Moving, buyer's remorse, anxiety

[Tybee]

Hi all, we are now under contract on a house near one of my kids, less than an hour's drive. And I am completely freaking out. Partly it is financial--this is a real stretch for us and means getting a mortgage again, which has me in a state of panic.
Partly it is fear that things will be wrong with house in future and it will be beyond our means and we will have to sell the house.
Partly it is fear about moving again--it has taken me 4 years to start to feel at home and comfortable here, and now we have to start over.
Partly it is fear about expectations of family--son is so eager that we get there, full of plans for us to babysit, etc, and that was never exactly my goal--I wanted time with them as family, but he keeps stressing how they plan to leave kids with us, for which I feel rather ill prepared. Plus the house needs everything and we will need a couple of months of intensely working on house to make it reasonable to move our stuff in. Much less oversee toddlers--ths is going to be a work site for a bit, while we also teach at home (aka work--8 hours a day as well.)
Partly it is fear about reaction of other son, who is not going to be thrilled we have bought house there and not hear him.
My sister-in law just wrote me about how thrilled they are we are coming--I m happy about that, but that is another set of family expectations, and I have been feeling really under the weather with the onset of winter--just kind of hanging on, depressed, and want to go back to bed.

I feel in such a state of panic right now. Any advice greatly appreciated.

[Teacher Terry]

Tybee, I am confused as to why you are making this move as it does not appear to have any positives for you guys. I would not want to babysit at this age either.

[catherine]

How about writing a list for us of what makes you excited about the home? I totally understand all of your fears, Unfortunately, we usually have to move through fears to get to what we really want. Is this what you really want? Why/why not?

One consideration: You always will have the right to back out if you don't like the inspector report. If the house needs a lot of work, there will probably be "just cause" if you change your mind.

[Williamsmith]

I had my house paid off just before I sold it. I subsequently ended up with a small mortgage on my condo. I get the feeling. It was nice knowing there was no mortgage payment. But I could in truth pay off my mortgage if I had to by tapping my IRA. But that don’t make any financial sense. I’d say that reaction is normal.

The other issue seems like it is bothering you more. It has to do like you said with expectations and beyond that your autonomy and freedoms. I can only reflect on my personal experience. I raised my granddaughter actively for her first five years. I sacrificed some of the I, Me Mine aspects of retirement to do this. It was an experience that reinforced my self worth. I got lots of hugs.

But she is now in another state and I am completely without responsibility. It is nice to be free to do what one wants. But I don’t get many hugs anymore.

You might have to acknowledge that at some point there must have been some overriding convictions you had that made you commit to this life change. And maybe you are aware that having these conflicting feelings is probably normal. I don’t know. Only you can answer that.

Usually, we have trouble accurately envisioning how the future will play out. There are just too many variables. Try not to jump too many ditches until you actually get to them.

But I forgot to say. Be prepared to jump ditches.

[Tybee]

Thanks. I am definitely having panic attacks over this and need to take this step by step. We just got off phone with inspector and we scheduled a full inspection, including a lot of things we wouldn't necessarily normally do, so at least we will have better information about the house.

That will give me more peace of mind that some of the things I am worried about are okay--things we have had go wrong in prior houses, like septic systems and water quality. Am also checking for radon and mold.

Just got off phone with other son and he had not gotten our message that we left--he reacted pretty evenly so that is good, although we woke him, I guess (he works nights) so I hope he understood what we were telling him.

I think a very thorough inspection is a very good idea, and we go from there.

William and Terry, I definitely want to be in my granddaughters' lives, and that is a big part of moving out there. I just want to manage my son's expectations a bit as I know I am not up for tons of babysitting--not physically able to deal with chasing toddlers and not up for that much stress. But I want to be there for them and do a reasonable amount of babysitting. I think they are just feeling overwhelmed right now with new baby and not realizing that I am feeling a lot more overwhelmed at the prospect of moving.

We definitely have mixed feelings about leaving this area, which we love, and going to a new area that we are not sure about. The new house would be much nicer than our current house and has great things like a new roof, which we are going to have to do here if we do not move. It is a really nice house in a really nice area. It;'s just not here--and here has many things we love. But it's a very nice area there.

I have very mixed feelings, I guess, and a lot of fear.

William, when I was last out there I went out and spent one night at my brothers house (he lives on an island.) When my son told my granddaughter that I would be leaving, she started sobbing, "I don't want you to leave, Grandmother."

The next day she told her mother, "I don't want people to come visit anymore because it hurts too much when they leave."

She was 2 and a half years old.

She is scary smart, smarter than either of her parents or me, and I think they need some help keeping up with her.

[JaneV2.0]

As usual, I advise going with your instincts. (Your son is all excited because he gets a [free?] babysitter? What fun for you.) Think long and hard about this; it's not too late to back out.

[sweetana3]

A wise woman would start now managing her son's verbalized expectations. Might be wise to say cannot do much babysitting for XX weeks till we get settled and the house set up as we have a lot to do in the new place. We are not moving to take over care of the babies but will be there to help out. (Talk with your spouse on all the possible scenarios.)

Do they want full time caregivers for free?
Are they hoping only for help when the kids are sick and cannot go to daycare?
Do they just want a date night?

Since he has verbalized this, it would be a good thing to talk about right now.

[catherine]

William, when I was last out there I went out and spent one night at my brothers house (he lives on an island.) When my son told my granddaughter that I would be leaving, she started sobbing, "I don't want you to leave, Grandmother."

The next day she told her mother, "I don't want people to come visit anymore because it hurts too much when they leave."
.

Thinking about all your concerns related to how your family is going to react--both good and bad--I'm reminded of one of my all-time favorite movie quotes--The movie was Marvin's Room and Diane Keaton was Bessie and Meryl Streep was Lee. It makes me cry every time.



Bessie: Oh, Lee, I've been so lucky. I've been so lucky to have Dad and Ruth. I've had such love in my life. You know, I look back, and I've had such... such love.

Lee: They love you very much.

Bessie: No, that's not what I mean. No, no... I mean that I love them. I've been so lucky to have been able to love someone so much.

I think your pain and anxiety is coming from the love you have for your family. So if you have to feel pain, maybe feel lucky that you are in a "tug of war" with all the people who want you in their lives, and all the lives that you want to wrap your love around.

[razz]

I think that your son is looking to provide his little ones with the love of grandparents and more family. He will also be able to help you when you need it but stating in terms of what he needs.
Be very logical with the house inspection to ensure that it is a sound investment.
Your fears are normal.
Think of the friends that you have not yet met waiting for you to arrive. Your grandchildren will get you involved in so many things that older adults without little ones don't get to see.
Once the little kids start school the childcare need decreases.

[dado potato]

DW and I have moved 2 times in order to be "close but not too close" to grandchildren. All but one grandchild has started school now. I look back on those moves with no regrets.

Any house will have problems, if it isn't mold or radon, it will be something else. Likewise a new community will have its grouches, and its barking dogs, as well as its happy handshakers. The "hardy" way to look at these problems is: they are challenges for you. It is "hardy" to look at the new house challenges in the context of your full life, as a person who has faced (and mastered) a number of challenges already. You know how the challenges of moving and settling in to a new home compare, in terms of hassles and scale of change, to the greatest challenges that you (and your spouse) have successfully coped with in your lives before this.

Panic is an understandable reaction to your feelings. I would suggest this may be an opportunity it increase your mutual empathy with your spouse, and also the son you will be moving closer to.

As the son's situation and needs change, you always will be able define your boundaries... in terms what requests you do not feel comfortable with.

The extended family is of vital importance. For example, reading to a small child is a fantastic "head-start" for the kid's language skills and thinking.

Even if in some ways it is a "bad situation", I wish you well.

[Gardnr]

I strongly suggest that you set boundaries as grandparents. As an example, my sister told her son/DIL that she would take the grands every other Friday for the day. She would keep them 1 night. If the kids wanted it to be Saturday night, no she would not keep them Friday and Saturday. The kids had to drive the GKids over and pick them up.

This relationship has worked very well for 15 years now. She still takes them as requested. She offers to take them on special travel trips. She offers to take them to visit other family members out of state.

As the Grandma, she drives this bus.

I don't have kids/have not a clue what you're going through. I did listen to my sister set boundaries and she thinks it is the smartest thing she's ever done.

You're not retired to become daycare are you? And you sound very stressed out about not having a life. Don't be their free ride. You've earned your retirement. It belongs to you.

[Tammy]

I enjoy taking one grandchild at a time, whether it's for a few hours or overnight. The kid with me feels special, the kids at home get a break from a sibling, the parents feel like it's so easy with one less kid, and my husband and I get to enjoy one child at a time. They also behave really well one at a time.

[razz]

A friend who had a wonderful experience with her 'grandma' retired so that she could provide the same for her two grandchildren. Her mother had died at an early age so she felt that her own children had missed something very precious. The demands are time consuming on occasion but this is a priceless gift she is giving her 'little people' as I call them. I get to hear of all their adventures and she enjoys sharing them and pictures with me. Every child should have a feeling that s/he is unconditionally loved and grandparents often are the ones to do so.

That said, it is wisdom to set boundaries as this is an equally important skill for the grandchildren to learn. These boundaries can be set with thoughtfulness, wisdom and love. Children need to learn about personal sovereignty of time, energy , choice, freedom, responsibility etc.

Concern about the move and the house are completely separate from the concern about time spent with grandchildren. Enjoy making the discoveries of adventures that lie ahead, Tybee.

[pinkytoe]

I don't have any grand-parenting issues - yet - but I completely get the moving issue. In my own experience, it takes at least 2-3 years to feel settled in a place so you have to ride some bumpy feelings until then. We just passed year one in our new place and I still have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing. Some days it feels like a big mistake and other days, it is wonderful to have taken the plunge into something new. Homesickness remains however. Now if DD announces a grandchild in the near future, I am going to deeply regret that we are 800 miles away. An hour away sounds pretty good - too far to just drop in for impromptu babysitting requests but close enough to get together when planned.

[Tybee]

Thank you, everyone, I am reading these carefully and thinking about everything everyone is saying.

I am trying to separate out what is family worry and what is financial worry and what is moving worry and what is house worry. That's four different categories, I am realizing.

Inspections (a LOT of inspections) are happening next week and that gives us a chance to know the house better and feel more secure about the future. So I will shelve some of the worrying until we get that information back.

[Tybee]

Has anyone sold a house lately and had buyer get inspection and had thing show up that they wanted fixed?

What did you do, fix the things, give money back, or say, it's as is, we fix nothing?

Have you been a buyer lately, and how was inspection findings handled?

[catherine]

Has anyone sold a house lately and had buyer get inspection and had thing show up that they wanted fixed?

What did you do, fix the things, give money back, or say, it's as is, we fix nothing?
\

Oh, yeah. Our first buyer for BILs house, back in April, got the inspection report that talked about the furnace, the roof, some pretty major things. So they asked us for $20,000 off the purchase price. My DH is not the most conciliatory kind of guy, so he basically said F off. Our realtor tried to tell him that if we wind up carrying the house for several months, that will dip into the purchase price. But DH cancelled the contract.

Between buyers we replaced the electrical panel. We were afraid if we didn't we'd be asked to replace the wiring of the whole house, which was aluminum wiring--a big red flag.

The second buyer wound up with a completely different inspection report. We had to fix a chimney and also address some safety things that were never an issue years ago, like multiple smoke detectors, CO2 detectors, etc. Cost us about $4k.

Our goal was to get the house sold as cheaply as possible. Our realtor (who was also the buyer's realtor) wisely had the buyers initial "as is" things like the roof, the furnace, a sidewalk that's a little cock-a-mamie. So the second time around we were able to get off a little cheaper. (But honestly, I think it was a wash. DH wouldn't admit it, but we wound up with fewer inspection issues, but we had carried the house for another few months. If I took the time to calculate, I would say that we would have been better off just giving the first buyers 20k).

[catherine]

BTW, you mentioned you got radon testing. Good call. That is a big environmental hazard. Our radon test came back and we needed to remediate. Cost $1800. I think it's a Central Jersey thing because we are all sitting on Brunswick shale, but if I were moving to a new home, radon would be a non-starter unless it was remediated.

[Williamsmith]

Prior to selling my home, I remodeled a bathroom that had the electrical breaker box in it. That was a violation of code that needed fixing. I also remodeled the main kitchen with high end granite and hardwood hickory custom made cabinets and Itlatian tile flooring. I did some water infiltration remediation and painted everything I could get a brush and roller on. I pretty much went through the place like an inspector to find possible red flags....like the attic fan wiring that was questionable. Oh yeah, I installed additional insulation in the attic.

I sold the house in six days. The buyer had an inspector who came in the house and left a sink running, flooded my master bathroom, ruined ceiling tile in the basement and left without telling me what happened. Yeah there’s more.

The buyer asked for a furnace inspection. I thought, “It’s only five years old, what could go wrong?” The inspector found a cracked heat exchanger, red tagged the furnace in the middle of winter and told me a part had to be ordered. I went without heat for five days, the part arrived and almost $1000 later.....the buyer had a new furnace paid for by me.

So after all this, the title was found to have an unsatisfied loan attached to it. The bank for my original loan had sold my loan twice to other banks and the second bank....a very large national bank.....failed to file the satisfaction. They weren’t user friendly and held up the whole deal two months to the point where I expected the buyer to back out.

So my real estate agent broker advises that the buyers agreed to move in before closing.....the sellers of my condo agreed to move out before closing and all I had to do was move in a condo I didn’t own and let someone live in my house until the bank came through with the paperwork. He characterized it as a leap of faith. I said it was an act of a suicidal person.

And just before I moved the garage door spring broke so......I had to replace that. Within one week of moving into the condo ....the garage door spring broke and I had to replace that one too.

Dont worry....everything will be fine. Haha.

[pinkytoe]

When we bought our house a year ago sight unseen (long story), the inspection turned up some things. We did not even physically see the house until the day of the inspection. We called it our mail order bride. Talk about scared. After back and forth, we were able to have entire heater replaced and some other things at seller's cost. Since being here a year, other things have come to light but that is to be expected in an older house. Nothing we can't fix or live with. The house we sold in Austin had many flaws but the market was so hot that it didn't matter so we didn't have do anything but move out. No amount of worrying ever changed anything.

[Tybee]

When we bought our house a year ago sight unseen (long story), the inspection turned up some things. We did not even physically see the house until the day of the inspection. We called it our mail order bride. Talk about scared. After back and forth, we were able to have entire heater replaced and some other things at seller's cost. Since being here a year, other things have come to light but that is to be expected in an older house. Nothing we can't fix or live with. The house we sold in Austin had many flaws but the market was so hot that it didn't matter so we didn't have do anything but move out. No amount of worrying ever changed anything.

Pinkytoe, this is a mail order bride, too. I know that is contributing to the nerves. It is an old house so we will see what the inspection turns up.

[Tybee]

Oh, yeah. Our first buyer for BILs house, back in April, got the inspection report that talked about the furnace, the roof, some pretty major things. So they asked us for $20,000 off the purchase price. My DH is not the most conciliatory kind of guy, so he basically said F off. Our realtor tried to tell him that if we wind up carrying the house for several months, that will dip into the purchase price. But DH cancelled the contract.

Between buyers we replaced the electrical panel. We were afraid if we didn't we'd be asked to replace the wiring of the whole house, which was aluminum wiring--a big red flag.

The second buyer wound up with a completely different inspection report. We had to fix a chimney and also address some safety things that were never an issue years ago, like multiple smoke detectors, CO2 detectors, etc. Cost us about $4k.

Our goal was to get the house sold as cheaply as possible. Our realtor (who was also the buyer's realtor) wisely had the buyers initial "as is" things like the roof, the furnace, a sidewalk that's a little cock-a-mamie. So the second time around we were able to get off a little cheaper. (But honestly, I think it was a wash. DH wouldn't admit it, but we wound up with fewer inspection issues, but we had carried the house for another few months. If I took the time to calculate, I would say that we would have been better off just giving the first buyers 20k).

Yes, when we sell ours, we want to go as cheap and as is as possible, since that is part of the point--be making the fixes to the house that we plan to stay in. Not sure how hot this market is and whether that will fly here.

[Tybee]

BTW, you mentioned you got radon testing. Good call. That is a big environmental hazard. Our radon test came back and we needed to remediate. Cost $1800. I think it's a Central Jersey thing because we are all sitting on Brunswick shale, but if I were moving to a new home, radon would be a non-starter unless it was remediated.

My son's house in Maine has a radon remediator, so I guess with all that granite shale it is a huge problem in New England, too. It seemed crazy to have to do both air and water radon, but I guess it makes sense, once I read up on it, although I think it is more likely to be an air problem. Unfortunately, the water quality test did not included radon testing, so the water tests are separate and both crazy expensive. On the other hand, one of our houses had a bad well which we found out after we bought it, so between the well work and the new septic it required, there went 14,000 dollars.

[Tybee]

Prior to selling my home, I remodeled a bathroom that had the electrical breaker box in it. That was a violation of code that needed fixing. I also remodeled the main kitchen with high end granite and hardwood hickory custom made cabinets and Itlatian tile flooring. I did some water infiltration remediation and painted everything I could get a brush and roller on. I pretty much went through the place like an inspector to find possible red flags....like the attic fan wiring that was questionable. Oh yeah, I installed additional insulation in the attic.

I sold the house in six days. The buyer had an inspector who came in the house and left a sink running, flooded my master bathroom, ruined ceiling tile in the basement and left without telling me what happened. Yeah there’s more.

The buyer asked for a furnace inspection. I thought, “It’s only five years old, what could go wrong?” The inspector found a cracked heat exchanger, red tagged the furnace in the middle of winter and told me a part had to be ordered. I went without heat for five days, the part arrived and almost $1000 later.....the buyer had a new furnace paid for by me.

So after all this, the title was found to have an unsatisfied loan attached to it. The bank for my original loan had sold my loan twice to other banks and the second bank....a very large national bank.....failed to file the satisfaction. They weren’t user friendly and held up the whole deal two months to the point where I expected the buyer to back out.

So my real estate agent broker advises that the buyers agreed to move in before closing.....the sellers of my condo agreed to move out before closing and all I had to do was move in a condo I didn’t own and let someone live in my house until the bank came through with the paperwork. He characterized it as a leap of faith. I said it was an act of a suicidal person.

And just before I moved the garage door spring broke so......I had to replace that. Within one week of moving into the condo ....the garage door spring broke and I had to replace that one too.

Dont worry....everything will be fine. Haha.

So you didn't move in early, right? I would not have, that would make me too nervous.
This is really awful, what happened with the home inspection. Did they leave the tap on because of a septic inspection? We are doing that, too, a septic inspection.
And that cracked heat exchanger on a new furnace--yikes.

I guess this is why people become renters, and why they say it makes more financial sense.

You were smart to inspect your own house first and fix things. That's what we ought to do, sigh. We will see first what happens with the new house next week, because if there is a ton wrong with it and they won't or can't fix it, it may be too rich for our blood.

Oh, we got the insurance quote yesterday--it's a little higher than I thought but nothing awful. But they valued the house for purposes of replacement value at 2.5 times what we agreed to pay for it. So I am thinking, what's up with that??

[Chicken lady]

Dd bought a house that had a dead tree hanging over it and some significant electrical issues. The electrical was stuff the sellers were pretty much guaranteed to have to deal with, but they balked at the tree. Dd made them a deal “take the tree down, and i’ll have my guy do the electric.” “Her guy” was dh and the tree was the cheaper fix on paper, so everybody was happy. (Except maybe dh?)

after they moved in they found lead paint, asbestos flooring, discovered that the kitchen cabinets were each held to the wall with a single large screw through the rear panels, remediated weather related flooding, and had to replace the water heater. They also got two cats and a dog, had his sister live with them for six months, replaced both cars, and both changed jobs. All this in their first 16 months of marriage!

this house was a “tear down”. In the words of my eldest “yeah, my parents bought a tear down and then we lived in it for 15 years.” Basically it has been under construction the whole time. we folded that into the homeschool curriculum and my kids can do plumbing, electric, framing, drywall, paint, trim, roof, gutters, siding, floors, and grading. It still has most of the original frame work and exterior sheathing; some of the original wiring, insulation and plumbing; a couple of original windows; one original bathroom (slated as the next big project); the kitchen sink; and the original basement floor (but the house was jacked up and the walls mostly replaced)

we should have torn it down and lived in the barn for a couple of years while we built, but the law didn’t allow. Nor did the budget. We did live in the barn for six month, but legally, we were living in the house.

[Tybee]

Dd bought a house that had a dead tree hanging over it and some significant electrical issues. The electrical was stuff the sellers were pretty much guaranteed to have to deal with, but they balked at the tree. Dd made them a deal “take the tree down, and i’ll have my guy do the electric.” “Her guy” was dh and the tree was the cheaper fix on paper, so everybody was happy. (Except maybe dh?)

after they moved in they found lead paint, asbestos flooring, discovered that the kitchen cabinets were each held to the wall with a single large screw through the rear panels, remediated weather related flooding, and had to replace the water heater. They also got two cats and a dog, had his sister live with them for six months, replaced both cars, and both changed jobs. All this in their first 16 months of marriage!

this house was a “tear down”. In the words of my eldest “yeah, my parents bought a tear down and then we lived in it for 15 years.” Basically it has been under construction the whole time. we folded that into the homeschool curriculum and my kids can do plumbing, electric, framing, drywall, paint, trim, roof, gutters, siding, floors, and grading. It still has most of the original frame work and exterior sheathing; some of the original wiring, insulation and plumbing; a couple of original windows; one original bathroom (slated as the next big project); the kitchen sink; and the original basement floor (but the house was jacked up and the walls mostly replaced)

we should have torn it down and lived in the barn for a couple of years while we built, but the law didn’t allow. Nor did the budget. We did live in the barn for six month, but legally, we were living in the house.

One of the reasons we went with the more expensive house with the mortgage is that we have done this sort of house fix up with the last four houses, and we just wanted to avoid the kind of thing that your DD found in her house, as we are getting older and don't have the energy we used to.

So if all we get with a mortgage is a more expensive fixer upper, I'm not sure it is a good deal.

[Williamsmith]

So you didn't move in early, right? I would not have, that would make me too nervous.
This is really awful, what happened with the home inspection. Did they leave the tap on because of a septic inspection? We are doing that, too, a septic inspection.
And that cracked heat exchanger on a new furnace--yikes.

I guess this is why people become renters, and why they say it makes more financial sense.

You were smart to inspect your own house first and fix things. That's what we ought to do, sigh. We will see first what happens with the new house next week, because if there is a ton wrong with it and they won't or can't fix it, it may be too rich for our blood.

Oh, we got the insurance quote yesterday--it's a little higher than I thought but nothing awful. But they valued the house for purposes of replacement value at 2.5 times what we agreed to pay for it. So I am thinking, what's up with that??

Tybee, I left a lot out because iWasnt sure how interested you’d be in the specifics. So, the real estate agent came to me on a Friday and proposed everybody move that weekend before anybody legally owned anything. The seller of the condo was going to an apartment, I was to move into the condo and live there without charge until the closing could be scheduled and my buyer would move into my house until the scheduled closing. Sounds crazy? Oh yeah. What could go wrong? I could foresee lots of land mines. But I look at my wife and she’s giving me the - “We’re going to try to do this right?”Look.

My son, a very large and strong person happened to be visiting. I began to plan an escape. I said, Ok if I can get a moving truck on short notice, somebody to drive it, and recruit enough people to make the move or hire a company by days end.....I’ll do it. I figured there’s no way that would happen. Next thing you know, I found a 26 foot Hertz rental truck, an experienced driver who is a friend, my family and I hired a kid who worked his butt off for a one hundred dollar bill. It got done. I moved my entire belongings for $250.

Now before I did that I demanded first that the people who moved into my house have proof of insurance coverage. And I did the same on the condo. It took three weeks to get the closing and I had to hire a company online to satisfy my mortgage for a fee. Was I nervous? Hell yeah. But this is the kind of crap you step in when you buy and sell at the same time.

The home inspector was checking the sink in the bathroom and oops...left the water on and it overflowed becaus she stopped it and didn’t release it. And he checked the furnace and cranked it up left it there. I was pissed but at this point I didn’t want any more inspection problems.

I threatened to cancel everything several times. But I’m glad I didn’t now.

[Tybee]

Tybee, I left a lot out because iWasnt sure how interested you’d be in the specifics. So, the real estate agent came to me on a Friday and proposed everybody move that weekend before anybody legally owned anything. The seller of the condo was going to an apartment, I was to move into the condo and live there without charge until the closing could be scheduled and my buyer would move into my house until the scheduled closing. Sounds crazy? Oh yeah. What could go wrong? I could foresee lots of land mines. But I look at my wife and she’s giving me the - “We’re going to try to do this right?”Look.

My son, a very large and strong person happened to be visiting. I began to plan an escape. I said, Ok if I can get a moving truck on short notice, somebody to drive it, and recruit enough people to make the move or hire a company by days end.....I’ll do it. I figured there’s no way that would happen. Next thing you know, I found a 26 foot Hertz rental truck, an experienced driver who is a friend, my family and I hired a kid who worked his butt off for a one hundred dollar bill. It got done. I moved my entire belongings for $250.

Now before I did that I demanded first that the people who moved into my house have proof of insurance coverage. And I did the same on the condo. It took three weeks to get the closing and I had to hire a company online to satisfy my mortgage for a fee. Was I nervous? Hell yeah. But this is the kind of crap you step in when you buy and sell at the same time.

The home inspector was checking the sink in the bathroom and oops...left the water on and it overflowed becaus she stopped it and didn’t release it. And he checked the furnace and cranked it up left it there. I was pissed but at this point I didn’t want any more inspection problems.

I threatened to cancel everything several times. But I’m glad I didn’t now.

This is exactly the kind of stress that has been keeping me in this house to date. I just cannot see how to handle that much stress.

[iris lilies]

This is exactly the kind of stress that has been keeping me in this house to date. I just cannot see how to handle that much stress.
I guess it is “stress” that ultimately made me decide not to buy a second house in Hermann, MO. But I remember your comment, a very good one, to not underestimate the invigorating aspect of all of the new activities and scenes of a geographic move. That spoke to me because DH and I are good at going forward, doing new things.

We are less good at maintaining what we have. I am ultimately happy with staying in place for the moment and concentrating on existing obligations, existing property and the responsibilities we have NOW, but I do still like the idea of new vistas.

[Tybee]

I guess it is “stress” that ultimately made me decide not to buy a second house in Hermann, MO. But I remember your comment, a very good one, to not underestimate the invigorating aspect of all of the new activities and scenes of a geographic move. .

Did I say that? Oh my goodness, what was I thinking.

[iris lilies]

Did I say that? Oh my goodness, what was I thinking.hey, it was a very good thought!

[pinkytoe]

Not to fuel your worries, but here we are in our early 60s remodeling this house. That was not the plan (or the worry) but in order to resell it someday and to create some beauty for ourselves while we're in it, it is getting done little by little. I guess it is keeping us busy in a sense as we tear things out and figure out how to make it better. DH just installed some nice wainscoting and an oak handrail on the once very plain staircase. Fixing up houses is something we've been doing since our early 20s but...our next domicile in a few years will not be one. Just very grateful to have a mortgage-free roof over our heads.

[Tybee]

Not to fuel your worries, but here we are in our early 60s remodeling this house. That was not the plan (or the worry) but in order to resell it someday and to create some beauty for ourselves while we're in it, it is getting done little by little. I guess it is keeping us busy in a sense as we tear things out and figure out how to make it better. DH just installed some nice wainscoting and an oak handrail on the once very plain staircase. Fixing up houses is something we've been doing since our early 20s but...our next domicile in a few years will not be one. Just very grateful to have a mortgage-free roof over our heads.

Yes, we have that now, a house in need of a lot of fixing, but no mortgage.
That is the majority of what is freaking me out, that the new house is taking on a mortgage, and I hate that.

[Teacher Terry]

Our house was a foreclosure and needed a lot of work but we paid cash and had the $ and time to completely fix it up before moving in. Once moved we sold our other house. This was 5 years ago. I lack the patience at this age to live in a construction zone. I am good at making sure things get fixed immediately by either having DH do it or hiring it out. When young we had to work on a house as we could afford to fix it and glad we don't have to do that anymore. I read that you should never let a buyer move in before closing because they will find more things wrong with the house and will either cancel the deal or expect you to fix them. Glad it worked out WS.

[Williamsmith]

Glad it worked out WS.

I was planning to stage my own death , have my wife collect the life insurance and meet me in a remote mountain home in Idaho.......order all our supplies from amazon shipped to a post office box address and live a hermits life .......if it didn’t.

[Gardnr]

I was planning to stage my own death , have my wife collect the life insurance and meet me in a remote mountain home in Idaho.......order all our supplies from amazon shipped to a post office box address and live a hermits life .......if it didn’t.

We have plenty of those available:~)

[razz]

I cannot believe all the experiences you are all going through; but looking back, I see that we bought our first farm with a house and barn that needed a huge amount of work to make it truly habitable and workable but one forgets the energy one has in early years when one had lots of of enthusiasm and little money.
Thanks for sharing all these stories.