My counselor canceled our appointment

[frugalone]

I wasn't sure if this belonged here, or in Family Matters & Relationships. I am so disappointed and kind of angry. I had a scheduled appt. today with a therapist, and her office called me at 8:30 to cancel (she's sick). I made this appointment a month ago. The only reason I am going to this woman is because I get four free visits before the end of '17 through my Employee Assistance Program (if I can squeeze them in). Here's a bit of a backstory.

I saw her for five sessions last year, two of which were with my husband. I cannot remember her telling me anything useful whatsoever, just listening to my tales of woe and shaking her head and saying, "Oh, frugalone..." in a sad voice. When she saw us as a couple, she had some advice for my spouse about dealing with his problems that affect both of us. Not to sound snotty, but we're both pretty intelligent and and were in therapy (together and separately) for a number of years, and we're also middle-aged, and so...well...this advice was not news to either of us. (e.g. 12-step programs, ACOA).

So I stopped going. But things have not gotten better, nothing has really changed (even thought my spouse and I have talked about our issues many many times). Recently, our stress level went way up due to a lawsuit with a trouble-making neighbor. I've been so stressed out that I have constant chatter in my head about just running away and how much I hate just about everything about my life, except maybe my pets. I have been angry constantly at my spouse. My job is OK--just bores the living crap out of me and makes me wonder "is this it until retirement?"

I should also add I quit taking my SSRI in the summer, hoping my vacationing libido would return, but it has not. Which, I understand, can be a perfectly normal symptom of menopause. I have started another SSRI (a different one) but it's only been a day.

So...anyways...I do have an option of calling a friend's therapist, but it will not be free. I am also on the ACA exchange and have no idea whether 1) their firm will accept my insurance plan; and 2) what the heck it will cost me even if they do. Currently, our plan (which ends Dec. 31) pays $90 a visit--which is why I'm trying to squeeze in the Free Four. I'm also entitled to another Free Four in 2018.

OK, so, the advice questions are:

1. I couldn't get another appt. till three weeks from now. How do I deal with this sh*t in the meantime? I've been feeling like I'm barely hanging on.

2. Should I call my friend's therapist and see what the deal is there?

3. Spouse has offered to talk to me about whatever is bothering me. But I feel like "we've had this conversation before" and the particular situations worrying me do not change. I'm not trying to paint him with a black brush either. He's a very good person, but he's got issues, as they say. I've tried "acceptance" and to be honest, I don't even know what it means. To me it sounds like giving up in despair. Should I try yet again to talk to him?

Anyway, I've gone on long enough here. Thank you for listening.

[catherine]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down about stuff, frugalone. A bummer about the therapist.

You mentioned that you've been to other therapists before, and that you've gotten advice to go to 12-step programs. Did you ever go? I don't know what your/your spouse's "ism" is, but could you go to a meeting in the meantime? I've spent a lot of time in Al-Anon, and the one thing it's good for is putting the focus on yourself. And it's cheap. Maybe hitting up a few meetings in the meantime, even if you don't get excited by them, will help take the edge off. And they help you frame "acceptance" in a way that's very useful and healthy. Let me just say that acceptance is not giving up. Far from it.

I don't think "talking again" to your spouse is going to be very helpful.

[Float On]

I'd look at and research all avenues available especially since it sounded like you didn't like working with the free counselor. Is she the only one on the list you can use? She doesn't sound like a real working counselor to me. Around here it's $85 a session. Our church assists with 1/2 up to 6 visits since we don't have clergy that do counseling.
I'd definitely have another sit down with your spouse. Just lay it out there. "These are the things I'm having a hard time dealing with and completely done in by. I've not seen the changes I need for the quality of life I need. I'm at a crossroads in deciding what is best for me." Use a lot of "how it affects me" instead of "this thing about you". State your plan of action, come up with one and what time you are willing to allow this to go on. State when you'll hopefully have your decision made. Sometimes giving ourselves a time limit gives us the freedom to make the change we need or empowers us to make the dedication we need to get to the deciding point. I'd also do this in writing...something you can refer to daily if needed so that you can work daily on it.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Yea people do go to 12 step or al-anon meetings to deal and temporarily feel less alone with their problems etc.. Even if they just go to listen to other people and don't contribute it can help in feeling less alone. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but some people find it helpful. I guess the obvious thing is you could call your insurance company and see what they could do, some of them also offer programs where you can just call a number and speak to a person if you have troubling issues in your life, I don't think this is many times. Around here for $85 a session your getting the psychology interns not people with years of experience or anything as they charge a lot more (and yes experienced is better, but it also takes skillsets that seem pretty rare to do it well, so many are not that good), but that's why you want to get the insurance to try to pay much of it of course.

[Teacher Terry]

I would try the other therapist. It seems like the free one is not helpful. The other suggestions were also good.

[frugalone]

I've been to an AA meeting with a friend (years ago) and I used to go to ACOA.

I'll have to Google our local meetings and see what's available. I found ACOA very hard to deal with. I remember kind of getting up and sneaking out of the meeting and never returning. I felt so vulnerable.

Thank you, catherine.



I'm sorry you're feeling so down about stuff, frugalone. A bummer about the therapist.

You mentioned that you've been to other therapists before, and that you've gotten advice to go to 12-step programs. Did you ever go? I don't know what your/your spouse's "ism" is, but could you go to a meeting in the meantime? I've spent a lot of time in Al-Anon, and the one thing it's good for is putting the focus on yourself. And it's cheap. Maybe hitting up a few meetings in the meantime, even if you don't get excited by them, will help take the edge off. And they help you frame "acceptance" in a way that's very useful and healthy. Let me just say that acceptance is not giving up. Far from it.

I don't think "talking again" to your spouse is going to be very helpful.

[frugalone]

There is no "list." This is it. And in fact, she is the only counselor that works at the place. It is a legitimate counseling center (it's part of Family Services of Our County). Funding has been cut so much that it doesn't surprise me that she's the last woman standing there. This is just another infuriating thing about my employer. And if they offered decent health insurance to people with families, I wouldn't be on the ACA and probably wouldn't have a $90 copay. With my last employer, I paid $15!

I've never come up with an action plan because it terrifies me. I've been told by counselors that I should "think about what I want my life to look like." It terrifies me. I don't know how many times I've been down this road before, and I don't know if I can do it. We had the "how it affects me" chat last year in counseling. I think my spouse knows I'm a coward and that I'll never do anything differently. We've been together a long, long time. I guess one of the things I'm seeking from counseling is courage and reassurance that I will be OK.

But yeah, I probably should lay it on the line.

I did look into other counseling centers. I tried to make a deal where they just ignored the health insurance and did a sliding scale. No one will cooperate with that.



I'd look at and research all avenues available especially since it sounded like you didn't like working with the free counselor. Is she the only one on the list you can use? She doesn't sound like a real working counselor to me. Around here it's $85 a session. Our church assists with 1/2 up to 6 visits since we don't have clergy that do counseling.
I'd definitely have another sit down with your spouse. Just lay it out there. "These are the things I'm having a hard time dealing with and completely done in by. I've not seen the changes I need for the quality of life I need. I'm at a crossroads in deciding what is best for me." Use a lot of "how it affects me" instead of "this thing about you". State your plan of action, come up with one and what time you are willing to allow this to go on. State when you'll hopefully have your decision made. Sometimes giving ourselves a time limit gives us the freedom to make the change we need or empowers us to make the dedication we need to get to the deciding point. I'd also do this in writing...something you can refer to daily if needed so that you can work daily on it.

[Teacher Terry]

I was married for 22 years to a controlling man that was also verbally abusive and had a job I hated. WE went to joint counseling and things never got better. One time I woke up and could not go back to sleep because in the dream my face had fallen off. When I looked in the mirror I had no face. Think there was a message in that dream? Finally I went alone for a year and started to look for a job out of state. I got one and moved. I did not know a soul. I divorced my husband. I was 43 and it was hard. 20 years later my life is good. I am remarried and happy. I loved the job I recently retired from. It was the best thing I ever did for myself.

[mschrisgo2]

You might want to try ALANON, rather than ACOA.
One up side is that there are usually more meetings available.

I couldn't sit in an ACOA meeting, either. There was way too much trauma in that room, and I was already overwhelmed.

[frugalone]

Can anyone tell me what a "closed" Al-Anon meeting means? The web site says "open to members and interested parties."

[frugalone]

Oh--regarding my husband's "isms" or "issues." There are a number of them and I feel odd sharing this online without his permission. But...

He has PTSD from both childhood and adulthood physical and mental abuse. He suffers from depression, OCD/hoarding and anxiety disorder (sometimes has disabling panic attacks). Physically, the work he did (in the construction trades) has crushed several of his upper vertebrae (I think that is how you'd put it; I'm very weird w/medical stuff). As he's aged, he's been less and less able to do various tasks. He has gastric disorders as well as neurological disorders and may have had a stroke at some point in time. He has been encouraged by me and the counselor to apply for disability benefits, but he has said it feels like "giving up or "giving in" and worries about being viewed as a "cripple." I can only guess this is some sort of ego thing, because he is very kind and sympathetic to friends and family members who have serious illnesses or disabilities. As a perfectionist, I think he sees himself as having to be better than others.

He has said that both the mental and physical problems (particularly depression) have kept him from applying from even simple jobs. I do not think he is BS-ing me. I think he's a very troubled person, and I do think that he loves me and cares about me. I do worry, though, that he will never be able to overcome his problems. I wish he could, not only for my sake, but because he deserves to have a more fulfilling life than the one he has. He is pretty much a loner at this point--I've seen an increase in the depression over the years. He has tried anti-depressants and he may just be one of those people they do not work for. He does take one, not for the purpose it's meant for, but because it's known for having pain management qualities, and it does work and help somewhat.

Also, he has been to counseling on his own both before and after he met me. So it's not like he hasn't tried. I just think, sometimes, people are flawed and can't be "cured."

I guess this is where "acceptance" comes in. I don't think he's doing this on purpose.

[frugalone]

The counselor's office just called with a cancellation for Monday. I'll have to leave work and then return afterwards but it's better than waiting three more weeks.

[JaneV2.0]

I have a friend with a constellation of health/mental issues very similar to your husband's and it took them three years to get SSDI. I would be tempted to make applying for it as mandatory as you can--it will make a lot of difference.

Best of luck with everything, Frugalone.

[ApatheticNoMore]

disability can be hard to get, but not cool that he probably would qualify and instead is relying on you entirely to support him (putting all the responsibility on you rather than programs specifically designed so that this isn't the case) when both of you would be better off financially if you also had his disability checks coming in (doubt they are huge but still it's something). If he was really determined to work part time or something despite all his problems, I see how collecting disability would be a problem, but he isn't, and no it's not fair.

[frugalone]

I know it's not fair. I don't know what to do about it. I suppose I could just walk out and I suppose everyone would think I'd be right to do so. But I happen to love this person and it goes much deeper than that. Hence, why I'm a bit messed up.

Jane--three years?! That is terrible.

[iris lilies]

I know it's not fair. I don't know what to do about it. I suppose I could just walk out and I suppose everyone would think I'd be right to do so. But I happen to love this person and it goes much deeper than that. Hence, why I'm a bit messed up.

Jane--three years?! That is terrible.
You might have to pay him maintenance if you divorced. For a time, anyway. I would be careful about assuming you would be free of him financially.

[frugalone]

I'm guessing maintenance is something like alimony? Believe me, it has crossed my mind.

I just wish there was some way for things to change that wouldn't be incredibly painful for everybody involved.


You might have to pay him maintenance if you divorced. For a time, anyway. I would be careful about assuming you would be free of him financially.

[JaneV2.0]

I know it's not fair. I don't know what to do about it. I suppose I could just walk out and I suppose everyone would think I'd be right to do so. But I happen to love this person and it goes much deeper than that. Hence, why I'm a bit messed up.

Jane--three years?! That is terrible.

Yes--and the worst of it was that they didn't have enough work history to get more than one year's back payments. But at least they got it. They had phone-book sized files full of records of doctor's visits, medications, counseling, etc. to make their case. And a good attorney. So be prepared.

Convey to your husband that his pride is getting in the way, and that he'll probably feel less anxiety when he's bringing in some money.

[frugalone]

This is very discouraging. We don't have enough files--we'd probably have to pay the doctors to get them. And he never made enough money when he was working to get anything in Social Security payments. So he'd have to get the "other kind" (I did read up on this a bit--there's one that's income-based and one that is not). We probably can't afford an attorney either.

My life feels like this: No matter which way I turn, no matter what problem I try to solve, there is a wall in front of it. It's not just the stuff w/spouse: it's my job, my own problems (because I am not without them--my depression did not come from living with him--I've had problems all my life), etc. etc. I have a feeling this poor counselor is not going to be able to help much at all.



Yes--and the worst of it was that they didn't have enough work history to get more than one year's back payments. But at least they got it. They had phone-book sized files full of records of doctor's visits, medications, counseling, etc. to make their case. And a good attorney. So be prepared.

Convey to your husband that his pride is getting in the way, and that he'll probably feel less anxiety when he's bringing in some money.

[Yppej]

Closed means you have to be a codependent. Others cannot attend.

[Gardnr]

I've never come up with an action plan because it terrifies me. I've been told by counselors that I should "think about what I want my life to look like." It terrifies me. I don't know how many times I've been down this road before, and I don't know if I can do it. We had the "how it affects me" chat last year in counseling.

You need to do the work. You say you've heard it before. There is a reason for that.....do the work. No counselor can fix it for you. They listen. They guide. They coach. But YOU have to do the work.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Every failure of therapy is not the fault of the client not doing the work. And of course there are cases were people are successful in improving whatever they were working on despite the therapy they have gotten more than because of it. Some therapists just suck in many ways. Other times it's not exactly anyone's fault, it's just that the therapist's world view may be so alien to the client's worldview and vice versa, that there never is any real bridge between them, no real empathy (despite trying). Those are the therapists that guide but in the OPPOSITE direction of one's own intuition, guide but in the opposite direction of one's own heart. I don't mean one's self-destruction, and I think most of the time we know the difference even if it takes a little self-examination (exceptions might be when in deep despair).

[JaneV2.0]

...
My life feels like this: No matter which way I turn, no matter what problem I try to solve, there is a wall in front of it. It's not just the stuff w/spouse: it's my job, my own problems (because I am not without them--my depression did not come from living with him--I've had problems all my life), etc. etc. I have a feeling this poor counselor is not going to be able to help much at all.

Depression can be paralyzing; then problems pile up; then you get more depressed and more paralyzed--and the cycle continues. Soon even the tiniest move seems insurmountable. You need more practical help than a therapist can likely provide. Have you tried a local mental health facility that has peer counseling or other services?

[Teacher Terry]

It sounds like your DH qualifies for SSI which is for people that can't work but did not earn enough work credits on their own record. I worked in that field and it can take a long time. If you keep getting denied and keep appealing eventually it will go before a law judge that will hire a vocational expert to help him make the decision. If you win you will get back pay. As Jane noted there may be limits to it. If he had his 40 quarters then he would get back pay for the entire time it took to wait. A lawyer will take a third of it. I have seen many people do it themselves if they can fill out the paperwork properly and gather the medical records. Also you have to appeal timely or you will get thrown back to square one. Typically our clients only got between 300-500/month on SSI. SSDI pays much better. However after 2 years they qualify for Medicare even if not the correct age and there may be other benefits too. If you left him he could qualify for section 8 housing, food stamps, etc. There are also places with para-legals that can file the paperwork for less then an attorney. I would make applying mandatory. People only change when the pain of staying the same is more painful then actually making a change. Also no one can do the work for you. WE had a saying that if we were working harder then our clients we were failing them. They are adults and need to do the work.

[SteveinMN]

People only change when the pain of staying the same is more painful then actually making a change. Also no one can do the work for you. WE had a saying that if we were working harder then our clients we were failing them. They are adults and need to do the work.
As I read these posts, I kept thinking that I've learned "pain is not a stopping point".

At this point I see nothing to lose with sitting down with DH and, as Float On said, putting things in "I" terms. Perhaps you'll find the combination of words that either clarifies the situation in your mind -- or in DH's. If it accomplishes nothing, you've spent a little time but are you any worse off?

Ditto with the free counselor. While the first meeting may not have inspired, perhaps talking with her will identify common threads or insights which now are hidden behind layers. In the end, it's free except for your time. Until you can find another counseling resource, I don't think getting what you can out of this one really hurts.

I agree with the others that at least applying for disability income is worthwhile given the length of time it takes. Is it possible DH was ever covered under a private disability policy with one of his construction employers? Do either of you belong to any affinity groups ("American Construction and Home Engineers Society") from which you could get benefits even as simple as a discount for counseling or a free hour with a lawyer/paralegal? Does Your County offer anything like that? Is that kind of research something DH could do at home while you work?

I feel for you, frugalone. You and DH have been pummeled with double- and triple-whammies. I get that, after a while, it seems impossible to get up again. But it does not sound like you can continue for long on the current path. Time to make at least the progress that you can.

[frugalone]

Thank you, Yppej.


Closed means you have to be a codependent. Others cannot attend.

[Tybee]

In 12 step parlance, a closed meeting means that you qualify for membership in that group. So a non alcoholic should not go to a closed AA meeting.

With Al-Anon, a qualifier is being affected by the drinking of someone you know or love, so a closed meeting would require that, which is not hard, since almost everyone is affected by someone else's drinking.

[pinkytoe]

Do you ever imagine how you would feel if all of a sudden you were on your own with a new job you really enjoyed and your DH was no longer a worry to you? Imagining that, does it bring a great sense of relief and a sense of other possibilities? I know it sounds odd, but often we stick with our misery because it is familiar and change is so very scary. I have found that when things seem very depressing (and I have my own little drama at present) that if I spend a great deal of time thinking about a better outcome, even if it is only "pretend", that it helps me from spiraling further downward. The "what ifs". That and taking small practical steps to turn things around - maybe just one small effort a day. There was a time in my marriage when I had to take long walks just to get away from DH at a point when he had some destructive habits. One day, I came home from a long walk and said that I was moving on - for my own health and sanity. He knew I was serious and that he would need to make big changes to go forward with me. And he did. I am sorry you are feeling so down and I truly hope YOU can turn things around.

[frugalone]

I am not sure what you mean. We have a local mental health center with day programs where you're in group therapy part of the day, doing team building exercises at other times, going to the supermarket (to learn practical skills) at other times. There are different levels of these programs. I was in one 30 years ago for several months. You can't attend one of these and hold down a job. My friend Mary is in one right now, actually.

I called them to see what they would charge for counseling (I used to go to a therapist there, separately from the aforementioned program) and they're charging about the same--$90 a visit.

I'm not sure what peer counseling is. I'm going to Google it.


Depression can be paralyzing; then problems pile up; then you get more depressed and more paralyzed--and the cycle continues. Soon even the tiniest move seems insurmountable. You need more practical help than a therapist can likely provide. Have you tried a local mental health facility that has peer counseling or other services?

[frugalone]

Oh, I totally agree. I had a crackpot for a therapist for a very short time years ago. She was convinced my panic attacks were as a result of too much sugar in my diet. Every time I went, I got a weirder and more uncomfortable vibe from her. Finally, I called her on the phone & said I was not coming back. She said, "You can't just quit therapy like that."

Watch me.

Never went back. When I tell people about her, they are generally outraged on my behalf at some of the things she said to me.



Every failure of therapy is not the fault of the client not doing the work. And of course there are cases were people are successful in improving whatever they were working on despite the therapy they have gotten more than because of it. Some therapists just suck in many ways. Other times it's not exactly anyone's fault, it's just that the therapist's world view may be so alien to the client's worldview and vice versa, that there never is any real bridge between them, no real empathy (despite trying). Those are the therapists that guide but in the OPPOSITE direction of one's own intuition, guide but in the opposite direction of one's own heart. I don't mean one's self-destruction, and I think most of the time we know the difference even if it takes a little self-examination (exceptions might be when in deep despair).

[frugalone]

I should have clarified: I saw the counselor last year five times. I don't know...maybe that's not enough time to know whether anything is going to work? A lot of information-gathering was going on on her part--I'll say this: She's a great listener.

I am pretty sure spouse never had any kind of disability policy with anyone. He was self-employed for many years and never paid into any kind of policy. He also did factory work for some pretty awful places (that are now out of business). He never belonged to a professional association, and neither do I. There are lots of lawyers around here that will do a free consultation. Also, one of my best friends is a lawyer. She recommended we go straight to the SSDI office.




As I read these posts, I kept thinking that I've learned "pain is not a stopping point".

At this point I see nothing to lose with sitting down with DH and, as Float On said, putting things in "I" terms. Perhaps you'll find the combination of words that either clarifies the situation in your mind -- or in DH's. If it accomplishes nothing, you've spent a little time but are you any worse off?

Ditto with the free counselor. While the first meeting may not have inspired, perhaps talking with her will identify common threads or insights which now are hidden behind layers. In the end, it's free except for your time. Until you can find another counseling resource, I don't think getting what you can out of this one really hurts.

I agree with the others that at least applying for disability income is worthwhile given the length of time it takes. Is it possible DH was ever covered under a private disability policy with one of his construction employers? Do either of you belong to any affinity groups ("American Construction and Home Engineers Society") from which you could get benefits even as simple as a discount for counseling or a free hour with a lawyer/paralegal? Does Your County offer anything like that? Is that kind of research something DH could do at home while you work?

I feel for you, frugalone. You and DH have been pummeled with double- and triple-whammies. I get that, after a while, it seems impossible to get up again. But it does not sound like you can continue for long on the current path. Time to make at least the progress that you can.

[frugalone]

Thank you for your good wishes. I do imagine what it might be like to be on my own. I no longer imagine a job I would enjoy because I'm pretty sure there is no such animal. I had one job in 30+ years that I really loved. ONE. And even that went south. I don't think I'm the sort of person who enjoys working. Sad but true.

DH would always be a worry to me. I'm not going to go into more of his history here but he has had a pretty traumatic life. I do seriously worry about him becoming homeless. Yes, I know it's not my job to "take care of him." But I often wonder about the "in sickness and in health" part of marriage vows. I don't think this is some sort of a game he's playing with me. There is an illness at work here. And you can't force someone to seek treatment for it. I struggle with this all the time.

When I think about the things we've been through, and the things we still enjoy together, I don't feel ready to move on. This is a man who held my hand while a doctor put 42 stitches in my face after I was bitten by a dog. He was a pallbearer for my father. He nursed our pet rabbit back to health when the vet said there was no hope whatsoever.

I really don't want to write anymore. I'm at work, and I can feel tears starting...



Do you ever imagine how you would feel if all of a sudden you were on your own with a new job you really enjoyed and your DH was no longer a worry to you? Imagining that, does it bring a great sense of relief and a sense of other possibilities? I know it sounds odd, but often we stick with our misery because it is familiar and change is so very scary. I have found that when things seem very depressing (and I have my own little drama at present) that if I spend a great deal of time thinking about a better outcome, even if it is only "pretend", that it helps me from spiraling further downward. The "what ifs". That and taking small practical steps to turn things around - maybe just one small effort a day. There was a time in my marriage when I had to take long walks just to get away from DH at a point when he had some destructive habits. One day, I came home from a long walk and said that I was moving on - for my own health and sanity. He knew I was serious and that he would need to make big changes to go forward with me. And he did. I am sorry you are feeling so down and I truly hope YOU can turn things around.

[Yppej]

When I tell people about her, they are generally outraged on my behalf at some of the things she said to me.

I tried three different marriage counselors before I got divorced. One said that verbal abuse is fine, only physical abuse is a problem.

[JaneV2.0]

Thank you for your good wishes. I do imagine what it might be like to be on my own. I no longer imagine a job I would enjoy because I'm pretty sure there is no such animal. I had one job in 30+ years that I really loved. ONE. And even that went south. I don't think I'm the sort of person who enjoys working. Sad but true.

DH would always be a worry to me. I'm not going to go into more of his history here but he has had a pretty traumatic life. I do seriously worry about him becoming homeless. Yes, I know it's not my job to "take care of him." But I often wonder about the "in sickness and in health" part of marriage vows. I don't think this is some sort of a game he's playing with me. There is an illness at work here. And you can't force someone to seek treatment for it. I struggle with this all the time.

When I think about the things we've been through, and the things we still enjoy together, I don't feel ready to move on. This is a man who held my hand while a doctor put 42 stitches in my face after I was bitten by a dog. He was a pallbearer for my father. He nursed our pet rabbit back to health when the vet said there was no hope whatsoever.

I really don't want to write anymore. I'm at work, and I can feel tears starting...

I'm in agreement with you about marriage vows. I've known several people who could have taken off when the going got rough, but the fact that they didn't showed admirable strength of character. From what you've described, your husband doesn't deserve abandonment.

[pinkytoe]

Just to clarify...I did not specify abandoning your DH. Just that he was no longer a worry to you - whatever imaginary form that takes.

[Teacher Terry]

There is a difference between taking off when times get rough and living in a situation that is taking a major toll on your health. I finally left when my neck muscles were so tight that it was strangling both my arms. My neuro doc told me something was serious wrong with my life and I needed to fix it. I figured 22 years was a long enough sentence.

[Tybee]

Wishing you peace, frugalalone. I think Terry has some really good insights here, and only you can make the determination as to what to do. But as she says, if it threatens your health--only you can decide and so glad you have a therapist again.

[frugalone]

Would you believe: Tonight is our appointment, and I am afraid and I don't want to go?

I started a different antidepressant last week and it is making a big difference. I don't feel so despairing. Of course, I don't have any answers to my problems, but I am really not sure ANY counselor can do that.

I don't know if I mentioned this--but I was in counseling for YEARS. I mean decades, from like age 14, on and off, through age 45. Some of it helped; some didn't. It's just that I don't know what to do about my problems anymore.

Terry--I am so sorry to hear things got to such a bad physical level. That must have sucked.

[JaneV2.0]

I know nothing about counseling, but I believe there's an approach some practitioners take that is kind of like talk therapy plus life coaching--where you have tasks to do that lead up to taking charge of your life. Is anyone familiar with this counseling method, or am I all wrong?

[Teacher Terry]

Jane, some therapists also get certified as life coaches because it is fairly easy to do if you are a therapist. Then they can practice both ways. I have never heard of combining the two. Frugal, I would keep your appointment. Even with new meds you need to work some things out about your life so you can be happy.

[nswef]

Frugal, I too would urge you to keep the appointment. It won't hurt and may help.

[frugalone]

Well, I went. Cried a lot. Don't know if I feel any better. She asked me what I wanted to get out of the sessions. I'm not quite sure--I guess I want, overall, to be able to deal with my life better in all its aspects: work, marriage, family relationships, my own psyche. I have another appointment in about two weeks.

Thanks for your encouragement. :)

[razz]

Frugalone, is it possible to choose one small change that you can make to build your sense of accomplishment and confidence? Sometimes starting small is the best way rather than looking at the whole scene and being overwhelmed.

[frugalone]

I suppose that is a good idea. Eating an elephant one bite at a time, and all that. I will need to think and/or journal about that.


Frugalone, is it possible to choose one small change that you can make to build your sense of accomplishment and confidence? Sometimes starting small is the best way rather than looking at the whole scene and being overwhelmed.

[JaneV2.0]

Like Razz, I think some kind of counseling that would have you taking action--however small--would be a good direction. It seems like there should be a limit to talk therapy. Good luck to you.

[frugalone]

She asked me if I just wanted to come in and vent. I think I want more than that. I can do that in my journal, you know? I agree: something with concrete steps/action is what I need.

[razz]

What about asking for her help in defining and setting small goals?

[frugalone]

razz, I will do that. Thanks.