matter if we have nothing to expect from life. We can still find meaning:
What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfil the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.
I believe our purpose in life is to find out who we are. All of us consider ourselves to be ... whatever: kind, generous, a teacher, driven, a good cook, analytical, ... But we really don't know that we are that until we put the concept into action and respond to the obstacles to that concept that we encounter.
If you think of yourself as generous but never give away your time, energy, or possessions, are you really generous? If you like to think of yourself as an artist but all you paint are windowsills and garage-sale signs, are you truly an artist? So the purpose of life is to identify that which you believe yourself to be -- or to discover through how you respond to the Law of Attraction that you are ... something else. It's an education. I haven't yet satisfied myself that I am who I believe myself to be. So I keep going.
My purpose has become clearer as i worked my way through the experience on becoming a 'solo' after my beloved DH's passing. I am telling those with whom I am comfortable sharing, that I am now employed full-time. I have been given the precious gift of life and am striving to live up to my highest sense of right complying with my SLF signature - thoughts, feelings and actions in harmony. Simple but blessing every encounter with others. Hard to do!
goldensmom
9-28-17, 10:18am
Payin' bills.
That falls under my umbrella purpose for life (‘to glorify God and enjoy him forever’). The Bible says to ‘give unto Caesar…..’ in other words pay your bills/taxes. Obeying Gods word is giving Him glory. Funny how that works out in practicality.
ApatheticNoMore
9-28-17, 10:40am
what I actually focus on is often things like trying to be a good partner to my bf etc.. Although that sounds quite hopelessly dependent, look I'm a woman in my own right having a bf or no. I'm just saying day to day that that is what I even have the energy to focus and care about beyond the bills, the bills, the bills that kill (and really I earn more than enough to pay my bills, but the current workplace is abusive - and any workplace drains me of course and that maybe even more). Oh I try to be a decent daughter to my mother etc.. At the end of the day ... I'm just a woman seeing myself relationally maybe at least to the extent I have any energy beyond surviving. Though I ALSO think one of my purposes is to keep learning about things, right, yea. I always have thought so. That is why I said I could ask that question, look at my book collection and think: keep it! Ha :P
To help myself and others live a life worth the pain of living.
Such interesting responses!
I think for a long time my purpose was survival and now that I'm in a different place, I'm just now starting to look at what I want to choose as my purpose. But I do feel very grateful to have a choice.
Williamsmith
9-28-17, 2:22pm
My purpose is to lift the human race. Humans are not just simply moving about on our Earth. We are moving in a direction. You are either helping lift it or you are a drag on it. There is no neutrality.
To use an example:
Margaret Atwood in "The Handmaidens Tale" wrote, "Better never means better for everyone.....it always means worse for some."
My purpose is to make her character's assumption wrong.
My purpose is to lift the human race. Humans are not just simply moving about on our Earth. We are moving in a direction. You are either helping lift it or you are a drag on it. There is no neutrality.
To use an example:
Margaret Atwood in "The Handmaidens Tale" wrote, "Better never means better for everyone.....it always means worse for some."
My purpose is to make her character's assumption wrong.
I find this very interesting in light of your support of Trump. He has made life much harder on a large portion of the human race. I would say that he illustrates perfectly Atwood's quote that you reference.
Williamsmith
9-28-17, 3:58pm
I find this very interesting in light of your support of Trump. He has made life much harder on a large portion of the human race. I would say that he illustrates perfectly Atwood's quote that you reference.
A friend of mine owns some very prime deer habitat. For many years now, he has graciously allowed me to put one portable tree stand on the property so that I can harvest some meat for next year. I always leave the tree stand in the woods. This year I wanted to move it a bit. We broke the stand down into two pieces. In order to get to the new location he cut directly toward the new tree, going through briars, stepping over fallen logs and traversing a patch of poison ivy. I on the other hand went back out into a soy bean field, circled around the edge of a corn field and came in from the opposite side.
We both got to the tree at approximately the same time. I didn't tell him he was crazy for going the way he did and he didn't say a word to me about the extra distance I walked. Upon our arrival, we took the two halves of the stand and placed them together using pins. Then we laid the ladder stand down with the feet nearest the tree and hoisted it up together. He held the stand while I climbed up and using a ratchet strap, tightened the top solidly to the tree.
The above is a simple story. There can be some assumptions made about its moral or lessons. But they are only assumptions. I just ask you to accept that I am being authentic. Atwood said and I paraphrase. You must be willing to write like no one will ever read it. Following your pencil strokes up immediately with an eraser. I think that is true. We are all too complex to figure out, don't you think?
Don't you think it sometimes is the dog chasing its tail?
iris lilies
9-28-17, 4:09pm
Williamsmith, what a great parable.
I agree. I try not to judge as a result since I quite often will take the less travelled route that puzzles some people but I know that others are just as intelligent as I believe that I am.
Williamsmith, what a great parable.
Williamsmith
9-28-17, 6:27pm
Williamsmith, what a great parable.
IL...Im glad that you appreciate it. But I have to admit......that is exactly what I did this morning. Right now, I am enjoying a bourbon and ginger ale ....but there is no parable to tell that I know of. I don't have the capacity to make anything up. My mother beat that out of me at an early age. It seemed to be her purpose.
I wasn't trying to be judgmental. I was just surprised by the apparent contradiction.
We all contradict ourselves from time to time. I'm always talking about how much I love my house after being Kondo'd, yet now I'm posting about buying one or two cat trees.
Do my cats need a "tree"? Debatable.
Will they use it? Don't know.
Will it spark joy in me? Probably not.
Do I hope that it will contain the cat hair in one spot and make my life easier? Yes!
Will it do that? Have no idea!
I am not one for appreciating the quality of good parables. The message often eludes me and I'm left confused. I'm too literal for it. In this parable, is the friend who leaves a path of destruction behind meant to represent Trump? And does this mean different paths (despite their destructiveness) are worth respecting because they achieve the same goal and the goal itself is worthy/desirable/beneficial?
As I said, the parable is probably lost on me. I remain surprised and confused.
And I didn't mean to derail an excellent, and very positive, thread by bringing in politics. I was just taken aback. I apologize if my post came across as judgmental.
Since retiring, I am learning quickly not to take myself (and life) so seriously. Life as a human honestly doesn't make a lot of sense most of the time, does it? When you finally step out of the rat race and leave all that behind, you begin to realize that all the striving meant very little in the grand scheme of things. And that worrying about it was equally useless. If you've ever walked around a cemetery, you realize how short our lives are and how many humans have come and gone in a blink. So I guess my purpose is the old adage "leave things better than your found them." I strive to create peace and beauty in whatever tiny way I can. Now that I'm older, having a little fun seems like a good purpose.
Williamsmith
9-28-17, 7:09pm
I wasn't trying to be judgmental. I was just surprised by the apparent contradiction.
We all contradict ourselves from time to time. I'm always talking about how much I love my house after being Kondo'd, yet now I'm posting about buying one or two cat trees.
Do my cats need a "tree"? Debatable.
Will they use it? Don't know.
Will it spark joy in me? Probably not.
Do I hope that it will contain the cat hair in one spot and make my life easier? Yes!
Will it do that? Have no idea!
I am not one for appreciating the quality of good parables. The message often eludes me and I'm left confused. I'm too literal for it. In this parable, is the friend who leaves a path of destruction behind meant to represent Trump? And does this mean different paths (despite their destructiveness) are worth respecting because they achieve the same goal and the goal itself is worthy/desirable/beneficial?
As I said, the parable is probably lost on me. I remain surprised and confused.
And I didn't mean to derail an excellent, and very positive, thread by bringing in politics. I was just taken aback. I apologize if my post came across as judgmental.
Geila, there is no need to apologize. It is a contradiction. But I don't think contradiction is necessarily a bad thing. In music there are passages that are contradictory to the main theme and the resolution of that contradiction seems to make the piece whole and compelling. Have you heard a chord or note that just seems dissident and needs to be resolved?
A story is also just a story. It is just as valid to be surprised and confused. It may be more valid, maybe you are digging deeper. Good luck with the cats. Somebody has to make up for me. I'm not a big fan of hairballs.
Since retiring, I am learning quickly not to take myself (and life) so seriously. Life as a human honestly doesn't make a lot of sense most of the time, does it? When you finally step out of the rat race and leave all that behind, you begin to realize that all the striving meant very little in the grand scheme of things. And that worrying about it was equally useless. If you've ever walked around a cemetery, you realize how short our lives are and how many humans have come and gone in a blink. So I guess my purpose is the old adage "leave things better than your found them." I strive to create peace and beauty in whatever tiny way I can. Now that I'm older, having a little fun seems like a good purpose.
Yes, this, pinkytoe!
And love---love others as I would like to be loved and try to be an example of love for my grandchildren. That and demonstrating respect for nature and environment to them is about all I feel I have energy for anymore aside from my own self-care.
I used to be consumed with finding my purpose--(remember "The Purpose-Driven Life") and it compelled me to go back to school, amass student debt, move and changed my life. But it really was for nothing I thought it would be. What happened after that is nothing near what I imagined my life/career/purpose fulfillment would be.
But now I'm ok with it.
Geila, there is no need to apologize. It is a contradiction. But I don't think contradiction is necessarily a bad thing. In music there are passages that are contradictory to the main theme and the resolution of that contradiction seems to make the piece whole and compelling. Have you heard a chord or note that just seems dissident and needs to be resolved?
I've been thinking about this. The music analogy made sense. Even though I'm not the slightest bit musical I felt a sharp twinge of recognition. I once took a leap in a direction that made no sense. It was the opposite of what I believed in. A contradiction and splitting off of self. And at the root of that leap (and all the events that followed) was a need for resolution. Though I didn't know it at the time. I understand now.
I've been really enjoying this thread. It feels like a basket of goodness. So many different things, and all of them good.
I'm going to be re-reading the posts now that my energy crisis seems to be handled, but a few things struck me as I read, like Catherine's description of a house as a tomb, and Teacher Terry feeling she is not "creative" enough and how we define creativity.
Catherine - you might enjoy something I read a while back about a house and the things in it. Something about your use of the word tomb in relation to the house made me think of it: http://www.poormansfeast.com/archives/cleaning-the-house-tending-the-weeds.html
Teacher Terry - I can relate to your feelings about creativity as I feel lacking in that regard myself. And I often wish CL would post photos of her work so we could enjoy them! But what struck me about your post was the immensity of the things that you have created via your actions. Making it possible for a person to carve a new life for themselves? Honoring that kind of commitment to another person simply because of how you view others? If there was reincarnation, I could imagine a being evolving from maker to guide. You're a guide, Teacher Terry. Your handle is most appropriate.
KayLR - yes, LOVE.
Catherine - you might enjoy something I read a while back about a house and the things in it. Something about your use of the word tomb in relation to the house made me think of it: http://www.poormansfeast.com/archives/cleaning-the-house-tending-the-weeds.html
Wow, Geila. She writes exactly how I feel--she is in my skin. My 33 year old son has been here for a week from Vermont, following a break-up with a girlfriend (she broke up and he's devastated, but that's another story). He's the one whose mantra to us is, "Move up to Vermont!!!!" He's like a broken record. He lives in a tiny one bedroom apartment in the heart of Burlington. He has no credit cards. No car. He has very few things.
He told me that I inspired him to live simply, but it seems like he's the master now. I tried to explain to him how difficult it is to just pull up roots after 32 years in one place--both from an emotional standpoint, and just from the perspective of having to get rid of so much crap. Interestingly, the artlcle reminds me so much of the conversation I just had last night with him. I told him that part of the difficulty in getting rid of stuff is that being that I'm not a Raymoor & Flanigan let's-buy-a-living-room-suite type of person, all of my furnishings are second hand and each comes with its own story.
When I talked about how much I would have to get rid of to downsize from 2200 sq ft to 700 sq ft, I found myself sounding just like my MIL when I said, "What would I do with my wedding china?" I wanted to slap myself for saying that!! I remember how silly I thought my MIL was when she was concerned about what would happen to her Royal Doulton figurines when she died. Now I was channeling her--but I don't even like my wedding china and we only use it once year!!!
Thanks so much for the article. I'm going to print it out in put it in my file of articles I need to reread for a little while--at least until I move myself into 700 square feet in Vermont!
That article was very helpful. http://www.poormansfeast.com/archive...the-weeds.html (http://www.poormansfeast.com/archives/cleaning-the-house-tending-the-weeds.html) Thank you!
If my house is a tomb (and it probably will be the death of me :doh:), I want it to be like an Egyptian's--with all my favorite things around me. I probably won't kill off any servants or cats to accompany me, however.
Catherine, why does your Vermont getaway have to be 700 square feet again? It seems like you could choose a place sized to accommodate both you and your chosen treasures.
It is really a case of living in the 'now' rather than the past, isn't it? Whenever the objects of the past take over our consciousness, time and energy of today's 'now', we are actually robbing ourselves. Why?
catherine
9-30-17, 11:18am
Catherine, why does your Vermont getaway have to be 700 square feet again? It seems like you could choose a place sized to accommodate both you and your chosen treasures.
I guess I'm using 700 sq ft loosely, but I'm basing it on that really cute house we saw last weekend that was a 9 out of 10. It would have been a 10 if it were 300 sq ft larger. To get you guys up to date, we actually made an offer, but the owners were in a desperate financial situation, had just found renters for the year, which would have given them the cash flow they need. They are going to live with her mother for a while. They have agreed to reach out to us if they put the house on the market next spring.
When I lived in Ocean Grove for a few months, that house was about 600-700 square feet and I loved it. The question is.. could DH and I co-exist in such a small space?
But, boy that house was a cutie!
I guess I'm using 700 sq ft loosely, but I'm basing it on that really cute house we saw last weekend that was a 9 out of 10. It would have been a 10 if it were 300 sq ft larger. To get you guys up to date, we actually made an offer, but the owners were in a desperate financial situation, had just found renters for the year, which would have given them the cash flow they need. They are going to live with her mother for a while. They have agreed to reach out to us if they put the house on the market next spring.
When I lived in Ocean Grove for a few months, that house was about 600-700 square feet and I loved it. The question is.. could DH and I co-exist in such a small space?
But, boy that house was a cutie!
Well, dang! Maybe an even better one will come along?
Teacher Terry
9-30-17, 12:52pm
Geila, thanks for the kind words. I am learning so much by reading everyone's posts.
Catherine, after my divorce I lived happily in 869 sq ft. Once I got together with my DH not so much. We now have 1400 sq ft with 1 car garage and very large shed. If I lived near you I would love to help you de-clutter. I have helped some of my friends in the past and doing it together was fun. When I was younger I saved everything. I have changed a lot in that regard. Amazon has a book called "How to downsize the family home." I ordered it but it has not come yet.
Geila, thanks for the kind words. I am learning so much by reading everyone's posts.
Catherine, after my divorce I lived happily in 869 sq ft. Once I got together with my DH not so much. We now have 1400 sq ft with 1 car garage and very large shed. If I lived near you I would love to help you de-clutter. I have helped some of my friends in the past and doing it together was fun. When I was younger I saved everything. I have changed a lot in that regard. Amazon has a book called "How to downsize the family home." I ordered it but it has not come yet.
I was speaking to a good friend the other day. She's definitely more of a city lover, and she's moving back to Manhattan next year. She told me that one of the reasons she moved from a 950 sq ft apartment was because it wasn't enough space for her and her SO. So I really am reconsidering how low I really want to go with this. But DH really wants waterfront lake property, and it's hard to find for a low price unless you are willing to buy small.
Adjacent to the house we really liked there is another house for sale--a real cabin. It's very tiny, maybe that 300 sq ft I'm looking for. I've thought it would be really kind of fun to buy both--and have the little cabin as my office/"she-cave". And the two houses together would only be 3/4s what I would probably get from the sale of my house in NJ. BUT it would double up on the land we would have to maintain as well as doubling up on taxes, so it probably wouldn't be very smart.
We'll just keep exploring our options.
Catherine and nswef - I'm glad you enjoyed the article.
Recently, we have converted our two extra bedrooms into his and hers offices. Mine also has a sewing table and dh's has a twin bed for naps. We've been enjoying making better use of our space but I've been thinking that this is how it starts. We've always said that 1400 sqft is too big for us. Ideally, we would like 850-1000 sq ft. But now that we have all this space for our private use, it's really nice!
But I wonder if we looked at space similarly to how we look at material things if our outlook would change.
Between us and MIL (not biological, maybe I should use CL's term of heart MIL), we own appx 2 million in real estate equity. Our inlaws have a big house and a 10 acre country place (which they rarely use nowadays) and we have our house. Can you imagine if we combined households how rich we would be? Four people could easily live in one house. But we don't, instead we maintain three separate residences, we pay taxes and utilities for 3 households... etc. Our consumption and luxury of space comes at a pretty high price.
The other day I was thinking about this and if given the choice, would we be willing to cohabit in order to be financially set for life? Dh would never have to commute another day in his life. Or work 14 day stretches or 12 hour days. (He's salaried).
Given the recent issue with me and visitors, I don't know. Athough I know from past experience that there can be some very positive cohabiting relationships. I had roommates for years to help with the mortgage and established some wonderful friendships along the way.
Anywho.... just random musings. No particular point to make. :D
Teacher Terry
9-30-17, 3:01pm
I would not want to live with anyone but DH at this age. My office is also the guest room and DH's an office. It is nice for each of us to have our own space.
I would not want to live with family either but many do make it work very well. A friend recently moved into her parents home because her mom needed support to help her dad who needed extra care. They modified her parents home to make the families cohabit with space. They sold their house to their daughter and her family who wanted that location. Friend left her horses at the old place and now rides with her daughter regularly. Win win win.
rosarugosa
10-1-17, 6:48am
As far as the original question goes, as an atheist, I don't think we come with a built-in purpose. I do believe that finding a purpose for ourselves will generally make for a more fulfilling life though.
On the co-housing question, I actually love the idea of co-housing, but only with the appropriate housing to support it (and with the right people, of course). I'm thinking of a time-share resort where we vacationed once. Each of our two connecting units had a bedroom, bath, living room, and small kitchen. They were joined by a small hallway with doors from each unit that could be opened or closed.
My theory on the space thing is 600 sq feet per person is my ideal minimum. So if there are just two of us, we could make 1200 work. We have done 816 and 750 and it is too tight for us. But that is how we have lived the last 10 years, in too tight spaces--both work at home, so the she-cave idea is a good one for working purposes.
Terry, just downloaded the kindle sample for the book you recommended about downsizing the family home.
Williamsmith
10-1-17, 10:17am
I was speaking to a good friend the other day. She's definitely more of a city lover, and she's moving back to Manhattan next year. She told me that one of the reasons she moved from a 950 sq ft apartment was because it wasn't enough space for her and her SO. So I really am reconsidering how low I really want to go with this. But DH really wants waterfront lake property, and it's hard to find for a low price unless you are willing to buy small.
Adjacent to the house we really liked there is another house for sale--a real cabin. It's very tiny, maybe that 300 sq ft I'm looking for. I've thought it would be really kind of fun to buy both--and have the little cabin as my office/"she-cave". And the two houses together would only be 3/4s what I would probably get from the sale of my house in NJ. BUT it would double up on the land we would have to maintain as well as doubling up on taxes, so it probably wouldn't be very smart.
We'll just keep exploring our options.
Catherine, when you speak of your quest for a home in Vermont I think of an acquaintance. I don't say friend because I don't know him well although a real friend of mine is very close to him. I know him in the way that a reader knows an author. I have read several books of his and I have met him, through my friend.
To get to the point. He resided in a mountain home made of stone and lacking any of the modern conveniences in the 1980's and 90's. He was perfectly satisfied hunting grouse along with his English Setter , the thickets and crabapple orchards of the southern exposure of the Allegheny Mountains, but tragically his mother was murdered. The ensuing trial and grief from violent death drove him away from his mountain home. He spent some time of reflection in Iceland in a bleak ancient home and then moved to Vermont in the heart of the Green Mountians in the Mad River Valley.
I believe he is happy there. I believe that one settles where they are happiest even if it is only in their imagination. But I truly hope you get to Vermont.
catherine
10-1-17, 12:38pm
Thank you, Williamsmith. So sad about the fellow who lost his mother so tragically. Mad River Valley is beautiful. We spent a month there on one of our family vacations. My DIL grew up there, and she and my son married at the Mad River Barn. And our vet skis up there every winter. Vermont is a kind of get-away-from-it-all place, for sure. I am pretty sure I'm going to make it up there sooner or later, so thanks for your well-wishes.
BTW, the day my son/DIL were married, on October 17, 2015, it was a magical day. They had strung little globes with tea lights in the trees. The trees had just about passed peak foliage, but on that day, during the ceremony, Mad River Valley had its first snowfall of the season. Here's a picture.
1956
Williamsmith
10-1-17, 1:51pm
Perhaps you will visit nearby someday.....this is the link to their Victorian Bed and Breakfast and their Vermont Icelandic Horse Farm:
http://madriverinn.com/
http://www.icelandichorses.com/index.php
Teacher Terry
10-1-17, 1:54pm
There is a couple with 3 kids on the Mr. MM forum that live in a house that is only 750 sq ft. I can't even imagine that. When there were 5 of us our house was 1800 sq ft and that was plenty big enough.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=1956&stc=1
Catherine - this is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it.
When our family of 11 moved into a 1400 sq ft house we thought it was huge! To this day, this is the size that I consider a generous family size. When I hear of a family of 4 having a 4-5K sq ft house, I find it incomprehensible. I just can't wrap my head around it.
On the purpose thing, I used to think our purpose was supposed to be some BIG thing that was assigned to us by God or the universe and it was our job to figure out what it was and then fulfill it. And that not fulfilling it meant a failure on our part. Failure as a human being. What a depressing and stressful way to live!
Now, I figure we get to choose our purpose. And yes, it can be as simple as self-amusement! And we can change it whenever we feel like it.
Right now, providing a loving home to animals who don't have one is a purpose that brings me joy and fulfillment. As does making the most of the life that I have. And that feels like enough. I'm not going to beat myself up for not accomplishing some big purpose; though I did for a long time. Maybe that can be another purpose - shrugging off all these internalized burdens that I've been carrying around like a load of rocks.
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Right now, providing a loving home to animals who don't have one is a purpose that brings me joy and fulfillment. As does making the most of the life that I have. And that feels like enough. I'm not going to beat myself up for not accomplishing some big purpose; though I did for a long time. Maybe that can be another purpose - shrugging off all these internalized burdens that I've been carrying around like a load of rocks.
That's much of what simple living means to me--letting go of societal expectations when they no longer serve us.
ApatheticNoMore
10-2-17, 12:42pm
yea it is a social expectation, or that train of thought runs as one of the strains in the culture, and it can get lodged very deep in the psyche.
It's an interesting notion of whether it is a social expectation or a personal one, to have a purpose. But, for me, I am feeling like I just do not want to live the rest of my life with any more regret than I already have. I don't want to waste time, what ever that means. That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Decades ago I read that existentialists, not believing in God or isms, found the purpose of life is to honor the commitments we make to people in everyday life. That works for me, but it sure would be nice to have a job where I felt I was contributing to society instead of just making rich people richer. I have applied to work at nonprofits but never got hired. People seem very focused on hiring someone from the same or a similar industry.
My main commitment/focus is supporting my college student son as he prepares to launch himself into the world.
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