"So much wasted time."

[catherine]

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2017/11/24/katie-cassidy-shares-father-david-cassidys-last-words-so-much-wasted-time/893367001/

Those were David Cassidy's last words. What a tragedy.

Reminds me of my MIL, who told me just weeks before she died that she felt she had a "wasted life." I think she meant that she didn't take the opportunity to push for a real career. She worked for decades in Macy's as a sales clerk--a young widow raising two young boys, but later she became active in the Retail Worker Department Store Union, and she was perfectly suited for that job. She became a Vice President for the Union when she was 70. She loved that job, but it was short-lived. I think that she felt duped in believing that she had to be a "good mother" by putting her career on the back burner.

I'm not saying that all mothers should have a career--but I feel my MIL would have really made a difference if she achieved her full potential in her work life, and I think she would have loved it.

As for David Cassidy, those words are so poignant, because we all know his missteps in terms of substance abuse. Substance abuse can steal so much from the user's life.

I am not sure what will keep me from uttering those words on my deathbed. Of course I already feel I've wasted a lot of time. But that's expected. As long as my life is in the black in terms of what I've hoped to have done, versus what's in the negative column, I'll be happy.

What about you? What will give you assurance you've spent a life well-lived?

I think about my favorite Shakespeare play, Richard II, a king who just basically frittered away his kingdom, and in a fabulous soliloquy as he sits as a prisoner in Pomfret Castle thinking over his life, he says "I wasted time and now doth time waste me." Such a haunting thought.

[iris lilies]

I am in depp nostalgia land now, revisiting youthful places. We took a driving vacation to Las Cruces, NM where my first professional job was 37 years ago. I left a much beloved man to move out of Las Crucesfor better career opportunities.
And boy oh boy, was that the right decision. This place is just not for me. The west—not for me. I have been here exactly 3 hours and am ready to go back home.

This fits with this thread because it was a major decision point decades ago to decide to trade career for “lurv.” If I had stayed forever in this place, I would have felt that a waste.I remember the moment I made the decision to leave. I have had two instances of clarity in my life about careers, and this was one if them.

[pinkytoe]

The last words I ever heard from my mother were " what was it all for?" before she lapsed into unconsciousness after a stroke. She lived for two more years in a vegetative state, feeding tubes and all. She had a hard emotional life but sometimes I think she made it worse than it needed to be. She had a professional career in a time when most women did not but it meant little to her in the end for all the lack elsewhere. I try to think of that often when I question the value of a life. I worked all my life but did not have a professional career. But I consider it a good life - I found a loving life long mate, raised a kind and intelligent human and continue to be bowled over by the mystery of being alive. A professional career would have been primarily an ego thing, something to list in my obituary and not of much importance in the grand scheme of things. Going forward, my "purpose" is to promote beauty - whether by being kind or planting a flower garden for all to see.

[Zoe Girl]

I hope I don't say that, but who knows!

It is interesting to hear this perspective because I am the one that argues that statement 'no one wished for more time at work when they were on their deathbed'. I argue that because there are many people who wanted to do something with their career or follow a passion and were not able to. There can be many reasons but I think it is more likely for women and people in minorities during certain eras to have been forbidden to do things that they wanted. I wonder about that a lot,

[razz]

Sad to hear that anyone feels this way. My life was a roller coaster in many ways but none of it felt like a waste of time. Maybe the roller coaster was the reason.
y

[BikingLady]

I am in a good place. But as I honestly think many do, look back and say Wasted Time on so many levels. At least we are waking up today each of us and have today in front of us to change so tomorrow we don't say that about today.

[Rogar]

I have some life regrets, but wasted time is not anywhere near the top of the list.

[catherine]

I'm still obsessing over these last words. And interestingly, my BIL and I had a morning coffee conversation about their move to live next door in 2007. As I had suspected even back to right before they moved, my BIL tells me that neither he, nor his mother, really wanted to move from their home in New York. Apparently my MIL was afraid for BIL because she was on in years and she thought that at least when she was gone he'd be right next to us (presumably, so we could carry on with her enabling).

He also said that his gut was fighting the move all the way but his mother was the "voice" for the two of them, so what she said went, even though he was 48 years old at the time.

So. Her overbearing fear that her adult son would not be able to fend for himself, coupled with his inability to stand up for himself led to both of them doing something that they did not want to do. And my willingness to take on a huge responsibility for them in terms of holding a jumbo mortgage, which I THOUGHT was going to be for only 4-5 months and which turned out to be 5 years, cost DH and I probably a half a million dollars.

LESSON: Live for yourself. I remember being in a writing class, and I still remember a story that one of my classmates had written about taking her son to the movie Bambi, and when it came to the forest fire scene, the little 3 year old boy started yelling, "Run, Bambi! Don't look for your mother!!!"

And I also think of Mary Oliver's famous poem The Journey.

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life that you could save.

LESSON: In order to not waste your life you have to live your own life.

[Rogar]

My grandfather died in his mid-fifties. He was a successful business man and a community leader. I sort of doubt that he wasted time as such, but I've only known him through family stories and what has been written about him in old newspaper articles. Among his last words from an old newspaper article, he said something like, I regret not helping my fellow humans more. Sometimes it's not how much time was wasted, but how we've made decisions with the time we have.

[razz]

Thinking about this topic as I walked my dog, I realized that as long as I have loved and cherished with care and tenderness, my life cannot be a waste. My life is a gift to be shared thoughtfully. That I have done as best I can.

[catherine]

Thinking about this topic as I walked my dog, I realized that as long as I have loved and cherished with care and tenderness, my life cannot be a waste. My life is a gift to be shared thoughtfully. That I have done as best I can.

Thank you, razz, that's great. And I love that you had these musings while dog-walking. Dog-walking's the best for musings. In fact, dog walking is most definitely NOT a waste of one's life.

[SteveinMN]

I like to think that I have fought the good fight and will accept evidence of that as confirmation. The Red Cross sends me emails telling me which unnamed person my platelets and plasma helped. Second Harvest let me know how many meal equivalents I provided through donations and work. The smile on my granddaughter's face when she sees me tells me I'm a positive force in her life.

Is there time wasted in life? Sure. I think it's unavoidable while humans are the ones conducting the "business". But as long as I serve my priorities and I know the energy I'm giving it makes a difference, I don't see it as anywhere near a total waste. Holding grudges? Seeking validation by climbing on people's backs up the organizational ladder? Being untrue to yourself and either hiding your light under the bushel basket or spending your time being someone you're not? Those are the wastes of a life.

[iris lilies]

Cassidy’s words may refer to all of the time of his addiction. When you are living with addiction as your central focus, yeah, that IS a waste of life. It is so narrow and boring, feeding the addiction every moment of the day.

A well lived rich life is a balanced life, balanced with wide service to and interaction with community, nature, family.

[catherine]

Cassidy’s words may refer to all of the time of his addiction. When you are living with addiction as your central focus, yeah, that IS a waste of life. It is so narrow and boring, feeding the addiction every moment of the day.

A well lived rich life is a balanced life, balanced with wide service to and interaction with community, nature, family.

Yes, IL, I'm sure that's it. It's such a tragedy to see people with incredible potential squander it in pursuit of addictions. But I hope that most of us are able minimize the "what might have been's." I have two big regrets that I'll take to my deathbed--maybe three, but otherwise, I'm overall satisfied so far.

[Tybee]

It's such an interesting question you raise. I have been thinking about it since you posted, and I know that life review is an integral part of our age bracket, and developmentally the norm. I think more important than what Cassidy meant is the kind of reflection that you are doing about your own life.

We cannot know what he meant because we were not there and not a part of his life. It could be the addictions. It could be his daughter was sitting there and he was lamenting not being with her more. It could even mean that he was in the presence of the divine and he meant all that time that he was not cognizant that he was in the presence of the divine all along.

So it is impossible to know, but the fact that it has triggered this discussion in your own mind is significant. I guess I think that the nature of those two or three regrets is what you would need to explore, and figure outwhatyou want to do about them.

I know I have regrets with what I have done or not done in my life, the way I spend my time. On the other hand, I know that none of the time spent with loved ones has been wasted, and the "work" time that feels like such a waste to me has supported those loved ones--

but on our deathbeds, we are going into the eternal, where time does not exist, and so we probably will have a very different perspective on time itself, or at least that is what I hope and pray and try to have faith about.

[frugal-one]

Thinking about this topic as I walked my dog, I realized that as long as I have loved and cherished with care and tenderness, my life cannot be a waste. My life is a gift to be shared thoughtfully. That I have done as best I can.

What happens when those you loved and cherished with care and tenderness no longer care about you?

[nswef]

Frugal, You did the best and loved and cherished them. You cannot blame yourself or feel you failed when they choose differently. Perhaps it will change, but if it doesn't you could do no more than your best.

[Williamsmith]

I had these two quotes posted on my wall behind my desk at work. The first allowed me to trust that no outcome was wasted as long as I did my due diligence. The second appealed to my working class roots. I hope Mr. Cassidy was told how much his life mattered. I have never been able to judge a person as a waste and choose to believe every act has a purpose beyond our ability to comprehend totally due to our perspective. I also see addiction as disease or imperfection at its foundation and am unable to assign any guilt to the addicted. And I believe strongly in the preordained destiny of a person. Cassidy’s statement is then a misunderstanding of his life’s work and not a comment on any reality. And I believe now that he has a clear understanding of his life’s work and that his soul is smiling at the thought of it. So what he uttered simply has no significance whatsoever.


“Make the most of your self, for that is all there is of you.” Emerson.





(https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/calvin_coolidge_121116)







Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
Calvin Coolidge (https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/calvin_coolidge)