View Full Version : and now he is cancelling my plans,...
sigh, I am learning a LOT about keeping my head about me this year. I know I was freaking out in the beginning of the year about some things, I am still distressed but much better at letting it be someone else's issue.
I noticed that my boss does not get to reading all the things I send him, so I have started to send him drafts or things that have a summary and some of the information to start with. Currently we have a situation where grant money needs to be spent in very specific ways by the end of December. That means we need training provided for our outside partners and we will pay their staff to attend (like the soccer program or the dance provider). I saw we did not have a plan to use this money so I emailed him with my idea to provide a couple short trainings at my site, I have experience and qualifications to do this, and he said yes. He asked for a proposal after he said yes. So I replied with a summary and asked for feedback. Meanwhile I worked to get space, work with providers and their schedules, worked with the grants accountant to make sure I was doing everything right. I sent him a detailed plan of half of the 2 hour session and asked for feedback again. That was the middle of last week. I just got an email telling me to cancel and to make sure I checked with him before scheduling with outside providers next time. He said he needs to understand the grant better (mind you I got the draft in early August and turned around my proposal to spend the money in 48 hours). There is no established protocol because I just worked my freakin' butt off to create a training at the last minute, which will still be awesome, so I didn't know I had to have more than what I have sent. Besides it is just wrong that I scheduled providers before getting approval, I have an email showing he approved and wanted my proposal. He said nothing about what the proposal should look like or include or anything.
I emailed him back, I am using a much more friendly tone. I also sent an email to the grants accountant to see if she could help him learn more about the grant so he is comfortable with this. My providers are super happy to come to this and I have done a lot of work. However I am rolling with it more than I have in all the previous situations. Honestly this is a lot of work, as much as I love training I don't need to be treated like I am trying to get away with something instead of offering something above and beyond.
Frustrating to go through this but good that you can roll with it. Keeping up with the email (paper trail) is very wise.
Did he want you to do a proposal and have him okay it before you set it up?
I understand about the limited time in December-you really only have two weeks now. But I am not following what he asked you to do. Sounds like you had a good idea but he did not pick up on it? Is that about right?
Wow that is frustrating.
All I can think of is that his yes, meant sounds like a good idea, put together a proposal for review before we commit to anything and you heard yes, please go ahead and implement your idea.
iris lilies
12-4-17, 3:49pm
From this, sounds like lack of clarity in communication. When he said “Yes” did he mean “yes this concept sounds great, give me details so that I can approve it at a micro level” ?
It sounds like you are doing good for the organization if there is grant money for the entire organization that you can facilitate spending.
Thanks all, Thank you Iris for getting what I was trying to do! I have the original email that says 'yes and send me a proposal at your earliest convenience'. That was November 21st. It did not say that it was provisional on my proposal, I sent him a summary right away and then the plan for half the time. I have enough experience and training as well. Besides my master in education, I have been through 3 'train the trainer' programs in the last 12 months.
I had a YES! If there was a potential for being cancelled I would not have spent so much time on this, I would have spent more time making sure he understood the grant and the specific way this money needed to be spent. From some issues my colleague is having with him, this is him and his ability to comprehend and remember. I was visiting with the one person he supervised last year and asked her some questions in the tone of 'help me work with him better'. She said they spent a lot of time talking through things in great detail since she was his only direct report and they shared an office. I think she didn't see the same things I am seeing because it was her first year in the position as well. I am keeping REALLY good notes and sending a lot of emails to back everything up right now. I don't want to put this on English being his second language, I have worked with many people who have English as a second language after all. I still am being VERY cautious, my one colleague feels that she is on the verge of being fired. I think it is very possible based on the history of our department.
So what is this thing where you feel that you are offering to do work that benefits the organization, and it is also work you like and possibly part of a larger career goal, but then it gets treated like you are trying to get away with something? I can only say maybe they feel threatened?
iris lilies
12-4-17, 5:38pm
...I don't want to put this on English being his second language, I have worked with many people who have English as a second language after all. I still am being VERY cautious, my one colleague feels that she is on the verge of being fired. I think it is very possible based on the history of our department.
So what is this thing where you feel that you are offering to do work that benefits the organization, and it is also work you like and possibly part of a larger career goal, but then it gets treated like you are trying to get away with something? I can only say maybe they feel threatened?
I would just assume he communicated poorly, and I would explain to him in your next conversation about this project that you interpretted his “yes” as an ok to go forward and secure resources to carry out the training. I don't know your organization’s process for spending money but assume eveything you did fell within those parameters.
It is important to talk about the specific occasion of your misunderstanding of his “yes” so that he hears what happened and why you went forward.
I would not obsess about his language skills, his ability to remember, his reading of your emails, etc, although they all may play a part. I really would not assume some sort of personal power trip on his part to keep you from “getting away with something.”
And finally, you have to accept the reality that with such a short turnaround time to spend this money, the permissions you need from him might not come through in time. That is the reality. This happened to me regularly, my boss would be all cheery about a particular thing but would not do the things she needed to do by deadlines to make it happen. So be it, they either do it or they dont.
I wonder if when he said, "send me a proposal" he meant he wanted to approve it before you set it in motion.
I am thinking of when I get work done on the house--I can ask for a proposal but will not okay it until I have looked it over.
But maybe your chain of command does not work that way, and maybe you have autonomy to set up the programming and go ahead with it.
It does seem that there is a miscommunication going on in the situation.
Trying not to overthink, I tend to however :)
I am not so worried about how to prevent this in the future, based on the past there has not been any lasting changes from our talks. Usually the new conversation begins with 'I forgot,...' So getting too worried about solving a problem when I have more than a 50% chance of him totally forgetting the conversation seems like a waste of mental energy.
BTW this is not spending any of his money, the money is approved by the accountant I talked to. I have my own purchasing card and a budget, which I am accountable for. The space is in my building, my time is 'free', there are no supplies. The payment to the provider is invoiced through the accountant. The only way this came up is because he tried to schedule our bi-weekly check in during a time that showed busy on my calendar. I could have just said I was no available with no reason, it has been marked for a couple weeks now, but I told him what I was doing that I couldn't meet at that time. If it was a medical or personal appointment I would not be cancelling with 2 days notice either. He has missed a lot of our check-ins, sometimes he cancels and sometimes he just doesn't show or call.
mschrisgo2
12-4-17, 11:19pm
What are there consequences of NOT spending the grant money? I mean, besides losing it. Will it affect getting grants in the future?
Chicken lady
12-5-17, 8:40am
Zoe Girl, if English is his second language - what is his cultural background?
dh has worked with people from a lot of cultures. In some of them “yes” means “I heard you talking” just like a lot of Americans will start with “ok” which doesn’t mean what you said is okay. (“I can do this.” “Ok, send me a proposal.”) Another commonly used word is “so” maybe you should treat “yes” as “so.” “So, send me a proposal.” Especially if he is saying “yes and” because that was one that drove dh nuts. He would have conversations that went like: dh “We’re ready to have you paint this blue.” Respondant “Yes, and we can shop for paint.” Which meant “I am not going to start painting or even buy any paint because I don’t agree with blue.”
He is from Hondurus and Mexico, we do a lot of cultural work in our department which doesn't solve everything but i thought should help. I have worked hard to be direct and clear, and i have also had my buttons pushed so much by him. I think there is an underlying lack of confidence and an issue with supervising people who don't need as much supervision. I dont think he has ever led a training or a large scale meeting, so he probably doesn't know how many tasks i have done in the last couple weeks to prepare for this, I didn't check in every detail (and yes i did send him information, it is his job to know the grant) with him, there is no time for that. He just cancelled our meeting that was for today and forgot i was arranging to borrow space, so i need to call the place and tell them we are not coming. I dont want us to look flakey and just no show. And that is a big reason to keep the training, could this be a cultural issue?
I just know i am spending time on backtracking the emails and waiting on him to call me rather than putting the final touches on the training to make it great, and encouraging attendance. I am actually pretty nervous and could have used some support, like reading all the information i sent about my plans.
iris lilies
12-5-17, 11:46am
He is from Hondurus and Mexico, we do a lot of cultural work in our department which doesn't solve everything but i thought should help. I have worked hard to be direct and clear, and i have also had my buttons pushed so much by him. I think there is an underlying lack of confidence and an issue with supervising people who don't need as much supervision. I dont think he has ever led a training or a large scale meeting, so he probably doesn't know how many tasks i have done in the last couple weeks to prepare for this, I didn't check in every detail (and yes i did send him information, it is his job to know the grant) with him, there is no time for that. He just cancelled our meeting that was for today and forgot i was arranging to borrow space, so i need to call the place and tell them we are not coming. I dont want us to look flakey and just no show. And that is a big reason to keep the training, could this be a cultural issue?
I just know i am spending time on backtracking the emails and waiting on him to call me rather than putting the final touches on the training to make it great, and encouraging attendance. I am actually pretty nervous and could have used some support, like reading all the information i sent about my plans.
I am confused. From your last paragraph it sounds as though you think this training is going to happen. Is that right?
I am confused. From your last paragraph it sounds as though you think this training is going to happen. Is that right?
I still want it to, I heard from the grants accountant yesterday that they would be reaching out to me. I waited all day. I just left a message for my supervisor asking to talk and find a way to work this out. I haven't contacted all the providers to cancel yet, I have a clear yes in an email and evidence that I have been sending him information. The reasons for the cancellation is that he does not think he received the proposal and he is not familiar with the grant. It seems a lot to cancel on providers based on a brief email from him and no follow up conversation, of course this could be me making a mistake. No stranger to that!
Teacher Terry
12-5-17, 1:52pm
That guy is a lousy manager.
Just heard from a colleague that he lied directly to his boss. She was in a meeting with both of them and overheard when his manager asked directly if he had followed up with everything I needed. He said he had talked to me and we had a check-in planned for later today. Oh no! I have not heard from him since yesterday about 9:30 am. I waited all day and then left him a message this morning. So I had actually been ready to contact her because I had not heard from him, I was emailing her to do a brief check-in and see if he was going to contact me when I got a text from him saying he would talk to me later. I told him that it had to be before 3 based on my schedule for the rest of the day and evening.
There is no guarantee that this will not come back on me, stranger things have happened. But I was very brief and professional and non-emotional.
Edited to add! Thank you so much for letting me keep posting as the situation progresses. It is really helping me stay calm and professional and out of talking more than necessary to others at work.
Better to rant at us than to anyone involved! The things that go on...I just shake my head. And I just lit a candle for you at gratefulness.org it named JAM0706 if you want to meditate while looking at it!
iris lilies
12-5-17, 4:36pm
That guy is a lousy manager.
Agreed. He isnt long for this job if he is directly lying.
Sorry, ZG, but if the money is available and must be spent, how can anyone cancel it if the grant monitor approves. It makes no sense. I think that you need to cc someone with the history info today but don't know who unless it is the grant monitor who is independent of your supervisor but perhaps someone higher up. You will take the hit if money allocated is not spent in my view. Stop being the nice guy.
I am done with this, and thank you for understanding why I talked so much here. I got an email around 2, after I emailed his supervisor asking to hear from him. It included the 5 things that I needed to include in order to have my proposal approved. If I get them this information by Friday I can still hold my training on the 19th.
I did over 5 trainings last year in mindfulness open to the entire staff of our department and was not asked to provide any proposal. The last thing I sent him was at least a week ago, knowing it was incomplete, and asking for some feedback before I finished it. I had no response from that (and was short staffed, morning person quit, one staff with strep and one staff out 3 shifts with the flu). I have no problem providing the information to prove I was doing high quality training, just give me that information and maybe don't lie that you talked to me. Hey the kicker was that I got a brief phone call from him and I told him I was not available tonight due to a camp planning meeting with staff. He asked what that was, my answer was a little short. It is where you PLAN CAMP, a regular activity for us. He said my camp is cancelled and I will be running a camp at another site and the planning meeting with those staff is at 9:30 in the morning. I told him I have a conflict at that time, it is on my Outlook calendar that we use for work and everyone has access to. He at least said this time that he will tell them I can't be there instead of telling me to cancel!
The conclusion is I waited until I was calmer, sent a 5 sentence email saying that I am reconsidering my training on the 19th, but I will get them the information by Friday. I asked for support in the form of timely feedback and possible encouragement for going above and beyond my job category. My providers are very interested in this so I want to do it, however I am not going to beg permission to do extra. I am not sure what they are thinking, I am not asking for a personal favor or to do something substandard, I don't get credit, I don't get extra pay,
I really really want to start my own program while I still have a good reputation in the the field locally. I don't have the resources right now to get through the time when you don't have a good income and build up a program. I am already doing everything anyway.
This reminds me of a short story I read once, wherein an employee, endeavoring to the best job possible, worked harder and harder, faster and faster, until he finally stuck a broom up his backside so he could sweep the floor at the same time. Kudos to you for your work ethic.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.